Girl I am seeing...HELP

[ljm]

Hey Guys,

I have been seeing this girl for nearly 3 months now and all has been going well. From the start i kept my own life, made sure to see her no more than 2-3 times a week(as much as she would beg to see me) remained in control, confident and a challenge. She even admitted several times how I have her under the thumb. She was always pushing for a relationship and I layed it down to her that this seeing period is getting 2 know eachother to see how we go. By this time i also mentioned my boundaries as she did hers. All was sweet....a little to good 2 be true which did scare me i might add.

Until about 3 weeks ago she mentioned how her "uncle" said she is not ready for a relationship as she will only hurt whoever she gets into one with. She said she was confused and that she was not sure. Instantly i said "Well maybe we should stop seeing eachother" (When we first got 2 know eachother i told her if you cross one of my boundaries, or we go on a break i dont look back) What does she do? Starts having an anxiety attack in my car LOL. That changed her mind real quick and i thaught it was a simple **** test i had passsed.

Anyway fast foward up to now, she recently got her drivers lisence and hardly initiates to meet up anymore. She was always the one chasing saying i miss you when will i see you next? Now what she does is msg me good morning, msg me goodnight, and maybe throw in a phone call during the day.
She mentioned how she feels bad and that she is not treating me how i deserve to be treated.....and how she is enjoying being free since she can drive where she wants now but also misses me when im not around.
She even said that if we were 2 go on a break from seeing each other it would be like a break up.

I understand what is going on but my question is which option should I take
Sidenote: she has even started to withdraw sex and han out with guy mates recently, at the start she never did this. She even withdrew sex recently saying she was seeing if i was genuine or not.

She does know this is all pissing me off as she treases me about it saying "haha now i have as much freedom as you" or
"dont you just hate it how i can drive where i like now"

At the moment she feels things are good between us, i think she is taking this alot light hearted more than what i am(i know im carrying on like the ***** of the 2)

My frame was always non reactive and i plan on keeping it that way

So my options are;
1. Confront her tonight and tell her to pull up on this stuff or I am walking.

2. Just tell her how I feel about this all and that I am walking and not here 2 b sitting around, and if she is real she will come back anyway.

3. Try to initaite meeting up with her (maybe she is testing 2 see how much i will chase now she thinks she has power)?

4. Let it go for now, let her keep contacting me and slowly give her less and be less unavailable in terms off not replying to all her msgs or answereing all of her calls. (Maybe she will realise im not there for her to put her feet up on from this)
Please guys proper advice is appreciated, my head is so tangled i cant think straight on this for some fvking reason, thanks.

 

[horaholic]

Sooner or later a chick is gonna get to the point where she will withdraw and look for other options if she's not getting what she needs out of whatever it is you're doing. Its not a relationship. She can do whatever she wants. If you want to let her go for it, do it. Quit wasting her time, and yours, for that matter. You cant blame her for realizing that she has options too. All she has to do is grab another branch, and she'll let go of yours. Also, she may be losing interest for other reasons as well.

Lets see if you stick to your guns and walk away.

 

[darkstarrr]

So my options are;
1. Confront her tonight and tell her to pull up on this stuff or I am walking.

NO DO NOT even consider doing that or you will face certain doom.

2. Just tell her how I feel about this all and that I am walking and not here 2 b sitting around, and if she is real she will come back anyway.

NO DO NOT even consider doing that either.

I can't give you the right advice but I will say that you should definitely not do either of the first 2. This girl has new found freedom and is slipping right through your fingers through no fault of your own. I had a GF once who was the same as you describe and then once she got that car it was a completely different relationship.

It is possible for you keep this thing together but it might be more trouble than it is worth.

Good luck.

 

[PlayToWin]

I don't know if I can provide advice on the whole situation cause I think there is too many specifics that only you know. However I do know that if a woman ever tries to withdraw sex from you just to test you after having slept with you multiple times then that is a woman that you shouldn't be wasting you time with anyway. Every girl will joke about it, but as soon as they do, I just say smile and without missing a beat, pull out my phone and start scrolling through the contacts and tell her that I will find another girl that won't withdraw from me. So far it works like a charm, if a girl tries to withhold sex from you, then she is simply trying to gain power in the situation, however she only gets that power if you give it too her, if you simply act like it doesn't bother you and that you have no problem finding sex other places, then they almost instantly change their position.

