Girl I'm in love with treats me like trash...

[Fanglin]

So I've had this thing for a girl for the past few years. She was both beautiful and funny and I sort of developed this crush on her. She gave me her number 3 yrs ago when she asked me to help her in one of our projects. We became good friends after that, but I fell more and more in love with her.

I noticed however that although we worked on a lot of projects together (and she would even cook meals for me on a number of occasions), we never hung out outside of work. I lack the confidence to ask her out, so I never did. Then she called me her best friend (friendzone I think). Nevertheless, I was so into her that I hoped that she may develop feelings for me too.

Anyway, recently both of us were assigned to work on a major project by our company, along with two other lady colleagues. It was supposed to be a joint effort, but there was this time that they went out to do some work related stuff without telling me - as planned by the one who was supposed to be my friend. Then when we (the four of us) rented a room in a hotel to work on our project, she kept on dropping hints that she wanted me to leave in the evening, so I did.

Bottom line: I'm really hurting right now. I want to stay away from her. We still have several months for our project to be completed, but this is eating me up and it shows in my performance. Deep down, I'm still in love with her, but I as I said I don't want to work with her anymore, and I also don't wanna create drama or hurt her. So to the DJs out there, how should I proceed with this?

 

[fastlife]

How times a week are you going out and meeting new girls? (I think I know the answer--and I think you'll know what my answer'll be).

 

[DonDraper7]

Best friend you say? Yeah cemented friendzone buddy im sorry. You should have asked her out, you let fear get the best of you and this is the ultimate result.

So if i understood corectly they didn't invite you with them to that work related stuff? And what were those hints she dropped that she wanted you to leave? Give us a little more info to work here.

Turn completly cold, if you hurt her who cares? She hurt you obviosly with her actions, she didn't care. And i'd say you aren't even in love, probably just idoleased her too much and you turned that into false love.

 

[Fanglin]

Yeah you're right, I made the mistake of concentrating only on one girl these past few years. But right now, I'd really like to know how to back away ftom all this wothout hurting her and compromising our company project.

 

[Fanglin]

@DonDraper 7: what hints? Well such as when the other two girls wanted me to stay so that we could work throughout the night , but then she tells them that I was supposed to be leaving by nighttime since I had lots of work to do in the morning, etc..

 

[fastlife]

Yeah you're right, I made the mistake of concentrating only on one girl these past few years. But right now, I'd really like to know how to back away ftom all this wothout hurting her and compromising our company project.

You go out and meet new girls. Tonight. Tomorrow's Valentine's Day--promise you can meet someone. At that point, you'll be able to behave naturally.

But in order to hurt her, she'd have to be emotionally invested. She's not. So just man up and focus on work (don't tell me you can't do it); start treating her like you would any other girl at work--if she ever wants to hang out you're busy. At this point the only person you should be concerned about is you; you have to stop the bleeding.

 

[Desdinova]

Out of the thousands and thousands of women out there, this is the one girl who's right for you even though she treats you like garbage.

I used to have the "one girl" syndrome until I dated and fvcked many others. When you realize that you CAN get other women who treat you well, the "one girl" syndrome goes away. You realize if she treats you like shyt, there's others out there who WON'T treat you like shyt.

Start dating other women.

Read the DJ Bible.

 

[DonDraper7]

@DonDraper 7: what hints? Well such as when the other two girls wanted me to stay so that we could work throughout the night , but then she tells them that I was supposed to be leaving by nighttime since I had lots of work to do in the morning, etc..

I understand. Listen you need to do what @Desdinova said. Go read the DJ Bible, every article in there will help you. You have been stuck on this one girl for far too long. So she had some quality you liked, hell there are a buch of girls with same qualities that will actually like you and won't treat you like dirt.

Go out with some friends and meet new girls. Forget this one, you don't want to be with a girl who treats you like crap, she will only use and abuse you. There are better ones but first you must better yourself. Realise your own value and potential,improve yourself and go after girls that you deserve.

