Girl I've been seeing wants to call it quits out of nowhere

[bandoboy]

Whats up dudes? Would appreciate some input on how to handle this situation

About over a month ago, I started seeing and actively having sex with this bombshell who lives in my neighborhood. We initially met online at the beginning of the year but she was on and off with a LTR and I was dating someone else at the time so it just fizzled out. I randomly drunk texted her about a month ago to kick start us dating again.

Last night, out of seemingly nowhere (and I say this because we had literally made plans earlier in the day for later this week) she tells me she doesn't like the casual nature of our relationship and where its heading and is in a place where shes beyond just hooking up. She went on to say that over the the last 6 weeks, I haven't shown any signs of being serious which resulted in her taking things less seriously and thinks it would be best to call it quits now. Her primary reason is that I've been going away with friends most weekends since we've been seeing each other and have only really been scheduling a date once or twice a week which usually involves alcohol and sex.

Now I'm calling bull**** on this because in my experience, once or twice a week for dates and whatever is perfectly reasonable in the first month of seeing someone...good pace to take it slow and see if you actually vibe. I have been kind of talking to a girl on the side (who I did sleep with a couple weeks ago) but there is absolutely no way she could know that and I'm very careful when talking to other girls in casual dating circumstances so this couldn't have caused anything

Honestly, I get along with the girl very well, shes absolutely gorgeous, intelligent and lives close to me (important in my city). I would not be opposed to having something more serious with her, at least for the coming winter.

She wants to meet in person to discuss this in detail sometime this week. I'm not naive and I'm fully aware this could all be a crock of **** and an excuse simply cause she isn't into seeing me anymore or shes seeing someone else but what is the best way to handle this situation for my benefit?

This is someone whose been texting me consistently, never flaked and we last had sex like 3 days ago...shes been showing strong interest the entire time we've been talking and seeing each other. I can't decide if this is some kind of power play to dupe me into a relationship or if she genuinely doesn't want to see me anymore.

How would you guys handle this?

Appreciate any input thanks

 

[Jetleg]

This is just an excuse, don't listen to what she has to say. she basically means she has found a better c0ck to play with, or she thinks about finding a new one.

i would say ignore her, let her come to you (tell her you don't have time to discuss about it in person, and that you respect her decisions).

on the other side, if all you really had was sex and booze, did you really expect it to become more than that? it would have been clear to me in your situation that this is going to come.

 

[bandoboy]

This is just an excuse, don't listen to what she has to say. she basically means she has found a better c0ck to play with, or she thinks about finding a new one.

i would say ignore her, let her come to you (tell her you don't have time to discuss about it in person, and that you respect her decisions).

on the other side, if all you really had was sex and booze, did you really expect it to become more than that? it would have been clear to me in your situation that this is going to come.

True. We had a couple outings that didn't involve either but they were few and far between.

I'm thinking this is just an excuse too but I'm a bit confused as to how fast she made this decision as I literally had everything going great with no decline in behavior up until she actually dropped the bomb on me

 

[Jetleg]

its because women are wired to find a better man, 100% of the time. even if YOU think that everything is great, her feminine small brain senses that you are too - available/ easy / boring / nice or whatever, and that she wants something better. you can prove that to her by going NC. if she doesnt contact you again - she doesnt worth your time anyway.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I'd show up with flowers and an AFC act just to fvck with her. Flip the script. Tell her it's a shame she wasn't serious about you, because you thought you saw some real potential in her. Get her crying, hug her, then bolt. Don't answer your phone for a day or two. She'll come crawling back. Even if she doesn't, you can be confident you left with the upper hand. She'll feel like a dumb wh0re who isn't worthy of a good man.

 

[bandoboy]

Thanks for the replies gents

I know girls are inherently full of **** when it comes to this stuff....I'm wouldn't be surprised if this is all just an excuse to end it all, be with someone else, etc.

However, I can see her perspective of me treating her like a booty call over something more serious so I'm thinking she may want me to declare my intentions right now...and shes willing to walk away if they aren't what she's looking for

I'm busy today but I'm thinking of meeting up with her later this week and telling her I'm open to being more serious....I'm not going to appoligize for my past behavior but rather tell her I was taking my pace to see if she was actually a right fit for me. If she makes any kind of excuse, would be really obvious this is all nonsense and will move on pronto

What do you guys think?

 

[bandoboy]

Its an absolute lie. Women that actually care about sh!t like this wouldn't have subjected themselves to your serial ONS dating style to begin with, much less online dating. Do NOT meet with her to apologize. She is a ho from online dating and she found another guy(not difficult).