 

[ljm]

Thanks for the advice so far guys, im thinking of keeping in minimal contact with her while she is rapt up with her car for now and keep going with my life. Maybe after a while she will realise this whole car freedom thing isnt what its wrapped up to be...i don't know its holding onto false hope still.

So my options are;
1. Confront her tonight and tell her to pull up on this stuff or I am walking.

NO DO NOT even consider doing that or you will face certain doom.

2. Just tell her how I feel about this all and that I am walking and not here 2 b sitting around, and if she is real she will come back anyway.

NO DO NOT even consider doing that either.

I can't give you the right advice but I will say that you should definitely not do either of the first 2. This girl has new found freedom and is slipping right through your fingers through no fault of your own. I had a GF once who was the same as you describe and then once she got that car it was a completely different relationship.

It is possible for you keep this thing together but it might be more trouble than it is worth.

Good luck.

Darkstarr could you please explain why these 2 options would spell doom? thanks.

 

[Telos]

My frame was always non reactive and i plan on keeping it that way

Good call.

Anyway fast foward up to now, she recently got her drivers lisence and hardly initiates to meet up anymore. She was always the one chasing saying i miss you when will i see you next? Now what she does is msg me good morning, msg me goodnight, and maybe throw in a phone call during the day.

It's obvious she's just enjoying her new found freedom. Her intrest level in you may have dwindled for multiple reasons. She may be seeing somebody else, the intense connection that you both once had may be starting to die out a little bit, or she took "this seeing period is getting 2 know eachother to see how we go" as a form of rejection. She already brought up exclusivity and you rejected it.

She may now just be looking for other options. If you want to keep her as a **** buddy, remain your course, proceed with your life, and don't worry about it... she'll start to miss you. If you want something more than a transient sexual relationship, wait until she initiates again and you eventually see eachother, and then use the oppourtunity to test the waters. The next time she offers a relationship, should you want one, accept it but on specific terms of your own.

Until then ... just continue seeing other women.

 

[Igetit!]

Hey Guys,

I have been seeing this girl for nearly 3 months now and all has been going well. From the start i kept my own life, made sure to see her no more than 2-3 times a week(as much as she would beg to see me) remained in control, confident and a challenge. She even admitted several times how I have her under the thumb. She was always pushing for a relationship and I layed it down to her that this seeing period is getting 2 know eachother to see how we go. By this time i also mentioned my boundaries as she did hers. All was sweet....a little to good 2 be true which did scare me i might add.

I like this first part of your post. You've obviously learned a lot from somewhere,either here on the forum ,or other seduction material. However,this part where you said you mentioned your boundries to her,you should have known that once you verbalize your boundries to a woman,that's exactly what she's going to zero in on sooner or later. Even though you initially did everything darn near perfect in my opinion,if (or rather when) she decides to test one of the boundries you set up,if you don't stick to what you said concerning those boundries,then incongruency may start to unravel all of the previous groundwork you laid from the beginning.

Until about 3 weeks ago she mentioned how her "uncle" said she is not ready for a relationship as she will only hurt whoever she gets into one with. She said she was confused and that she was not sure. Instantly i said "Well maybe we should stop seeing eachother" (When we first got 2 know eachother i told her if you cross one of my boundaries, or we go on a break i dont look back) What does she do? Starts having an anxiety attack in my car LOL. That changed her mind real quick and i thaught it was a simple **** test i had passsed.

Something seem weird about this. Even if her so-called "uncle" did tell her she's not ready for a relationship,why would she bring this up to you? I don't know man,this just seems strange.

She mentioned how she feels bad and that she is not treating me how i deserve to be treated

Ahh yes. The old "it's not you,it's me" line. A true classic....you know this is HORSE MANURE,right?

and how she is enjoying being free since she can drive where she wants now

Pardon my french,but this statement from her is one other DUMBEST things I've heard of on this forum. She got her driver's license. Well great. Good for her. Yes,it does feel good to get your license and to be able to drive whenever you want. But what's this thing she said about "enjoying being free"? Does she mean freedom to go whenever and wherever she wants,or freedom from you? It seems to me like she's replacing you with the fact that she has a license and can go wherever she wants. Please tell me I'm mistaken about this.

She even said that if we were 2 go on a break from seeing each other it would be like a break up.

Why is this subject even being brought up by her?

