Girl I'm into suspects I'm a player & cancelled our date

[backbreaker]

This is one of those instances where playing the game can back-fire. This stuff works wonders on the easy / dumb women, but not so much on the good ones. They get turned off right away; aren't interested in players, drama, or games; are constantly on the look out for spoiled beans; and tell you to take a hike once those gut feelings emerge. They have no interest in this lifestyle. The crazies and immature ones just ***** about it, and claim to hate it, but keep coming back for more - and live it themselves.

I once dated a good girl who told me she doesn't like players, *******s, games, drama, etc. Being that everyone I dated prior was a blithering idiot who said the exact same things, and claimed to be looking for a good guy - I took no heed unto these words, and proceeded as always. She told me I was a player and played games, and broke it off. Never came back; only seldomly contacted me afterwards.

If you're involved in the game, and its part of your lifestyle - its not gonna work on good women. But since there's so many trashy ones out there, you are more successful. Quality over quantity, I suppose. You can't really switch it up or hide it if you live a player lifestyle. It's always gonna back-fire.

It is what it is.

spinning plates never backfires. what you call backfiring i call weeding out low self esteem immature self rightous women

BTW none of what you posted is remotely accurate lol. all women want the best man they can get.

when i met my now wife, she asked me was i seeing any other women, i and i told point blank without hesitating not seriously but i had other female friends/plates. I never threw it in her face but i never stopped seeing other women either. she hadn't given me a reason to. did she like it? of course not. but she stuck it out and proved to me why i should not see other women. she's now my wife.

 

[st_99]

She's text me again since and told me to delete her number. I suppose the reaction shows she cares, but she's just trying to bait me into dramatics. I've no intention of replying to her unless she starts acting mature, but regardless, I've definitely ruled her out as relationship material now.

LOL, this just shows how if a girl is acting 'strange' or 'over the top' in the begininng, its no accident or fluke. Telling you to delete her number?? Haha, who does that?

 

[The_411]

She's a nut job. No reason to suggest you delete her number especially since you haven't done anything offensive.

As for the "player test" you can go a few different ways.

For example,

Why yes I am a player I game so many women I run out of time to even eat. (sacrastic hyperbole)

I was hoping to go out with a bang one last time before joining the monastery (diffusing humor)

You've caught me red handed I'm Don Juan Demarco I bring women great pleasure (with a good accent this is even better).

Oh this player thing is just an act to cover up for my insecurities. (Humor under the guise of truth)

Ultimately as indicated you can't change a woman's mind but you can distract her and build rapport through humor. Humor offers ridicule to defenses and suggests that you both know that such labels are ridiculous.

If she still doen't bite she will not remember you with acidity but that you were gracious in defeat and you have charisma.

Sometimes the woman is just nuts, and cutting your losses is best way to go.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Absolutely true! She's a really attractive girl so I bet she gets lots of attention and I bet she loves it. I don't even know what she expects me to do...delete any friends who like my photos or post on my wall? Remove my photos so I don't get any attention. It's quite ridiculous really.

Chicks an insecure control freak.

It's fine for 'princess' to have all these dudes fawning over her.

But she can't have a guy who has chicks after him. Hilarious.

The best way to go about it is to treat their nonsense with nonsense and humor like another poster suggested. Piss them off in a humorous way to let them know nothing bothers you and keep it moving. Some will bite right away. Others may come back for some potential plate action. Otherwise you aren't responsible for some attention seeking control freaks insecurity.

 

[bigneil]

"don't add chicks you're trying to bang on FB."

Agreed.

It's she's either a FB or a FB friend, but not both.

That said, girls hardly ever dump a guy who THEY think is a player, but one who thinks HE'S a player (or they use that as an excuse). If he's really a player he doesn't write about her on here, he's got 3 other girls.

 

[n00bPimp]

Well you're 34 years old man. Its highly likely that you came accross as the provider type / mature man at first and that was what she was looking for.

You're best bet would be to reassure of your maturity in some manner. for example explaining yourself and the nature of those FB comments, and telling her that you really thought there was some chemistry with her. Also point out her immaturity by making such a decision without at least trying to communicate the issue to you first.

Try to show her you do have the qualities of a non-player/ mature guy. Unless you don't want a relationship like that.

 

[zekko]

spinning plates never backfires. what you call backfiring i call weeding out low self esteem immature self rightous women.

