Girl IOI's a lot but pulled away from kiss

[rushing dude 123]

Hey guys, I just wanted a confirmation on the reason why this girl didn't give the go ahead for the kiss close. Ok let me give you some background on this, I have known this chick for like 6 months from my university and we are always quite playful (touching) and flirting. When ever we are together she always is very close to me and it feels as if her leg is intentionally pressed on mine as well as her body whilst we are walking, she walks very close. A lot of other people in university notice it as well and think we like eachother. it's however hard to get alone time with her because she is always with her friends.

I finished university today and I was going to get on the bus and she asked if she could come with me around my area and hang out for a lil while seeing shes meeting a friend at 7. I said kool, we got down there still very playful got something to eat and played pool. I have my arm around her, smacking her ass several times when she starts acting bratty (she seems to like it) and whilst we are eating shes trying to put mayonaise from her food on my face and i did the same to her. We got close then I went for the kiss close and she pulled away from me, I was shocked...and so shocked it effected my kool as well. She acted like nothing happened but kept the flirting up and she could see something was up as I was trying to comprehend how this chick has given me signals for 6 months and it was a no go.

After this I said "lets go you need to meet your friend" she kind of protested and wanted to stay for longer. We got to the station and she stood looking at me has we got at the ticket barrier like she was waiting for something. I was thinking of going for the close again, but i didn't feel like getting fooled twice in one day. She then said arn't u going to at least going to give me a hug and I just said "why do you need a hug from me lol, i think your tube is about to come btw". She then just went throught ticket barriers and waved goodbye.

I am guessing a. she likes my attention and she still wants me to give it playing this cat and mice game at university.

B. She wanted me to chase her a bit more and if I would of went for the second kiss close I would of probs got it

I can see some things you guys are going to critisize me on, but I just wanted another view on the situation and what you think would be the most ideal choice of action now.

This is pretty much the first time I have ever pissed in my own pool and the results didn't turn too good lol.

 

[doomhammer1212]

Which kiss close technique did you use? If you just went for it maybe you caught her off guard. Then again maybe she is just an attention *****?

 

[rushing dude 123]

We were kind of fighting over the cue and, I just went for it, I got to admit it was kind of sudden and it wasn't the perfect moment. I think that seeing me and her have known eachother so long, it shouldn't of mattered so much. So I don't think I caught her too off guard. Because I am guessing if a girl you liked kissed you, you wouldn't push away because it was too sudden.

I was thinking attention ***** as well, but she only seems to show this kind of affection towards me and not any other guys. She openly shows many IOI's to me on a daily basis, so I wouldn't exactly say I am chasing her seeing she comes to me a lot.

Then again, if she wasn't looking for attention and wanted to spend time for me, why was the kiss a no go. Unless she wasn't 100% sure it was a good idea to go with someone in the uni (which was why i didn't make a move sooner).

I am not really sure, U guys got any ideas how I can find out next time i see her? I was thinking instead of going for a kiss, Ill just progress my kino (a bit more sexual) and trying some other things and see if it is an all go or a no go.

 

[Igetit!]

Hey guys, I just wanted a confirmation on the reason why this girl didn't give the go ahead for the kiss close. Ok let me give you some background on this, I have known this chick for like 6 months from my university and we are always quite playful (touching) and flirting.

SIX MONTHS????


So have you just known her for 6 months ONLY,or has all this "touching and flirting" been going on for that long? Because if it's the latter,then her pulling back from your kiss attempt shouldn't be that much of a surprise.


This "appears" to be a simple case of friendzone. I said "appears"...."appears".

When ever we are together she always is very close to me and it feels as if her leg is intentionally pressed on mine as well as her body whilst we are walking, she walks very close.

Again,has all this closeness and brushing up against you....has it been going on for the entire time you've known her,or at least for 4 to 5 months out of the 6 you've known her?


You seem to have some interest in her that may be beyond just a one-time sexual encounter. Therefore....

Have you asked her out? I mean it's been 6 months,so has any discussion of a possible date been brought up by you?

