Girl seem's distant - Not again!

[AlphaBoy]

Well after my previous girl friend left due to loss of interest/attraction. I started seeing this new girl and got her number. Talked a lot in texting and shared so much thing's with each other. We shared secrets and told about our life and everything.

For a week, thing's were awesome, we talked all night texting (4-5 hours daily) but now all of a sudden she's seems distant and not interested anymore.

I guess I've been too much clingy/needy as I texted her a lot more then she did. At first I was the one who always started conversation with simple "Hey" or "How are you?" etc but then she also started to start conversations but for a short time, now again I'm the one who start talk.

Yesterday I asked her if i did something to disappoint her? And her reply was that no there isn't something wrong. Then i just said "I see".

So basically as friend advised, they say I've been texting this girl a lot and she's just lost that charm.

Some say i should just ignore her and not text her, but won't she just disappear out of my life that way? The last time we talked on texting it was just 30 minutes talk and then she stopped replying as there was nothing much to talk about maybe

I'm really into this girl now, any way to bring thing's back?

Really looking for good advises.

 

[NobodyCares1]

You weren't a mystery, always be a mystery. Also you were too avaliable, texted too much with her, I'd say that you should start a conversation with her once a week and not more, let her do the rest, and texting 4-5 hours a day is just too much.

I got it working once, when I texted with a girl around 2 hours a day but even then I was a mystery to her because I just wouldn't tell her everything, also I kept myself being a challenge.

It's much easier said than done, I know, I lost one girl recently because I was too avaliable and I even knew that I was being too avaliable. Right now I'd say go NC, use that time to move on, I wouldn't give much chance that she will feel that interest again anytime soon. Learn from it and find another.

 

[Seriously?]

I second being mysterious and not too available. I've made the same mistakes before of being too available and chatting too much. Need to stop being an AFC.

I know it's difficult as you want to chat to your girl all the time and see her a lot. Trust me though, girls will just spit it back in your face.

Have a rich and fulfilled life outside of girls your seeing and let them compliment it, not be your life; and don't jump through hoops to please them. You shouldn't have to. They'll probably respect you more for it.

I agree with going no contact. The more you chase, the tighter you'll be wrapped around her finger.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I'm guessing there's a pattern here. The first sentence of your post says you lost your previous girlfriend due to loss of interest/attraction. Now, you seem to be losing this girl's interest/attraction. I'd be interested in knowing how often you were texting your previous girlfriend, as these two incidents are probably related.

Bottom line: texting KILLS relationships. In fact, phones in general are terrible devices for men, 'cause every time you use it to contact her you're basically giving away the fact that you have NOTHING else going on with your time. The only time the phone should be used is to contact a girl for a date - that's IT.

Now, there are some people on these boards who will (and have) disagree with me. And if you're a person reading this who disagrees because your phone game is up to par, congratulations - you're the exception, not the rule. And, what I have found to be true is:

1. The less you contact them, the more THEY will try to contact YOU (real talk, I'm dating a girl now who ALWAYS initiates phone calls to me 'cause I never bother to call her - and somehow I manage to get sex from her on a regular basis)

2. The MORE you contact them, the higher probability that you'll say or text something to them that will turn them OFF (I ruined a 4-month relationship with a girl over texting due to a simple misunderstanding about my disdain for cops who racially profiled and her parents being police officers)

3. Also, the MORE you contact them, the less amount of time they have to fantasize about all the exciting things you MIGHT be doing when she's not around. Yes, girls actually NEED time to build up how great you are in their minds... which they can't do if you're texting them all the dang time!!

Anyway, here's my remedy for your situation:

*Stop texting her. Again, you should only be using the phone to set up dates so you can talk to her in PERSON. The more time you spend texting, the less things you'll have to talk about when you take her out. You should only use the phone to set up a date, and even then it should be a CALL, not a message with no feeling to it

*Stop asking any questions that make you appear insecure about the situation. Meaning: asking her if you did something to disappoint her shouldn't even be in your arsenal of questions. Nor should "So, what do you think of me?" or "Are you having a good time?" These questions are fine to ask... if you're a WOMAN. But you're not - assume she's having a good time, and if you think she's not, adjust, but don't ask her!

*Remember the mantra "Less is more." You suddenly not texting her will not make her go away IF she likes you - if anything, it will make her want to hang out with you MORE, and your interactions will be more meaningful when you see her in person. In fact, you being more busy in general will help with the whole clinginess thing - if you have other stuff to do, you won't be constantly relying on her to be your only source of joy.

Plus, women like it when the guys they like have lives outside of them. For one, it gives them room to breath; two, it makes the guy seem more exciting; and three, women LOVE to brag to their girlfriends about what they're boyfriends are doing when he's not around.

*Lastly, DON'T PUT SO MUCH STOCK INTO THE FINAL OUTCOME. Yes, you like her, but if she doesn't like you back, so the f--k what? You'll mope around a bit and find someone else. That's generally how it goes. Unless this girl has a golden pvssy you're not telling us about, you really CAN find another girl who likes you if this one doesn't.

Hope this helps!

 

[AlphaBoy]

I just started sharing all my thing's with her, and used to daily her how my day went daily and everything. I guess this made me predictable in her eyes.

Well okay, so i'll not text her myself and see how it goes.

Any more ideas?

 

[Shockwavedave]

You weren't a mystery, always be a mystery. Also you were too avaliable, texted too much with her, I'd say that you should start a conversation with her once a week and not more, let her do the rest, and texting 4-5 hours a day is just too much.