There's a potential difference between spinning plates and the perception that you are a player, however. A woman can't fault a guy for spinning plates. If he hasn't met that "special someone", what else is he supposed to do? A player on the other hand, is more someone who is dishonest about his interest in women, and manipulates them into having sex.

Some women are seeking commitment, and a guy spinning plates may be open to the idea if he meets the right girl, whereas a player might not be.
Many women are attracted to players, but they tend to be the trashy type. Would you seriously settle down with a girl who liked to chase players?

 

[backbreaker]

while i understand that, my interpretation is hat he did not mislead her, she is just labeling him a player because he is not interested in doing what she wants him to do.

it's one thing if i told every woman that all i wanted to do is be with them and **** like that but if i am saying "yeah i'm fvcking other women, so what".. playing has to do with misleading a woman, not being interested in more than 1 woman.

 

[Jariel]

while i understand that, my interpretation is hat he did not mislead her, she is just labeling him a player because he is not interested in doing what she wants him to do.

That's absolutely true. Some people have suggested I reassure her and show her I'm not a player, but I've been absolutely genuine with her since we got talking. She just jumped to the conclusion I'm a player and used that as a reason to cancel our date.

So in the end I thought why the fvck should I defend myself and reassure her when I've done nothing wrong?

I simply told her I'm not a player and I'm not dating the girls who posted on my wall and that wasn't good enough for her. The last straw, however was when she said "maybe we can meet tomorrow and if we get on you could come over to my place and watch a movie". I replied, "ok babe, that sounds cool. Wanna meet the same time and place we planned?" and her response was "But I'm still not sure..." That's when I realised she was playing games and decided to call it quits.

I can accept a girl may have insecurities and some apprehensions about dating a guy who is popular with women. That's not a problem to me, but this girl was just attention seeking and I don't have the patience for it.

Within a few hours I arranged a date with someone else.

 

[backbreaker]

That's absolutely true. Some people have suggested I reassure her and show her I'm not a player, but I've been absolutely genuine with her since we got talking. She just jumped to the conclusion I'm a player and used that as a reason to cancel our date.

So in the end I thought why the fvck should I defend myself and reassure her when I've done nothing wrong?

I simply told her I'm not a player and I'm not dating the girls who posted on my wall and that wasn't good enough for her. The last straw, however was when she said "maybe we can meet tomorrow and if we get on you could come over to my place and watch a movie". I replied, "ok babe, that sounds cool. Wanna meet the same time and place we planned?" and her response was "But I'm still not sure..." That's when I realised she was playing games and decided to call it quits.

I can accept a girl may have insecurities and some apprehensions about dating a guy who is popular with women. That's not a problem to me, but this girl was just attention seeking and I don't have the patience for it.

Within a few hours I arranged a date with someone else.

again, plate spinning is like the litumus test for women. it weeds the weak ones out rather quickly

this has nothin to do wiht you being a player. my father is a player. my father, lies to women, tells women he's goin tleave his wife just to fvck and has no intention to, says hwatever he has to say to get into a womans pants as long as possible.

it has nothin to do with him fvcking more than one woman. well he is married so yes it does but you get the point.

when i was single, i mean i wouldn't brag about it but if a woman asked where i was, i wouldn't lie. i was over such and such house in a very factual manner. most women do not like this, not because it is wrong but because it ups the ante and she knows she cannot play your **** strings because you have other options for sex. it takes the frame right from under them. now she has to actually show hs ie worth your time.

if a woman has a problem with that approach, f her. the game is the game. yeah millie would get pissy if she KNEW i was over another girls house, and she would threaten to leave, threaten not to call me back, but all that was just because she wanted me to commit. but she never left.


There are some truisms when it comes to women. a NORMAL woman, wants her man to be wanted by other women. she might not like the idea of you fvcking other women, but she likes the fact that you are desirable.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

I would've said, "You're free to think that. blah blah blah Well, have a good one."

And that's it. You never sanction her bs (or "enter her frame") by defending yourself against her bs, or by giving it the credence of an intellectual argument. When I hear this one I just kinda say "huh that's interesting" and keep on moving.

 

[cordoncordon]

This woman is bringing nothing positive to your life at all. In fact she is trying to actually change how you live your life with her innuendo's.

Therefore...eliminate her from your life and stop thinking about her.

Next.

