Girl has initiated contact last three days, but has cancelled date due to sickness

[fmfan08]

I met this Spanish girl on an online dating website and we've had two dates, in which she has shown plenty of IOIs like touching, laughing at my bad jokes, asking me questions and getting very close to me in the cinema.

After both dates she has contacted me as normal, we've teased one another before I ask her out for the next date, which is always my aim when texting.

Last Sunday, we arranged a date for this current Wednesday. The conversation started by me pretending to read her mind, joking that she wanted to have drinks with me then take advantage of me. She replied "Well I'd like you sober to take advantage, you'll have to wait and see what happens". I then arranged place, date and time and she agreed.

Now, the last three days she has initiated contact, texting me stuff like "hello!! hows your day going?, "hello naughty boy!! how you doing?" and "Hi naughty ninja how r u?".

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Our recent texting went as follows:

GIRL: Hi naughty ninja how r u?
ME: I'm as cool as a cucumber how about you, cheeky?
GIRL: Hahahah I'm ill!!
GIRL: I got a cold!
ME: I bet this means I'll have to bring a protective mask tomorrow, so I don't catch your cold (n)
GIRL: Or maybe we could change the plans, cause I don't feel too good to go for a drink, except if it's a hot toddy in a place with blankets! Hahah
ME: I was going to take us bowling, no drinks. Should be warm in there if you're up for it, I'll bring my secret special blanket for you

(two hours later at 11.30pm)

ME: No worries anyway, we can always do this another night.. Just let me know when you're feeling better and up for it
(following morning) GIRL: Yes please! Cause I had fever last night, and I feel terrible!

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I should have just sent her that second text, than both, but guess because she always texts multiple times in a row to me, I wasn't bothered with two texts in a row.

Do you think she is blowing me off and is uninterested, or genuinely ill? I know people CAN get ill, but I've had similar problems in the past with other girls, although that was a time when I'd be chasing/acting more interested than the girl... Whereas here, this girl keeps initiating, etc but cancels.

 

[NSX-R]

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GIRL: Or maybe we could change the plans, cause I don't feel too good to go for a drink, except if it's a hot toddy in a place with blankets! Hahah

That was a miss. You could had suggested her to come over by your house, this is what she said in other words.
It's a good way to escalate and move things a little. It's also a great indicator of her interest towards you, so you wouldn't had any reason to doubt her if she wants you or not

 

[fmfan08]

That was a miss. You could had suggested her to come over by your house, this is what she said in other words.
It's a good way to escalate and move things a little. It's also a great indicator of her interest towards you, so you wouldn't had any reason to doubt her if she wants you or not

Good point.. I guess because it has been two dates I didn't want to move two fast but i've noticed her english is fairly good although she does mix up a few words, wasn't wanting to misinterpret her either.

Should I text her tomorrow checking in on her and how she is feeling?

 

[NSX-R]

Good point.. I guess because it has been two dates I didn't want to move two fast but i've noticed her english is fairly good although she does mix up a few words, wasn't wanting to misinterpret her either.

Should I text her tomorrow checking in on her and how she is feeling?

After 2 dates I think both of you know quite well each other , and I don't think it's too much or too fast. You have to always cope with the situation and find solutions.

If she's initiating all the time then I can't find any other reason why she wouldn't initiate again. Just response positively and let her set up a date again. There is also a high chance for her to wait for you to make the first step into asking her out but I'm sure she's going to show some signals for it.

 

[fmfan08]

After 2 dates I think both of you know quite well each other , and I don't think it's too much or too fast. You have to always cope with the situation and find solutions.

If she's initiating all the time then I can't find any other reason why she wouldn't initiate again. Just response positively and let her set up a date again. There is also a high chance for her to wait for you to make the first step into asking her out but I'm sure she's going to show some signals for it.

Thank you for the helpful advice.

I plan to drop her a message tomorrow to see how she's feeling with her fever, but I won't make it a conversation unless she makes it one with a question.

You're right though, if she is interested then I can't see her not initiating again.

 

[fmfan08]

Sent her a text at midday today saying "Hope that you're feeling better. Doctor (my name) suggests drinking ten cups of tea, cuddles and a smile".

She replied three minutes later with "I'm feeling better, thank you Oh yes, I need some cuddles!"

Two hours later, as I was working, I sent her "Then this doctor will do a home visit, and give you one dose of cuddles..."

She replied four hours later with "Ooh that would be the best medicine!!".

I'm assuming she's taken a while to reply because she could be at work, like I was.. But my gut seems to tell me she isn't interested, whereas earlier this week I seemed positive. Maybe the cancelled date has thrown me off. They always say trust your gut.

Am I overthinking? Would she reply like she has if she wasn't interested, even after cancelling? I'm wondering whether to wait until Sunday, or just ask her tomorrow when she'd be next free. I know she isn't the sort to come seeking out plans, that she'd wait on me instead.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

In short: yes, you're over-thinking

Long answer version: Reality check - people get sick. If she throws this at you as a reason not to go on a date, you can't just automatically assume she's blowing you off. Why? No established pattern. If you asked her out 3 times and each time she came up with the "I'm sick" or "I'm too busy" excuse, you could then surmise she has low interest...