I understand what is going on but my question is which option should I take
Sidenote: she has even started to withdraw sex and han out with guy mates recently, at the start she never did this. She even withdrew sex recently saying she was seeing if i was genuine or not.

Sex is emotional for women. Therefore,if she's withdrawing sex from the relationship,that means that her heart/feelings/emotions were withdrawn first.

She does know this is all pissing me off as she treases me about it saying "haha now i have as much freedom as you" or
"dont you just hate it how i can drive where i like now"

To me,this seems like she's lost respect for you. You're not going to like this,but imo,this means that somewhere,you screwed up. As I said before,you started this thing off flawlessly. But somewhere along the way,something happened.
You might want to think back at least to where her behavior first changed to see if you failed a major test or something.

At the moment she feels things are good between us, i think she is taking this alot light hearted more than what i am(i know im carrying on like the ***** of the 2)

This is how you think she about things at the moment.

My frame was always non reactive and i plan on keeping it that way

I like this. Keep it up.

So my options are;
1. Confront her tonight and tell her to pull up on this stuff or I am walking.

I'd be careful with this one. You can do it,but if she calls your bluff,and you stay with her anyway,it's ALL OVER,even if you're techically still in the relationship.

2. Just tell her how I feel about this all and that I am walking and not here 2 b sitting around, and if she is real she will come back anyway.

Don't do this one. Never tell a woman how you feel. It just never works.

3. Try to initaite meeting up with her (maybe she is testing 2 see how much i will chase now she thinks she has power)?

4. Let it go for now, let her keep contacting me and slowly give her less and be less unavailable in terms off not replying to all her msgs or answereing all of her calls. (Maybe she will realise im not there for her to put her feet up on from this)

Please guys proper advice is appreciated, my head is so tangled i cant think straight on this for some fvking reason, thanks.

I say drop #3,and go for number 4.

You basically already know what to do. I say just go back to the beginning of the relationship. Whatever you used to say,do,act and behave towards her,do those things all over again. Definately don't try to have a rational,logical conversation with her about it. All the things you did to get her to go out with you in the beginning,just do them again.

 

[ljm]

Good call.



It's obvious she's just enjoying her new found freedom. Her intrest level in you may have dwindled for multiple reasons. She may be seeing somebody else, the intense connection that you both once had may be starting to die out a little bit, or she took "this seeing period is getting 2 know eachother to see how we go" as a form of rejection. She already brought up exclusivity and you rejected it.

^^Possibly seeing someone else as she has been hanging around a new group of guys recently, and she knows that this crosses my boundaries. I always told her from the start i wont lock you in a cage and tell you what you can or cannot do, or if she bought other guys up i would tell her dont push the line. She knew that if you cross my boundaires you suffer the consequences.

which leads me to.....
Maybe i should act and just walk, maybe she really is testing the man in me...maybe if i do act as i said i would she will realise im the real deal and will crawl back?

She may now just be looking for other options. If you want to keep her as a **** buddy, remain your course, proceed with your life, and don't worry about it... she'll start to miss you. If you want something more than a transient sexual relationship, wait until she initiates again and you eventually see eachother, and then use the oppourtunity to test the waters. The next time she offers a relationship, should you want one, accept it but on specific terms of your own.


^^This is how i was but i waited as i knew once she got her car **** would be different, she even hinted 2 me i would hate it when the situation came to this as she would always be out, so she knew it was coming to this.

Until then ... just continue seeing other women.

Thanks for your input.

 

[ljm]

I like this first part of your post. You've obviously learned a lot from somewhere,either here on the forum ,or other seduction material. However,this part where you said you mentioned your boundries to her,you should have known that once you verbalize your boundries to a woman,that's exactly what she's going to zero in on sooner or later. Even though you initially did everything darn near perfect in my opinion,if (or rather when) she decides to test one of the boundries you set up,if you don't stick to what you said concerning those boundries,then incongruency may start to unravel all of the previous groundwork you laid from the beginning.

Something seem weird about this. Even if her so-called "uncle" did tell her she's not ready for a relationship,why would she bring this up to you? I don't know man,this just seems strange.
Ahh yes. The old "it's not you,it's me" line. A true classic....you know this is HORSE MANURE,right?Pardon my french,but this statement from her is one other DUMBEST things I've heard of on this forum. She got her driver's license. Well great. Good for her. Yes,it does feel good to get your license and to be able to drive whenever you want. But what's this thing she said about "enjoying being free"? Does she mean freedom to go whenever and wherever she wants,or freedom from you? It seems to me like she's replacing you with the fact that she has a license and can go wherever she wants. Please tell me I'm mistaken about this.
Why is this subject even being brought up by her?