A lot of other people in university notice it as well and think we like eachother.

Well that's what they think,and the fact that you've seemed to have invested some time in her shows what you think,but what about HER? What does she think?


Her pulling back from kissing you only shows that at least for NOW,she's not willing to do so,but it doesn't tell why. The only way I can think of finding out the reason would be from you CLEARLY making your interest known.



The second you do that,you'll clearly know why she pulled back.

I finished university today and I was going to get on the bus and she asked if she could come with me around my area and hang out for a lil while seeing shes meeting a friend at 7. I said kool, we got down there still very playful got something to eat and played pool. I have my arm around her, smacking her ass several times when she starts acting bratty (she seems to like it) and whilst we are eating shes trying to put mayonaise from her food on my face and i did the same to her.

Uh oh. My "spider sense" went off after reading this.

All this stuff you just described here seems like RELATIONSHIP type things. It's stuff that would go on between a BOYFRIEND and his GIRLFRIEND.


So if all that's going on WITHOUT ANYTHING SEXUAL happening between you two......well.....it LOOKS LIKE she may be using you as a surrogate boyfriend. It's like all the "companionship" type things she does with you,while keeping the sexual stuff either.....


1:For another guy/a possible boyfriend who's a LDR,or...
2:She has no other boyfriend,but she's keeping the sexual stuff from you because she's not interested in dating you. It's like there's no attraction,but she enjoys your company.

We got close then I went for the kiss close and she pulled away from me, I was shocked...and so shocked it effected my kool as well. She acted like nothing happened but kept the flirting up and she could see something was up as I was trying to comprehend how this chick has given me signals for 6 months and it was a no go.

Ok,you see the part I enlarged and enboldened....how can that be?


Six months? You say she's been giving you signals for six months? Let's say that's true. If so,why did you wait HALF A YEAR to try to kiss her?


And if you have yet to ask her out,after getting 6 months of signals from her,uhh...why?

I can see some things you guys are going to critisize me on, but I just wanted another view on the situation and what you think would be the most ideal choice of action now.

I say ask her out. I mean,hey,you two spend all this time together anyway,right? You said that everyone on campus already thinks you two like each other. Then ask her out. If she says yes,then at SOME POINT on the date,I'd try to kiss her again. If she pulls back,then she'd be out the door as far as a potential romantic interest imo.

 

[Fantastic Mr. Fox]

I think maybe when you went for that first kiss you misjudged your timing and were thrown off by her withdrawal. Keep her interest level high and strike when the iron's hot.

She could also be one of those b*tches that likes to have a guy chase after her, yet never give in to his advances because it's more fun for her (and better for stroking her own ego) when the guy squirms in helplessness.

Keep advancing. Ask her out. Do some kino. But be wary, keep her at a bit of a distance. Next time you kiss close, time the situation well, don't just go for it out of nowhere or catch her off guard or else you'll come across as needy and desperate. The best situation is when you can see she wants it and you yield to HER, not the other way around. Stay in control.

And if she turns out to be an attention ***** or a cuddle slut, cut your losses and hit the NEXT button.

 

[PapiChulo]

Its typical for college chicks.she is both - an AW and a cuddle slut, and that pus$y is reserved for someone else. This happens to me way too often. Keep your distance now. Also there should be a story to that going back 6 months. Tell us how this whole thing started out. She might be seeing somebody and you simply don't know.

 

[Fantastic Mr. Fox]

PapiChulo is right. If you don't keep your distance she'll start to devalue you, if she hasn't already. You need to take the position of "you've got me interested, now give me a good reason to stick around."

That said, still ask her out, if only for reconnaissance. You may be surprised at how many opportunities she might throw at you.

 

[r0cky]

I've had a lot of girls pull away. I dont see why this would be a problem, just try again.

 

[ArcBound]

Igetit! always posts the best advice.

