Girl mentioned rape on first date! Should I run away ASAP?

[SargeMaximus]

If it is true, then she has terrible judgement both with regard to choosing her ex and what to tell strangers the first time you meet. Which makes her a dangerous liability.

Some people just go around continuously getting themselves into serious trouble because of their bad judgement. If you're with them, they'll get you into trouble too.

Could be. But again, humans are flawed and make bad decisions. I think it’s a little unrealistic to expect women to be perfect in the judgement department. They aren’t immune to bad judgement

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Yes, no doubt

 

[bat soup]

Could be. But again, humans are flawed and make bad decisions. I think it’s a little unrealistic to expect women to be perfect in the judgement department. They aren’t immune to bad judgement

I don't expect women to be perfect. Nor am I. But if a woman meets me for the first time and immediately starts telling me about what a trainwreck her life is because of her bad decisions, I'm out of there.

 

[dude99]

So I went on a date with this girl I been chatting to off a dating app for about a week or so.
We met for coffee and went to the park for a walk and talk.

She says to me that she feels safe and comfortable around me and it’s taken her quite a while to feel this way as her ex boyfriend raped her 3 years ago just before they broke up and she’s been single since.

I have heard people on some forums mention along the lines of:
“if a girl mentions she has been raped in the past very early on when you are dating her, it’s a huge red flag and you should stop seeing her ASAP”
Or
“If a girl mentions she has been raped in the past very early on its 99% likely she is lying for sympathy/to control the guy/to be the centre of attention.

Is there any truth to any of this or is it just people trolling?
what bad stuff would ensue if I dated a girl like this long term?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but dude next, walk away, do not look back, while you still can.

Nothing good will come from this. Every little thing you (in her eyes) do wrong will come back to you being the new monster in her life.

She is love bombing you by making her self the wounded bird and you the hero. "She feels safe around you," "hasn't felt safe for 3 years " etc etc.

She is trying to trigger your hero switch while she plays the victim.

She is love bombing you. This is the beginning. She will turn on you. She will make you her new monster and then try to destroy you.

Do not proceed.

 

[Dash Riprock]

n my experience, girls who voluntarily bring up past traumatic experiences on the first date are emotionally broken and are to be avoided at all costs. Dates should be fun, not therapy sessions for the woman.

Agree 100% for many reasons. You can proceed, but don't be oblivious to the RED FLAGS like 99% of most guys are. Give her some rope and see if she supports you with it or hangs herself.

 

[B80]

was she drunk when mentioning this?

although not quite the same, girl I was seeing earlier this year told me she had a 1 night stand and abortion a few months earlier, during our 2nd date. then admitted on another date for having 'therapy' (a lot less mainstream in UK compared to US). then a series of ups and downs, 'funny' incidents, games etc before we parted ways a while later. - definitely a bullet dodged when looking back...

monitor closely and be cautious. see if you can get her to show true colours even more.

very odd to bring up on 1st date. although I guess she may be letting you know she has issues/trauma dating men after that and to bear with her a bit?

 

[Dash Riprock]

I dated or banged this hotty for a while.. After around 3 weeks she begins to tell me that as a child (age 7-8) she was sexualy abused by a family member over the span of maybe 8 years.

She went as far as to tell me, because of the abuse her insides got messed up & she can't have kids.. She had scars on her arms from self harming when she was a teen.

Later in her life as a young hot girl, she got involved with nude modeling, stripping, and maybe even soft porn.

Also was an occasional cocaine user.. She told me all this stuff very early of me seeing her.. It's sad what happened to her, however these woman are DAMAGED beyond repair.

And they are often BDP.. So I dumped & got the F out of there!

I dated one almost exactly like this too. Why is it most are hot as f*ck too. Still, I dumped her after a few weeks because of her unpredictable and explosive behavior. Poster child for BPD.

 

[DanGreen]

was she drunk when mentioning this?

although not quite the same, girl I was seeing earlier this year told me she had a 1 night stand and abortion a few months earlier, during our 2nd date. then admitted on another date for having 'therapy' (a lot less mainstream in UK compared to US). then a series of ups and downs, 'funny' incidents, games etc before we parted ways a while later. - definitely a bullet dodged when looking back...

monitor closely and be cautious. see if you can get her to show true colours even more.

very odd to bring up on 1st date. although I guess she may be letting you know she has issues/trauma dating men after that and to bear with her a bit?

Nope we were both sober

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

This should be an obvious hell no smh

 

[Mazer]

Yes. Eject.

 

[Lookatu]

Agree with others and I view it as a red flag for a first date.

But regardless if she was or she wasn't, she's already set you up to be her emotional tampon. By sticking around, you are silently letting her know that you'll continue being her emotional tampon and listen to other problems she may tell you about.

I don't know about you, but that's not something I'd want.

 

[TheProspect]

@SargeMaximus

It’s not about judging women claiming to be rape victims, nor assuming they are acting with negative or malicious intent, nor being hard on them for their “flaws”.