Sex is emotional for women. Therefore,if she's withdrawing sex from the relationship,that means that her heart/feelings/emotions were withdrawn first.

To me,this seems like she's lost respect for you. You're not going to like this,but imo,this means that somewhere,you screwed up. As I said before,you started this thing off flawlessly. But somewhere along the way,something happened.
You might want to think back at least to where her behavior first changed to see if you failed a major test or something.

This is how you think she about things at the moment.

I like this. Keep it up.

I'd be careful with this one. You can do it,but if she calls your bluff,and you stay with her anyway,it's ALL OVER,even if you're techically still in the relationship.

Don't do this one. Never tell a woman how you feel. It just never works.

I say drop #3,and go for number 4.

You basically already know what to do. I say just go back to the beginning of the relationship. Whatever you used to say,do,act and behave towards her,do those things all over again. Definately don't try to have a rational,logical conversation with her about it. All the things you did to get her to go out with you in the beginning,just do them again.

Hmmmm also sounds good to go for number 4 and not bring **** up otherwise i become the ***** bringing up the relationship word.


What do you guys think of a girl going jet-skiing with 15 guys and 4 girl mates on a regular basis of late? Plus half the time these guys are in the background when im talking to her? Plus sometimes they are at her friends house kicking back or going out "running a muck" She tells me she feels like she is disrespecting me when she does this, and she misses me when im not around I know what you guys are thinking....AFC keeping tabs a true DON JUAN does not give a ****, TRUTH, i act as though i dont give a fuk when i hear em in the background while on the phone 2 her or when she tries 2 bring them up, if problems like these become constant i pull her up on it and say hey...lay off on it for a bit.

Even at the start of seeing eachother she would ask if one of her guy mates would come past and say hi, or if she could go to a certain club for the night. I would let her but since she gave me the power by asking i would act as if i was thinking deep about it almost like she wouldnt be able to go. Then i would answer with a short ok thats fine, dont act up *****

Lately she does not even ask that. A little shady if you ask me.....i think this leads me 2 her getting over it and loving the fact that i'm there in the background.

Which brings me back to Igetit! suggesting for me to take action with number 4

This sounds like what a man of many options who does not give a **** or take no **** would do, and i like this the best so far.

[/QUOTE]
I say drop #3,and go for number 4.

You basically already know what to do. I say just go back to the beginning of the relationship. Whatever you used to say,do,act and behave towards her,do those things all over again. Definately don't try to have a rational,logical conversation with her about it. All the things you did to get her to go out with you in the beginning,just do them again.[/QUOTE]

 

[Igetit!]

Everything you've described about what's going on with your girlfriend I've been through before. Yes,I've experienced how things are so wonderful and like on cloud 9 at the beginning,and how it seems like the two of you can't get enough of each other. Then for a while,it seems like the relationship is on cruise control and instead of you being the MAN and continuing to lead things,you just sit back and go with the flow. Then all of the sudden it seems like the woman slowly starts to ease out of the relationship. Now,instead of you two not being able to get enough of each other,all of the sudden,she's "busy". Oh she'll still call you from time to time,but something just feel different when you two talk to each other. It "feels" different,but you don't know why. And like every time you try to spend time with her,she has some excuse as to why she can't hang out. It's like you almost have to persuade/try to talk her into hanging out with you,whereas in the beginning,you couldn't keep her away from you.

It's simple what's going on here. Her IL for you is low. And it's not because she now has a car and can drive. She said that she feels like she disrespects you when she hangs out with all these other guys and girl,right? Well,if she feels bad for doing this,then stop doing it. If she thinks she's doing something to hurt or disrespect you,then why doesn't she just stop doing it?
What's she going to do? Tell you she feels bad for doing something,then keep on doing it?

Man I hate saying this,I HATE it. But if you want to turn this thing around,I say go no contact for a while. Don't call her. If she calls you,tell her you were just headed out the door and you can't talk long. And as far as sex is concerned,don't say nothing about it. You do this long enough,then she'll start to wonder where you're at,what you're doing,and since you never say anything about sex,she might even think you're cheating or something. Just withdraw emotionally from her. She'll feel it,then she'll draw closer to you in order to find out what's going on. Keep doing this,then she'll get emotionally reattached to you without even realizing it.