 

[backbreaker]

rollo talks about this alot. the double standard in dating

perfect example when i met my now wife, i had 2 other solid plates and some wanna be plates. i was in a very good rotation. she hated the fact i was sleeping with other women


on the other hand, the irl had more oribters than jupiter has moons. guys calling all the time wantin to take her out to eat. she would call me and if i was busy she had no problem havin some guy take her out on her dime and listen to her ***** about how i am not playing fair. guys would buy her ****.. i mean she's not a gold diger, seriously, but at the same time she didn't necessarily discoruage them either. she did what women do to uys she is'nt attracted to.. kept them around but didnt' give up anything.

yet sees no problem with this at all because in her eyes 'it's not like that with them'.

it's the same damn thing. i have women interested in me and i'm a player no ood do. women have men interested in them and they are just being prudent and making the best decision possible

 

[floydb25]

spinning plates never backfires. what you call backfiring i call weeding out low self esteem immature self rightous women

BTW none of what you posted is remotely accurate lol. all women want the best man they can get.

There's a difference between being a man who's sought after and in-demand, and someone who's a player. Girls know when other girls like you; usually because their friends comment on you. Or, they see other girls checking you out. And let's face it: if she finds you attractive - others probably do as well. Many of them follow the crowd, and go after who everyone else wants. This doesn't mean they want you to date other people. Most players are successful because the girls (or guys) don't know they are players. They lie about it; say they're just friends; make them feel like the only one for them; etc. They don't brag.

It's not being a player that's attractive - its having standards, options, and not settling. Most importantly, not being desperate or needy. Players just so happen to have these traits. They also present a challenge - since they're not focusing on just one person. Of course, the person being played doesn't know this - because they're being lied to. As well, the fact that other girls want them is a huge attraction switch.

Not many people are genuinely interested in dating a player. They just don't know they are one. Players are smooth and know the game; they lie constantly, and pretend to be good, honest people. Almost all of my friends are players, and I was one for a time, and even dated a bunch of them, so I know how they operate. Nobody wants to get caught; therefore, they don't tell or show.

 

[backbreaker]

There's a difference between being a man who's sought after and in-demand, and someone who's a player. Girls know when other girls like you; usually because their friends comment on you. Or, they see other girls checking you out. And let's face it: if she finds you attractive - others probably do as well. Many of them follow the crowd, and go after who everyone else wants. This doesn't mean they want you to date other people. Most players are successful because the girls (or guys) don't know they are players. They lie about it; say they're just friends; make them feel like the only one for them; etc. They don't brag.

It's not being a player that's attractive - its having standards, options, and not settling. Most importantly, not being desperate or needy. Players just so happen to have these traits. They also present a challenge - since they're not focusing on just one person. Of course, the person being played doesn't know this - because they're being lied to. As well, the fact that other girls want them is a huge attraction switch.

Not many people are genuinely interested in dating a player. They just don't know they are one. Players are smooth and know the game; they lie constantly, and pretend to be good, honest people. Almost all of my friends are players, and I was one for a time, and even dated a bunch of them, so I know how they operate. Nobody wants to get caught; therefore, they don't tell or show.

you are missing the big picture. he isn't a player. she called him one to shame him. just becuase a woman calls you a player don'st mean you actually are one.

 

[floydb25]

you are missing the big picture. he isn't a player. she called him one to shame him. just becuase a woman calls you a player don'st mean you actually are one.

I was going off-track... Not commenting on the thread, but what you said earlier in response to mine. Namely that it was "all wrong". A rebuttal was necessary.

 

[floydb25]

OP: You did the right thing. You never want to put yourself in a position where you are reassuring someone, proving your worth or trustworthiness, living up to their standards, etc. This is how you become the chaser, make them the prize, give them the control, etc. Some girls (ie, players) purposely lure you into this, as its part of their game. This happens right away. They pull some BS in the beginning to make people chase them - usually as it relates to so-called trust issues. The only real issues are their own control issues.

Don't put your trust into people so easily. Never assume that someone is being genuine, and won't abuse their power. Always assume that they have ulterior motives, are trying to gain the upper-hand, and are only looking out for themselves. Don't fall for stuff like this. If she is hot, especially, she's probably a game-player. That's all I see this girl doing - trying to connive you into BS. Cynical, maybe, but smart and safe.

