Girl plays games, I play cool, she texts breakup

[JimmyMack]

Since you asked for advice, I'm gonna be brutally honest with you. I hope you take it well.

How do you know this? Did she constantly verbally accuse you?

Thank you, I do appreciate the honest advice. RE: The accusations of me sleeping with other girls: During foreplay she would say "So is this the kind of thing you're doing with all the girls on the road?" and also, "I can't wait to meet your roommate (who is a girl) to ask her how many girls you're bringing back here." (granted she said this with a joking tone) To both of which I would reply by just moving up and kissing her on the mouth. Also, both of these things were said after she had mentioned earlier in the night that she was seeing other people and didn't want me to get hurt. As another poster suggested, I interpreted this as a show of false confidence first, followed by insecurity, followed by intense orgasim haha.

Women don't usually do this out of the blue. What exactly happened before she told you this?

Logic1 also asked the same thing RE: "I'm dating other people and don't want you to get hurt"

My background is a Philosophy major and now full time touring musician. She said she has dated both before and is surprised that I have it combined. The last time we hooked up, as she was sitting on my bed, I lit a few candles and put on Van Morrison's "Moondance" album. I love the way a woman's body looks in sparse candlelight and VM is classic so I have no apologies for doing that haha. She said, verbatim: "I've dated musicians before and have seen this whole deal with the candles and everything. You're not the only guy I'm dating. I just want you to know that. I'm dating other people and I just don't want you to get hurt."

Maybe I'm going to get chewed up here for doing the candle VM thing and perhaps that freaked her out. Could it also be that she felt like this was a routine I had happening with every girl I took home and she was trying to "flip the script" as another suggested? Also, later on she remarked how she loved VM and growing up her dad used to listen to him all the time. Whatever daddy issues she may have, I believe I just walked right into that.

my explanation is gonna be dependent on what you wanted from this relationship/her, and dating in general. Are you looking to settle down? If so, was she a promising prospect; or was she just fun in the mean time. Are you still having fun with no intention of settling down? Answer these and I'll tell you how you fared against your goals.

I've always been a serial monogamist so it's only been recent that I've dated multiple people. She was my first go to of the people I've been seeing because we connected really well mentally and physically. There was definitely an emotional vibe from her that I didn't really like and I could see her becoming the mayor of crazytown. That being said, would I have liked to handle this situation better so that I could have slept with her this weekend? Definitely. However, in the long run I knew that it would just end up as a mess.

No, it's not. If you've built attraction levels, she is not going to go anywhere over things so minor unless she's f'd in the head.

RE: My delay in not returning her phone call. Here's a story that I think is pretty solid, and unless I'm analyzing way too much, gives a pretty good indicator that things could have gotten pretty nutty. One night we were talking about how my hair used to be long and I cut it ect. She admitted that whenever she had big changes in her life she would give herself drastic haircuts. I've heard that before and I think we've all seen an ex-girlfriend who cuts their hair after a break up etc. She went on to further say that she would go real extreme and get extensions or dye her hair purple or black. Right now her hair is really long and naturally blonde. I told her I would love to see a picture of her when she cut her hair really short and dyed it black. She said it was a long time ago but probably had a picture on her computer. Late that week was the night that I finally returned her call she didn't answer. The next morning, I wake up and see on Facebook that she has locked her account yet changed her profile picture to one of herself with short ass, jet black hair. Needless, to say, that's when things started to get a little cold. I'm just glad she didn't boil my bunny.

 

[jophil28]

She said, verbatim: "I've dated musicians before and have seen this whole deal with the candles and everything. You're not the only guy I'm dating. I just want you to know that. I'm dating other people and I just don't want you to get hurt."

Her reaction to the candle scene was typical of someone who is loaded with suspicion and mistrust.

A woman who is truly enjoying your presence might react with wide-eyed pleasure at the sight of all those flickering candles. It is a great seduction scene , but it really spooked her.
The suspicion in her first sentence above is palpable. Her reaction may have seemed so bizarre at the time that you just brushed it aside.

Then she dives straight into a kind of neurotic self protection by saying that that she has other 'options ' and tries to stay 'safe' by claiming to be dating others. She is creating her ' escape route' from an imagined threat .

Then - her claim to be concerned about your feelings defies logic. Women of her age are incapable of caring about men's feelings .They are totally consumed with seeking gratification of their own whims and wants .

This woman lives in a world of mistrust and hyper-vigilance. She is always on ''yellow alert".

NEXT.

 

[Solomon]

This woman lives in a world of mistrust and hyper-vigilance. She is always on ''yellow alert".

NEXT.