Speaking for myself, when I explain why a man should avoid these kinds of women (the ones who bring up being raped on the first date), I’m making a practical argument, not a moral judgement. I’m looking out for the man’s best interest.

Women who bring up being raped up on the first date have such a high probability of being emotionally damaged, unstable, and toxic, that men are better off avoiding them altogether. Doesn’t matter whether a man is looking for an LTR or just casual sex, the potential for problems to occur will be so high that these women aren’t worth the risk.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

So I went on a date with this girl I been chatting to off a dating app for about a week or so.
We met for coffee and went to the park for a walk and talk.

She says to me that she feels safe and comfortable around me and it’s taken her quite a while to feel this way as her ex boyfriend raped her 3 years ago just before they broke up and she’s been single since.

I have heard people on some forums mention along the lines of:
“if a girl mentions she has been raped in the past very early on when you are dating her, it’s a huge red flag and you should stop seeing her ASAP”
Or
“If a girl mentions she has been raped in the past very early on its 99% likely she is lying for sympathy/to control the guy/to be the centre of attention.

Is there any truth to any of this or is it just people trolling?
what bad stuff would ensue if I dated a girl like this long term?

Follow @SirBigBell 's advice on this one. Pretty well stated and we should reiterate, a girl sharing such intimate/humiliating/damaging event so soon to a complete stranger is something to think about.

This is going to sound a bit extreme but these are very extreme times and men have to be really careful with women nowadays. The courts, the law, and society, in general, will have no problem pointing fingers at you just for being a man. So do your due diligence, follow your gut, be proactive, stay of the curve, question her motives.

Modern Man Advice

 

[DonJuanjr]

I'd be ejecting because she's been alpha widowed by the experience. You'll never be able to compete with her rapist, who will be haunting her subconscious forever.

That's an interesting theory. You might be on to something here.

 

[sangheilios]

I had an experience like this with a woman that I went on a date with about 2 years ago. I met up with this woman, who I had only communicated with over the phone, at a local bar/restaurant and we were having a good time. Anyway, at some point during the conversation she just randomly blurted out how she had been sexually abused growing up. I immediately found it off putting but I overlooked it because she was very attractive and despite my better judgement I went out again with her after that.

As @TheProspect and @oldmanofthesea mentioned, the fact that a woman like this is mentioning this to you, a near total stranger, is extremely inappropriate and suggests there are many other issues that she has going on behind the curtains.

As @soulforge mentioned, women like this have issues that only they themselves can fix and it is in your best interest to move on. Beta white knight game would be trying to go in there and "save" her from herself but you'd just be setting yourself up for a severe degree of stress down the road all for the sake of some validation and sex. However, I also believe that using this woman as a source of sex is simply not something you should encourage. Girls like this are regularly pumped and dumped and by doing this you just continue to encourage this endless cycle and broadening her mental health issues, which is not a very nice thing to do.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Girls like this are regularly pumped and dumped and by doing this you just continue to encourage this endless cycle and broadening her mental health issues, which is not a very nice thing to do.

Who cares? Look at all the mental anguish females put men through... Do they give a second thought when they monkey branch a guy that's in love with them. A guy that they said they "loved" until the next came along. I was reading another topic on here, and guys were agreeing "women are ruthless when it comes to men". I think men should just follow their biological imperative regardless of the mental well being of women. She isn't repairable anyways, might as well get yours.

 

[sangheilios]

Who cares? Look at all the mental anguish females put men through... Do they give a second thought when they monkey branch a guy that's in love with them. A guy that they said they "loved" until the next came along. I was reading another topic on here, and guys were agreeing "women are ruthless when it comes to men". I think men should just follow their biological imperative regardless of the mental well being of women. She isn't repairable anyways, might as well get yours.

I'm not saying women do or don't do that, but I personally would have no desire to use a woman like this, who clearly is mentally off, simply for her vagina. I'd rather just cut her off completely and not go down that route.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I'm not saying women do or don't do that, but I personally would have no desire to use a woman like this, who clearly is mentally off, simply for her vagina. I'd rather just cut her off completely and not go down that route.

Even if the woman in question was at a smv you haven't attained yet?

 

[sangheilios]

Even if the woman in question was at a smv you haven't attained yet?

I have no desire to bring a crazy chick into my life. I know of a particular guy that is able to use women like this as side chicks, fwbs, etc. but he is totally immune to the way they behave and it doesn't affect him. For me it would lead to a lot of stress, which is not something I need to bring into my life.

The issue a lot of men have is they develop feelings for women like this or when they try to fix them. If you can deal with crazy chicks with no drama or stress, it's something a man can most certainly consider. If it is not it is in your best interest to move on.

 

[Billtx49]

I dated a woman once that out of the blue mentioned sexual abuse as a teen. It was around the 4-6th meetup mark. She had some kind subconscious hatred of men as a result, but was otherwise high functioning until she started getting too emotionally close to me and went physical.
Her telling you of any previous trauma is Always her warning to you, and Imo, the sooner a woman mentions this subject the more damaged, aka low functioning she is…