Girl I'm dating seems very moody lately

[LateBloomer]

I've been dating this girl for several weeks. She's usually very communicative texting me lots initiating most of the texts and restarting conversations when they tail off so we've been in regular contact throughout. Although a month ago we did have a bit of a misunderstanding and she went quiet for a few days but when I got back in contact she seemed fine and agreed to a date and things went back to normal pretty quickly.

Beginning of last week I noticed again she'd gone quiet. So I hit her up last Tuesday evening asking how her week was going and she said she was feeling down. I was like "Oh OK well let me know when you are feeling better" which she ignored. Next evening I texted her asking if she was a happier bunnier today. She said "Nope" and I said "OK well if there is anything I can do to cheer you up or you wanna talk let me know". She said "Thanks that is a much nicer reaction than yesterday. I suggested we do something Friday and she said "Could do. Let's talk Thursday. I need to get some rest". I wait it out and late on Thursday she texts me and asks what the plan is for Friday. So we go out on Friday and sleep together. And Saturday she is very chatty texting me lots wanting to know what I am doing over the weekend who I am doing it with etc and giving me updates about what she is getting up to and so on.

Sunday I do not hear from her so in the evening text her referencing a private joke we have going. She said "Sorry dear not really in the mood tonight". I say "Oh well I will leave you to enjoy your evening then". She said "What makes you think I am enjoying my evening? I really like your approach when I tell you that I'm not feeling well. First "inform me when you are well. bye". Now "Enjoy". It would be better if you said nothing at all. Anyway you enjoy your evening". Stupidly I reacted saying "Sorry I didn't really know what to say as you didn't tell me what was bothering you or how to cheer you up." which she ignored and haven't heard anything from her since.

What is the best way to handle this? Difficult to know if she is just in a bad mood or it is a smokescreen for losing interest in me. But the sex was good Friday night and Saturday she was very chatty and friendly. And her reaction seems quite extreme. OK maybe I seemed a bit dismissive but when she said she wasn't in the mood I read it as she didn't want to talk to me.

 

[RickTheToad]

Could be hormonal, perhaps her period. As long as she's not disrespecting you in any way, just go with the flow. If she is, put her on point.

 

[Willie Naylor]

You've got 9 posts in 10 years. You really know how to keep people wanting more.

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

i suspect shes already heading for the exit and just coming up with reasons why you're a jerk. I wouldnt text her again til she reaches out to you. Hopefully you have other plates to occupy you in the meantime.

 

[Willie Naylor]

Sunday I do not hear from her so in the evening text her referencing a private joke we have going. She said "Sorry dear not really in the mood tonight". I say "Oh well I will leave you to enjoy your evening then". She said "What makes you think I am enjoying my evening? I really like your approach when I tell you that I'm not feeling well. First "inform me when you are well. bye". Now "Enjoy". It would be better if you said nothing at all. Anyway you enjoy your evening". Stupidly I reacted saying "Sorry I didn't really know what to say as you didn't tell me what was bothering you or how to cheer you up." which she ignored and haven't heard anything from her since.

What is the best way to handle this? Difficult to know if she is just in a bad mood or it is a smokescreen for losing interest in me. But the sex was good Friday night and Saturday she was very chatty and friendly. And her reaction seems quite extreme. OK maybe I seemed a bit dismissive but when she said she wasn't in the mood I read it as she didn't want to talk to me.

That phrase is never a good one to hear. Prepare for a rough landing with this one.

 

[LateBloomer]

Yeah that was my interpretation...that she is trying to pick an argument/fight so she feels better when she eventually breaks it off. And yeah she's also been telling me a lot lately that she is tired and depressed. So she might be lining up some kind of excuse such as she has a lot going on in her life and isn't ready for anything etc.

The "sorry dear" phrase doesn't mean anything in this case as she is foreign and in her culture terms of endearment are common so she is always calling me dear or darling and using lots of emoticons. Obviously once my response pissed her off she dropped the dear and darlings and emoticons. So she is definitely annoyed and feeling like I am being dismissive and don't care about her.

But yeah guess I just have to wait and see if she gets back to me. We already have plans for Friday to see a live music gig. I have the tickets so if she wants to go she will have to get back to me at some point. But if she doesn't confirm by say Thursday I will invite someone else.

 

[jimwho]

Seriously cool her jets. Don't give her anything. When and if she shows up at your place demanding an explanation
Tell her the truth. No games no tricks, (Honey sweetie you have been treating me like Dog Shat) and frankly it's unacceptable. It's a win win, she'll make an effort to stop being an azs or storm off. Again a win either way. Luck..

Edit: After reading (Bokanovsky) below, I read op's again. He makes a good point. But she could be a bit more forthcoming and less vague. I don't think men should have to constantly be guessing wtf is up.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I have to say, your communication style is rather awkward and odd. When someone says that they are feeling down, telling them to get back to you when they feel better does come across as a bit insensitive and uncaring. Basically, you are saying "I don't want to hear about your problems". Likewise, when someone says that they are in a bad mood, telling them to enjoy their evening is just weird. I'm not saying you have to be her psychiatrist. If she's PMS'ing, you don't want to spend a lot of time talking to her, I get it...lol. But can you at least say something a little less jarring? Like "I hope you feel better" or "that sucks, we all have days like this"?

 

[rjc149]

I really like your approach when I tell you that I'm not feeling well. First "inform me when you are well. bye". Now "Enjoy". It would be better if you said nothing at all. Anyway you enjoy your evening".

She told you right here what her problem is.

She made an emotional bid to get closer to you, and you slapped it away like you could give a rat fvck how she feels or why -- just to get back to you when she's ready to stop killing your buzz.