I'm going to give a little analogy as to what IOI's from a girl means. Have you ever been with a girl shopping? Like any girl, your sister, mom, cousin, girlfriend whatever... You notice they go through a million different clothing articles going "ooo" and "aahhh" "this is so pretty" "i want that" and then they come out of the store without buying anything. That's how reliable an IOI from a girl is. She could give you a million IOI in the world and it could mean jack sh!t. Only way to do is to ask out. That's the only IOI you ever need. "Yes".

 

[rushing dude 123]

SIX MONTHS????


So have you just known her for 6 months ONLY,or has all this "touching and flirting" been going on for that long? Because if it's the latter,then her pulling back from your kiss attempt shouldn't be that much of a surprise.


This "appears" to be a simple case of friendzone. I said "appears"...."appears".




Again,has all this closeness and brushing up against you....has it been going on for the entire time you've known her,or at least for 4 to 5 months out of the 6 you've known her?


You seem to have some interest in her that may be beyond just a one-time sexual encounter. Therefore....

Have you asked her out? I mean it's been 6 months,so has any discussion of a possible date been brought up by you?


Well that's what they think,and the fact that you've seemed to have invested some time in her shows what you think,but what about HER? What does she think?


Her pulling back from kissing you only shows that at least for NOW,she's not willing to do so,but it doesn't tell why. The only way I can think of finding out the reason would be from you CLEARLY making your interest known.



The second you do that,you'll clearly know why she pulled back.




Uh oh. My "spider sense" went off after reading this.

All this stuff you just described here seems like RELATIONSHIP type things. It's stuff that would go on between a BOYFRIEND and his GIRLFRIEND.


So if all that's going on WITHOUT ANYTHING SEXUAL happening between you two......well.....it LOOKS LIKE she may be using you as a surrogate boyfriend. It's like all the "companionship" type things she does with you,while keeping the sexual stuff either.....


1:For another guy/a possible boyfriend who's a LDR,or...
2:She has no other boyfriend,but she's keeping the sexual stuff from you because she's not interested in dating you. It's like there's no attraction,but she enjoys your company.





Ok,you see the part I enlarged and enboldened....how can that be?


Six months? You say she's been giving you signals for six months? Let's say that's true. If so,why did you wait HALF A YEAR to try to kiss her?


And if you have yet to ask her out,after getting 6 months of signals from her,uhh...why?









I say ask her out. I mean,hey,you two spend all this time together anyway,right? You said that everyone on campus already thinks you two like each other. Then ask her out. If she says yes,then at SOME POINT on the date,I'd try to kiss her again. If she pulls back,then she'd be out the door as far as a potential romantic interest imo.

Hey thanks for responding in such detail I GET IT. Firstly the reason I didn't go for the kill a long time ago is because I didn't think it was a good idea to work on this girl because I didn't think it was a good idea to work within my own classes in the university and plus I already had enough on my hands at the time. However seeing now we have gotten this close just naturally I thought I might as well just see how it goes.

I wouldn't say this is a friend zone, I think the whole her using me for her surrogate no strings attached boyfriend sounds to be up the right ally more. Hell maybe i was even using her for the same thing at one time. The thing about the sexualness is that i think she is quite sexual, she has pushed me away with that kiss, but when I squeezed her ass and bring her real close so her butt is leaning on my crotch, there is no resistance at all she was completly comfortable with it. I think if I took this down a more sexual route it would of went better, but a kiss is quite personal.

As for potential dates, she actually brought it up today as we were walking she was asking kinda joking asking if I would take her out sometime and I just said "well if you do well in your exams and make it to the next year I'll take you out" and she just replied "thats too long because you're going america for 3 months".

^You know what from reading what I am typing to you, I have realised I have been trying to play it too kool and safe. I should of just said "well what are you doing saturday" **** i am such an idiot. How the hell could I make such amateur mistakes.

Every single time she has laid it all out on a plate for me I play it safe.

I think after this I will just go in next time and be the same as I usually am and if she comes over and the vibe is still the same I'll just ask her out. if she starts acting weird, I'll just next her.

I am a bit new to this whole working with-in close social circles, so thats probably why i was proceeding with way too much caution than was needed.