 

[Maximus Rex]

This thread is a perfect example of why their should be a minimum of posts should be made before a thread can be made. So what happened? She wanted you to leave so she could have three dudes run a train on her?

 

[zinc4]

OP....no way to sugar coat it.

You are acting pathetic. If you have any self respect you will ignore her altogether.

Not trying to make you feel bad, but its one girl who NEVER liked you.

Let that sink in. Have some self respect and view yourself better as her or at least try to pretend until you get there mentally.

She's just a pretty woman who's most likely had everything handed to her her entire life....had special treatment.... Used her looks to get what she wants.....reality is she will get old fat and ugly sooner than later....probably has massive stinky farts and cases of the runs....she ain't special man. Disgusting when u really think about it.

Freak her man.....

Women are weak and need to be led....she night not think you are above her so show yourself and her the way and drop her put of your life completely....she won't care if course...but do it for yourself.

 

[LiveFreeX]

You are Kraid bro

 

[RangerMIke]

What I'm going to type here is really going to help you but you have to believe EVERYTHING I am going to say.

It is almost a certainty that she knows EXACTLY how you feel about her, women always know, that is why you should never lie to them, they know how you feel and they know when you are authentic. Let that sink in.....

Okay, even though she knows how you feel about her she never came up to you and told you to move on. She's perfectly happy letting you suffer while she pretends that you are nothing but 'friends'.... women do not give a sh!t how men feel.... they only care about how you make them feel. Why is this... we'll it's simple, she knew you liked her and failed to act on your feeling. You were inauthentic and therefore she had no respect for you.

You need to get a little ticked off by this, not to the point where you do something stupid, but man.... getting ticked off is a good thing.... Many call this "Red Pill Rage" and it appears to be helpful. But don't get mad at her.... that's like getting mad a rain for making you wet... it is the way women are, just carry an umbrella or stay out of the rain....Once you have a true understanding about the true nature of women.... you can either use it to your advantage and get what you want, a DJ.... or you can just go MGTOW... either way, it's the only way you will truely be happy.

Forget this girl... it would be WAAAAAY too much work to get her at this point, if it were possible at all. But the next time you start getting feelings for a woman say this to yourself.

"I am a man... I am smarter, stronger, and more capable than she is. She needs me.... I don't need her. Left on her own she would fail. Men built civilization, if women were in charge we would still be living in grass huts praying to the Mud God, not to bury us in sh!t. I want to fvck her, but I do not NEED to fvck her.... I can live without sex, she can not exist without men. There is NOTHING special about this particular women, all women are pretty much the same. If I start liking her too much, it's because I do not have enough other women in my life to keep me occupied. Love is an illusion, created by a scarcity mindset which can ONLY be cured by banging more women."

 

[ERB]

Not sure if it was mentioned..... Don't date at work!!!!!!

 

[amazingswayze]

OP everyone here will agree you are extremely AFC.

1. You are stuck in the past

2. One-itis

3. You never made a move

4. You are obsessed with her

5. She has you by the balls

Let it be a learning experience. You will never get a girl with this type of mindset.

At least you know what not to do in the future.

As a rAFC myself, good luck.

 

[Igetit!]

OP....no way to sugar coat it.

You are acting pathetic.

Yeah.....fraid Zinc is right.

We all realize that you ended up in this situation most likely through being naive and ignorance,you made mistakes simply through not knowing or being aware of what to do......but you STILL made them and thus,STILL have to deal with the consequences and aftermath.

To put it quite simply....man...you Fvcked up......and right from the getgo. The first sentence of your first paragraph.....

"So I've had this thing for a girl for the past few years."

And the last sentence of that paragraph....

" We became "GOOD FRIENDS" after that , but I fell more and more in love with her." So you became "good friends" with a girl you never asked out,and with whom you hung around for 3 years.

