Girl I'm dating is WAY too friendly with strangers

[SeeThruIt]

She's very outgoing and strikes up conversations with anyone, which ultimately means guys as well.

I noticed that most of these guys are taking it the wrong way as if she's initiating flirting or showing interest.

She wants to go out to a local bar this upcoming weekend and I have a feeling it's going to turn into a disaster with a bunch of alcohol mixed with testosterone and her welcoming nature to talk to people.

Any tips on how to handle things? I feel like she'll be making it easy for guys to challenge my "alpha status" in a sense

 

[Malcontent]

My ex was like that. I explained that she was baiting men. She said she'd stop. She never did for more than a day or two. I ended the relationship after 2 years because of her lack of boundaries.

I think you have an AW, and I don't know how to handle those types other than to never expect a real relationship from them.

If she isn't introducing you and saying "This is my bf; his name is SeeThruIt" then that might be a sign of certified AW.

If you are in the early stages of dating, I'd keep an eye on it. I think if you are already encountering these types of challenges, it's going to be a frustrating dating experience.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

SeeThruIt,


I'm with Malcontent on this one. Also---

You will find that MORE important than the kind of attention your woman invites is WHAT she does with that attention when it arrives.

Search your memory banks and do a quick Recon. I believe you'd get a better read on this girl if you OBJECTIVELY answer these questions:

• What are some specific examples of behavior that you deem to be "too friendly"? Is her conversation platonic or is it sexual and/or suggestive?

• Does she strike up conversations with strange guys AND GIRLS or is just the guys? (If it's just the guys, then I would consider that suspect---because she COULD be a closet attention-wh0re type-chick----so watch out! As Malcontent already warned you...)

• When the guys hit on her, touch her, flirt with her, etc.---does she EVER reach a point where she recognizes that they are trying to be MORE than friendly---or is she really THAT clueless? (My Intel usually tells me that women KNOW very well what they're doing---they just choose to lie to THEMSELVES as long as YOU let them do it.)

• Check your own gut: Are YOU being overly sensitive or is she REALLY exhibiting behavior that's inappropriate to your tastes and sensibilities?

• Is it possible that she is subtly trying to "make you jealous" to advance the relationship. Or, are you even IN an exclusive relationship with her right now? If not, do you WANT to be? (How old is this chick, by the way?)

Regardless of how you answer these questions, the hardcore truth is THIS:

Taking a girl to "a bar" or club is quite possibly the worst environment to enter (of your own free will) when you're on a date with a woman. All eyes are on YOU and all odds are against YOU.

Usually there are too many hungry guys there---and bringing an attractive woman into that arena is the same as bringing a big juicy piece of raw meat into a kennel full of rabid dogs. You WANT to try your best to hang on to it (her), but the odds are, both YOU and the meat (the woman) will be ripped to shreds. Yes soldier, the odds are STACKED---and they're usually NOT in your favor. I see NO positional advantage of taking a chick to such an environment.

My recommendation to you is to STOP following this girl around and START leading her instead---because I feel like you haven't been.

If you TAKE the leadership role and STAY in the lead---then you won't have to follow her around to bars, clubs, or whatever other bad idea "place" she comes up with---because she'll be going where YOU want her to go instead---rather than the other way around.

You HAVE to RISK losing a woman sometimes in an effort to LEAD her.

So DECIDE if you're ready to accept that mission, soldier.

Hope this helps.


V.U.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

My ex was like that. I explained that she was baiting men. She said she'd stop. She never did for more than a day or two.

Logic.

Chicks operate emotionally.

Personally, I like taking chicks like this to bars.

What do you do OP when she starts talking to other men? Do you sit by her side patiently and wait for her to finish? Do you hold her drink for her so she can give these guys hugs?

This is enabling her behavior.

As soon as she gives her attention to someone else, you withdraw your attention from her. Simple as that.

She talks to the guy next to you, you flirt with the waitress. She walks over to someone she knows, you go to the bathroom, then outside to have a smoke, and take your time doing it.

Got it? Good. Have fun.