...but again: it's not a pattern, and people DO get sick. When this happens, you say "Oh, okay - well, feel better, I'll check on you in a few days then." Then wait a week and call her up - most colds don't take longer than a week to go away. At this point, if you call her again and THEN she gives you some kind of crap excuse, then you can assume the previous sickness was a fake-out.

Bottom line: unless there's a pattern, don't go assuming they're disinterested. As much as we'd like to think a girl giving us an excuse is a personal attack on our ability to attract women, the reality is that sometimes things DO come up where a girl has a legit reason to cancel.

 

[fmfan08]

In short: yes, you're over-thinking

Long answer version: Reality check - people get sick. If she throws this at you as a reason not to go on a date, you can't just automatically assume she's blowing you off. Why? No established pattern. If you asked her out 3 times and each time she came up with the "I'm sick" or "I'm too busy" excuse, you could then surmise she has low interest...

...but again: it's not a pattern, and people DO get sick. When this happens, you say "Oh, okay - well, feel better, I'll check on you in a few days then." Then wait a week and call her up - most colds don't take longer than a week to go away. At this point, if you call her again and THEN she gives you some kind of crap excuse, then you can assume the previous sickness was a fake-out.

Bottom line: unless there's a pattern, don't go assuming they're disinterested. As much as we'd like to think a girl giving us an excuse is a personal attack on our ability to attract women, the reality is that sometimes things DO come up where a girl has a legit reason to cancel.

Would two days after cancelling to set up a date be too soon? Was thinking to be direct, because I don't want to waste much time with idle chatter, rather see her face to face.

 

[fmfan08]

So...you are

naughty ninja?





So ...you are naughty ninja?

That's what she texted me. Ninjas are an inside joke of ours.

 

[fmfan08]

Before I sent her "I wonder what mischief you've been up to today" and she's just replied "Today?? Haha I put up the christmas tree and working until late".

I've sent one back joking about something she's said and asked when she's next free to get together.

Does anyone think her responses are closed off? Obviously she's working, going off her reply and the hours between her responses, so maybe she's replying quickly when she sees it

 

[esev8]

I don´t want to be mean but i think she is totally flaking on you, the only good sign i see is that she replies to your texts,
You went on 2 dates with her and you didnt f-close her? what are you thinking?

 

[fmfan08]

I don´t want to be mean but i think she is totally flaking on you, the only good sign i see is that she replies to your texts,
You went on 2 dates with her and you didnt f-close her? what are you thinking?

To be honest, we were nowhere near her place and I don't want to think i'm using her for quick sex, if it happens then it will. But no doubt you're right, she most likely is flaking on me, something I should be used to by now.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Would two days after cancelling to set up a date be too soon? Was thinking to be direct, because I don't want to waste much time with idle chatter, rather see her face to face.

Yes, it's too soon. Again, you don't know for sure if she was flaking or not. At the same time, though, you don't want to come across as one of those guys who's desperate for her time. Asking her out two days after a cancellation makes you appear like a kid who's desperate to go to an amusement park right after you were supposed to go but didn't go at the last minute 'cause it rained:

KID: Hey, so it's not raining anymore - can we go to the park today? Or how about tomorrow? Or how about this weekend? Can we?? Can we, huh? Are you free to take me? Please say you can take me, please, please?!?

Do NOT look like this. That's why I said wait a week - gives her plenty of "recovery time" from her cold (if she needs it) and doesn't make you look desperate for her time. Plus, it helps you to better read her interest level - if you wait a week and she contacts YOU during that time asking "Hey, so I'm better, when can we go out?" you'll know her interest is there and is somewhat high. If you wait a week and call her and she accepts the new date right away, you know here interest is there and is somewhat high. If you wait a week and she's still giving you the "sick" excuse, you know she's b.s.ing you, here interest is not there, and you can move on.

So yeah... WAIT A WEEK to ask her out again.

 

[Trump]

I met this Spanish girl on an online dating website and we've had two dates, in which she has shown plenty of IOIs like touching, laughing at my bad jokes, asking me questions and getting very close to me in the cinema.

Now, the last three days she has initiated contact, texting me stuff like "hello!! hows your day going?, "hello naughty boy!! how you doing?" and "Hi naughty ninja how r u?".

------------------------------------

Our recent texting went as follows:

GIRL: Hi naughty ninja how r u?
ME: I'm as cool as a cucumber how about you, cheeky?
GIRL: Hahahah I'm ill!!
GIRL: I got a cold!

You: Let's arrange for another time when you are feeling better. Get well soon.


That's it . You put the ball in her court. None of this ****y funny crap.

 

[grayclif]

To be honest, we were nowhere near her place and I don't want to think i'm using her for quick sex, if it happens then it will. But no doubt you're right, she most likely is flaking on me, something I should be used to by now.

