girl not asking about exclusivity/LTR

[pyros]

I've been seing this 22 years old girl for the last six months or so (I am 31).
I do enjoy her company and the sex is good and wild, but because of several things about her life I dont see her as LTR material.

Anyway, the thing that bugs me a little is that in these six months she hasn't asked about exclusivity or anything. Well, she actually mentioned something about this topic but very briefly, and I just said that I do not really think about these topics nowadays.
I have to say that she behaves almost like a girlfriend would do. She texts me everyday, is very affectionate, always wants to spend time with me, hasn flaked on me ever, etc. We see each other once or twice a week.

This is the first time that I 'date' a girl for so many months and she doesnt ask something like:
"what are we?"
"where is this going?"
etc.

She wants to do a trip to the mountains but I do not (I haven't said this to her directly).

I think I am breaking up with her very soon because I feel anxious...because
we've been seing each other for many months now, and since it is not going to turn into a LTR I dont see the point in stringing her along anymore.

Anyway...what's up with this girl?
Thoughts?


P.S.
I think she's not asking for a serious relationship because she thinks that if she did, I would say no, so she prefers to keep the relationship going as if we were a couple but without being officially a couple, you know?

 

[The Duke]

What is it you are wanting? A LTR or not?

 

[dude99]

I've been seing this 22 years old girl for the last six months or so (I am 31).
I do enjoy her company and the sex is good and wild, but because of several things about her life I dont see her as LTR material.

Anyway, the thing that bugs me a little is that in these six months she hasn't asked about exclusivity or anything. Well, she actually mentioned something about this topic but very briefly, and I just said that I do not really think about these topics nowadays.
I have to say that she behaves almost like a girlfriend would do. She texts me everyday, is very affectionate, always wants to spend time with me, hasn flaked on me ever, etc. We see each other once or twice a week.

This is the first time that I 'date' a girl for so many months and she doesnt ask something like:
"what are we?"
"where is this going?"
etc.

She wants to do a trip to the mountains but I do not (I haven't said this to her directly).

I think I am breaking up with her very soon because I feel anxious...because
we've been seing each other for many months now, and since it is not going to turn into a LTR I dont see the point in stringing her along anymore.

Anyway...what's up with this girl?
Thoughts?


P.S.
I think she's not asking for a serious relationship because she thinks that if she did, I would say no, so she prefers to keep the relationship going as if we were a couple but without being officially a couple, you know?

Sounds like a good plate. Go spin more.

 

[pyros]

I dont want a LTR with her because of several things.
She cant be a plate anymore because it's been many months already and she wants to do other stuff like going on a trip together, and I think I should not string her along even more.

When I had been seing her for two or three months it was ok, but AFTER SIX MONTHS I think I should end it because I dont want a serious relationship with her. But I wonder why she hasn't really pushed for a serious relationship, because she acts like a girlfriend you know?

 

[The Duke]

Then just be straight up with her. If she doesn't like it she will leave. If she is ok with the way things are, then she will stay.

 

[dude99]

I dont want a LTR with her because of several things.
She cant be a plate anymore because it's been many months already and she wants to do other stuff like going on a trip together, and I think I should not string her along even more.

When I had been seing her for two or three months it was ok, but AFTER SIX MONTHS I think I should end it because I dont want a serious relationship with her. But I wonder why she hasn't really pushed for a serious relationship, because she acts like a girlfriend you know?

She probably isn't pushing because in her head you two might already be in one.

I understand If it is time to cut the line cut the line.

If she flips out on you then you know she has it in her head you two are already in a LTR

 

[Roober]

There is nothing that says that you can't do girlfriend activities with plates. Keep spinning other plates. If i had to guess, you have no other women, so its likely that she thinks you two are a couple. She doesn't feel like she is competing with anyone. If she begins to think you are ****ing other women, she Will ask.

Sounds like a good plate, not sure why you would drop that...

 

[pyros]

I think I should drop her because I dont want her to think we're a couple, so for the first months it was ok, but after six months I think I should be upfront about it. I was expecting her to ask for a serious relationship at some point so I Could break up with her, but nope, she hasn't asked for that.

Anyway, I dont see the point in "looking like a couple" but not being one, and I dont to fake we're in a relationship.

For example, she would like me to meet some of her friends and her sister, she has told me this many times, and I've avoided it, but she gets kind of upset.

 

[Trump]

P.S.
I think she's not asking for a serious relationship because she thinks that if she did, I would say no, so she prefers to keep the relationship going as if we were a couple but without being officially a couple, you know?

Bro your post makes no sense to me. Do you
love her or are angry she doesn't see your value?


Translation: I am 31 years old seeing a girl 9 years younger. I may break up with her because I dont see her as LTR. She is 22 years old and hasn't asked for exclusivity. I think she believes it is too much of a risk for her to ask for exclusivity because I may turn her down and it will shatter her world. I'm too rock and roll to be tied down at 31 years old.

But why hasn't she asked for exclusivity?

 

[icantgetlaid]

This topic is confusing as all hell.

If the sex is good, and everything is going smoothly, why end it? Simply tell her you don't want to meet her friends/family and continue as normal. You are not stringing her along. If she ever brings up the topic of "what are we?" be up front and honest with her about it (she might not care about anything long term). If she's not happy with the situation, let her end it. Until then, I don't see any reason to throw away a seemingly solid arrangement.

 

[pyros]

I just feel it is dishonest to act like a kind of 'couple' but without the idea of actually becoming one.

