Girl mostly initiating contact and asking me out on dates, but distant and unaffectionate in person

[lizardking82]

Sometimes, the most physically attractive women can be the worst in bed. A former boss in another life/career referred to them as "Dead Fish". He said that they'll lay there while you do your thing. He was right too.

I'm reaching a bit but more often than not they are treated like an arm piece or an object to display to the public. So, they look good and get men interested with absolutely no effort at all.

Every wonder why the average or even slightly unattractive women are better in bed? They have to have some trick(s) in the bag to keep a man on the hook. I'd rather be the receiver of those trick(s).

Personally, I find the quirky, off beat, nerdy types much more attractive than what would be considered the classic beauties. You tend to enjoy their company more in and out of the bed.

On a side note, I have a coworker who has a girlfriend (met online) who doesn't use any social media like Facebook, Instagram etc., not into the party scene, reads and does puzzles. Also, she like to go biking and hiking occasionally. She reminds me a lot of Molly Ringwald (in her Sixteen Candles days) but is actually cuter I think.

I keep telling my friend that he won't find better out there for long term potential. He has himself a Unicorn and doesn't really realize it.

Mature men usually have specific taste in women that goes well beyond looks. Hot girls, as you said, never had to develop not only sexual skills because they make most men "come" with looks only, but character either cause who cares about character when you're an 8 or 9, right? LOL I almost never go for them and when I do, I get reminded why I don't almost useless in any other thing than exposing the physical goods for which they have no merits whatsoever.

 

[PatientOne]

After a few more dates I have come to the conclusion I am dating a frigid girl, which kills me given how incredibly attractive she is physically.

A real disappointment as she is truly, genuinely interested in seeing me more from a "practical" standpoint but lacks all there is to know about showing interest through affection and closeness.

I have no idea what she could have been through to be like this, I understand some of these "busy women" are super carrier/goal driven these days and they couldn't care less about dating, but it's not her case as she keeps investing way too much time in me for that to make any sense.

I still don't want to dump her, a part of me is still curious to see how much I can get her to open up, but for my own good I will have to definitely start caring less and continue seeing other women, hopefully with a higher sex drive and intimacy.

I recently left my wife, due to a lack of intimacy, passion, and initiation on her part. Some women are just simply comfortable with a situation in which you may not be. Your situation may be an interesting experiment, though is your time invested in this woman really worth it? If I am with a woman, and she isn't getting into me and us, I'm nexting her right off. Life is too short.

 

[blas12345]

I have finally ended the relationship with this gal. It was going nowhere, I was too hung up on her looks having no connection whatsoever and trying too hard to keep her as a sexual partner but it was way too much work.

She confessed not being able to express any feelings on the outside. She liked me but is unable to express herself other than in a friendly way affection-wise, she just "doesn't feel it".

What was a bit surprising, she also mentioned being a bit upset for my behavior where I'd stop contacting her and she'd always have to be the one to initiate contact (I was purposely doing this to measure her level of interest) but seems like I overdid it and she definitely felt ignored, which kinda contributed to her not being able to create more "attachment"... LOL

But I guess she was never into me to begin with, as she may never really be into anyone given her personality...

What makes me a bit mad is how she wasted my time with her mixed signals, not realizing about it yet forcing herself into a relationship that'd go nowhere... for almost 5 months...

I'm almost certain she will be back texting me in a couple days either to rekindle something or just plain LJBF me...

 

[Reykhel]

One cannot view "relationships" as a "waste of time" because it "didn't go anywhere"

As if there is an end goal in mind (granted for some, "marriage" may seem like an end goal, but the game continues)

All "relationships" will end. All of them. Through rejection or through death. Nothing is permanent. Therefore, one must enjoy
the moment and savor the experience and not get hung up in an "end goal".

For this too shall end. This wine shall end. What's one to do? Savor it but do not become attached to it. Be mindful, be aware. Be present.

Everything is a learning experience.

..............................................................................................................................................................

She did not waste your time with her mixed feelings............the mixed feelings was the message. You did not pick up on the covert
communication. If she has mixed feelings how can she express clear feelings to you. The mixed feelings was the message.

When a girl has low interest in you..........she generally will not overtly communicate it to you..."hey buddy, I have low interest in you. Just so you know". The signs of low interest will be the message. Her actions will communicate to you that she has low interest. The meaning is in the message.

 

[blas12345]

She did not waste your time with her mixed feelings............the mixed feelings was the message. You did not pick up on the covert
communication.

See, I did pick up on this, I did walk away and not look back, as I was already giving up on it several times over the course of our time dating (which she apparently found quite rude of me). With these mixed signals I was kinda expecting her to slowly not contact me anymore, yet she was ALWAYS initiating contact again after not hearing from me, not even to say "hey what's up" but to actually propose on new dates. Looks like she was trying too hard ?