Don't make it all about her - you don't know if you can trust HER, either. She's not the only one with trust issues, or whatever. She could very well be trying to manipulate you; is a player, has double standards, etc. You don't have to prove anything to her. This is how they gain the upper-hand - by focusing on everyone else, and making sure they live up to THEIR standards. As well as by playing the victim, and other nonsense to make it all about them, and having people prove their worth to them. Now, they are the prize.

The best thing to do is to not care. Don't chase, or get lured into doing so. Don't feel not good enough, or needing to prove anything to assure her. She's not worth it; you don't know anything about her. She could very well be lying, and trying to pull a quick one. Possibly playing off your insecurities, seeing if you'll take the bait. If nothing else - she is definitely a control freak. Don't give it to her. She will not be reasonable with it. Power corrupts. Always.

 

[Jariel]

OP: You did the right thing. You never want to put yourself in a position where you are reassuring someone, proving your worth or trustworthiness, living up to their standards, etc. This is how you become the chaser, make them the prize, give them the control, etc. Some girls (ie, players) purposely lure you into this, as its part of their game. This happens right away. They pull some BS in the beginning to make people chase them - usually as it relates to so-called trust issues. The only real issues are their own control issues.

I think you're spot on here, but I've been blind to it for most of my life. It seems so many women are worried about me messing them around or playing them and have insecurities about being with me. But almost every time I've ended up falling into that trap of giving them control and trying to prove that they're the only one for me.

The one main exception I remember is my girlfriend of 5 years. I kept her on her toes a lot and let her feel jealous and insecure from time to time. The fact that we were together for 5 years while the girls I reassure disappear within days or weeks speaks volumes.

I think this latest girl has been quite a good lesson really.

 

[floydb25]

That's where I got burned back in the day, too. I think the main thing is that what they think they want isn't what they respond to. This goes back to the whole becoming a nice guy because you assume its what they want - based on their claims. But, as soon as you give in, and start doing all these things - they lose interest. It doesn't attract them.

Some girls are just bad news, though. These are the ones you have to watch for, and make sure you don't get fooled by their BS games. You can't assume someone isn't bad or unfair until they prove otherwise. They want all the control, and don't care what it takes to get it. They are never fair or reasonable with it, either. So, you end up proving your worth, showing that you're genuine, won't cheat, etc - while they are doing the exact opposite. That's because they have the control, and take advantage of it. They only hate when people control or play THEM, or go against their interests. Give them the control, and they'll pull the exact same crap on you. They'll mess with your head, make you jump through hoops, ditch you in a heartbeat, string you along, use you, make demands and threats... All the stuff they ***** about happening to them. Never trust anyone is going to be fair. They just want to make THEY don't get hurt, and aren't controlled or played.

People are generally only looking out for themselves. Nobody is as innocent as they want you to believe. When someone is trying to protect themselves from being hurt - they typically achieve this by hurting everyone else. Entitlement is also pretty huge among these types. Since they were hurt, or whatever - they feel owed to all this nonsense, and everyone has to prove their genuinity, kindness, and faithfulness to THEM - while they hold all the cards, treat people like crap, etc. Garbage.

A genuinely decent person isn't interested in this stuff. That's because these so-called victims aren't victims at all. Nor are they nice girls finishing last. A nice girl doesn't need scientific evidence that someone is being faithful. That's not why these so-called nice girls pull this crap... They are manipulative. They want the control, and won't stop manipulating you to get it - all while mascarading around as selfless nice girl victims. This is what bad people do. These people are the most selfish around.

Never assume someone is good or genuine until finding out the facts after a period of time. Don't get caught up in the chase and challenge, or become blinded to what's going on. No matter what, don't give in or make it all about them. They are probably self-absorbed and all about themselves, anyway. Otherwise they wouldn't keep hampering on about their interests, throwing ****-fits, acting like spoiled, bratty children who cause a scene whenever they don't get their way, etc. Always gotta weed through the fluff, read between the lines, focus on the facts, don't analyze the details, and pay attention to who the person IS. Like the fact that this girl is insecure, controlling, and immature.

 

[loveshogun]

She told me it's because she's convinced I'm a player.

Prove her right by not calling her back and moving on with your life.

Also, your idea of "refreshing" is a bit disquieting for my taste. I never think of skittish, flaky prudes as "refreshing."

Smart, strong women with a healthy streak of femininity (caring about how they present themselves in appearance, action, and word) - THOSE are refreshing.