girl is taken, but I really like her not sure what to do

[phoreus1911]

Bear with me, this could be long. I'm still coming to terms of whether or not I did the right thing. There are times I feel as right as rain, and other times where I feel like maybe I did something wrong. The story goes that I know this girl. I met her last year, we seemed to be hitting it off pretty well. I was working out, and I met her through a friend. We talked a lot, and remarkably, we have a fair amount in common. The hitch was that she was, and still is in a relationship. So obviously, at that point in time, I came to the conclusion that she is off the market, this year rolls around, she is in my Psychology class, we start sitting next to each other, and I notice that she walked home a lot. Personally, I'm kind of protective about some of my friends, and family, long story short, I had a bad experience that led me to this way of action, which was to walk her home. I set up a Psychology group to help out my friends; however she came on a pretty consistent basis. The rest seldom showed up, and I would invite her to study, but that was only because she seemed to genuinely need help, and I was kind of angry at the rest of my "friends" who would just ditch me when we were supposed to study. I couldn't help but notice some signals she gave me. Correct me if I'm wrong, but she would say things like, "I would make a great father figure," "I don't know what I would do if I hadn't met you" she would also hug me every time we would part, once we somehow got into the discussion of fights, and once asked me to demonstrate on her how to do a choke hold, she would always ask me, for the duration of the term at least once a week if there was "anything she could do for me" (maybe implying something sexual) Keep in mind that she was still in a relationship with someone.

Come this past term, to my discredit, I started acknowledging this; what ever you would call it. I started to flirt back a little and hang out with her a bit more. This kind of cost me my school work, but we went out to eat a bit more, we worked out a bit more, and just hung out more. I was happy as hell. I was hanging out with someone who liked hanging out with me, would laugh at my jokes, shared the same interests as I did, and in my opinion, just simply, beautiful. She would also throw me more compliments like I seem to be in control most of the time, and I would look good in such and such clothing, or I am very strong. Then she started hanging around another guy. For the life of me I can't figure out why. This guy was pretty short, and the only thing he has on me is that he dresses better-slightly. They seemed to be getting along really really well. As far as if they did something, I’m not sure. I remember bumping into them at a party. I talked to her that night beforehand, and it came up that things with her boyfriend weren’t going well, and for now they were “taking a break” then I see this douchebag later that night trying to feel her up, she didn’t seem that up for it. I wanted to clock him so bad, but didn’t on the account that cops were there and her friends were near by. It just seemed that this @$$hole was taking advantage of her when she was at her weakest. Perhaps I’m jelous or something, but I got a bad vibe from that guy. Fast forward a bit more, she kept cancelling out hang out dates more, and then she found out that one of her friends was trying to break up her and her boyfriend, and she said her unhappiness with that started when she met that douchebag from the party. So me and her go bowling one day, we talk, and she says she’s “giving him another chance” So here I am trying to piece out what happened, Is what I did right? Again, I feel as right as rain sometimes, but also thinking to myself “is what I did truly right” I feel like I sacrificed my happiness for my integrity. I’m not a guy who goes for taken girls I just don’t. This couple, if you will, seemed to be deep. They went to Europe together, South America, and have been in a relationship for about three years. The guy moved from where he lived to Portland just so that he can be more near her. Based on how I was raised, I can’t get in between that. The guy doesn’t seem that bad either. If he treated her badly, perhaps I would have made a move. Personally, I tend to let people sort out their relationship problems themselves. It isn’t any of my business, and I believe people should get in a relationship when their mind is clear. It doesn’t help that I have developed feelings for her I would have liked nothing more for there to be something between us, but it just didn't seem right when she is still in a relationship. So I ask help piecing this together. I’m not sure what to do in my boat, or what really happened. Sorry for the long post, but any help would be very much obliged.

 

[phoreus1911]

no one? really? am I that screwed? is there no one even to say "that sucks?"

 

[editdivide]

Just stop rationalizing this.

You have one-itis.

Everytime you write garbage like this chemicals flood your mind and makes you rationalize things about her that only stops you from having the life you deserve.

Anyways, I hope no one else wastes their time writing to you about why what you are doing is unhealthy.

 

[phoreus1911]

I see. I'm sorry. I normally don't deal with girls that often. The next step is how to un-f*ck myself. Do you have any tips? I'm trying to keep myself busy, and when thoughts come up about her, I try to acknowledge them and move on is there anything else? I want this resolved. I'm sorry I'm being such a bother. I'm rather torn up though. you are right though. my quality of life has to some extent, gone down.

 

[Johnnyventana]

Chick sounds coo coo for coco puffs. Also, you missed your opportunity at newness and to pound her. That's why she was all about the other new guy. She's probably on the look out for the next new branch/attention source.

 

[phoreus1911]

I wouldn't mind this, but 1)she has a boyfriend. 2) the guy moved up here to be more near her 3) they went to ecquador together.
doesn't the above mean something?

Again, I would be game for it, she just has to loose the boyfriend.

 

[rocket87]

Sorry to break it to you, but she was handing you her vag and you turned it down with all those soft little words about you being a great father figure, etc. You could look at it as somewhat of a sh!t test of whether or not you had the balls to ignore the fact she was in a (sh!tty) relationship and go in for the kill. A simple kiss right in the middle of her talking to you (during one of those "moments") would've sufficed. Lesson learned for the future, forget her completely and move on.

Oh and just a side note, a lot of girls appreciate the protective aspect of things, ONCE you're in the LTR. You gotta keep that far, far away for a good 4-12 months before you get serious with a lady or you'll creep her out. Some girls it takes longer, especially younger ones.

Next girl!

 

[phoreus1911]

so what your saying is that I had to realize that she was in a crappy relationship and make my move? what? I was raised to believe a persons personal issues are just that. personal. The boyfriend was brought up a few times, but she seemed to be dedicated to the relationship. She never once said that "he's a douche" or "he treats me badly" lesson learned, but how do I make my move without coming across as a douch3? (for future refrence)

 

[Warrior74]

stuck deep inside the friendzone? Check.
White Knighting? Check.
Hating on a player? Check.
Wanting to play captain save a ho? Check.
Believing what a woman says? Check.
The unbelievable sin of thinking you actually have a chance? Check!

I can gladly say without a shadow of a doubt, you are have a textbook case of AFC best friend with oneitis. The cure? Grow a pair and ditch this girl 100% Meet 10 other women ASAP and have more concern for your own life than hers. She's a big girl and if she didn't want this guy around, he wouldn't be around. She tells you what she knows is acceptable to say. She can't say this douche makes her gina tingle now can she? Back up, and move on. Leave the friendzone by not participating. Good luck.

 

[Igetit!]

The story goes that I know this girl. I met her last year, we seemed to be hitting it off pretty well. I was working out, and I met her through a friend. We talked a lot, and remarkably, we have a fair amount in common. The hitch was that she was, and still is in a relationship. So obviously, at that point in time, I came to the conclusion that she is off the market,

Ok Phoreus,I have a question here.

You see the part I put in bold,the part where you said,"So obviously,at that point in time,I came to the conclusion that she is off the market"?



Why did you say that? What made you come to the conclusion that she wasn't available? What,the relationship thing? So her being in a relationship made you decide not to pursue anything with her.



Well why was that a valid reason last year,but now you claim to not know what to do? She's still in the same relationship now as she was then,right?
Last year you were all like,"So obviously I came to the conclusion she was off the market",but now here you are all confused claiming to not know what to do.



Who you think you kiddin' dude?

this year rolls around, she is in my Psychology class, we start sitting next to each other,

So here,even though YOU KNEW she was already taken,YOU started sitting next to her.

That was one mistake.

I had a bad experience that led me to this way of action, which was to walk her home.

Mistake #2.

If you've been walking women to their houses and destinations all your life and she was just another girl you decided to escort to her house like you've done hundreds of times before for other women,then fine.



But if it had to do with any type of attraction or affection you had for her.....mistake #2.

I set up a Psychology group to help out my friends; however she came on a pretty consistent basis. The rest seldom showed up, and I would invite her to study, but that was only because she seemed to genuinely need help,

Mistake #3.


Yeah,studying alone with her was another mistake. But you say,"Well it wasn't my fault. I invited my friends along too,but they all cancelled."


Then you should have cancelled the whole meeting.


Connect the dots man......

1:You started sitting by her in class.
2:You started walking her home.
3:You have these study sessions where nobody shows up but her.


Uhhh....hello? You have all this going on while not doing anything romantic or sexual towards her. That's friendzone baby.

I was kind of angry at the rest of my "friends" who would just ditch me when we were supposed to study.

Those B@stards! How could they?

Leaving you alone with a girl who was giving you signals,would hug you,who you were sexually attracted to and had feelings for.

Sheesh,the nerve of some people.

I couldn't help but notice some signals she gave me. Correct me if I'm wrong, but she would say things like, "I would make a great father figure," "I don't know what I would do if I hadn't met you"

She said you'd make a great father figure. That doesn't sound like interest to me. If I see a girl with a pretty face and big boobs,my mind just goes to sex,I don't wonder what kind of parent she'd be.


When a guy turns a woman on,she just gets wet. Most girls get turned on by BAD BOYS,by guys they ALREADY KNOW wouldn't be good fathers.

I was happy as hell. I was hanging out with someone who liked hanging out with me, would laugh at my jokes, shared the same interests as I did, and in my opinion, just simply, beautiful. She would also throw me more compliments like I seem to be in control most of the time, and I would look good in such and such clothing, or I am very strong.

Surrogate boyfriend.

She does the "companionship type" things with you,with keeping all the sexual stuff for her boyfriend. That way she can have her cake and eat it too,and technically not be cheating.



So the boyfriend gets sex WITHOUT dealing with her emotional stuff.
She gets sex with her BF,and has you for emotional support.

And you get......uhh.....uhh...hmm. What was it you were getting out of this again? Oh well,I guess it doesn't matter. You said you were "happy as hell",so I guess everyone's content.

I talked to her that night beforehand, and it came up that things with her boyfriend weren’t going well, and for now they were “taking a break”

Ok,look at this.....she said they were on a "break" from the relationship,so technically,she was free. Well if she had any interest in you,why didn't anything happen then? She was available.

Forget her,why didn't YOU do anything? You backed off while she was taken,ok,I got that,but here was this window of opportunity that had finally showed up,the FIRST TIME SINCE YOU'D KNOWN HER,and you let it slip away?

What gives?




Look dude,it's over with. You're in the friendzone. It's OVER.

You hanging around her while respecting her relationship at the same time is what did you in. You should have either went for her while ignoring her relationship,or if that's just not your way of doing things,then you should have just backed off and left her alone altogether.


"Hanging out" with a girl while NOT BEING SEXUAL WITH HER = Friendzone.

 

[phoreus1911]

AFC? what is that?

I get it though..... my question is what next? besides the numbers thing. How do I get over her, and ignore her without becoming a ****? I'm fighting here with what I was taught to be the honorable thing, and what "works" for lack of a better term.

 

[phoreus1911]

@Igetit: Your right. I just choose to do what I thought was right in the end I suppose. I don't think someone is available when they say they are "taking a break" I look at that as a weak point. From how I was raised, she is available when she's single. I was raised to believe that this is something she has to sort out on her own, and not interfere. I take it that what I was seeking was a middle ground that did not exist.

To be honest I never knew that there was a path towards this..... I never knew I was doing that was destructive to some extent, well to me. For me it just kind of happened. I never gave any of this much thought.

 

[d!ckmojo]

I think its cool to fcuk other dude's women. Its an evolutionary thing: Our species became what it is today because of that sort of behaviour~ women-napping and what-have-you. I don't have a stake in man-made society, it works against me, not for me, so I don't have to play by its rules. I don't believe in right and wrong and all that stuff either, I think morality is an artificial construct of feminised society to keep strong powerful man-players in check.

But if you do believe in all that $hit, what were you doing hanging out with another dude's woman in such an intimate fashion anyway? It was inevitable for you to develop feelings for her, you must have known.

I just can't handle these d!ckhead ambiguous morons who allow themselves to develop feelings of attraction for a women, but then come up with all these spurious reasons as to why they can't fcuk her.

I've done it myself too in the past, but I learned my lesson. Will you?

 

[phoreus1911]

I will. it's a shame that I have to learn on such a beautiful girl, but it must be done. The next step is to get over her.