Girl has "such a busy week" and becomes more flaky

[RangerMIke]

Okay... until she asks you to be her exclusive BF you must know she is seeing other men: as you should be dating other women.

This one, IMO is starting to feel you are into her more than she is into you... so she is putting distance between you. Just let her go, don't chase. Try to make dates, and if she makes things hard just go date other women.

One more thing, if she starts talking about other men... texting other dudes when she is with you... flaking on plans... she is sending you a message that you should let her go. A woman that is really into you, but is dating other men, will have enough respect for you not to rub it in your face. Don't let it get all emotional and stupid, just go not only is it better for your state of mind, but at least she will have respect for you.... rather than she thinking you are some clueless creepy a-hole.

 

[TOneThousand]

@Lotus Effect Appreciate the insightful response. Yes, I already forgot her and moved on from her. Not sure if I was clear about that before but once she full on flaked I figured it was done and a waste of time. Yep a speck in the grand scheme

I know exactly what you're saying and it's good advice. Focus on myself and whether I'm on my game and don't waste mental energy about stupid sh*t that may or may not occur. Thank you

@RangerMIke I'm with you about letting her go. Right until there has been some exclusive relationship always assume both of you are involved with other people. It's a good point about when a woman is really into you she won't be texting other guys in front of you etc. Gotcha on that

 

[Clockwerk50]

It's important these days to make women invest heavily and I'm not just talking about sex although that does help if you're good at giving her orgasms

You want to get her doing stuff for you , cooking , cleaning bringing you things , planning things sharing her hobbies with you and vice versa

The dating market is way way too competitive these days to just think a couple of rounds of mediocre sex and drinks is going to get a woman focused on you

Remember EVERYTHING you do gets fed back to her friendship circles who will be offering their own counsel and that counsel is very very rarely going to be in your favour unless you have a good track record

You have to be creative with her emotions to avoid these flaky situations

I was reflecting on this the other day, and you’re right—many men don’t allow women to invest in the relationship by proving themselves or giving them the opportunity to do so.

Another way for them to invest is by introducing a bit of tension through well-timed disagreements or fights. By making up and actively working on the relationship afterward, they can create a stronger bond that will be difficult to break.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I was reflecting on this the other day, and you’re right—many men don’t allow women to invest in the relationship by proving themselves or giving them the opportunity to do so.

Another way for them to invest is by introducing a bit of tension through well-timed disagreements or fights. By making up and actively working on the relationship afterward, they can create a stronger bond that will be difficult to break.

The more she invests the more she will be unwilling to "give up" so easily since she has spent time and effort.

Without any effort it's easy for her to just walk away. Human nature.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

The more she invests the more she will be unwilling to "give up" so easily since she has spent time and effort.

That's why you should only date women who are invested in the relationship at least as much or more than you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

That's why you should only date women who are invested in the relationship at least as much or more than you.

Yup, and getting them to invest doesn't have to be big things either, it can be small things.

Everytime you ask them to do something for you and they do it, it causes them to invest in you a little more.

One of my favorite things was when I had a woman coming over to cook dinner with me for the first time, she would often ask if she could bring anything. Most guys will say "No, I got everything".

Wrong.

I always told them to bring something to drink or some dessert and then before they would come over I'd text them that I forgot something and asked them if they could pick up something small like some cheese or a cucumber on the way over.

It seems stupid but it all goes back to increasing their investment. Now she has to stop again for you on the way and get something because she likely already got what she was planning to bring over.

 

[TOneThousand]

The more she invests the more she will be unwilling to "give up" so easily since she has spent time and effort.

Without any effort it's easy for her to just walk away. Human nature.

