Coming on too strong is much better than not coming on strong enough. At least you got a rejection, instead of not doing shyt, and wondering whether she likes you or not.
I would pay attention to what she told you though. Look at this as an overall lesson for you. Forget about the girl for a second, and reflect on what she told you. I highly doubt she's lying, but at the same time, you cant stop your kino either.
You might want to consider whether your kino is congruent to your personality. For example, if you are kino'ing, without an overall sexual, and playful demeaner (lack of flirting) about it, it can come off as creepy, whereas, if you have a sexual frame, and fun, and playful attitude, you can get away with a LOT.
Picture in your mind, a girl you do not find particularly attractive. If you two are having a normal small talk convo, and she starts touching you out of the blue (Im not saying you do this, but imagine anyway.) you might get a little uncomfortable. But, if you two were laughing, and flirting with each other, and she touched you the SAME way, you would probably be attracted to her.
In essence, kino, and reciprocal flirting go together. When I meet a girl, Im flirting with her from minute one, and if she's going along with it, I start kino, or sometimes she will first. We just met, and we're having fun, so touching and kino is allowed. Like they say at RSD, we're both GIVING value, as opposed to me taking it from her, by kinoing before she thinks Im fun.
If she's enjoying your interaction, then touching her is giving value. If she's not particularly enjoying your company or is nuetral about it, then touching her is value TAKING. You can be a total wierdo, who the chick doesnt even particularly like, but if you have high energy, and are entertaining her somehow (with your wierdness even) you are still giving value, so you can get away with more kino, and possibly trigger attraction in her.
I dont know how you act towards these girls, so I may be way off the mark here, but its something to consider. and think about.
Anyway, to answer your question, I dont think you are coming on too strong, (if Brad Pitt came on too strong, do you think she would object?) but you might be coming on at an innapropriate time, like before she sees any value in you.
When I initiate kino, the first thing I usually do, is put my arm around her neck in a fun way, not a romantic way. Sort of like when you are about to give someone a noogie. Do that a few times, if she's comfortable, then touch her arm while telling an interesting story. Your arms should be somewhat animated anyway, so when you get to a high point in the story, you touch her arm, and go back to the story. This should be perfectly acceptable. You have to be smiling, and fun, and funny. Then you can even grab her hand (try to have a reason though). Then I usually go for a thumbwar somewhere along the line. This is GOLD. do a couple matches, then try to make a bet out of it. loser buys a shot, or gives a backrub, or something.
Another way to do the arm thing is if you walk away for something (providing the convo was fun, and on a high note), and come back a few minutes later, and surprise her with your arm around her neck, and smile and say "you miss me already."
I know a natural, who when he comes in the bar or something, he says hi to everyone he knows, and puts his arm around everyone, guys included, and gets right in their face and talks loudly. he makes his rounds and does this to everyone. Then, if there is a girls hanging out with someone he knows, he puts his arm around his friend, and says "who's this?" or introduces himself, and immediately puts his arm around her, and talks to her like he knows her, with major eye contact, usually about the mutual friend. he says something like "Can you believe this guy? I've known this guy for five years, and blah blah blah." He already has his arm around the girl, building rapport, hes talking loud, and has dominated the interaction from second one. Boom, he has the girls attention and interest. Then he does the same thing to every other girl in the place, and they all get jealous, and they all start making moves on him. Then, he talks to every guy in the place, and dances on the bar, and takes home one of the girls he met. Almost EVERY time.
