Girl I've been dating for 6 months didn't invite me.. Should I be worried?

[.Paradox.]

This weekend she rented out a house and went to some lake/hiking area with a girlfriend and guy friend of hers (who she's known before we met), the guy that her girlfriend is dating, and a couple of his friends. She told me this like a week or two before-hand, and I have a feeling that if I told her I wanted to go, I could have gone, but she never actually asked me if I wanted to go. Now, I didn't want to go anyways, but you all know what I mean.. And even though this kinda thing triggers the distrust and jealousy in me, I simply told her to have fun and that I'd see her when she got back.

I've met and hung out with most of her best friends, and we do hang out and do things together quite often. We've gone grocery shopping together several times (and she's bought food for me to store at her place), straight up paid for some of my meals, had cook-outs together, I helped her move back in September (with a number of her friends), we hit the gym together last week and this week I decided to take her up on her offer to go to yoga with her (which she paid 15 bucks for me to get in). Sh*t, we even hung out 4-5 times a week the couple weeks before this one and she's been posting on my Facebook recently (which she hadn't done at all before this month), for whatever it's worth. Looking back to the first couple of months we were seeing each other, she actually invited me to a bunch of sh*t (like hanging out with her friends/family) but I always told her I wasn't interested.

She goes on small trips like these to see friends or whatever quite often. She went to New York for Halloween and Thanksgiving, is going to San Francisco in January to visit a *gay* friend of hers, and is going to Colorado with a girlfriend in February.

The thing is, she isn't secretive when it comes to her e-mail, Facebook or phone.. She'll just leave them wide open in front of me whenever I'm at her place and I can look right at all of her sh*t. Actually, this is kinda f*cked up, but I DID end up spending an hour looking through some of her texts, e-mail messages, and Facebook messages one night when she was asleep. The worst I found was her communicating with long-time guy friends of hers. It was all platonic, though, nothing sexual.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

1. Find something productive to do with your life. Spending an hour going through her things.....

 

[Pimp-sicle]

The answer is simple here. If you completely trusted her, you wouldn't be asking this question despite her previous history looking about as clean as can be.

From what I read, you mentioned that you usually don't like to go to her little trips, but the fact that she USE TO still invite you to them all the time in the past and didn't invite you this time is reason for valid concern in my book.

It would be one thing if she asked you to go, but you declined. Its a completely different story if she didn't even invite you at all.

Now I'm in no way saying she didn't invite you because she's looking to cheat, but let me ask you this question: How has your relationship been going over the past month or so?

The answer to this question will provide a lot of answers to how you should proceed.









PIMP

 

[backbreaker]

lol your girl is going out of town with a group of guys and girls to spend the night somewhere and doesn't even think about inviting you, and you are still dating her lol? is this real life? seriously?

dude your girl is getting plowed. i hate to be that blunt, but i mean.

even if she isn't getting plowed, shouldn't invite you for a reason. she's looking to make the switch

then again, if i was dating a girl that spent their entire time with me worrying about if i was cheating on her, i'd be quick to drop her ass off as well so i can't blame her

 

[Aaron B]

its either a deal-breaker for you, or its not

 

[.Paradox.]

The answer is simple here. If you completely trusted her, you wouldn't be asking this question despite her previous history looking about as clean as can be.

From what I read, you mentioned that you usually don't like to go to her little trips, but the fact that she USE TO still invite you to them all the time in the past and didn't invite you this time is reason for valid concern in my book.

It would be one thing if she asked you to go, but you declined. Its a completely different story if she didn't even invite you at all.

Now I'm in no way saying she didn't invite you because she's looking to cheat, but let me ask you this question: How has your relationship been going over the past month or so?

The answer to this question will provide a lot of answers to how you should proceed.









PIMP

That's the thing.. It's been going very well lately. I spent the night with her Thursday (had fun and good sex), and Friday morning when I told her that I had fun, she responded saying "yeah, last night was pretty awesome." Then later that same day she hit me up saying "good luck with your exam, and thanks so much for being with me last night," as well as posting an inside joke on my Facebook wall that night.

 

[AllJackedUp]

Well, this is a tricky one. First of all, it would bug the **** out of me if my girlfriend went to some overnight thing with a girlfriend of hers and a bunch of dudes. Let's be honest.. would she be upset if you were spending the night with a bunch of chicks? I know mine would be. I hate to say this, but I think it's time you start looking around a little bit. I'm not saying you need to dump her but you need to be ready in case she falls for one of these guys. Are you friends with any attractive women? If so, it's time you start hanging out with them. If not, you need to get some attractive girl friends and get on the ball. Sometimes my friend, you have to fight fire with fire. Chicks get jealous and you need to use that to your advantage.