Well said here

I have a recent v minor example where I failed to do this. Was talking to girl at a bar and had good rapport. I had to walk off for a minute to take care of something, when I do she asks if I want her to hold my drink. I said no and just walked off. Then came back and the chemistry felt off. Should definitely have had her hold my drink and then when I came back rewarded her good behavior by thanking her and rubbing her back, etc

My first instinct is always to be non-needy, which I recognize can be a problem

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well said here

I have a recent v minor example where I failed to do this. Was talking to girl at a bar and had good rapport. I had to walk off for a minute to take care of something, when I do she asks if I want her to hold my drink. I said no and just walked off. Then came back and the chemistry felt off. Should definitely have had her hold my drink and then when I came back rewarded her good behavior by thanking her and rubbing her back, etc

My first instinct is always to be non-needy, which I recognize can be a problem

Letting her hold your drink when she asks isn't being needy.

Being needy would be you asking her to hold your drink, her saying no and then you begging her to do it.

Being needy stems from you initiating something and then doing some form of begging or pleading to get your way or following up way too often(ie, you texting multiple times when a woman doesn't respond within a certain timeframe).

It stems from a "want" or "need" you are trying to get the other person to fulfill. You can't be needy when you didn't even initiate this to begin with and she offered. I mean unless you went to the bathroom and texted her like 3 times to make sure she still had it or something.

In your case, you would be allowing her to invest in you, which you chose not to do. It's always wise to let them invest in you.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Well said here

I have a recent v minor example where I failed to do this. Was talking to girl at a bar and had good rapport. I had to walk off for a minute to take care of something, when I do she asks if I want her to hold my drink. I said no and just walked off. Then came back and the chemistry felt off. Should definitely have had her hold my drink and then when I came back rewarded her good behavior by thanking her and rubbing her back, etc

My first instinct is always to be non-needy, which I recognize can be a problem

I think that sometimes you take verbal responses at face value. She doesn't want to 'hold your drink'. She was wondering where you were going and if you would return, but she didn't want to sound needy, so she offered to hold your drink. When you said no and wandered off, she was disappointed and broke the emotional connection. You were gone and would not return.
So then, when you suddenly return, her emotional investment was already gone, because she hadn't anticipated on that.

It would've been better if you had said, "I'd appreciate that.", because that allows you to not return without facing recriminations. After all, you just said you appreciate her gesture, you didn't promise to return (which would be implied in 'yes, please hold my drink'), but you can still make her anticipate your return.. And if you return and she hasn't 'held your drink' for you, you can be mock offended and tell her you cannot even let her be in charge of holding your drink.

Women make a sport out of indirect communication. You have to know how to play that game.

 

[TOneThousand]

@BackInTheGame78 good distinction between what is actually needy vs investing. Texting her three times from the bathroom... hahah

I think that sometimes you take verbal responses at face value. She doesn't want to 'hold your drink'. She was wondering where you were going and if you would return, but she didn't want to sound needy, so she offered to hold your drink. When you said no and wandered off, she was disappointed and broke the emotional connection. You were gone and would not return.
So then, when you suddenly return, her emotional investment was already gone, because she hadn't anticipated on that.

Good breakdown @AmsterdamAssassin , have to know how to play along with this game

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

have to know how to play along with this game

I think a big 'take-away' from this is that accepting her offer is not needy. If you accept her investment, you actually boost your reputation with her. She thinks you're worth investing in. If you accept her investment as something that happens to you all the time (women offering you favours), you increase your own value and slightly decrease the value of her investment. That will probably lead her to investing more, to impress you that her investment has value. I believe PUA call that 'qualifying'.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I also.had to adjust to this bro. It's the new way the game is played. Most women are immune to the "power of D1ck".

That's why you should be able to offer more than just d!ck. It's not rocket science.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

That's why you should be able to offer more than just d!ck. It's not rocket science.

Especially with the decrease of testosterone in the recent generations, guys might want to work on their manual dexterity and tongue twisters.

 

[TOneThousand]

I think a big 'take-away' from this is that accepting her offer is not needy. If you accept her investment, you actually boost your reputation with her. She thinks you're worth investing in. If you accept her investment as something that happens to you all the time (women offering you favours), you increase your own value and slightly decrease the value of her investment. That will probably lead her to investing more, to impress you that her investment has value. I believe PUA call that 'qualifying'.

Your summary of this takeaway is on point. Thanks bro