Girl is being weird about going on a proper date

[Knicknack]

This girl is 19 and she only seems to want to go out late night to clubs and stuff in my area. I'm 21 and enjoying going out to clubs, but I'd also enjoy going to dinner and spending some time with her outside of a club. Every time I propose such an activity she acts like she will do it, but there is always some excuse when it actually comes time to go out.

Typically I would get the hint with a girl doing this to me. I'd simply erase her number and move on. Yet, this girl continues to call me and wants to go drink.

I think her problem is her affinity for alcohol. Maybe she only feels comfortable around me or any guy when she has been drinking. We don't even get that drunk, so it's not like we are just getting hammered together.

Should I continue to date this girl? Is she bad news?

 

[ds28]

It's up to you fella. If you feel that you get something out of it (sex, making out, humour, fun, sharing the same activities etc) carry on seeing her. If you think you're not getting anything out of it, or you feel that your personalities and interests are too divergent, then give her 'cya later'. Maybe she's a bit of wild party girl and you're not so wild. It's up to you. It's just a question of what you're prepared to accept. Just make sure you respect yourself whatever you do.

 

[One on One]

Sounds exactly like a girl I met recently. She's 20 and I'm 21. We always meet up at clubs. I sensed she's a party girl so I'm not asking her out on a real date until I get some action with her. I think the best thing to do in these situations is go to the club, dance with her, lots of kino, then go "hang out" after the club, and at least make out with her. Then, try getting her to come over and watch a movie some time. That is my plan.

 

[Quick]

Very weird. No immediate explanation comes to mind.When you go to clubs, do you pay her way in and pay for her drinks? Does she have other options for people to go to the club with? It could be something as simple as her wanting someone to pay for her drinks, or not wanting to go alone and having no better options.

The first thing that popped into my mind when I read your situation is that it sounds like the she's dating the clubs, not you. What I mean is, her main focus is on going to the club, you're a bonus. What you do depends on you. Does going to the club with her make you happy all by itself? Would you still want to go clubbing with her if you didn't think there was a chance that you could take it farther? If going to the clubs isn't enough all by itself to keep you happy, then don't go anymore until she agrees and follows through on a date to somewhere else. If you want her to change, you can't keep giving her all she wants from you, or she'll have no reason to.

Edit: I don't think she needs drinking to be comfortable. If she does, is this really the type of girl you want to date? If you want to test your theory, invite her to your place for drinks.

 

[TesuqueRed]

At first I thought you were being used for getting into the clubs.

Then I thought she has a developing problem with alcohol.

These may be true.

She may want you as a clubbing friend and keeping it within those limits while you're looking for something that is heavier and more serious than she's willing to go--and at 19, she's probably not all that serious at the moment about anything (it's the shyt-for-brains teenage years, which will be closely followed by the shyt-for-brains college years---yep, I went thru those stages too...the only thing worse than going thru them is not going thru them, btw.)

Make your choice based on what you want and what she's willing to offer. Do these meet? Meet enough? Meet mostly but not on the important things? Is she great in bed (no 19 yr old is, but you won't know this until you're older...) Make your decision based on that and other things. You haven't really told us much about the rest of what you guys do.

 

[Knicknack]

the farthest we have gone is making out after a date in the car... that is also a confusing part of the relationship. she will make out with me after she has had a few drinks, but she doesn't even hug me when she is sober. i'll date her a couple more times and see where she stands. thanks for all the advice. can you all offer anymore advice? thanks again....

edit: she does not use me for anything. when we are out at the clubs she is always offering to pay for drinks. i often accept her offers so as not to seem like some whipped guy that caters to her every demand.

 

[TesuqueRed]

That's it???

No more dates. Move on IMO...her IL isn't there or she has issues--same result: move on now.

 

[silverwex]

In the exact same situation as you man.

Gonna give it a while and then see what happens.

 

[IDMeansNothing]

TesuqueRed is right. Move on and do it now.

IMHO if she is only giving you a little tongue when she's lit up, and no quality time when sober, she may not have a drinking problem (so she like to party hard..big deal), but definitely self-esteem issues. It's the only way she feels she can exert power over you. It's not about IL in the sense that leads to something more serious. Forget about it. No... that's a conscious effort. Just don't give her another thought.

 

[Knicknack]

thanks again for the advice... what is IL? i checked the bible and did not see it.

i'm not one to shun advice, so i'm serious considering listening to you all and giving her the hook soon. the only thing stopping me is her phone calls. she will call me during the day just to say hi and stuff. she seems like she is interested in a relationship on the phone. maybe she just gets nervous in person??????

 

[IDMeansNothing]

IL = Interest Level.

Well another thought might be that she really digs you, is a virgin, doesn't know how to get past it, wants to fVck but can only work up the nerve when she's drunk, but has up anti-slut defenses during the day, etc.

Go for the gold. For the next "date" do the club thing. Whatever it takes to recreate the previous scenario where you were making out. Make sure you are exlusive for the night and go for the whole deal - complete penetration. If you don't you will continue to post your confusion. If you do, you will definitely come (no pun inteneded) away knowing exactly where you stand. Then what to do will be up to you, and should be completely clear.

Always make sure you have done all you can do, but draw the line at being pathetic. If you know you have exercised all your options, you can walk away with heart, brain, and conscience intact.

In this case, going for the sex is the next logical step after making out. If you can get the club date, then take it all the away.