She sees me as very high value, but eventhough there are many things I do like about this girl, there are others (drinks too much, ex bf always present, average looking, etc) that makes me not see her as LTR.
Also I dont want her to get mad at me or sad when she will ask for something serious maybe in a month or in two months, and I will have to say " no because...blah, blah".

 

[TheCuckSlayer]

How often do you guys see each other?

Also, let's quickly admit this is an ego issue for you.

You don't want LTR, but you feel fwcked that she hasn't asked for one. Correct?

A lot of guys don't realize that women, especially in this young generation, are increasingly interested in fwb/non-exclusive relationships. No need to assume she actually wants an LTR, especially considering you saying that she drinks too much and always hangs around her ex.

Although a lot of young girls want casual hookups, they still don't want to feel like a slut/wh0re. Hence the desire for a real date every once in a while, a mountain trip, etc.

It's certainly possible you're the sidepiece/escape. Which, in that case, what's wrong with that? Keep d1cking her, have fun, and don't take her seriously.

EDIT: Reread your OP, you guys see each other once-twice/week. I'd say that's a pretty comfortable frequency for a casual, non-exclusive relationship. Keep on, don't bring it up, have fun.

 

[resilient]

I agree with TheCuckSlayer. You have to take into context her age. At 22 she's nearly at her height in SMV. She subconsciously knows this, which is why you haven't got the "where's this going?," "what are we?" question of exclusivity. She sounds like she loves the steady appearance of a relationship with you while she maintains some feels from the ex.

Unless she's subtlety dropping that she wants to get married at some point or have kids than she probably wants to keep coasting steady with you without the label of g/f, so stay the course without rocking the boat, eh?

She probably likes that she's not tied down so she can bounce if the relationship goes stale.

What you should ask yourself is why do you feel you have the need to have a relationship label status with her? With relationship status come expectations, which most often fall short unless you both are solid and have your act together on all fronts.

 

[amazingswayze]

She's a hoe.

 

[SkrooU]

There are 2 likely reasons she has not asked.
1 - The relationship gf/bf title makes it seem like too much pressure and takes the fun and free spiritedness out of your interactions. It also leaves a feeling of vulnerability to having to possibly deal with tbe breakup of something that seemed more serious, which leaves a feeling of a greater loss and failure. This is how I feel about relationships. Not too long ago, I had a plate that was just like me about this. We called it exclusively dating but did not want the pressure of a committed relationship. As soon as we tried, it ended in a gloomy uncomfortable breakup 24 hours later.

2 - She wants the option to hang with other guys with a friends title and not feel like she's cheating if she finds one attractive. Then she can just end things without feeling she has technically wronged you and violated an explicit boundary.

Not sure why you care since you don't want her exclusivity. Maybe your ego is in the way. But if you want want to know, then just say you want her to meet someone you know and that you want to know how you should introduce her so that nobody feels awkward.

 

[sazc]

She's not asking because she either doesnt want it or she knows, if she asks, you are going to say no and then she will have confirmation of her real value, in your eyes.

you seem to be concerned with not wanting to ultimately hurt her, which is nice. I would suggest that you contemplate prior conversations - has she ever talked about meeting 'that guy' and settling down, perhaps with, or without kids? If you know she is looking for an LTR then maybe it's time you simply mentioned that you are not looking for one and wanted to be sure you are on the same page. The other alternative is to do nothing and let it play out. It seems like you ae worried about potential drama and hurt feelings if you do that. If you are ready to potentially have her be out of your life, then remind her that you're not in it for LTR.

 

[Glassguy]

I've been seing this 22 years old girl for the last six months or so (I am 31).
I do enjoy her company and the sex is good and wild, but because of several things about her life I dont see her as LTR material.

Anyway, the thing that bugs me a little is that in these six months she hasn't asked about exclusivity or anything. Well, she actually mentioned something about this topic but very briefly, and I just said that I do not really think about these topics nowadays.
I have to say that she behaves almost like a girlfriend would do. She texts me everyday, is very affectionate, always wants to spend time with me, hasn flaked on me ever, etc. We see each other once or twice a week.

This is the first time that I 'date' a girl for so many months and she doesnt ask something like:
"what are we?"
"where is this going?"
etc.

She wants to do a trip to the mountains but I do not (I haven't said this to her directly).

I think I am breaking up with her very soon because I feel anxious...because
we've been seing each other for many months now, and since it is not going to turn into a LTR I dont see the point in stringing her along anymore.

Anyway...what's up with this girl?
Thoughts?


P.S.
I think she's not asking for a serious relationship because she thinks that if she did, I would say no, so she prefers to keep the relationship going as if we were a couple but without being officially a couple, you know?

Sex is good, she seems very cool, doesnt put pressure on you.....

Go on the fvcking mountain trip and have fun. I would say if you were spinning plates you could monkey branch or still keep her around.

Deep down you want the respect of her asking for a LTR. Take you ego out of the mix and you are in a very good situation with this chick and you dont even realize it.

 

[pyros]

It is not an ego thing. I dont want to hurt her because she's a nice girl and after six months I kind of care about her.

What bugs me is that she may be thinking that we're already in a LTR without talking about it.

Besides....today she asked me if she can use a picture in which we're together as her whatsapp profile pic...

See...?

 

[Glassguy]

It is not an ego thing. I dont want to hurt her because she's a nice girl and after six months I kind of care about her.

What bugs me is that she may be thinking that we're already in a LTR without talking about it.

Besides....today she asked me if she can use a picture in which we're together as her whatsapp profile pic...

See...?

You care about her, she obviously cares about you......what is surprising that she sees this as a relationship at this point? Wasnt it to be expected?