Most women who have been "pumped and dumped" one to many times are like this, their so messed up from being used as ragdoll that their always trying to "outgame" you, their is a think line between the scorned women and the bdp women

 

[Jeffst1980]

She admitted that whenever she had big changes in her life she would give herself drastic haircuts. I've heard that before and I think we've all seen an ex-girlfriend who cuts their hair after a break up etc. She went on to further say that she would go real extreme and get extensions or dye her hair purple or black. Right now her hair is really long and naturally blonde. I told her I would love to see a picture of her when she cut her hair really short and dyed it black. She said it was a long time ago but probably had a picture on her computer. Late that week was the night that I finally returned her call she didn't answer. The next morning, I wake up and see on Facebook that she has locked her account yet changed her profile picture to one of herself with short ass, jet black hair. Needless, to say, that's when things started to get a little cold. I'm just glad she didn't boil my bunny.

Yup. This is a game.
What a crazy girl.

 

[Jitterbug]

This woman lives in a world of mistrust and hyper-vigilance. She is always on ''yellow alert".

She's a lawyer. It comes with the territory.

If she's anything like the ones I know, she also has a checklist of the types she wants to do, and she just checked the box "musician" so the OP has to go as he's no longer needed.

I used to date a law student and everything I said (including jokes that would fly right over her head) would be carefully analysed with me being the prime suspect. Got the player accusation too (because I go dancing a lot) although at the time, I had not yet become good enough to really spin plates.

OP: move on, mate. Not worth wasting brain power on thinking about this one.

 

[JimmyMack]

Most women who have been "pumped and dumped" one to many times are like this, their so messed up from being used as ragdoll that their always trying to "outgame" you...

Also along the lines of what Jophil28 recognized as "someone loaded with suspicion and mistrust" The first time we hooked up she said that she didn't want to have sex because she wouldn't call me afterwards and wouldn't want to talk to me again. I instantly saw this as her way of putting the ball in her court and defending herself emotionally were I to drop her right after that night. It stands to reason that she had been "pumped and dumped" so many times that she was ready to try and flip that on me.

That was the first red flag, and unfortunately, due to great sex and my addiction to 'exciting' personalities, I was curious to see it play it's course.

I'm sure she's got enough wits to delete me, but with a crazy one like this, I wouldn't be surprised if she contacts me again within the next week or so after drinking a little too much at the holiday parties.

I really enjoyed reading everyones feedback. I hope to be an active member on the forums and learn from everyone here.

Peace

JM

 

[vatoloco]

Based on this new information, I'd say that it was a good riddance as she was probably coo-coo in the head.

Still, my recommendation of not going up to non-exclusive plates and talking to them while they're with someone of the opposite sex still stands. The way I see it, if I feel threatened, I'm gonna go up to them and let him know that my hat is also in the ring. If I'm confident in myself, I let her come to me and introduce me.

I will acknowledge her presence with a head nod and/or a smile, though.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

Yeah, what vatoloco just said. This chick is damaged. You did some nice romantic sh!t and instead of being grateful and showing appreciation she criticizes and compares you to other boyfriends? Seriously? Consider this bullet dodged.

However, to touch on your original question, she was looking for exclusivity with you but, wanted you to be the initiator of the "what are we" talk. Your "neither confirmed nor denied" deal caused her to begin to disconnect. The three-day-wait phone call solidified it. That "screwing anything that moved" is a minefield type loaded question. Deflecting it is good, but somehow you should have conveyed that even if there are/maybe other girls you still have standards. Something like: I'm disappointed, all this time and you don't think I have any standards? or Not anything, just the hot ones babe.

The "dating others/don't get hurt" thing is laughable. If she had no feelings for you, she would NOT care. The fact that she put that out there screams manipulation. (And it confirms that the "screwing anything that moved" comment was designed to provoke the "what are we" talk.) If it were me, she would have been done right there. After a thorough banging of course.

But, like the others have said, move on. She'll likely contact you again in the near future. Answer if you want, but be indifferent(no scheduling anything) and keep it short. It will drive her nuts thinking about you. If you bump into each other out-n-about, then go with the flow and let something happen if there are no other viable options.

edit: I forgot to mention. She was not on a date. She was out with friends and the guy was an orbiter. Girls don't go on dates with third wheels. Think about it, if you were out on a date and a friend of the girl comes along out of the blue are you gonna act the same way he did? I wouldn't. A real man would introduce himself, be friendly and move the situation(the date) along.

 

[Falcon25]

Next time someone texts you to tell you they don't want your company, do yourself a favor and write nothing back. As if the number was never in there in the first place. I don't play with cowards.

 

[Zarky]

I think you guys are overthinking this one. The chick wanted more from this guy than he was willing to give. She bailed. That's it. Happens to me all the time. All. The. Time. 27 year old lawyer chick is looking for a beta to marry.

Here's the diff:

-Betas get blown out by being too "nice" and "clingy," and the women usually will stay his "friend" when it's over.

-Alphas get blown out by being too "aloof" and "uncaring," and the women usually will act cold and not want anything to do with him when it's over.