Girl never initiates contact

[n00bPimp]

I can't make this girl initiate contact! I know she does have great interest in me because when I contact her she quickly responds. Shes always eager to hang out with me. But I have to always be the one to set up a date, she just wont, I can go up to a week without any contact and thats fine with her!

I don't want to be the one always initiating contact because it makes me seem like I'm doing the chasing.
BTW. She is not my oneitis I'm seeing other girls, approaching, and going out. I wont deny she's at the "top of my dating pyramid", she's my most serious project per se.

[BACKGROUND]
This girl is not really shy. 2 months ago she used to iniate all contact, as in she would text me and even suggest we study together. However, this was because we were in a group project so she would use that as an excuse. After classes ended, less than 1 month ago, we lost contact for about 1 week. Then she txt me with "Hey stranger". 3 days after I set up a date for ice cream (our first real date). Built rapport, kino, c&f.. but no kiss. It went great she actually txt me later that day to thank me for the ice cream and all.

But after that I didn't hear a word from her for a WHOLE WEEK. After the week past I had to txt her. Then 5 days pass and still nothing from her. So Thrus. I txt her to go the movies and she jumped at the idea. We cuddled at the theater ended up making out in the theater then the car. When she left I told her to call me the next day. No call, 2 days later she txts and that died quickly. Now I don't want to call her because I've already called her many times before. So I don't want her to see me as the one to always initate contact. That will make her think i'm chasing her.
thanx for your input!

 

[SharinganUser]

You're a guy right? If so, you are supposed to be the one taking the initiative. You haven't been doing that and I bet she thinks that you aren't interested.

Who cares what she thinks of you, the only thing that matters is what you think of you.

If you like her, then go for her. Geez.

 

[drtk]

You're over analyzing this, you're the man and you should act as such. You already made out with her, call only if it feels ok for you, you're the most important person in this relationship, right?

 

[n00bPimp]

You're a guy right? If so, you are supposed to be the one taking the initiative. You haven't been doing that and I bet she thinks that you aren't interested.

Who cares what she thinks of you, the only thing that matters is what you think of you.

If you like her, then go for her. Geez.

She knows im interested in her. I set up the dates, I iniated the kiss. I don't want her to expect me to do all the calling. I want to find out how I can make her look for ME and want to spend time with me without me sugesting it first. Usually showing my value and doing c&f routines would have girls hooked on me. But with this one it seems like I'm not doing something right.

I understand I must iniate most contact at the beguinng, but at this juncture I think its pretty clear to her that I'm interested in a less superficial relationship. I mean the comfort level is pretty high when we're together, but she just won't contact me. And I don't feel comfortable calling her more than she calls me. But if I don't she's going to think that I'm not interested in her. (sometimes I think she's intimidated by me because she doesn't even try to change my mind once I make any decision)

 

[Mr. Bojangles]

You say that "its pretty clear to her that [you're] interested in a less superficial relationship". Well maybe she's not interested in anything serious. Maybe she's seeing someone else too. She could be just waiting to see where you are willing to take the relationship. There could be many reasons why she isn't initiating contact.

Don't call her too often, but when you do get together, make sure you escalate the relationship with more kino etc. Get her back to your house (or her's) one night and see what happens.

Just don't be afraid of leading the relationship. That's your job.

 

[yama600rr]

you just found this out? no sh1T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[PlayToWin]

I am in(or was recently) almost an identical situation to the original poster. Both to the degree of that me and a girl were in a group project together, dated here and there, and she always jumped at my calls and invitations yet she extremely rarely initiated contact. Now to the point she doesn't initiate at all, and it basicaly ended as of now, since I called her about 5-6 times over the course of a month and she only returned or answered 2 of them, and with that I felt that her interest level must have dipped to a point where I have ceased to initiate any more contact with her. After reading this thread and some peoples responses I am slightly inclined to give it one more call since its been about 2 weeks since my last time calling her. I basically nexted her, although this thread is making think maybe some girls are just extremely weird about initiatiing contact. However in the end I think my gut feeling that her interest is gone or low and that is why both the girl I dated and this girl your dating both are not very interested in us, or at least they are flaky enough to not be worth it.

If you want more info on my situation and how it got that way with more details, just search my posts from the last 2 or 3 months as I created some threads with many more details and got some good advice from some people.

 

[BadBoyJake]

I can't make this girl initiate contact! I know she does have great interest in me because when I contact her she quickly responds. Shes always eager to hang out with me. But I have to always be the one to set up a date, she just wont, I can go up to a week without any contact and thats fine with her!

I don't want to be the one always initiating contact because it makes me seem like I'm doing the chasing.
BTW. She is not my oneitis I'm seeing other girls, approaching, and going out. I wont deny she's at the "top of my dating pyramid", she's my most serious project per se.

[BACKGROUND]
This girl is not really shy. 2 months ago she used to iniate all contact, as in she would text me and even suggest we study together. However, this was because we were in a group project so she would use that as an excuse. After classes ended, less than 1 month ago, we lost contact for about 1 week. Then she txt me with "Hey stranger". 3 days after I set up a date for ice cream (our first real date). Built rapport, kino, c&f.. but no kiss. It went great she actually txt me later that day to thank me for the ice cream and all.

But after that I didn't hear a word from her for a WHOLE WEEK. After the week past I had to txt her. Then 5 days pass and still nothing from her. So Thrus. I txt her to go the movies and she jumped at the idea. We cuddled at the theater ended up making out in the theater then the car. When she left I told her to call me the next day. No call, 2 days later she txts and that died quickly. Now I don't want to call her because I've already called her many times before. So I don't want her to see me as the one to always initate contact. That will make her think i'm chasing her.
thanx for your input!

WTF!! Your suppose to be initiating contact. Grow some balls and be a man. Dude!!