This is spot on.

You need to let her find out things gradually. You give everything away too soon in your interactions with her, and unless a girl is mega into you, this action is likely to be detrimental to you.

We've all done it before. Use the advice given from the guys here and learn from this mistake.


Anything else you can do? Yes, get out there and meet plenty of other women!

 

[DoubleAG]

You have a fundamental lack of understanding on how the game is played. Please..please read the DJ Bible immediately. The link is at the bottom of the page.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Tall and good looking beats mysterious every time......

 

[NobodyCares1]

Tall and good looking beats mysterious every time......

I am tall and good looking and while it might sometimes, though not so often, beat mysterious it doesn't fix being too avaliable.

 

[The Gambler]

Any more ideas?

Yes. Change your name from "AlphaBoy."

But seriously, you sound like a nice guy. As you know, our definition of a "nice guy" around here isn't a positive thing.... It means you'll be friend-zoned because women need a guy who is in charge, mysterious and ready to lead.

The good news here is just a few small (but critical) adjustments will shift you from being a nice guy to a "good guy." You already know what to do. The hardest part of all of this is fighting the impulse to talk too much. Been there, done that.

The Gambler

 

[perseverance]

Communicating constantly through a mobile phone or any other technological advice is bad, it shouldn't happen at all. Face-to-face interaction is the best form of communication and instead of telling a girl about what you're about, why don't you show her through actions etc?

 

[AlphaBoy]

Update: I tried getting distant and as a result she got more far, so I finally spoke to her and decided to finish our friendship. She said that she was just busy (Which i think is a lie) and that there were reasons she couldn't talk much, i said it's alright but you can finish it anytime you want, just let me know if you're not interested rather then being distant and she said she will. After that, i think she was faking her interest but now she's again interested and talking, sharing stuff with me on her own wish. Good sign?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Oh boy...

First off, in looking at the dates of your posts, you tried getting distant from her for a whopping 3 days?? And then you broke down and verbalized to her that you were going to end the friendship??

Very, very beta of you, AlphaBoy. (BTW, how old are you??)

Honestly, the whole conversation made you sound like a girl just now. It comes off very Channing Tatum-esque in the sense that it sounds like something out of a sappy romantic movie - like you're the guy that's all like "Oh, I don't think I can just be friends with you," and then her lines are supposed to be "Oh wait, now I realize I have feelings for you after all - let's be together!"

And then you told her "if you're ever not feeling me, you can finish talking to me at any time??" DO YOU SEE HOW NON-MASCULINE AND UN-CONFIDENT THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION SOUNDS???

I'm not trying to beat up on you, man. I used to have these same conversations with girls, which is why I ended up staying in the friend zone for most of my high school and college days. Women don't give a crap about how YOU feel, they only care about how you make THEM feel.

Also, her sharing "stuff" with you (whatever "stuff" it may be) means NOTHING. Girls just like to talk. I have girl cousins and friends who will tell me "stuff" that, at the time, I'll think they're only telling me... but then they'll go and have the same hour-long conversation with 3 or 4 other people. It could very well just be a sign of friendship and nothing more.

On the PLUS side, you said you actually "spoke" to her, which I'm hoping means you either did it via phone or in person instead of sending a text. You don't have to try to be more distant, just don't be so quick to reach out to her. Like, instead of initiating a text, wait for HER to send you one (the phone DOES work both ways, ya know). Or, instead of asking her to go some place with you, let HER bring up something you two can do. I know, it seems counter-productive, but girls who are interested in you WILL do these things. And if they don't, it means they're not feeling you. And if she's not feeling you, it's okay because there ARE other girls out there who WILL.

And for the love of GOD, quit blabbing your feelings to her - again, she DOESN'T CARE HOW YOU FEEL, SHE ONLY CARES HOW SHE FEELS. So, just work on making her feel like she needs to be around you. Drill it into your head, your words mean NOTHING.

 

[Purefilth]

I have yet to red a post by harry that I dont agree with. Alphaboy Pay attention.

 

[AlphaBoy]

Harry Wilmington : Yeah i just ignored for few days and didn't talked to her so she did the same, then called her and said all that. The "sharing" stuff is she is trusting me to share stuff with and having fun talking, she don't talk that much with other people.

 

[Purefilth]

Harry Wilmington : Yeah i just ignored for few days and didn't talked to her so she did the same, then called her and said all that. The "sharing" stuff is she is trusting me to share stuff with and having fun talking, she don't talk that much with other people.

Sharing her feelings with you? Like she would if you were one of her girlfriends?

FRIENDZONE. NEXT!!!

 

[NobodyCares1]

Welcome to the friendzone!

I know that you might be confused now but don't worry, you'll get it soon enough. I just realised all this stuff recently, four months ago I'd be like you but experiece is great stuff, just forget about her and find another one.

Harry is right, girls don't care about your feelings, they don't even ask you about your feelings so why should you tell them? Just have fun with them and you'll be fine. Also girls who are interested in you talk about their feelings only rarely, if she is talking with you about her feelings too much then you're in friendzone.

 

[blueeyedgent]

Sage advice - start spinning other plates. If she comes back great, if not well you have other girls to keep you busy.

With the plates will come the necessary level of indifference and confidence to make you attractive to her.

 

[omega05]

Better go ahead and change your name to Betaboy

 

[Seriously?]

Congratulations, http://insertyourmeme.com/category/friend-zone/