This behavior + (I cannot lie about this) how gorgeus she is, always kept me wondering if there was a chance for her to loosen up one day and become more close. Except that day never really came.

I agree that it was not a waste of time, definitely a learning experience, but I should have ended this long before.

 

[Reykhel]

@blas12345

Yeah, you know when you get that gut feeling.....it was your intuition telling you to cut her off........you'll listen to it the next time....

That being said, it's always a good idea to have options.....even if you're looking for a ltr.......develop options.....spin plates.........

This behavior + (I cannot lie about this) how gorgeus she is, always kept me wondering if there was a chance for her to loosen up one day and become more close. Except that day never really came.

Again I would say when it comes to women........what you see in the present moment is what you're getting. Concentrate on the present moment with women, have fun, enjoy the moment........no point wishing a merlot will magically turn into a Chateauneuf du Pape in the future.........women are too much outside your circle of control to future plan within their boundaries....

Your personal goals on the other hand..........are within your circle of control and within your boundaries........future planning and present moment action taking..

Women: Present moment living
Goals: Present moment living + future orientated planning

 

[sazc]

you were looking for a female to be submissive to YOU. one that would allow you to behave as you saw fit, and be totally fine with that. this was not that female.
You were trying to measure level of interest by not initiating, and assuming that you could gauge level of interest by seeing how hard she chased you. In the end she told you that, by you not initiating, by being aloof and distant, she felt pushed away from you emotionally and that made her feel unsafe expressing affection for you when you were together. What i read is that she felt rejected by you and she was afraid to invest in your relationship because of that. She was never going to 'loosen up and become more close' to you because she was seeing your behavior as a communication of genuine disinterest in her as a person.

When people dont feel safe to be open and vulnerable, they wont be open and vulnerable.

 

[devilkingx2]

She confessed not being able to express any feelings on the outside. She liked me but is unable to express herself other than in a friendly way affection-wise, she just "doesn't feel it".

what if she was a sociopath? that's characterized by being unable to feel emotions like a normal person

 

[devilkingx2]

I have finally ended the relationship with this gal. It was going nowhere, I was too hung up on her looks having no connection whatsoever and trying too hard to keep her as a sexual partner but it was way too much work.

What makes me a bit mad is how she wasted my time with her mixed signals, not realizing about it yet forcing herself into a relationship that'd go nowhere... for almost 5 months...

also stop talking like that, you sound like a woman when you talk about vague emotional nonsense

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If you want something serious then I would have a talk with her in regards to her not initiating anything. Tell her how it makes you feel(girls understand better when you state "you make me feel this way when you do xxxx").

Does she feel exposed when she initiates? Is she afraid of being rejected?

My exwife was a very confident person in all areas of life, but she would never initiate sechs/intimacy. I would tell her my concern, but it never made a lasting difference. It was who she was.

I guess everything was okay by her viewpoint like scarface wife.

 

[RangerMIke]

I have one like this, she's my on again off again, redheaded model. She drifts off and comes back, this has been going on for 4 years now. We're back on again, but I'm sensing she about to drift off again.. which is fine. I honestly do not care.

Why does this happen... it's because she is hot. She has a lot of options, and she has countless numbers of men throwing themselves at her. She never really has to put in any effort at all because she doesn't have to. She doesn't make an effort because, frankly, she doesn't know how. Now I COULD keep her around for much longer than the typical 3 months when we are on, but then I would have to morph into something I'm not... and that is why she can never really build anything with any of these other dudes she might see for months longer, because to be with this flaky @ss chick, you have to put up with a lot of bvllsh1t, and twist yourself into a knot to the point where you are no longer the person she was attracted. She loses interest and she's off.

She said something to me a couple of weeks ago when I was at her place, "I don't know why I keep coming back to you, when you are not around I can never really get you off my mind." The answer was simple, "You are comfortable with me, you know that when it comes time to move on I'm not going to become a pathetic sniveling fool, I accept you for who and what you are and I do not judge you, get butt hurt, or try to change you. I am the old pair of slippers that you can't toss out because they fit."

She laughed, agreed I was right and showed me a e-mail that her most recent ex sent her. I got about halfway through it and could not continue reading the cringe worthy rant. The part I read was him blaming her for her mental and emotional condition, and that was the reason for the split... how he missed her... wanted to get back... practically begging her to change her mind.