 

[n00bPimp]

Thanks for advice guys. You have made me reflect on many things that I havent thought of before.
To those who think I dont have the balls to call, I would call her, I have absolutly no problem with it. But I don't want to appear as the chaser, and it seems to me that calling the girl more than she calls you is totally AFC in some circumstances.

My plan now is to call her in a couple days, I will use that call to build more rapport and try to make her see me in a more romantic light. Then I will see if this problem continues. If it does then I will assume that shes not interested in a relationship right now, and leave it as that.

 

[SharinganUser]

You're problem is that you actually care about what she thinks about you. Who cares if she sees you as an AFC.

 

[betterthandead]

Stop contacting her, usually I throw the girl in the "probable dump" category if it takes her almost a week to wonder why I haven't contacted her. Keep in mind that I am one of those guys who try to get things rolling but I know when to start moving on if nothing's panning out.

 

[betterthandead]

Go for it then, keep in mind that relationships are not meant to "build" they are "bought" from the very beginning.

My plan now is to call her in a couple days, I will use that call to build more rapport and try to make her see me in a more romantic light. Then I will see if this problem continues. If it does then I will assume that shes not interested in a relationship right now, and leave it as that.

 

[Effington]

Invite her out and make sure you escalate, if she is game then she's into you. She should have her hands in your pants by the end of the night.

 

[n00bPimp]

UPDATE:
Its been 4 days since we went out. I called her today at 9pm no answer, so i sent her a txt saying whats up. no answer either. I pretty much know where this one will go. To reinforce my distrust of women, and the realization of how unpredictable they are.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Read the post on "confident persistence."
In the early stages of a relationship, you have to do nearly ALL the initiating. She won't initiate until she's hooked, and that doesn't always happen right away. DON'T EVER TELL A GIRL TO CALL YOU AFTER A DATE!!!! That makes you look weak.

As long as she's accepting your dates, it's fine to call her to ask her out again--that's the rule. If she blows you off or refuses to return your texts (many women don't return calls, but they ALL seem to return texts), that's when you stop calling. However, it's perfectly normal for a girl not to call you after a date b/c that's what DESPERATE girls do.

Don't take the "let-the-girl-chase" line of thinking too literally, or you'll be swimming in a sea of desperate cougars.

 

[Jmasta23]

As long as she's accepting your dates, it's fine to call her to ask her out again--that's the rule. .

You hit it right on the spot man...Im in a similar situation, the girl im talking to right now almost never initiates, but so far everytime I've asked for a date she accepts...So it all depends on the situation in a way..

 

[n00bPimp]

Read the post on "confident persistence."
In the early stages of a relationship, you have to do nearly ALL the initiating. She won't initiate until she's hooked, and that doesn't always happen right away. DON'T EVER TELL A GIRL TO CALL YOU AFTER A DATE!!!! That makes you look weak.

As long as she's accepting your dates, it's fine to call her to ask her out again--that's the rule. If she blows you off or refuses to return your texts (many women don't return calls, but they ALL seem to return texts), that's when you stop calling. However, it's perfectly normal for a girl not to call you after a date b/c that's what DESPERATE girls do.

Don't take the "let-the-girl-chase" line of thinking too literally, or you'll be swimming in a sea of desperate cougars.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

She actually returned my txt about 2 hrs later saying she didnt have her phone with her. IDK i thought girls were naked without their cellphones but whatever. I called her and the convo kinda sucked since both of us were tired but it wasn't terrible. She was actually wondering why i haven't talked to her since our date.
I'm going to take your advice and call her everyother day, maybe that works.

 

[DJCT]

I can't make this girl initiate contact! I know she does have great interest in me because when I contact her she quickly responds. Shes always eager to hang out with me. But I have to always be the one to set up a date, she just wont, I can go up to a week without any contact and thats fine with her!

No effort = no interest or she is using strategy. You don't want to involve yourself in either case. Forget about confident persistence. That applies for the first few minutes of an initial conversation after approaching perhaps. If you haven't had sex by the 3rd meetup, confident persistence = wasting your valuable time.

When a guy gives a woman attention, it boosts her self-esteem. Girls use AFC guys for attention ALL THE TIME. The problem is that most AFC guys mistake this for genuine interest. That is why you need to keep an eye on her effort as this can help you see whether she is just using you for attention (or to relieve her boredom) or if she is genuinely interested.

I don't want to be the one always initiating contact because it makes me seem like I'm doing the chasing.
BTW. She is not my oneitis I'm seeing other girls, approaching, and going out. I wont deny she's at the "top of my dating pyramid", she's my most serious project per se.

It seems like you are doing the chasing because you are. She is at the top of your dating pyramid because you don't have "She displays high interest level" as one of your standards.

Here is the mindset you need:

You are a single guy with all the options in the world. The last thing you want is to get in a relationship with a woman because that would limit your options. In fact, by default you do not want to be tied down to one woman in a committed relationship. Therefore, it is up to a woman to win a steady place in your life. And to do that she must meet some very high standards. She is competing against every other woman!

Once you start to develop this mindset, your entire world changes and things with women become much simplified. You stop analyzing, projecting and reading into stuff. A girl either falls in line and you allow her to spend time with you or she is OUT. What could be better for a man?

 

[Mavrick]

Stop calling her. Stop showing interest. If she doesn't take any initiative, then cut her lose.

It's very simple. If she wonders why you haven't called, tell her that you generally lose interest in women that don't reciprocate the interest.

 

[Mavrick]

Basically you want this girl to feel like you don't like her. You want her to feel off center, so you don't have to. As long as your calling and doing what is predictable, she will keep losing interest. Do not call her anymore. Walking away is the best shock method. Let her come crawling back and try to make it right, and if she doesn't, then even better.

Good luck, Bro!