You're probably right. Good perspective I didn't even think of. Genuine thank you

 

[WanderingMan]

Last night, out of seemingly nowhere (and I say this because we had literally made plans earlier in the day for later this week) she tells me she doesn't like the casual nature of our relationship and where its heading and is in a place where shes beyond just hooking up.

Do you see the how contradictory her statement is.

You made plans to see her later that week. This is not a "casual nature". This is not a 2am booty call. You made plans with her. A casual natured relationship is one where you two will **** at the spur of the moment when you two are both horny. In a "casual" relationship, you two rarely make plans for anything other than that same day or night.

Her hamster is spinning very fast.

I'm assuming that you two actually making plans for a later date is a break from the norm? This would be the cause of "out of seemingly nowhere".

In all actuality, you are trying to do what she says she wants. By making future plans with her, you are NOT being casual - like she says you are. Without knowing more in detail of how your relationship started and what's taken place so far, I'd take a step back. For one, I wouldn't meet her. If you did, it would be under her conditions, and it would also be rewarding her for her erratic contradictory behavior.

You: Hey, it's cool. I can't meet you. No worries though, we'll chat some other time.

Then wait, be patient, and be outcome independent. To me, up to this point, this sounded like a pretty good "casual" FB/FWB scenario. Upgrading these types of relationships to anything other than it currently is can be very difficult, like disarming a bomb - one wrong move and it blows up in your face - like it seems to be doing.

Take a step back, cease all plan making with her. If you two happen to hook up again, at a moments notice, then fine. And if she wants to talk then, then that's fine also. But, while doing so, I'd try to steer the relationship away from anything other than it's casual nature.

 

[bandoboy]

Do you see the how contradictory her statement is.

You made plans to see her later that week. This is not a "casual nature". This is not a 2am booty call. You made plans with her. A casual natured relationship is one where you two will **** at the spur of the moment when you two are both horny. In a "casual" relationship, you two rarely make plans for anything other than that same day or night.

Her hamster is spinning very fast.

I'm assuming that you two actually making plans for a later date is a break from the norm?

This would be the cause of "out of seemingly nowhere". You actually are trying to do what she says she wants - you are trying to be anything but "casual". Without knowing more in detail of how your relationship started and what's taken place so far, I'd take a step back. For one, I wouldn't meet her. This would be under her conditions, and it would be rewarding her for her erratic contradictory behavior.

You: Hey, it's cool. I can't meet you. No worries though, we'll chat some other time.

Then wait and be outcome independent. To me, up to this point, this sounded like a pretty good "casual" FB/FWB scenario. Upgrading these types of relationships to anything more can be very difficult, like disarming a bomb - one wrong move and it blows up in your face - like it seems to be doing.

Take a step back, cease all plan making with her. If you two happen to hook up again, at a moments notice, then fine. And if she wants to talk then, then that's fine also. But I'd try to steer the relationship away from anything other than it's casual nature.

Ive probably seen her like 10 times in the last month

Planning a day of the week to see each other is actually how ive done it...lets me plan **** out with work/friends/other hobbies and secure a date where im actually free to see her.late night booty call has only happened a couple times when I was drunk and wanted some ass

Her alleged complaint is that in the past 6 weeks, I haven't tried to turn things up to the next level or make any efforts to see her...I've also been gone almost every weekend this month (went to party with friends 3 out of 4 weekends) so she was complaining about that too and hinting that I'm hooking up with other girls (which I have but she doesnt know that) when im not around

Like I said, shes cool and i wouldnt mind dating her exclusively for now but the more I read the replies here and think about, the less I believe these alleged concerns have any merit

 

[WanderingMan]

^it's all YOUR fault.

Going off of your reply, I don't think this is her trying to call it quits:

she tells me she doesn't like the casual nature of our relationship and where its heading and is in a place where shes beyond just hooking up. She went on to say that over the the last 6 weeks, I haven't shown any signs of being serious which resulted in her taking things less seriously and thinks it would be best to call it quits now. Her primary reason is that I've been going away with friends most weekends since we've been seeing each other and have only really been scheduling a date once or twice a week which usually involves alcohol and sex.

Usually relationships SHOULD progress naturally. And this one isn't, for whatever reason. So,it seems she's trying to force you to commit to her before you're 100% ready to. She's giving you an ultimatum: Either take the relationship "seriously" or she's gone. But, something doesn't feel right, and it seems if you actually do commit to her, then she'll probably be gone anyways. Lose/lose situation for you.

Most of my last post still stands. I'd take a step back and not conform to her demands. If you do, the chase will end, she will have you ensnared, and per this situation, she will then lose attraction-feelings for you.