 

[.Paradox.]

Well, this is a tricky one. First of all, it would bug the **** out of me if my girlfriend went to some overnight thing with a girlfriend of hers and a bunch of dudes. Let's be honest.. would she be upset if you were spending the night with a bunch of chicks? I know mine would be. I hate to say this, but I think it's time you start looking around a little bit. I'm not saying you need to dump her but you need to be ready in case she falls for one of these guys. Are you friends with any attractive women? If so, it's time you start hanging out with them. If not, you need to get some attractive girl friends and get on the ball. Sometimes my friend, you have to fight fire with fire. Chicks get jealous and you need to use that to your advantage.

F*ck this. This sh*t's been bothering me for a little while now. I'm not gonna f*ck around anymore. Next time I see her I'm going to sit down with her and see where we're at, because this is starting to eat me up. I'm gonna straight up ask her what's going on in her mind and if she's hooking up with other guys or not. If I'm going to get an answer I don't want/like, I rather get it now than later.

 

[Masculinity]

I don't recommend you confront her. However, this is your girl so if you decide to confront her, don't get emotional about it like you are doing here.

Also, don't assume or imply what you think she is or isn't doing. That will just stir things up for drama. Go out with your friends and have fun with some

women. She is the one who loses by not having you around. And had if she confronts you about going out, you went her cause you didn't have other plans

hint, hint.

 

[backbreaker]

F*ck this. This sh*t's been bothering me for a little while now. I'm not gonna f*ck around anymore. Next time I see her I'm going to sit down with her and see where we're at, because this is starting to eat me up. I'm gonna straight up ask her what's going on in her mind and if she's hooking up with other guys or not. If I'm going to get an answer I don't want/like, I rather get it now than later.

no, no, no. this is how an insecure AFC handdles the situtation. by her an untlatmium, you are basically telling her you don't have anjy power over the situtation and you will do noting but drive her more into the didrection hse is goiugn


IMHO, this relationship is insavlagable, for reasons I don't feel like getitng into becuase i'm trying tow atch boardwalk empire lol, but i had to say something beucase you can learn from this.

it's okay to feel certain things, but you need to stop letting your emotions dictate your actions. that's whhat AFC's do;.

this is what you do.


don't confront her. don't even fvcking ask about the trip. don't wait for her to say anything. don't say **** when she doesn't say anything.

right now, just consider this relationship a live training exercise on how to manage "frame".

do exactly what she is doing. if she's going out places with women without inviting you, you go out and spend the night with chicks and don't invite her.

i have been in enough battles with women that i know verbatim what she's thinking. she is basically, given you the bait, and you qare about 1 day from making it.

she basially, wants you to go AFC so she can have a reason to back up her actions or what she pans on doing. My guess is, she has someone in mind already that she likes, and is looking for an emotional raziation to do what she wants to do. By "putting your foot down" you are showing how insecure you are and you will give her exactly what she is looking for, reason to cheat. becuase this is how all guys she has dated up to this point, done when presented with this same scenerio. women learn from an early age what makes men tick, how to get what they want one way or hte other. she is banking on you goinjg AFC, i assure you. I have trouble with words sometimes so bear with me, but i know exactly hat I'm trying to say, it just all makes sense to me. I wish i were better with words sometimes. It's like, she gets off on guys like going AFC. like she puts herself in situations so guys can gravel over her and ****.the newness of the new relationship plush the old BF chasing off her is like a good line of dope to women like this. they live for that ****.

what she will NEVER see coming, like a Hannibal led Carthage army, is a "flank" attack to her emotions.

the only way she can act the way she is, is becuase she feels she has "conqured" you. at this point, you need to work on push / pull. if she wants to be a god girl, you be a good guy. she wants to know you hurt and that you love her, and that you are her life, don't' give her that ****. don't give her an inch. go live your life. go out, do exactly what she is doing. and let her know about it. when she tires to come someone joke" who he hell told you that you were invited lol?" and go do what you want to do anyway.

when she starts acting right, you start acting right.

you m ighgt say"well wouldn't she break up with me anyway if I started acting like that". that's the AFC / white night /afraid to lose mentality talking. if you do it right, she isn't going anywhere. a woman like this, won't go anywhere until she has the feeling that you are utterly conquered. the more emotions/doubt you can steer up the better.


but at the end of the day, this woman isn't LTR marital. women like that, who create drama like that, are not relationship material. all women are women, but some women are just too women to be in relationships with lol. this is one of those women

it makes so much sense when you say it out loud, but you only want to be committed to women who want to be committed. this woman wants no part of being committed.