 

[PapiChulo]

Yeah, be bold. This whole sexual thing sounds like JFS, just-friends-spooning, and you should be able to push it further. The only reason she refuses the kiss with you is that it is foreplay. Ha ha. I would say that you are a bit more than friends, doing all the gf/bf stuff, but not dating. She is the one winning in this "relationship".

 

[rushing dude 123]

Fantastic Mr Fox: I think at the time your right I gave into my desperation for the kiss and just tried to make it happen, rather than feel it out. I will be the same with her, but I will withdraw a bit and give my attention to other girls in the university. I am not sure what she is, but I have a feeling I am going to find out next time I see her next.

Papichulo: To be honest I don't know when it started, we probs talked and there was some IOIs for the first four months. Then when valentines day was coming (she had bf at time, so i didn't take it has a invitation), she kept asking me what I was doing and from then the IOI's have been pretty heavy and she always comes to sit next to me in classes and was over touchy. I think then she broke up with her bf about 3 weeks after and they got even more heavy.

Rocky: Yeah well I have gone out with girls gone for a kiss failed, gone again and succeded, this could be a simple...try again situation and dosn't need to be overcomplicated. I think that is going to be the more likely solution as long as i keep my kool.

ArcBound: Agreed I'll keep it simple next time and ask the chick out straight.


Guys don't think I am all over this girl, I don't see her as a future prospect but just maybe a quick thing. So it dosn't really matter what she is or if i succeed or fail. I just thought I did something wrong and I thought u guys could enlighten me and make me see straight again. So next time if i meet another girl and I am in the same situation I know how to handle it.

There is a real lot of nice girls in my university that have a lot of potential, I know I am pretty strict with the whole don't pee in your own pool thing, but I think it's time i stop playing it completly safe with social circles and take a few risks. The main reason I went for that kiss is because I didn't want to be safe anymore I wanted to take a risk.

 

[doomhammer1212]

Have you considered the possibility that you may be further along than you think, and this is actually her point of last minute resistance? The girl I'm dating now has told me she finds kissing to be more intimate than sex. If she gives that to you again, try the classic Mystery Freeze out technique?

It sounds like she is into you if she basically asked you out on a date. I wouldn't wait too much longer to go out with her if you want anything at all to happen though, whenever I do that, they seem to get discouraged and move on to someone else.

 

[rushing dude 123]

I went in today, I felt a slight bit of awkwardness as she looked at me when she came in, but after I just played it like nothing was wrong and acted the same and she still seems to be acting the flirty way she did before. I however went my own way after that and gave a bit of space as i needed to do something in the library.

I think it was a case of just try again and I don't think shes attention whoring. I think I have given her too much attention though anyway and lost a lot of value playing this surrogate bf, so I am going to spread my attention to the other girls and just treat her as a normal everday girl. i'll ask her out when i speak to her though.

 

[PapiChulo]

Do this and let us know how it went regardless of the outcome. I am subscribing the tread.

 

[Credos]

I finished university today and I was going to get on the bus and she asked if she could come with me around my area and hang out for a lil while seeing shes meeting a friend at 7. I said kool, we got down there still very playful got something to eat and played pool. I have my arm around her, smacking her ass several times when she starts acting bratty (she seems to like it) and whilst we are eating shes trying to put mayonaise from her food on my face and i did the same to her. We got close then I went for the kiss close and she pulled away from me, I was shocked...and so shocked it effected my kool as well. She acted like nothing happened but kept the flirting up and she could see something was up as I was trying to comprehend how this chick has given me signals for 6 months and it was a no go.

Man... How could you fail this sh*t test :kick:

Let me tell you the story of how it went down with me and screamergirl from my journal. (it's already in there in short, she gave me the same sh*ttest - the trick is KEEPING your cool!!)

We ended up at her place watching tv. I tried to kiss her but she rejected me. I went 80% and told her the other 20% is up to her. She replied: "so what do you do when you get rejected." I just said: "it happens but I don't worry to much about it." and thus didn't make out that moment.