 

[nismo-4]

I'd show up with flowers and an AFC act just to fvck with her. Flip the script. Tell her it's a shame she wasn't serious about you, because you thought you saw some real potential in her. Get her crying, hug her, then bolt. Don't answer your phone for a day or two. She'll come crawling back. Even if she doesn't, you can be confident you left with the upper hand. She'll feel like a dumb wh0re who isn't worthy of a good man.

LMAO!

The upper hand he leaves with is the same hand that will jerk him off 4 hours later.

OP, this is just her saying she is in another castle. Women always look for a better man. Sadly, men are easily replaceable. The way men and women handle being dropped is an inverse:

1. Woman gets dumped, she cries for a few days, a new man walks into her life shortly.

2. Man gets dumped, he either rejoices for a week if the woman was a prude or b**ch, or he cries for a few days. A new woman is unlikely to walk into his life shortly.

Being that as it may, you can do better.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

OP - Theres some sound advice for you here. IMO I believe you have or are developing, oneitis. Be honest with yourself. Personally I would never reward her behaviour with a 'planned meeting, and would NOT supplicate, apologise or even agree with her. She has then got you where she wants you. Beta boy time will follow.

You probably know what you have to do, but do you have the minerals to go NC etc? OTY now my friend.

 

[macallik]

Ive probably seen her like 10 times in the last month

Planning a day of the week to see each other is actually how ive done it...lets me plan **** out with work/friends/other hobbies and secure a date where im actually free to see her.late night booty call has only happened a couple times when I was drunk and wanted some ass

Her alleged complaint is that in the past 6 weeks, I haven't tried to turn things up to the next level or make any efforts to see her...I've also been gone almost every weekend this month (went to party with friends 3 out of 4 weekends) so she was complaining about that too and hinting that I'm hooking up with other girls (which I have but she doesnt know that) when im not around

Like I said, shes cool and i wouldnt mind dating her exclusively for now but the more I read the replies here and think about, the less I believe these alleged concerns have any merit

No offense but a lot of the replies were garbage.

The fact is this. She is not having her needs met currently. She could have just dated four guys in a row that wanted to keep things casual, she could have misinterpreted a text message, etc. You need to sit down and communicate with her what you want and/or why it is worth it for her to stay in your life. You say that she is attractive and intelligent... are you doing things date-wise that reaffirm who she is as a person? If she is some super smart chick, are you taking her on dates that stoke her intellegient side, or are you meeting at a bar or sticking to the Netflix and chill M.O.?

You need to figure out
a) what she wants (she has pretty much told you but I suppose you can dig deeper)
b) Whether you are willing to give it to her.

Asking the board for advice is pretty pointless because most people here are jaded when it comes to women or they don't know her at all unlike you.

 

[RecoveringNiceGuy]

Always assume she wants you. Could be bull****, but could also be true. You never know what circumstances in her life could be making her interpret your behavior as "not serious".

Be playful, send her a picture of the joker with the caption why so serious, lol. Then respond but keep it short. Tell her you think shes awesome but you cant read her mind. Tell her you two should meet up for drinks and she can tell you whats on her mind.

Like someone else said, flip the script. How are you supposed to know what she wants if she doesn't tell you? Let her know, implicitly, that she's the one behaving oddly and being a poor communicator.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Last night, out of seemingly nowhere (and I say this because we had literally made plans earlier in the day for later this week) she tells me she doesn't like the casual nature of our relationship and where its heading and is in a place where shes beyond just hooking up. She went on to say that over the the last 6 weeks, I haven't shown any signs of being serious which resulted in her taking things less seriously and thinks it would be best to call it quits now. Her primary reason is that I've been going away with friends most weekends since we've been seeing each other and have only really been scheduling a date once or twice a week which usually involves alcohol and sex.

I read this, and my first thought was:

RUN. AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

In the beginning of a courtship, it's perfectly acceptable to only see a girl once or twice a week. I know there are guys on this board who think it's cool to see a girl 4 to 5 times a week (and most of them aren't dating the girls anymore that they did this with, lol), but you do this for two reasons: one, to not over-stay yourself so she'll desire to see you, and (b) to test her rationale and see if she's sane or obsessive and controlling.

You doing this has resulted in this particular chick showing signs of being irrational and obsessive/controlling. Allow me to analyze further:

1. SHE SAYS YOU'RE TREATING THE RELATIONSHIP CASUALLY.

This is a girl who is wanting to monopolize your time. And if she isn't able to, she feels as though it means you're less serious about her. You've only been dating her for a month, so you should only be serious with her to a point, but not to one where she's verbally expressing her uncomfortable feelings for now seeing you when you're not around. Were you to date her, this would result in a girl that would pout every time you wanted a moment to yourself.