this is something I learned a long time ago. just about all women i have met/dated,. hell married, the good ones, the bad ones, when they do something, they are always banking on a short term reaction. when i met my now wife and she found out i was seeing 3-4 other plates, she told me to stop or you won't see me again. she wanted to act right then. when I met this chick a long time ago she would let me know she was going on ates with other guys,just to make me react, to confuses how much I wanted to date her and stop dating my other plates.

dont' give it to them. always have a plan.

if you are serious about a woman, you should sit back l;ong enough to learn how they tick, and develop a plan to get what it is you want out of her. rather it be marriage, a solid stable LTR where the frame is directly in place.

too many men let the women lead the tango and wonder why they are both on the ground at the end of the song. women can't lead.

 

[luckster]

F*ck this. This sh*t's been bothering me for a little while now. I'm not gonna f*ck around anymore. Next time I see her I'm going to sit down with her and see where we're at, because this is starting to eat me up. I'm gonna straight up ask her what's going on in her mind and if she's hooking up with other guys or not. If I'm going to get an answer I don't want/like, I rather get it now than later.

Given from what you've said, I think you are overreacting. Are you guys supposed to be exclusive? You never mentioned that. If not, you shouldn't be this attached and this emotional.


By going through her stuff, you've already shown that you don't trust her. So what's going to happen is you're going to come on this board and make a post, but you're gonna twist your words to the point where commentators on your thread will reply with the only logical conclusion: she's banging other dudes.

I think confronting her is really the worst thing you can do and you'll pretty much lose any and all respect you might have in her eyes. You WILL come off as needy and clingy! Don't let it effect you and just enjoy what you are doing. You don't trust her already so I don't even think what you guys have is a relationship... or can really have one.

 

[.Paradox.]

Here's the thing.. I know this f*cking bullsh*t game of not showing any emotions and letting the girl have the talk with YOU, but I really don't want to play it anymore. I just want the answer, and if it's not what I want to hear I can move on that much sooner instead of indefinitely playing this "game." I'm not going to call her out and say "why didn't you invite me this weekend?! Are you f*cking other guys?!" I'm just gonna ask her where her heads at. I'm not going to overreact, or get angry, or cry. I'm just going to ask - cool, calm and collected. If we're in the same place, great. If I lose her, I lose her. Better now than later.

 

[backbreaker]

Here's the thing.. I know this f*cking bullsh*t game of not showing any emotions and letting the girl have the talk with YOU, but I really don't want to play it anymore. I just want the answer, and if it's not what I want to hear I can move on that much sooner instead of indefinitely playing this "game." I'm not going to call her out and say "why didn't you invite me this weekend?! Are you f*cking other guys?!" I'm just gonna ask her where her heads at. I'm not going to overreact, or get angry, or cry. I'm just going to ask - cool, calm and collected. If we're in the same place, great. If I lose her, I lose her. Better now than later.

boy your AFC roots are showing worse than my wife's roots in her hair lol

there is actually a very specific article in the DJ bible from pook about that very paragraph. oh how you wish you could just "cut to the chase" and how women would "get it" and you could stop playing "games" with women.

what you have to understand, is that it's a game you are going to play the rest of your life, with every woman you met, the good ones, the bad ones, just to greater and lesser extents. There are certain things I can/could do around my wife and get away with it, but even with her, we do the tango on a daily basis. As long as I am a man and she is a woman, and i want our relationship to stay like it is right now, we are going to be doing this tango. It's only the AFC that thinks the tango ever ends and hopes that he can find a woman that "he doesn't have to play games with".. that's how women think

. it's not beucdase women are good or bad, it's because they are women. they think differently than we do, act differently than we do. hell I am married and wouldn't trade my wife for anyoen in the world and I still play these "games" to this day with her.


you can either learn how to play the game, or live in AFC hell for the rest of your life.

it has nothing to do with this woman. this woman is as gone as jimmy on boardwalk empire lol. i promise you that. but it's clear as day from your firs post, and your responses, you have no clue as to how to manage a woman for an extended period of time. you need to get that experience.

what you have to understand, even though she did what she did, she did what she did, because you drove her to it. Just like you drove her to it,k you can also drive her to doing what she does. You have full control over her, you just don't know it.

I'm just gonna ask her where her heads at. I'm not going to overreact, or get angry, or cry. I'm just going to ask - cool, calm and collected.

lol WTF do you expect her to say" "yeah, i sucked a dudes **** last night".

just.. just fvcking stop and listen to yourself man. you have no control, over yourself or the situation and right now all you are trying to do with this "last stand" is make yoursealf feel better by being the "bigger person in the relationship". it's a false ego trip to make yourself feel better.