The night goes on and even her parents pass by. They leave and then it happened, she comes sitting on me. We talk some more and next thing I know we're making out. She ended up giving me head inspite of being injured in her back (from skiing).

(rest of story: f-closed, dated some more, I showed to much intrest and thus lost her intrest... Lesson learned again, I love it when you don't stick to the rules, "the game" slaps you back in the face. Getting my sh*t togheter now :rockon: )



My advice: act as if nothing happened, keep dating, try again and don't lose your cool.
Sounds like you got yourself a dramaqueen though, like my screamergirl. The ones who use these kind of sh*t tests alwayse are AW or dramaqueens.

 

[rushing dude 123]

Thought I would give an update on the situation here considering some people wanted to know what the outcome would be, I think it was kind of what you said credos, just being unreactive and keeping the vibe going. I saw her again this day and I just acted how I would normally act, but not giving my time sparingly. After uni was finished and her friend left, she stayed behind and was supposably going to get some extra help and then when i left she decided she didn't need it.

We got talking (got her number too, because she wanted me to personally invite her on phone with some event with other people in uni) and I asked if she wanted to get something to eat and she said yes. From that point I realised if a girl wants to give herself to a girl she will find a way to make it happen.

Anyway shes round my area again and we are getting something to eat, we are messing around again and play fighting and i am sticking stuff down her top trying to increase her cup size haha. Well anyway walk back to train station and I am holding onto her hand we get back to train station and i am holding her pretty close and her body is leaned into mine and i am squeezing and holding her ass pretty hard and shes kool with it. I then start rubbing her neck and she asks what i am doing and i then just give it a massage and i can see shes looking down liking it, we are very close to eachother kissing distance so I go for a kiss and she holds her lips but dosn't move away so she dosn't fully initiate it.

Then she says "Hey u kissed me, say sorry ur not allowed to do that" (in a joking way she even spells s o r r y out for me" and i just reply with a ...."N..O...." I hold her hand and say lets walk up the lake for 10 minutes and she agrees. We get to the lake and i have my arms on her waist and I think we get talking and the convo somehow turns into me saying (idk how)

RD: I bet u don't taste nice
HB: I taste lovely thank you very much
(I hold the back of her neck and bite the side of her neck and kiss it softly after)
RD: hmmmm maybe the left side isn't that nice, ill have to try the right side
(she shifts her hair to the other side and then i bite her right side)
HB: haha well they both taste nice actually
(Then i give it a hard bite and she lets out a little moan and holds onto my arm as i suck on it)
RD: haha no the right side is definetly better
HB: That must be my bad side

We keep talking and she is talking about other days in the week she can annoy me after uni and i just say "lets see" and head off because I needed to go swimming.

I like her, but I don't know I don't think she is the right fit for me, I am sure we will have fun, but I find it very hard to see any future with her considering the way she acts sometimes. I am kind of falling for this other girl I am going out with and i am dating others that I am going to end it as friends soon, so I don't know if it's a good idea for me to start something new. I'll just follow my gutt and see what it tells me is the right thing to do.

 

[rushing dude 123]

To be honest guys this situation just called for a "try again" approach. It was actually kind of stupid for me to ask u guys, shes just a normal chick like all the others I date, despite being in my social circle.

It was actually stupid for me to ask u guys on this, I probs had no other girl give me such obvious IOI's over a long period of time...it's just common sense. I just think a kiss can be quite personal for some people in social circles it can be more of a "relationship theme", so sometimes u just skip the first base and go straight to second.

 

[Jeffst1980]

You played it right.

The "try again" approach is actually pretty fruitful if used on a girl that is clearly attracted to you but still pushes you away.

A girl dodging a kiss isn't really a rejection unless she gives clear signals that she isn't interested in you. Really, just sitting next to her and observing simple body language cues is all you have to do to gauge her interest- if she's sitting beside you and her leg is up against yours, it's on. If she's turned slightly away from you and avoiding eye contact, it's not. Kino can and should be used to generate sexual tension, but I find it's also a very reliable gauge of attraction--an uninterested woman simply WON'T let you kino escalate.