2. SHE'S MAD YOU'RE SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

This means she will also be one of those girls who feel like any time you're not spending with her means you either (a) don't like her as much as you like your friends, or (b) that you're not including her in on the fun because you're embarrassed by her or are trying to hide her. Oh, and (c) she doesn't trust you around your friends - she's not there, so lord knows what scenarios she's imagining you're getting into with them when she's not around.

(Oh, and btw: don't feel bad for continuing to see other women. Until you're both in an actual relationship with BF and GF titles you have nothing to feel guilty about, nor should you feel bad for not letting her know about it).

All this equates with a girl that has MAJOR trust issues, and is going to be a pill to deal with in the long run. THESE, my friend, are what we call RED FLAGS. They signal things about a woman that are going to be a problem down the road. If she's giving you any kind of language right now indicating she's trying to get out, LET IT HAPPEN. With all the bag signals she's giving you, there's no need to stay around anyway. Hope this helps!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Harry hit the nail on the head. I dated a girl like that once, four months in and I was insane. She would cry when I went to lunch with my friends instead of her, went out with friends, etc. Super clingy and annoying, as well as embarassing.

Dumped her, got much higher quality pvssy. I'd leave this one alone, keep her for hook ups but nothing else.

Quality p@ssy actually is "nicer" to you and plays less games with you. It will seek to fulfill your wishes and desires even if it isn't within their strong suite...

 

[bandoboy]

I read this, and my first thought was:

RUN. AS FAST AS YOU CAN.

In the beginning of a courtship, it's perfectly acceptable to only see a girl once or twice a week. I know there are guys on this board who think it's cool to see a girl 4 to 5 times a week (and most of them aren't dating the girls anymore that they did this with, lol), but you do this for two reasons: one, to not over-stay yourself so she'll desire to see you, and (b) to test her rationale and see if she's sane or obsessive and controlling.

You doing this has resulted in this particular chick showing signs of being irrational and obsessive/controlling. Allow me to analyze further:

1. SHE SAYS YOU'RE TREATING THE RELATIONSHIP CASUALLY.

This is a girl who is wanting to monopolize your time. And if she isn't able to, she feels as though it means you're less serious about her. You've only been dating her for a month, so you should only be serious with her to a point, but not to one where she's verbally expressing her uncomfortable feelings for now seeing you when you're not around. Were you to date her, this would result in a girl that would pout every time you wanted a moment to yourself.

2. SHE'S MAD YOU'RE SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

This means she will also be one of those girls who feel like any time you're not spending with her means you either (a) don't like her as much as you like your friends, or (b) that you're not including her in on the fun because you're embarrassed by her or are trying to hide her. Oh, and (c) she doesn't trust you around your friends - she's not there, so lord knows what scenarios she's imagining you're getting into with them when she's not around.

(Oh, and btw: don't feel bad for continuing to see other women. Until you're both in an actual relationship with BF and GF titles you have nothing to feel guilty about, nor should you feel bad for not letting her know about it).

All this equates with a girl that has MAJOR trust issues, and is going to be a pill to deal with in the long run. THESE, my friend, are what we call RED FLAGS. They signal things about a woman that are going to be a problem down the road. If she's giving you any kind of language right now indicating she's trying to get out, LET IT HAPPEN. With all the bag signals she's giving you, there's no need to stay around anyway. Hope this helps!

Went against the advice and met up with her. Turns out this was exactly it.

She admitted to me she wasn't happy I was gone most weekends or out with my friends all the time and was put off by the fact she didn't know where I was, who I was with and what I was doing. I told her that is absolutely insane because its been like a month. She told me when she really likes someone thats what she wants and usually gets.

The funny part is had I probably given up power and showered her with the attention she allegedly wanted, she definitely would have lost respect for me quickly

Harry hit the nail on the head. I dated a girl like that once, four months in and I was insane. She would cry when I went to lunch with my friends instead of her, went out with friends, etc. Super clingy and annoying, as well as embarassing.

Dumped her, got much higher quality pvssy. I'd leave this one alone, keep her for hook ups but nothing else.

lol huge red flag was she said "When you tell me your out with your friends, I was thinking why isn't he with me instead" was like what the hell....we've been dating a god damn month

I don't deny getting all that attention has been her experience. Shes an attractive girl with fake boobs. I'm sure there are a ton of guys willing do spend all their spare time with her and she probably found someone more in tune with what she was after.

Whether what she said is true or not doesn't really matter...shes cool and all but obviously, like you said, a lot of red flags about how she'd probably act if we got more serious

I dropped her off and told me to call me if she wants to bang sometime she laughed and said shes not opposed. Guess shes going in the potential booty call category which I'm cool with.

Anyway thanks for the advice everyone, on to the next

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Maybe she wasn't impressed with your d!ck game...