First off, he was right, she does not put any effort into a relationship (again she can't) and that she is a flaky @ss chick, emotionally distant, and hard to be in a relationship with, where if you want to be with her, YOU are going to have to put in ALL the effort. When we are dating... the 'break' usually comes when I've made plans and she cancels... I do what I ALWAYS do just go on without her and tell her to contact me when she's available.... what usually happens is she'll ring up one of a dozen dudes that are texting her, or one of her thousands of fans on Instagram, and they are so happy to have a shot that they drop whatever the fvck they are doing and start doing back flips. This makes her feel good for a while, but then she gets bored with that... then she reaches out.

I am totally okay with this, I accept her for what she is, I do not try to change her. When my turn on the ride is over I get off. This is how you should always be with women. You can't change a woman, she is who she is and if she is going to change it's something SHE has to do, and for GOD's sake, don't send her some embarrassing wall of emotional BS, because you never know who she is going to share that with.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I have one like this, she's my on again off again, redheaded model. She drifts off and comes back, this has been going on for 4 years now. We're back on again, but I'm sensing she about to drift off again.. which is fine. I honestly do not care.

Why does this happen... it's because she is hot. She has a lot of options, and she has countless numbers of men throwing themselves at her. She never really has to put in any effort at all because she doesn't have to. She doesn't make an effort because, frankly, she doesn't know how. Now I COULD keep her around for much longer than the typical 3 months when we are on, but then I would have to morph into something I'm not... and that is why she can never really build anything with any of these other dudes she might see for months longer, because to be with this flaky @ss chick, you have to put up with a lot of bvllsh1t, and twist yourself into a knot to the point where you are no longer the person she was attracted. She loses interest and she's off.

She said something to me a couple of weeks ago when I was at her place, "I don't know why I keep coming back to you, when you are not around I can never really get you off my mind." The answer was simple, "You are comfortable with me, you know that when it comes time to move on I'm not going to become a pathetic sniveling fool, I accept you for who and what you are and I do not judge you, get butt hurt, or try to change you. I am the old pair of slippers that you can't toss out because they fit."

She laughed, agreed I was right and showed me a e-mail that her most recent ex sent her. I got about halfway through it and could not continue reading the cringe worthy rant. The part I read was him blaming her for her mental and emotional condition, and that was the reason for the split... how he missed her... wanted to get back... practically begging her to change her mind.

First off, he was right, she does not put any effort into a relationship (again she can't) and that she is a flaky @ss chick, emotionally distant, and hard to be in a relationship with, where if you want to be with her, YOU are going to have to put in ALL the effort. When we are dating... the 'break' usually comes when I've made plans and she cancels... I do what I ALWAYS do just go on without her and tell her to contact me when she's available.... what usually happens is she'll ring up one of a dozen dudes that are texting her, or one of her thousands of fans on Instagram, and they are so happy to have a shot that they drop whatever the fvck they are doing and start doing back flips. This makes her feel good for a while, but then she gets bored with that... then she reaches out.

I am totally okay with this, I accept her for what she is, I do not try to change her. When my turn on the ride is over I get off. This is how you should always be with women. You can't change a woman, she is who she is and if she is going to change it's something SHE has to do, and for GOD's sake, don't send her some embarrassing wall of emotional BS, because you never know who she is going to share that with.

That's more "fun" for you versus a woman who doesn't have as much going on who does make a effort?

 

[RangerMIke]

That's more "fun" for you versus a woman who doesn't have as much going on who does make a effort?

Good question. What is fun for me is dating. As long as the dating is fun and the women I am with enjoy what I plan it's all good. But when dating is no longer fun and starts looking too much like work, then I lose interest. The woman is a passenger on the stuff I plan... to me the 'date' is the event or thing I am doing, the woman is company... So if it's a woman that has lots of options, but she still makes time for me and is available... and who doesn't flake, well it's the same for me if it's a woman that might not have as many options.

The woman is not the center of my life, she is a compliment, and if she feels the same way about me... well then the date works.

 

[Billtx49]

I guess everything was okay by her viewpoint like scarface wife.

I guess it’s ok also as we haven’t had an update on this thread in 3 years now…

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I guess it’s ok also as we haven’t had an update on this thread in 3 years now…

Howiestern and that old wife divorced.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Mike what about companionship?
I have a coworker that's a serial dater. (For a lack of a better term) lets say plate spinner perpetual.
1 he consistently is in turmoil.
2 drinks a lot
3 is afraid of an LTR
4 focuses on puzzy WAY too much
5 keeps going back to the same toxic chics.
6 he gets laid.

So what is the pros here? Im watching it in real time.
I think plate game is a means to a Mono.
Thoughts..?

If his situations were going well he wouldn't have to be so focused on puzzy. He needs a set of ladies who like him a little more than he likes them. They won't require as much "maintenance".