 

[SeeThruIt]

SeeThruIt,


I'm with Malcontent on this one. Also---

You will find that MORE important than the kind of attention your woman invites is WHAT she does with that attention when it arrives.

Search your memory banks and do a quick Recon. I believe you'd get a better read on this girl if you OBJECTIVELY answer these questions:

• What are some specific examples of behavior that you deem to be "too friendly"? Is her conversation platonic or is it sexual and/or suggestive?

• Does she strike up conversations with strange guys AND GIRLS or is just the guys? (If it's just the guys, then I would consider that suspect---because she COULD be a closet attention-wh0re type-chick----so watch out! As Malcontent already warned you...)

• When the guys hit on her, touch her, flirt with her, etc.---does she EVER reach a point where she recognizes that they are trying to be MORE than friendly---or is she really THAT clueless? (My Intel usually tells me that women KNOW very well what they're doing---they just choose to lie to THEMSELVES as long as YOU let them do it.)

• Check your own gut: Are YOU being overly sensitive or is she REALLY exhibiting behavior that's inappropriate to your tastes and sensibilities?

• Is it possible that she is subtly trying to "make you jealous" to advance the relationship. Or, are you even IN an exclusive relationship with her right now? If not, do you WANT to be? (How old is this chick, by the way?)

Regardless of how you answer these questions, the hardcore truth is THIS:

Taking a girl to "a bar" or club is quite possibly the worst environment to enter (of your own free will) when you're on a date with a woman. All eyes are on YOU and all odds are against YOU.

Usually there are too many hungry guys there---and bringing an attractive woman into that arena is the same as bringing a big juicy piece of raw meat into a kennel full of rabid dogs. You WANT to try your best to hang on to it (her), but the odds are, both YOU and the meat (the woman) will be ripped to shreds. Yes soldier, the odds are STACKED---and they're usually NOT in your favor. I see NO positional advantage of taking a chick to such an environment.

My recommendation to you is to STOP following this girl around and START leading her instead---because I feel like you haven't been.

If you TAKE the leadership role and STAY in the lead---then you won't have to follow her around to bars, clubs, or whatever other bad idea "place" she comes up with---because she'll be going where YOU want her to go instead---rather than the other way around.

You HAVE to RISK losing a woman sometimes in an effort to LEAD her.

So DECIDE if you're ready to accept that mission, soldier.

Hope this helps.


V.U.

Great response, thanks.

Quick things, she's in her early 30s, she's told me more than I've witnessed about how she strikes up conversations with anyone including guys. She's mentioned putting the brakes on guys who try to advance from her friendliness. She claims she can handle herself in such moments and isn't afraid to tell a guy to back off.

That being said, I still do not want to be around for when it happens. I've even told her I'm not one to get into a pissing contest with a guy over ANY girl and i'll simply walk away and have her deal with what she's started albeit a friendly chat.

She said she didn't realize her being so outgoing in the wrong setting with the wrong people could make me uncomfortable and for that she'll try to be more careful of what she says.

But that alone did not make me feel any more comfortable, mostly due to the fact that we've been dating for a month and I have yet to see her in a bar setting with alcohol and hoards of horny men around her outgoing personality.

 

[SeeThruIt]

Logic.

Chicks operate emotionally.

Personally, I like taking chicks like this to bars.

What do you do OP when she starts talking to other men? Do you sit by her side patiently and wait for her to finish? Do you hold her drink for her so she can give these guys hugs?

This is enabling her behavior.

As soon as she gives her attention to someone else, you withdraw your attention from her. Simple as that.

She talks to the guy next to you, you flirt with the waitress. She walks over to someone she knows, you go to the bathroom, then outside to have a smoke, and take your time doing it.

Got it? Good. Have fun.

Exactly I simply withdraw, I don't even engage in the interaction I just walk away or let something else catch my attention usually so far from what I've been exposed to.

 

[VladPatton]

That chick's got a PhD in AWing! Leave her at the bar and jet if her attention wanes away from you. No need to sit there like a chumpdiggity and watch her work. I've been there. Get up and leave, it'll probably take half an hour for her to even notice you split!