She may enjoy hanging out with her friends,but she'll abandon her friends for chemistry. I guarantee you that.

 

[horaholic]

Anyway fast foward up to now, she recently got her drivers lisence and hardly initiates to meet up anymore.

Ummm.... Quick question... How old is this girl, who 'just got her license?' And how old was she when you met? Couldn't help but notice that you're 22.

I was gonna tell you that maybe you're relying to much on controlling the frame, and not showing her a good time.

She's going jet skiing a lot, with a bunch of dudes. You realize that everyone involved will be wet, and scantily clothed right? You also realize that she IS getting attention from every dude there right? And you DO realize, that out of 15 dudes, there may be one or two that can trigger attraction right? Also, if I read your original post right, it isn't a 'relationship' yet. She's single, she knows it, and she's surrounded by half naked dudes, and you're on the other end being controlling. Dont think that all her friends arent telling her "fvck that guy. He doesnt own you. Do what you want." Its over, dude. Walk away.

 

[iambrian81]

Another way is to get a bunch of female friends and hangout with them. Flip the script back at her.

She'll get jealous and want to know what the hell you're doing with your female friends.

 

[Dannyrt34]

she recently got her drivers lisence and hardly initiates to meet up anymore

She RECENTLY got her driver's license? How old is she? For one, I stopped dating any girls under 21. Any younger than that and their usually immature, not to mention there's a whole new world of dates to go on if she is at least 21.

From what it sounds like, she's just a typical young girl, finally getting freedom, especially with getting her license. That's a point in everyones lives where it's hard to be tied down. You can't hope for much here. You have your options messed up too, none of those are very good

Your REAL options:
1. Put up with it, and continue to not be happy with somebody that doesn't offer you what you want in a relationship.
2. Go out and find somebody that does possess the qualities you look for in a girl.

Remember when you're making this decision, you can't CHANGE HER.

 

[ljm]

Thanks for all advice so far guys.

Lately i have been in my head 2 much worrying about keeping her instead of attracting her, especially since it seems i may have competition this has thwron me off balance and fvcked my frame. ALl this serious talk of what she wants and all that bs hasn't helped and has made me overanalyse, ive been in 2 deep with her.

Time for me to step back on the horse and get back to being the one who is light hearted non outcome dependant, non needy and positive yet full of fun.

WIll keep you guys posted, thanks again.

 

[Nutz]

I understand what is going on but my question is which option should I take
Sidenote: she has even started to withdraw sex and han out with guy mates recently, at the start she never did this. She even withdrew sex recently saying she was seeing if i was genuine or not.

Time to NEXT her IMO. You may be able to lay down the law, but honestly she's going out and getting into the crazy stupid phase of her life now that she's got newfound independence that comes with getting a car.

What you're experiencing is not unlike what happens when women get boob jobs while in a relationship. They go buck wild from the attention and screw around a bunch leaving the guy they were with in the dust.

 

[Warrior74]

Remember this in the game and you will do alot better. Supreme taught us that in this game it's "Cop and Blow". Sometimes you will "cop" or get a girl and after a while she will 'blow out" or leave. This is the nature of the game. Unless you plan on being in a standard boyfriend/girlfriend relationship they will move on at some point. You have to be prepared for that. It comes with the territory. Most guys here will try to give you tips to keep her on your team, but honestly, when she starts to move on, you loose all of your strength and status by trying to keep her on your team. You have to let her go, she can still respect you for sticking to your rules and she might come back later for fun or to stay for a while. Detach yourself emotionally. She took some dyck before you and she will take some after you. You are just renting the pvssy for a while. Good luck.

 

[Tha Realnezz]

Something you must of said that makes her think you only want sex.

The minute women say dumb a$$ **** about sex or witholding it.Somewhere along the line you let her think shes about sex...

 

[ljm]

Just a thought, what if shes doing this just to see how much i really like her or maybe to get me to open up more? As i have been a massive challenge for her all this time she may doing this to see how much i really am into her by withdrawing time and attention? (it has been about 3 months since we have started seeing eachother). She may be sick of feeling like she is the one putting in more than i did??? (Possible power move)

I just feel as though this is to test if im really in for the long run or not and is wanting me to pursue more perhaps take more initiative, more of the lead......
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