 

[luckster]

just.. just fvcking stop and listen to yourself man. you have no control, over yourself or the situation and right now all you are trying to do with this "last stand" is make yoursealf feel better by being the "bigger person in the relationship". it's a false ego trip to make yourself feel better.

Totally agree. What do you really expect out of doing this?

1) You confront her, she says she's cheating, you don't want her cause of this: it's over.
2) You confront her, she says nothing is going on, she sees you as desperate: it's over.

Although, honestly, it sounds like this won't last anyway. You've lost your cool, you felt the need to snoop so I guess the sooner it's over the better?

EDIT: even if she is banging other dudes, she's gonna lie anyway lol, so you're back to square one

You also still haven't answered whether you two are "together" or just seeing each other. Sounds like you guys are just seeing each other though..

 

[Viagra4Soul]

That's the thing.. It's been going very well lately. I spent the night with her Thursday (had fun and good sex), and Friday morning when I told her that I had fun, she responded saying "yeah, last night was pretty awesome." Then later that same day she hit me up saying "good luck with your exam, and thanks so much for being with me last night," as well as posting an inside joke on my Facebook wall that night.

This is the bit that's bothering me... can't get past it. "...thanks so much for being with me last night". Almost like you're hired help - or one of many from a list? Why not "that was so hot - can't wait for next time" or "you are a stuuuuud" - this would give you comfort in YOU wouldn't it?

I could be completely wrong. Maybe she just wanted a weekend away without you - it happens. But that language she's using... she likes the sex ("last night was pretty awesome") but I'm not hearing any terms of endearment here about YOU. Just a situation that she's currently enjoying.

 

[Korrupt]

OH... MY... GOD...

I read all the posts in this topic and it's gone from 0 to 2304478230494238 in no time!

In my opinion, EVERYONE IN THIS TOPIC IS OVERREACTING!

She didn't invite you to go? BIG F*CKING DEAL! You did say that you saw her 4-5 times the two weeks before this one, so maybe, just like you and me, she wants to live her own life and retain some of her independence by doing some things without you. Plus, she told you about it in advance AND told you who was going.

I bet you haven't invited her to every event you've gone to either, have you?

I respect the long-time posters in this topic, but at the same time I hate them and this forum. It seems like EVERY god-damned answer to every god-damned girlfriend problem on this forum is "she's banging other guys."

Girlfriend has guy friends? She's banging them.
Girlfriend moves? She's moving closer to the other guy that she's banging.
She didn't invite you? Banging all the dudes there.
Didn't respond to your text for 2 minutes? Surely, she's busy banging a guy.

This forum really, really, REALLY likes to make problems where there are no problems. Holy f*ck. You even went through her e-mail, phone, and Facebook (which she left open for you to see) and didn't find anything truly worrying. I don't condone this kind of behavior.. But seriously. You f*cking detective'd her and found NOTHING.

You have no real problem here. At least not yet. You even said yourself that everything is going well between you two, so just carry on like you normally would and don't make a big deal outta this next time you see her. Don't even bring it up. Oh, and about having a "talk" with her... Yes, it's a dangerous thing to do, but you've been dating for 6 months and if it's bothering you THIS much, I would actually consider it (though no-one else on this forum will say that). If you all aren't in the same place, you break up. But just asking a girl where you all are at won't hurt you, and if it does, you don't wanna be with that particular girl anyways, because she doesn't care about you. If a chick you've been seeing for half a f*cking year cares about you, asking her questions like those won't decrease her interest (as long as you do it in a cool manner).

 

[.Paradox.]

Texted her..

Me: Well the Christmas party I attended this weekend turned out to be more exciting than expected. The hangover wasn't very fun though.. Ha. Anyways, what's your schedule like tomorrow? Cause I'm taking you out and we're gonna f*cking celebrate! (my finals being over)

Her: I have plans tomorrow night. But can you come over and f*ck me senseless tonight? I've been super horny and this morning I was dreaming about you rubbing my cl!t...

Me: I'll be over at 7. And I expect you to be wearing something sexy for me

 

[st_99]

Her: I have plans tomorrow night. But can you come over and f*ck me senseless tonight? I've been super horny and this morning I was dreaming about you rubbing my ****...

LoL

 

[.Paradox.]

LoL

Swear. To. God. That's what she texted me.

 

[Viagra4Soul]

Her: I have plans tomorrow night. But can you come over and f*ck me senseless tonight? I've been super horny and this morning I was dreaming about you rubbing my cl!t...

Wow - looks like I was wrong. There's the personal approach that was missing.

Have a great night! :woo: