Girl is confusing: in person=flirty, texting=aloof

[thelastclap]

She is 15 and I am 16. We dated previously, but that was 7 months ago or so.

She has seemed to start liking me again. When we went on a school band field trip a month ago she was basically all over me. She slept on my shoulder on the bus, we held hands everywhere we walked, and she let me hold her when we sat on the bus.

When we got back to normal school days, it was like it never even happened. She just acted like a friend towards me again. When I asked her about dating, she said that she wants to but she wants to see if she still feels the same outside of our field trip, and that we should hang out outside of school to see.

But the thing that really confuses me is whenever I text her it's like she doesn't want to talk to me. It's really hard to make plans to hang out with her, not to mention her father is strict. But whenever we do get to hang out it is so much fun, and we have such a good time flirting and everything. I can tell that she even gets a little jealous when I laugh with other girls.

Why is she apathetic and affectionate when I text her, but completely opposite in person?
And how do I work around this to get her to hang out with me or talk to me (not in person) more?

 

[Your_Royal_Flyness]

By the sounds of it, you might be giving her a little too much attention. I suggest being a bit more aloof. Don't be SO available and be open to other girls. Once you lay off a bit, she'll likely come crawling back.

Always find ways to challenge women. They can get bored if you're always available and predictable.

 

[mahoney]

i hope you can learn this lessons fast because its a big lesson and the most common problem dudes have and it takes a lot of dudes a very long time to get past this very simple problem

the time with the girl = good?
the time spent texting the girl = bad?

so, keep what is good, and ditch what is bad. if you have a good time when you are with the girl, then great. just do that! if you have that, then why would you care about texts anyway?

imagine a really good date with this girl was a huge rich chocolate cream cake. and you had that on sunday afternoon and it was really great and kind of made you need to lie down it was so chocolatey. now imagine on you wake up on monday and the first thing you see is someone trying to feed you a small slice of that cake. that is one of your texts. then all through the week small slices of the cake keep appearing on your desk

and by thursday instead of thinking 'man that was some great cake last weekend kind of tempted to do that again this weekend', you actually end up thinking 'ugh cake feel sick'

the problem is this, dudes have a great time on a date and so does the girl, and then there might be another one in a week or twos time but lets not worry about that now. now the girl gets home and then she prob tells her friends, and daydreams about what happened and this is a nice feeling for her, and she's all "i wonder what he thinks about xyz" - this is important time for a girl, she likes to think and daydream about what just happened but also possible future times. and then at some point she starts to think about if she'll see you again, and there is a period where she hopes this will happen but isn't sure if it will, this is the period where she misses you and looks forward to seeing you

when you text - you break this spell

this is because the nice daydream she is having about you is broken by a mundane and boring text. then worse, if she replies, what does she get? thats right! another mundane and boring text. its like you are ALWAYS there, and instead of thinking about the delicious chocolate cake she had on sunday she's seeing these new slices of cake everywhere and starts to think ugh cake sickly

a girl can't miss you if you are always there with texts the whole time. how can you look forward to seeing someone if they are constantly in your prescence, every time you pick up the phone there they are again, another text

ask yourself....just WHY are you texting so much in between these dates. really think about it, and answer honestly, and then think how that comes across. the answer is that you need reassurance - and needing reassurance isn't a good look.

 

[thelastclap]

Wow, that was spot on. I completely understand what you are saying with the whole cake metaphor. You are awesome. Thanks!