This girl I've been seeing keeps bring up issues between her and her ex-bf. Her ex-bf treats her like **** sometimes and calls her a slut-- And she brings that stuff up with me. Do I shrug it off or cope with the situation and try to walk her through it (to me, this sounds like a fast path to becoming LJBF'd).
Girl keeps bringing up ex-bf issues
- Thread starter bigbag
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Play the Game
Master Don Juan
Hmm... try slapping her and telling her what a dirty wh0re she is.
Then, when she start crying tell her to suck your d1ck.
Then, when she start crying tell her to suck your d1ck.
Last Man Standing
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Think kid - the reason her ex calls her a slvt is probably because she is a slvt!!!
Don't be Capt'n Sav-A-Ho!!!!!
Don't be Capt'n Sav-A-Ho!!!!!
She probably was called a slut bc he found out she was with me and he wants her back. Her and her ex were in a relationship for the past few years and that when she was cheated on, she continually went back to him. Because of that, I doubt she's slut material.Last Man Standing said:
Play the Game
Master Don Juan
Well at least we tried.Last Man Standing said:
The next time she brings it up tell her that she needs to let it go and move on with her life because he's not her boyfriend anymore. Tell her that all she is doing by letting this get to her is giving him power and control over her life and happiness. Tell her that her being mad at him and holding a grudge over what he says does NOT hurt him, punish him or change his behavior...that he is just going about his business, happy as a clam while she is punishing herself for his crappy behavior.
If you help her see that she's only hurting herself in not letting this go and giving him power and control over her then she will be more likely to let it go and get over it, thereby stopping bringing it up to you.
If you help her see that she's only hurting herself in not letting this go and giving him power and control over her then she will be more likely to let it go and get over it, thereby stopping bringing it up to you.
absolut honesty
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bigbag said:
she cheated on him and went back to him constantly........and shes NOT a slut?
if she's not a slut, then YOU are not a person with a working brain
but like i said, if shes a cheater, then just use her for what she is good for
some good quality sex
Play the Game
Master Don Juan
BLUE PILL or RED PILL
All we offer is the truth, nothing more. You pick.
All we offer is the truth, nothing more. You pick.
Oh...and tell her that he just feels guilty for his cheating screwing up their relationship and he's co-dependent because he is trying to transfer his own guilt onto her. It's typical behavior of guys who screw up their own relationship with their behavior and refuse to take responsibility, so they blame the person they lost. My ex husband has tried to pull this crap on me since I left him in 1994, lol. He never called me a slvt, though...I was a cvnt for leaving him even though he thought I was his personal punching bag. I just tell him, "I may be a cvnt, but I am a much happier cvnt now!" hehe. It's been 13 years and counting and he's still not over me leaving him. Yeah, that's a long time, but he has Borderline Personality Disorder and has a REAL problem letting go. Let's hope your girlfriend's ex doesn't have that too...
Let's hope your girlfriend's ex doesn't have that too...
Go back and read what he wrote again...it wasn't HER who cheated on her ex. Her ex was the one who repeatedly cheated on her...so she dumped him and got involved with someone else. Her ex is mad that she got sick of his cheating and left him so he is calling her a slvt because she is with another guy. She didn't do anything wrong by the sounds of this...other than putting up with a rotten boyfriend for too long.absolut honesty said:
No problem...I had to learn how to deal with my own ex's attempts to control me and make me miserable. I've been dealing with it for over a decade now and have become quite a pro, lol. I've seen every attempt at control imaginable and then some...so I'm positive that's what this guy is doing, too. The sooner she learns how to deal with it and NOT let him impact her life the better off she'll be.bigbag said:No... It was the ex-bf that cheated on her and she left the relationship.
Thanks for the advice Wyldfire, your input helps alot.
Play the Game
Master Don Juan
I got a couple more up my sleeve.
And how, exactly, are smart arsed comments helpful? Are you trying to use C&F on another guy or something? Not much point in that, now is there. If you guys don't have any practical or useful advice or input to offer then why post on a thread at all? Regurgitated one liners you have heard repeated over and over again in posts aren't helpful to anyone. That crap is the biggest problem with this site...too many people wanting to insult each other and make fun of each other and not enough people who bother trying to offer constructive help.Play the Game said:I got a couple more up my sleeve.
Excellent advice.... if it was meant for a man but not for a young woman.Wyldfire said:
You can have all the talk you want with her about him and her behaviour but from my experience it will go to one ear and come out of the other. The problem is that she is still attracted to him and that is why she keeps bringing him up. Your best solution is not be so serious about this chick and just date her while spinning more plates and dating other chicks who don't have serious baggage and mention or keep in touch with their ex. A wise man once said " A relationship with an ex is never over if the ex is still in the picture".
Play the Game
Master Don Juan
Does it bother you? :flowers:
lol i don't use C&F this is my personality.
lol i don't use C&F this is my personality.
That's the thing that puzzles me about this girl. She still talks to her ex over the phone and AIM and still has a couple photos of her and her ex in her bedroom. But it seems as though she doesn't want to have anything to do with this guy.DJDamage said:
But yeah, like what you said, I'm just taking it slow and not taking it too seriously with this girl.
Play the Game
Master Don Juan
I don't see anything puzzling... He treats her like she wants to be treated.
He probably went too far with the cheating though.
He probably went too far with the cheating though.
You shouldn't assume these things in a situation like this. I've personally been exactly where this girl is myself. I was SO OVER my ex husband and had no interest or desire for him at all...he repulsed me. I was 100% devoted and committed to a new relationship and wanted to be with the new guy. My ex was not ready to let go, and he tried everything under the sun to get me to take him back and sabotage my new relationship and control me or make me miserable. Until you learn how to deal with someone behaving like this towards you it does impact your life and new relationship...even if you genuinely don't want it to. Pete, the guy I was involved with at the time, said basically the same things to me that I advised the OP to tell his girlfriend. Deep down I knew what my ex was doing, but I needed for someone else to point it out to me to really grasp it entirely. He was great in the way he dealt with the situation...and at times it frustrated him to no end. It's a good thing he was in jail at that time because had he not been he probably would have ended up there with some of the crap my ex was pulling. Pete and I talked it over for quite awhile and the two of us did some brainstorming to come up with ways to cope with the situation. I had 3 kids with my ex husband, so I couldn't cut all contact, so my situation was probably more difficult than the OP's (my ex would have followed me around anyhow because of the BPD).DJDamage said:
They can deal with this problem as long as he can help his girlfriend acknowledge what is going on. From there, they need to brainstorm and come up with a plan. Since he's there with her, it will be much easier for him to help her overcome this problem.
In situations with controlling and miserable exes...the ones who keep going back do so because they usually haven't met or gotten involved with anyone else. If the woman has already moved on with someone else she is far less likely to want to go back to someone who treated her like crap...especially if she doesn't have kids with the ex.
Besides...what harm will it do for him to attempt having the discussion with her? If she won't deal with it, then the relationship won't work. If she will deal with it he might end up with a wonderful relationship that will make him very happy. But he won't know if he doesn't give it a shot.
Well, if she doesn't want him to call her names and have a negative influence on her life than she will need to stop talking to him. That's the first step in resolving the problem. If she doesn't want anything to do with him but still talks to him it's most likely out of guilt and because she's hoping he will get over it an move on. I tried that route for awhile, too...thinking he just needed some time to get over feeling hurt and he'd be able to move on.bigbag said:
You just need to have a very frank and honest discussion with her about the situation...especially why she is still talking to him.