Girl says she cant have sex tonight, but next time.Im feeiing needy about it.

[LightOfVictory]

Hi,

There was this girl who stopped replying enthusiastically to my texts. Recently, i learned about the importance of boundaries. So i text her something like

me : are you still keen on meeting up?
she : Hey!!im free tonight. Are u able to after 7?

Long story short, i tell her that i can meet her only around 9plus. So we meet up and we go to a park. We ended up making out.

And then she asks me what do u want to do? I tell her that i want to make love with her. But it was more of like im not sure im just trying type of reply.
Truth is i am a virgin and i didnt expect her to offer herself just like that. She said we r not having sex tonight. I ask her if i can finger her. She said she is having her period. So i end up sucking her boobs.

I drop her home. These are my probems.

1. Im feeling insecure being a virgin and her probably having a lot more sexual experience than me.
2. I feel needy towards getting sex from her. I come from a conservative country where these types of things are not as commonplace as in the US.
3. I feel angry and frustrated now that she has the upper hand. I send her a text asking her how was her meeting that she was supposed to have. No reply.


Im really having trouble dealing with the anxiety of her leaving.

So the internal solution to these problems is to be present to whatever emotions im feeling and just feeling happy.

As for the external solution, how should i deal with this? Im not sure what type of tests she is gonna throw at me. But yeah, im prepared to deal with them. Need advice on how to go on from here.

Thanks

 

[TheException]

me : are you still keen on meeting up?

Going forward, dont stay stuff like this^

It comes off as if you constantly are getting stood up and you now have to seek validation. Just make definite plans.

And then she asks me what do u want to do? I tell her that i want to make love with her. But it was more of like im not sure im just trying type of reply.

HB: What do you want to do?
DJ: Lets go back to my place for some more drinks.

The key is to be confident and lead. She was hoping you would take charge of the interaction and lead it towards sex. It doesnt even really have to make sense, you could literally say anything...as long as it leads to your place.

She said we r not having sex tonight. I ask her if i can finger her. She said she is having her period. So i end up sucking her boobs.

When a girl says "we arent having sex tonight"...more often than not it means YOU WILL BE HAVING SEX....if you can maneuver around her ASD. Just make a joke and plow forward.

HB: We arent having sex tonight
DJ: Woah...who said anything about sex. I just had my first kiss 30 seconds ago(obvious joking + smirk)

And also dont "ask to finger her" lol. Its not confident and turns women off. Id bet the period thing was just an excuse. Men lead through actions...never forget that.

1. Im feeling insecure being a virgin and her probably having a lot more sexual experience than me.
2. I feel needy towards getting sex from her. I come from a conservative country where these types of things are not as commonplace as in the US.
3. I feel angry and frustrated now that she has the upper hand. I send her a text asking her how was her meeting that she was supposed to have. No reply.

1. Who cares? I just got really hammered my first time(age 18) and just put it in and out. Nothing to it. Youd be surprised how much of it is just instincts. Your body will know what to do...just dont let your mind get in the way.

2. Irrelevant. Your needy because you never had it before and you are nervous.

3. I would to. Let those sh1t feelings pass and bring your A game next time. Read some inspirational pieces to get your blood flowing and to bring out your confidence.

As for the external solution, how should i deal with this? Im not sure what type of tests she is gonna throw at me. But yeah, im prepared to deal with them. Need advice on how to go on from here.

Dont be surprised if you never hear from her again. Theres nothing you can do about it now. She wanted you to sexually escalate and instead you failed the test. Its no big deal, there are billions of women in the world. Biggest thing is to work on yourself so that you are comfortable and confident so when a similar situation arises...you can lead it to where it needs to go.

 

[LightOfVictory]

me : are you still keen on meeting up?

Going forward, dont stay stuff like this^

It comes off as if you constantly are getting stood up and you now have to seek validation. Just make definite plans.



How can i restart a conversation if she has been given half-hearted replies?
Her previous reply was that she would get back to me on when she is free. She didnt get back to me and i was sick of texting again asking her when she is free.

 

[TheCWord]

How can i restart a conversation if she has been given half-hearted replies?
Her previous reply was that she would get back to me on when she is free. She didnt get back to me and i was sick of texting again asking her when she is free.

I think it's time to move on from this one, my friend.

Sounds like you're a very young guy, so you've got plenty more of these learning experiences coming up - which is a good thing, because that means you have plenty more women coming up.

The best advice I wish I could give to my younger self is that you shouldn't pursue women who make it difficult for you. Play the game, have fun, crush her sht tests, etc - but I wasted so much of my time and emotions when I was younger chasing girls who gave "half-hearted replies" or said they'd "get back to me on when she is free." I would become so focused on this one girl, trying to make her behave a certain way, that I wouldn't leave myself open to other girls out there who may have been way better suited for me and wouldn't put me through so much drama to get that I want.

This world is a rushing river. Your life will be very difficult if you're always struggling against the current. Just go with the flow.

 

[LightOfVictory]

I think it's time to move on from this one, my friend.

Sounds like you're a very young guy, so you've got plenty more of these learning experiences coming up - which is a good thing, because that means you have plenty more women coming up.

The best advice I wish I could give to my younger self is that you shouldn't pursue women who make it difficult for you. Play the game, have fun, crush her sht tests, etc - but I wasted so much of my time and emotions when I was younger chasing girls who gave "half-hearted replies" or said they'd "get back to me on when she is free." I would become so focused on this one girl, trying to make her behave a certain way, that I wouldn't leave myself open to other girls out there who may have been way better suited for me and wouldn't put me through so much drama to get that I want.

This world is a rushing river. Your life will be very difficult if you're always struggling against the current. Just go with the flow.

Thanks for ur reply. I am seeing other gals. Its just that the rest of them are not as "on" as the one i mentioned. I m willing to move on like i have always have. That being said, i would like to call on her bull**** if she makes it hard for me again. She used to be very quick to reply full of interest and all. So when i see this happening, im like damn i blew it. I find it hard because this gal has big boobs and aesthetics i like. The distraction of feminine energy is too much. Right now, its anger, anxiousness, frustration. But i do want closure. If it means losing her, im prepared.

 

[The_411]

There's only two things you can do here.

1) You can be hung up on this girl not learn from your mistakes and waste time on someone whom you will never sleep with (99.999999% chance of you not sleeping with her as things stand) and in doing so miss out on other great prospects

2) You can move on learn about the mistakes you made and know that while it may feel bad now, you will feel good the next time a girl acts this way because you'll know how to respond the correct way and lay the girl.

 

[nismo-4]

She can't have sex tonight because she really is just not that into you. She's using her pu$$y to control you. She denies you sex tonight to piss you off, then says it'll happen next time, if next time even occurs.

Of course she's got that choosing power there. You've only got your desperation to blame.

Case closed.

 

[LightOfVictory]

She can't have sex tonight because she really is just not that into you. She's using her pu$$y to control you. She denies you sex tonight to piss you off, then says it'll happen next time, if next time even occurs.

Of course she's got that choosing power there. You've only got your desperation to blame.

Case closed.

Indeed.