girl im going out with is going "born again virgin" ADVICE

[jefh]

ok here is my situation, looking for some advice;
I've been going out with a girl for almost a year, started off as sex buddies, we would have sex every now and then, not really too often. Things started changing and feelings involved in the both of us.

She asked me to wait for her to be in a relationship with me because she has some stuff going on in her life that she needs to straighten out, and she really see us working out, so I said ok. However she doesn't want to have sex anymore until we are in a relationship, she still wants to see me, go out with me but no sex, she has told me this for months now, but one way or another we end up having sex but she always blames me afterwards and tells me I don't care about her, all I care is about me and my ****.

Her parents are away now and she asked me to sleep over at her house last week, I was supposed to go tonight and I call her to meet up and she tells me no that she changed her mind.
She told me, oh if you sleep over I know we are gonna have sex, i know i'm not gonna be able to say no, so let's not do this, let's just hang out tomorrow morning. So I told her no, that I'm not gonna hang out with her anymore.

How can I explain to her that I have needs and not because I wanna have sex, it means I don't really care about her.

 

[Nutz]

To paraphrase Rollo Tomassi, if a woman tells you to wait then the sex isn't worth it.

My advice, make it clear that sex is an important part of what it means to be in a relationship, and if she's serious about this then you're just not a good match and will have to part ways. I'm not telling you to bluff, I'm telling you this is how it's gotta be. Otherwise you're going to be sexually frustrated and quite possibly taken advantage of. I've seen this sort of thing before and that's what happened in every instance.

 

[jefh]

hey thanks for the reply, I just read Tomassi's piece.

It's interesting to say the least but I think my situation can be different, i do agree with you that being sexually frustated is not really something I want to become.
I just don't get this girl, since the beginning of the year she told me this about not wanting to have sex anymore. However the last two times we had sex it's because she asked me to, about 4 weeks ago we were at the beach, things got heated and she asked me, let's go somewhere else and we did and ended up having sex, 2 weeks ago we were at the park, again things got heated and she asked me, "wanna have sex?" so I said yeah let's go, and we did. She had told me how good it makes her feel and I know that maybe she thinks it's wrong to have sex because she is christian and we are not in an actual relationship, but I also know that women are driven by emotions, maybe she thinks it's wrong but in the heat of the moment she doesn't care about that anymore.

And I think that's what happened today, she knew that if I had slept over, she woudln't be able to say no, she even said that, but she told me she doesn't want to put herself in this situation then.

 

[Zarky]

This is a no-brainer: either tell her she better put out or you're going to dump her. Or just dump her.

Kids these days... :nervous:

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

This woman has deeply ingrained sexual hangups no logical or reasoned conversation is going to cure.

And if you keep seeing her, here's what will happen: You'll keep ending up in situations where the sexual tensions rise, you two bang, she feels guilty about it, blames you and grows resentful.

She'll put all responsibility on you, not herself, even if she asks. Over time, she'll transform her disgust with herself into loathing for you. That will spiral into acrimony and you'll become the "evil" man who tempted her into "sin." She'll probably grow more religious, dump you eventually, and then start banging some guy at church who can at least bring a religious gloss to carnality.

I can't see much positive coming from the situation. There are some religious chicks who'll bang without regret or conscience. She doesn't sound like one of them.

 

[SoSuave666]

Come on guys. So she wants to be in a relationship before she has sex, huh? But you aren't in a relationship and haven't been for almost a year? She says she wants to wait to have sex but whenever SHE wants it, she gets it? She tries to control you with the all inclusive battering ram to your heart that is the "You don't care about me" phrase?

It's very clear that this woman simply wants to be in control of you. If she really wanted to be in a relationship, and you did too, you'd be in one. It wouldn't take months to get into a committed relationship if it's what you both wanted. You didn't even START OUT having secks a lot, but your own estimation it was 'every now and then.'

This chick is sleeping with someone else. Someone she actually cares about. Someone who isn't at her beck and call like you are. The jig is up with you my man. She knows whenever she wants some free secks you'll be right at her door. Sure you bang, it keeps you attached to her. But all the while she is thinking about the alpha dude who she hit up 5 times before hitting you up to come over.