Yeah,your goose was cooked a LONG time ago.

Dude....you did this to YOURSELF. If you had asked her out and she said no back 3 years ago when you first met,you'd STILL BE better off than you are now.

You say she's "treating you like trash". No she's not. She's treating you the way she is cause of you ACTING AND BEHAVING the way you are......which is pathetic,like Zinc said. Your vibe...your energy.....it's all CHUMP-NESS. That's what she's reacting to. SHE KNOWS you like her.........but your fear,weakness....your hesitation to make a move,it's a turn off. And after 3 YEARS of constant turn-off behavior.....of course her treatment of you is going to be anything but pleasent.

I mean the words in the title of this thread...."Girl I'm in love with..." you're acting like a won over/love-struck simf. You think she doesn't know?

What you need to do is for one,is LEAVE THIS GIRL ALONE. I mean far as dating-wise....not to run away from her and let your work suffer cause of your "hurt feelings". Act like a professional and do your work when around her,and treat her like a collegue....the same way you treat other co-workers.

You may not realize it or understand it......but this is more about YOU and growths and changes you need to make within YOURSELF than this chick. Her behavior,(while not pleasent) just shows and exposes weaknesses and deficiencies in yourself you need to take care of. I mean if you've been putting up with someone chick "treating you like trash" for three years,you're in no condition to be dating anyway.

 

[Fanglin]

Hey thanks for the constructive criticism guys! It's just that I rarely find girls that are my type (I know many girls who like me, but most of them aren't my type), and this one qualified with flying colours.

But yeah I'll just have to get over her, although that will be difficult considering that I see her everyday.

 

[logicallefty]

Hey thanks for the constructive criticism guys! It's just that I rarely find girls that are my type (I know many girls who like me, but most of them aren't my type), and this one qualified with flying colours.

But yeah I'll just have to get over her, although that will be difficult considering that I see her everyday.

First off, welcome to the forum. One thing I will add is something I have done in the past in similar situations for myself: temporarily date down if you have to for right now. Go out with girls you normally wouldn't, just to help take your mind off of this chick. Go out with some women you know you will never date long term. Just have some temporary fun. My "Beer Theory" is applicable, see this http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/think-of-women-as-beer.221281/ . And finally, while at work with the chick, don't talk at all about your personal life. Me mysterious and aloof. That's about all I have to add to the other good responses above. You are right it will be difficult to get over this chick sense you have to work with her, but we are here and behind you. Take it a day at a time, stay strong, and report back to us with updates.

 

[Fanglin]

Got it! Now that I think about it, it was actually my fault that I end working with her everyday. Last year, employees were allocated into partners/teams. Much as I wanted to be in the same team as her, I did not ask (since I was playing it safe and didn't want to be rejected). You can imagine my surprise when she approached me and asked if she could be on the same team as me. I told her then that I'd think about it, but then everytime we met during the next few days, she constantly reminded me. Of course I was only playing hard to get and eventually gave in. I know now that I shouldn't have..

 

[Igetit!]

Hey thanks for the constructive criticism guys! It's just that I rarely find girls that are my type (I know many girls who like me, but most of them aren't my type), and this one qualified with flying colours.

Wow.

So you've come across many girls who aren't your type,but THIS ONE is.

So the one girl who you say qualified to be your type,who passed with flying colours.....is the VERY SAME ONE who treats you like "trash".

Huh.

Just be sure to learn from this so you won't have to deal with this over and over again,girl after girl.

This is EASILY fixable.

 

[marmel75]

If you have no self respect for yourself, then what makes you think she will either? She is simply treating you the way you are treating yourself. In other words, the only reason she is treating you in this manner is because you allow it.

This whole thing is just silliness. Women are not interested in guys with no courage, backbone or respect for themselves. Those are boys they toy with. They want men who demand their respect and do what the fvck they want to do.

Man up and drop this woman from your life permanently. It will hurt a lot less than you think after a few weeks.