Girl says she is scared to get attached, how would you handle?

[AM349]

Title speaks for itself. I have this girl that i have been seeing for het past month just once a week.

Yesterday she told me she is taking her distance because she is scared that she will get attached to me. I have never had this happen before, so that is why i'am asking the sosuave gods for help. How would you respond to this?

She wants to keep seeing me, but is just taking distance mentally because she doesn't want to get hurt according to her. She also said she has been hurt in past relationships so that may explain why.

I responded indifferent and said that by taking distance it will only lessen my interest in her. I also have other plates at the moment so it is not a big deal.

- Is that the real reason, or just a excuse for something else?
- How would you handle it?

Thanks in advance for the replies.

 

[Manure Spherian]

This is usually a sign of being from a broken or dysfunctional home with inept, selfish parents.

- How would you handle it?

I’d leave her. I don’t need complicated people in my life. She’s letting you know who she is from the start, or that she doesn’t wish to be with you, thankfully. This is good. No time wasted.

 

[AM349]

This is usually a sign of being from a broken or dysfunctional home with inept, selfish parents.

I’d leave her. I don’t need complicated people in my life. She’s letting you know who she is from the start, or that she doesn’t wish to be with you, thankfully. This is good. No time wasted.

True, her parents are currently divorcing. She told me she has a bad relationship with her dad.

It is still fun with her tho, so i don't mind keeping her around. How would you handle it to keep her around?

 

[Manure Spherian]

. How would you handle it to keep her around?

I wouldn’t. I run for the hills from complicated men and women.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

"No problem, I didn't offer an invitation to move in. We'll keep it casual. See you next week."

 

[RangerMIke]

She is sharing a lot of her personal life early in the dating process. If I was dating her after a month, I won't know this much about her past life and problems... this usually doesn't come out until three months after dating. Take this as her telling you she is going to be a problem to date and just move on. Dating should be fun... not a therapy session.

I would just let her go. But you can learn from this.... never let a conversation with a woman devolve into anything that isn't fun. The minute you start sharing too much, too soon, talking about serious BS... then things will start going sideways. Everyone has an unpleasant past, and if you build a connection with a woman by sharing negative sh1t... then you are building a connection with negativity. It's the easiest way to build a connection, but it isn't the kind of connection you want.

 

[The Duke]

Title speaks for itself. I have this girl that i have been seeing for het past month just once a week.

Yesterday she told me she is taking her distance because she is scared that she will get attached to me. I have never had this happen before, so that is why i'am asking the sosuave gods for help. How would you respond to this?

She wants to keep seeing me, but is just taking distance mentally because she doesn't want to get hurt according to her. She also said she has been hurt in past relationships so that may explain why.

I responded indifferent and said that by taking distance it will only lessen my interest in her. I also have other plates at the moment so it is not a big deal.

- Is that the real reason, or just a excuse for something else?
- How would you handle it?

Thanks in advance for the replies.

A few things...the girl probably has some attachment and other mental issues. If you want to learn more, research "attachment theory".

Also, could you be wanting more than she is? Are you pursuing this with more effort than she is? Telling her you will be less interested with more distance is NOT showing indifference. A simple "oh that's cool" or no response at all would have showed indifference.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Keep it casual. Reach out to her once or twice during the game, throw in some light flirting, and ask her out.

Given what she's going through, she might just be looking for someone to take her mind off her problems, not someone who adds drama. So, try to keep things simple.

At the end of the day, if she starts distancing herself, there’s not much you can do. Keep doing your thing, and she’ll do hers. Remember, the more you push, the further she'll pull away, and things can fall apart. Plates break after all.

 

[BPH]

I mostly agree with @Clockwerk50 but I do want to bring up this point:

I responded indifferent and said that by taking distance it will only lessen my interest in her.

This isn't how you want to respond to a woman you'd like to keep around. It sounds a little butthurt and as if you're giving her an ultimatum. Some girls like that stuff - drama, and toxicity, specifically - but you shouldn't like them.

You said you're seeing other women and that she's just a plate right now, so keep doing what you're doing. If she shows up, great. If not, see somebody else. Focus on what she does, not just what she says.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Nothing to say. I would simply ignore it and keep banging her until she eventually leaves.

Could be her signaling she isn't that into you and using it as an excuse or that she is waiting for someone else to come along that she likes better and then will fade.

Either way, it doesn't really matter...what you do should still be the same.