 

[the_stig]

Proceed with caution and sleep with one eye open. Ideally while in bars or social settings, any girlfriend worth keeping around will have "move on" written all over her when approached by strange guys.

I learned my lesson the hard way with an LTR just like this, she'd talk to any guy like he was her long lost best friend. The odd thing was.. she had no real orbiters and was quick to bring up the "no hanging out with opposite sex friends or going to bars without each other" boundaries. Not glued to social media. Definitely not your run of the mill attention wh0re. Irregardless, I always knew in the back of my mind she was a high risk of cheating.

Signs of trouble started emerging after about a year into the relationship. She really embarrassed me at a work party held at a sports bar, went out to smoke, started chatting with another smoker, they slowly walk back in together, and proceed to have this weird fairly intimate looking 15 minute conversation well away from our party. Everyone started watching, obviously wondering WTF she was doing, while glancing at me to see what I would do. Later I called her on it, her excuse being he was telling her about job leads (she was unemployed at the time).

Fast forward.. The last straw was when her two old high school friends came to visit from California. She tells me.. "oh we're just going to Applebee's to catch up over dinner". Well that turned into a late night extravaganza at the sleaziest pickup bar in town. Around midnight, some guy from the bar calls me from HER PHONE and starts disrespecting me! I show up at her place around 1am (as we had planned) eager to confront her about this stranger calling me. Find out this guy had been feeding them this crap about being a celebrity, and had autographed her chest(!).

It gets better. Her friend who was engaged did not get drunk and had already went home to her fiance like a good girlfriend would do, but the other friend who was single, had invited another guy from the bar back to my girlfriend's place. So it was the two of them plus a bar random! Except the single friend had gone to bed right away, leaving just this guy and my girlfriend alone! Had I not shown up, she would have been drunk, with a random guy from the bar, alone!

The reason I'm sharing my experience, is because when left to their own devices, ↑↑this↑↑ is the kind of behavior you can generally expect from these types of women. Unless proven otherwise, they are ultimately damaged goods and should be treated as such. Most come from broken homes and have daddy issues. Low self esteem needing validation of being wanted. Like to lead guys on just to see how far they can take it. Straight up hoes. Etc. Etc.

Might seem harmless at first, but you'll get bit you sooner or later. Be warned.

 

[SeeThruIt]

Should I have not brought it up to her?

She's different in the normal sense of "daddy issues" she actually has a good relationship with her father but hates her mom/had a tough upbringing from her. Wonder if that has any say into the way she is

 

[Colossus]

Great responses already so no need to elaborate.

In a nutshell: you will probably have to get a new girlfriend. Don't expect her to change. Expect disrespect both direct and indirect and a lot of frustration.

You can try making a clear boundary but I doubt she will adhere to it for long. This is the way she is.

Don't waste your life with the wrong women.

 

[SgtSplacker]

But hey look at the bright side AWs are an easy lay man. You just have to deal with them for a little while then take her somewhere to screw.

Easy to feed their ego.
Sex counts as attention.
Never sit at a bar, always tables.
Generally take her places without people.
Lots of invites to the crib.
Lots of dinners at the crib.
Never take her to "party" places or really popular bars.

 

[VikingKing]

But hey look at the bright side AWs are an easy lay man. You just have to deal with them for a little while then take her somewhere to screw.

Easy to feed their ego.
Sex counts as attention.
Never sit at a bar, always tables.
Generally take her places without people.
Lots of invites to the crib.
Lots of dinners at the crib.
Never take her to "party" places or really popular bars.

This is great advice. tried to rep

 

[BMX]

Great responses already so no need to elaborate.

In a nutshell: you will probably have to get a new girlfriend. Don't expect her to change. Expect disrespect both direct and indirect and a lot of frustration.

You can try making a clear boundary but I doubt she will adhere to it for long. This is the way she is.

Don't waste your life with the wrong women.

Hey, I second all this. She's a clueless ho. Just say "No" and move on. If not, she WILL and do it sooner than later. I just got out of a relationship with one of these creatures. She pretended to be innocent. In my case, I trusted my gut feelings and egressed properly.