Proper response:

Her: I'm feeling down.
You: Why are you feeling down? What's wrong?

Ask her. Inquire, show interest, nurture the connection. Prod her a little to communicate that it's safe to open herself up to you.

Weak emotional connection = dry vagina

PS: “I really like how” “I just think it’s funny that” “It’s interesting that” is womanspeak for “this bugs the sh!t out of me, stop.”

 

[LateBloomer]

Yeah I can see how my responses were dumb and thoughtless and I can understand why she is annoyed with me. But I've already apologized and she didn't acknowledge it. So probably a bit too late to ask her what is wrong and she will assume I am just selfishly backtracking after realizing I was being ignored. And I guess if she does think I am a selfish jerk she is not going to be in a hurry to get back to me.

 

[LateBloomer]

Texted her last night saying sorry I was dismissive the other day and hope she is feeling a little happier. She texted back saying "You still are. You have been so for a week. I was never even asked me once what was wrong. And I am sorry but I am going through a very painful process, and clearly seeing that u have no interest in what I am going through but just wanting to spend nice time with me is even hurting me more. I dont want to discuss further. Hope you understand."

No idea what to make of that.

 

[derby1]

your giving off too much of a sexual machoism vibe,

Youve always got to give off a little bit of boyfriend vibe aswell....

I can guarantee the joke you talk of was crude and sexual,

you sound like a blunt version of Stiffler, so shes aborting mission

 

[Epimanes]

Women don't get hormonal when they are ON their period.... its 100% the week b4 they bleed..... the bleeding week is hormonal relief actually

 

[LateBloomer]

Well her period is in a week or so but she wasn’t so crazy a month ago or the month prior but could be a factor

 

[SW15]

Texted her last night saying sorry I was dismissive the other day and hope she is feeling a little happier. She texted back saying "You still are. You have been so for a week. I was never even asked me once what was wrong. And I am sorry but I am going through a very painful process, and clearly seeing that u have no interest in what I am going through but just wanting to spend nice time with me is even hurting me more. I dont want to discuss further. Hope you understand."

No idea what to make of that.

She's nexting you. Get more prospects.

 

[Charm2K]

You are wayyyyyy to invested in this girl, you seem to have low confidence cause you are trying to hard to get her approval.

NEXT her, and start working on yourself. Build up yours confidence.

 

[rjc149]

Texted her last night saying sorry I was dismissive the other day and hope she is feeling a little happier. She texted back saying "You still are. You have been so for a week. I was never even asked me once what was wrong. And I am sorry but I am going through a very painful process, and clearly seeing that u have no interest in what I am going through but just wanting to spend nice time with me is even hurting me more. I dont want to discuss further. Hope you understand."

No idea what to make of that.

Yup. Sorry bro. You blew this one. Instead of asking her “what’s wrong” and showing concern, you just keeping telling her “hope you feel better.”

Your response is now: “I do understand. I should have been more caring, you deserve to move on to someone who is. Take care. I hope everything works out.”

Then she’s done. She may or may not circle back to you, but you’re only shot of that happening is by respecting her wish to axe you from her life. With future women, don’t be an insensitive douche with low emotional IQ. The “IDGAF, I spin plates!” approach only works on a small percentage of insecure, damaged women. Most women have no regard for it.

 

[LateBloomer]

Mmm well last night out of the blue she texted me saying "I wonder why was so hard to ask what is wrong" and then went on to say "Just feel better soon so that you can have nice time with me with no interest what I am going through". I said "I'm sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. Please tell me what is wrong". She replied "I do not feel close to open up to you. I will deal with it myself. Good night".

Tried a different approach and today suggested we have a drink together. She said "I do not want to see someone who does not give anything without getting something in return. Have a good day"

Didn't have the confidence to say rjc's line encouraging her to move on to someone else. I had the feeling she'd twist that to also mean I do not care about her.

Think the only approach now is just to completely ignore her until she stops ranting at me and starts a constructive conversation.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Texted her last night saying sorry I was dismissive the other day and hope she is feeling a little happier. She texted back saying "You still are. You have been so for a week. I was never even asked me once what was wrong. And I am sorry but I am going through a very painful process, and clearly seeing that u have no interest in what I am going through but just wanting to spend nice time with me is even hurting me more. I dont want to discuss further. Hope you understand."

No idea what to make of that.

Apologizing was your second mistake. Do not apologize to women unless you did something truly terrible. Like, if you accidentally shoot her cat, that's probably grounds for an apology. But don't apologize over trivial stuff. That just magnifies your "fault" in her eyes.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Mmm well last night out of the blue she texted me saying "I wonder why was so hard to ask what is wrong" and then went on to say "Just feel better soon so that you can have nice time with me with no interest what I am going through". I said "I'm sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. Please tell me what is wrong". She replied "I do not feel close to open up to you. I will deal with it myself. Good night".

Tried a different approach and today suggested we have a drink together. She said "I do not want to see someone who does not give anything without getting something in return. Have a good day"

Didn't have the confidence to say rjc's line encouraging her to move on to someone else. I had the feeling she'd twist that to also mean I do not care about her.

Think the only approach now is just to completely ignore her until she stops ranting at me and starts a constructive conversation.

Man, I feel sorry for you. You really have no clue how to talk to women. She is now messing with you and having her drama fix at your expense.

Stop apologizing over trivial sh!t. Just fvcking STOP. It sounds so pathetic. Instead of acting like a clueless "I'm sorry" guy, you need to turn the tables on her and call her out on her BS. Here is what I would have said in response: "It sounds like you are just trying to create drama. I am not into that. Good luck resolving your issues." Then do not respond to whatever she says in response. Unless she backtracks.