Do yourself a favor and find someone else to bang. This broad is playing you like a fiddle, and from the sounds of it you are starting to get tired of having your strings plucked. Don't initiate any kind of contact with her whatsoever. If she tries to shame you again by saying you only want her for secks, laugh it off. No need to explain yourself anymore. Women know that men want/need/like secks. Cut the cord on this girl and you'll see exactly how much she cares about you. My guess, is not a whole lot.

 

[jefh]

yeah I think we started having sex like maybe twice a month, then it progressed into 3 times a month, but the last couple of times she told me she felt bad, no joke, one time she even cried during sex.

I know she isn't having sex with anyone else for sure. Honestly I don't know what her deal is saying I don't care about her, she is going through some rough time and i've been there because i feel bad for her. I've tried to break this up for a while but she always tries to make this work. I"ve been acting cold to her these last weeks and she noticed it and last Sunday she almost cried in the car because i told her I didn't want to hang out with her that day. I told her, we shouldn't hang out anymore because you get upset if i try to touch you, so I don't want to deal with that, but she told me oh don't say that, I'll go to your house and pick you up and we'll do something.....

but yeah she knows it's getting on my nerves already, Last week I went to her house, we were alone and we started making out, and she just told me to stop and she sat at the other end of the couch, I just went to the restroom and told her I was leaving, I was there just for like an hour and we planned to hang out all day but yeah I'm not gonna text her or call her, if she wants to talk I'm just gonna tell her that the no sex is a deal breaker.

 

[marmel75]

My response:
"That's great! We can just do anal instead!"

 

[-Gripz-]

As I always say, "Any girl that makes you jump through hoops, just send her for a loop!" Next her. She wants to wait to be in a relationship with you? Last time a girl told be that I got dumped.

 

[Zarky]

one time she even cried during sex.

The chick is f*cked in the head. Who cares why, start banging other chicks.

 

[floydb25]

She sounds crazy. I suggest marrying her - then coming back to complain about how crazy she is. :crazy:

 

[Skalioppe]

Listen to me fella... She's a mental b1tch and I guarantee you she will eventually turn you mental with her sexual hangups. You know what you've got to do....time to say bye bye.

After you've binned her, she'll probably start bargaining to get you back and offering her tw@t on a plate for you. That's what mental women do.

Man up, bin the b1tch, NEXT!

 

[Trump]

Again this site has a bunch of bad negotiators.

To start off as "sex buddies" and then change it to a relationship because feelings are involved is complex, confusing and messy. It never works out when you change the agreement in the middle of the game.

And this girl wants all the benefits of a relationship: ego fed, money spent on her, protection, security and status, yet doesn't want to give anything up for it. I would tell her "sure, we can be in a relationship without you giving me sex, but I'll need cash, and I charge $425 / hour.

 

[Young Juan]

I think she's banging other dudes or likes someone else she wants to be sure she can't have before she settles with you. But she likes fvcking you probably cuz she's a semi sex addict.

A girl I used to bang used to act similarly. She said my richard was like heroine to her. She wanted to quit but she just couldn't stop herself from getting some if we were alone in the same room.

I later found out this chick was married and had a 3rd dude on the side she ended up getting preggo by. She LOVED to svck my dyck! She would literally come over, whip it out, and just go to town while I watched a movie, t.v., sports, True Blood, or even just played madden (I lost so many of those online games, lol). I miss her mouth

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

JEFH, this post may be of interest to you:

Pseudo-Virginity.

 

[Greasy Pig]

A man who gains mastery over his d!ck is a man who won't take any crap from a woman.

This chick is using her pvssy and her crazy emotions to manipulate you and she's getting off on it. When she snaps her fingers (probably after being rejected by five other guys), you come running to feed her ego. Then, to make herself not feel like so much of a slvt, she starts blaming you.

The next time she offers sex, you must say no. This will drive her hamster crazy.
Then you go NC and find someone more sane and grateful to be riding your pole.