Girl I like wants to know how many times I slept with someone

baurman

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This girl I like and I think she likes me too, she knows I took a stripper home and she was very jealous and asked me how many times I slept with her. Should I tell her or just tell her just once? I think she likes me but I'm not sure if I'm friend-zoned yet. She told me that I should be comfortable telling her anything. She asked me to be my roomate and stuff... I don't know what to do if I should really be open with her or what if it will make her not like me anymore. I just want to let her know that I'm interested in her.
 

Andromax

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^^ both are exactly right. She has no business asking you something that personal, and she should respect your decision to not talk about that.

That is the kinds of things you discuss with your buddies, not a woman you want to nail.
 

baurman

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Thing is, she was there with me and she saw me take her home and my friends all told her that I slept with her. I told her "Don't worry about it" already and thats when she hit me back with "Why though you can tell me anything, just be comfortable with me" but then I know if I tell her it'll probably ruin everything if there is something between us.
 

Andromax

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Yeah she is trying to manipulate you into telling her something she doesn't want to hear, and that you don't want to tell her. Thats great that you can tell her anything, but you obviously know what is acceptable to tell her.
Just ignore that, and make it clear to her that you are not about to discuss that topic with her. If she can't respect that, then why would you want her in your life?
 

KarmaSutra

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baurman said:
she hit me back with "Why though you can tell me anything, just be comfortable with me"
A bigger lie than Oswald killing Kennedy and then sh!tting out the magic bullet. She'll harbor that answer for life and you know it. You have to be completely nonchalant about the answer and look her square in the eye.

Tell her: " I do trust you but I have to respect every woman with whom I have relations with. How would you feel if someone asked me how many times I had been intimate with you?" "You would feel a little violated for betraying your trust. So I must observe that same commitment to her and to all of the rest before you and after you."

If she pushes and prods and holds onto this farce of a question you'll know exactly who she is and what your decision means to her.
 

ezily

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yeah, not sure if lying is the best road here. If she found out she would be pissed. It's kind of a lose-lose situation.

But yeah, good call on not trusting what she says about you being able to tell her anything. That's bull****. Never tell a girl something about yourself that she wouldn't/ shouldn't want to hear. It will ruin the relationship or even friendship I think.
 

PulpFiction

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Don't tell her anything,it's none of her concern but if she keeps on insisting then why be with her?
 

Quiksilver

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She has no right to know, and frankly **** like that comes around to bite you in the ass, trust me.
 

KarmaSutra

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ezily said:
yeah, not sure if lying is the best road here. If she found out she would be pissed. It's kind of a lose-lose situation.

But yeah, good call on not trusting what she says about you being able to tell her anything. That's bull****. Never tell a girl something about yourself that she wouldn't/ shouldn't want to hear. It will ruin the relationship or even friendship I think.
Who the fvck said anything about lying? Read what I wrote again.
 

aldaris

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if she wants you to be her roomie she has no interest in you. she might even think you are gay. if a broad ever has any intentions of banging you she is not going to be thinking of you as roomie material.

she sounds like a lost cause. dump her and move on. remember the:
RULE OF ALDARIS...if she isn't a virgin and you don't bang her on the second date you need to move on.

too many guys spend too much time on dead ducks. move on! keep things fresh and alive.
 

ready123

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baurman said:
Thing is, she was there with me and she saw me take her home and my friends all told her that I slept with her. I told her "Don't worry about it" already and thats when she hit me back with "Why though you can tell me anything, just be comfortable with me" but then I know if I tell her it'll probably ruin everything if there is something between us.
why don't you tell her exactly that - that you're feelin her and don't want ruin the mood with anything that might jeopardize anything good that might come. that as you get to know her, you'll share your secrets little by little

it's an good reframe - it tells her you understand her anxiety, you don't lose any value because you're talking down to her from a place of experience and best of all it's completely genuine
 

zinc64

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Who gives a ****...you should have immediately laughed after she insisted and said, "I swear...sometimes you are like a little kid. You ask anything and want quit until you get an answer. I slept with.......... Any more questions?"

If she doesn't like it...too ****ing bad....why hide the truth? You are giving her power and you don't even realize it. She knows you are ****ting in your pants about this now. A real man isn't afraid of what the truth yields in any situation.
 

ezily

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KarmaSutra said:
Who the fvck said anything about lying? Read what I wrote again.
I actually wasn't commenting on what you said. I was merely saying as an aside that lying probably isn't a good idea. I mean he can try and shrug off the question but that may only work for so long. She'll keep asking until she gets an answer or she'll hold it against him forever. So I think what you said was a really good idea. It turns the tables around on her.
 

MacAvoy

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Listen to everybody MNIN on this thread, MNIN was joking as he tried that on the weekend and it backfired on him.

We all know that this is a subject that never gets answered unless your LOOKING to end your relationship.

What I always do is exagerate. I make up an extremely high number, so high that is unrealistic, kinda like the stars in the sky thing that someone else said.

If a women asks me how many women I've been with, I tell them I'm getting close to breaking Wilt Chamberlain record. If they persist, I say I'm dead serious IN A VERY SERIOUS WAY and I leave it at that.

If any women knew how many women I was with, it would be over before it even started. My last LTR knows I was with strippers, and she would always ask about situations with my ex's, I would always say I don't remember. And I was dead serious about it, she would pry and I honestly wouldn't remember (while she was asking).
 
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raiz

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MacAvoy is giving great advice here. I had a girl ask and ask and ask incessantly. It's usually because the girl hasn't been with many guys. I gave her tons of answers, but never a logical one. The moment you answer logically, you're showing that she can get what she wants out of you if she just keeps prying.

I eventually did tell her, but we had sex, and when she hadn't asked in a while.
 

Beffing

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see usually when it comes to past hookups Id say avoid the convo and never talk about the past, but since she pretty much knows you banged her, give her a the raw deal and just tell her what she thinks she wants to hear
 

Rollo Tomassi

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Iron Rule of Tomassi # 2

NEVER, under pain of death, honestly or dishonsetly reveal the number of women you've slept with or explain any detail of your sexual experiences with them to a current lover.

The single most disastrous AFC move a man can make is to OVERTLY describe past sexual experiences and/or give a number (accurate or not) to how many women he's been with prior to the one he's with. This simple act, whether you offered the information or she dragged it out of you, ALWAYS comes off as pretensiousness and is often the catalyst for an avalanche of emotional resentment, if not outright emotional blackmail from an insecure woman. This is a rookie mistake that will only take you once to learn.

If a woman puts you on the spot by directly asking you for this information always sidestep this COVERTLY. C&F works wonders in this situation and still keeps the air of mystery and challenge about you.

When a woman asks you this question she is seeking confirmation of what she already suspects and/or knows - NEVER give her this satisfaction. When a woman resorts to OVERT communication (COVERT being her native language) she's generally exhausted her patience to be COVERT and this is a desperation tactic for an insecure woman.



Why do you think she wants details of your experience with a stripper? Is she doing a college study about it? Does she get off on the mental image of you knocking it out with a woman who's more attractive and more sexually talented than she is? Do you think she'll ratchet up her sexual performance once she knows where the bar is set for her? Or do you think she'll shove your nose in it at the first opportunity when you have a fight?

My other thought is this; women fear a man who knows his own self-worth. Nothing annoys them more, and nothing defeats their own efforts to establish a relationship's frame than a guy who's had demonstrable success with a high-value woman. The Man who is aware of his value MUST be humbled in order for her to establish frame. Regardless of realities, a stripper has the perception of being a high-value woman if for no other reason than that she commands a lot of male attention. Whether this is from her physique or her sexual availability makes no difference - the perception is still the same; many men desire her and YOU were the one she found acceptable. You ƒucked the stripper and therefore you have something that a high-value woman found desirable.

This is her benchmark now. The stripper is the one with whom she must compete - and BTW, this is precisely why most women hate strippers and hate porn; they both take sex out of a realm of mystery that serves the feminine in establishing frame - naturally it pisses women off that other women would demonstrably prove their sexual talents for a man they are competing for. She knows that she cannot compete, or is uncomfortable competing with the stripper, therefore she must find covert ways to devalue and disqualify the sexual experience you had with her.

And long planned feminine social conventions are already established to help her do so. The first is the stripper will be called a slut and thereby should exempt her from ANY man's long term considerations. Sluts can't be trusted, sluts sleep around, sluts are disloyal, etc., is always the first tool a woman will use in her disqualification of competition, irrespective of knowing any personal detail about the competition. Second will be the shaming of the guy for having "lowered" himself to ƒucking a stripper. This has the effect of devaluing his sexual experience with her for convenient and contrived esoteric reasons. He must become the flawed one for having done so while simultaneously having her 'save' him from himself by providing him with "meaningful" sex. Competition neutralized, and frame established in her favor.
 
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