Give yourself a break from thinking about this girl. She's sick or she doesn't want to see you. I just think you've built it it up so much that it will likely fail. Spin plates so things like this don't take on so much importance In your life.

 

[RangerMIke]

To be honest, we were nowhere near her place and I don't want to think i'm using her for quick sex, if it happens then it will. But no doubt you're right, she most likely is flaking on me, something I should be used to by now.

Wrong mindset.... she has to believe you want to have sex with her. You push for sex, she pushes back.... this is what women expect. If you don't give her indications you want her for sex you INSULT her. She will put you in the 'friends only' category because she is not going to invest time in a man that isn't giving indications that her wants to fvck her.

No one is saying that you should drive hours for a bootie call, but you have to give her indications that you might. Always push for sex... when she says....

" I'm sick " you say "I don't care"
" I'm on my period:, you say "I don't care"
" I have a busy day tomorrow." you say "I don't care."

Women do not know what to do with men that don't want to fvck them except to categorize them as friends or family. Once you are in that category it is VERY hard to break out.

 

[fmfan08]

Text her last night, she was working late but replied. I'll include timestamps.

[23:33] girl - Today?? Haha I put the christmas tree and I'm working until late
[00:05] me - I'll send my midget ninjas to steal your tree then. If you're feeling better, I'd like to show you my famous bowling skills... When would you be free to get together?
[00:38] girl - Hahahaha Oh no!! I'll lock the door!
[01:00] girl - I'm off on Sunday
[02:50] girl - Omg!!! How happy I am right now in my bed!!
[14:31] me - And how happy my ninjas are with their new tree!! Will get my rota tomorrow to see if I'm off Sunday.. And nah, you're missing my cuddles...
[14:36] girl - Hahaha you're right!

Should have waited until I get my rota tomorrow but I'll arrange on a night we're free. I'll most likely be working until 10 on Sunday. Seems promising, but we won't know until the actual date. It's easy to agree to plans, but having it happen will be the answer i'm wanting.. All learning experience

 

[esev8]

At least she talks to you but you have to see her real IL in you (interest level).
Keep the convo shorter and straight to meeting up with her
Don´t throw cuddles and gay/AFC shiit like that you haven´t f-closed her yet.
If i was you i would take her for coffee or a drink on sunday no need to go bowling and then escalate from the date to end up fvcking her!

 

[pyros]

1 I think you're overthinking and getting paranoid.
2 I think she is interested.
3 When in doubt if she's flaking or not, just tell her something like:
""ok, shoot me a text when you want to get together." and you put the ball in her court and stop contacting her.


I did this twice this month with two girls that I thought were kind of interested in me, but nope, I was wrong. They haven't contacted me and it's been two weeks.
But you know what....? I dont care, I really forgot about them but I just did as I said in #3 and told them to contact me. They did not. So be it.

This way I carried on with my life, did other stuff, and did not worry about these two, who could come back sometime in the future as it happened with other chicks.

 

[Maximus Rex]

I met this Spanish girl on an online dating website and we've had two dates, in which she has shown plenty of IOIs like touching, laughing at my bad jokes, asking me questions and getting very close to me in the cinema.

After both dates she has contacted me as normal, we've teased one another before I ask her out for the next date, which is always my aim when texting.

Last Sunday, we arranged a date for this current Wednesday. The conversation started by me pretending to read her mind, joking that she wanted to have drinks with me then take advantage of me. She replied "Well I'd like you sober to take advantage, you'll have to wait and see what happens". I then arranged place, date and time and she agreed.

Now, the last three days she has initiated contact, texting me stuff like "hello!! hows your day going?, "hello naughty boy!! how you doing?" and "Hi naughty ninja how r u?".

------------------------------------

Our recent texting went as follows:

GIRL: Hi naughty ninja how r u?
ME: I'm as cool as a cucumber how about you, cheeky?
GIRL: Hahahah I'm ill!!
GIRL: I got a cold!
ME: I bet this means I'll have to bring a protective mask tomorrow, so I don't catch your cold (n)
GIRL: Or maybe we could change the plans, cause I don't feel too good to go for a drink, except if it's a hot toddy in a place with blankets! Hahah
ME: I was going to take us bowling, no drinks. Should be warm in there if you're up for it, I'll bring my secret special blanket for you

(two hours later at 11.30pm)

ME: No worries anyway, we can always do this another night.. Just let me know when you're feeling better and up for it
(following morning) GIRL: Yes please! Cause I had fever last night, and I feel terrible!

------------------------------------

I should have just sent her that second text, than both, but guess because she always texts multiple times in a row to me, I wasn't bothered with two texts in a row.

Do you think she is blowing me off and is uninterested, or genuinely ill? I know people CAN get ill, but I've had similar problems in the past with other girls, although that was a time when I'd be chasing/acting more interested than the girl... Whereas here, this girl keeps initiating, etc but cancels.

Bruh, can dear ole Rex ask you a question? Sure Rex, why not. What do you want to ask? Dude why aren't you