Girl has high IL, but there's another dude..

[RSanders219]

Hey guys, so I've been dating this girl for about 2 months now. Nothing serious yet, we're not exclusive together yet. And this is cool by me since I'm spinning plates and all that. But I think she may be trying to fvck with my head to get my jealous.

So we were talking last night just hanging out about what we had to do the following day. I told her I was going to be working all day, and she told me she had some school work to do before her final. Nothing out of the ordinary here.

But then this is what kinda pissed me off..

She said to me "Oh yeah ___ is coming home tomorrow from college he told me he wants to hangout with me, I'm probably just going to study and go to bed though"

When she told me this I acted completely nonchalant and aloof. I just said "Oh yeah that's cool" and changed the subject.

Now this guy she is talking about has fvcked her before. I kinda swept her away from him when we started seeing each other, but they were just fvck buddies and he had a girlfriend so it didn't seem like that much of a problem to me.

I really don't think this is worth stressing over honestly. She's falling for me pretty hard.. Texts and calls me every day, but I reply with brief messages or don't at all if I'm too busy. She always schedules hangouts and tells me how attractive I am.. blah blah. I don't think I've ever complimented her.

The way I'm looking at this situation right now is.. If she fvcks him again, more power to her. You can't change a wh0re and why would I really want to date one? I would just like to know IF she fvcks him so I know when to tell her to take a hike.

Any insight to this situation guys? I know I'm being a bit hypocritical here since we're not exclusive and I am talking to other girls, but just knowing she might potentially get fvcked by some other dude tonight honestly pisses me off.

 

[mahoney]

total hypocrisy

you're not exclusive, and don't have any grounds to react badly if she has sex with someone else (its ok to feel a bit annoyed but nothing more than that, you have to learn to take that in your stride)

like most on here, you are unable to see that in the early stages of anything, a high IL from a girl to one dude doesn't (and shouldnt) mean they drop anything else that is going on. The subtext is dudes expecting to go from nothing to a serious exclusive relationship (some of the posters on here seem to want that to happen after one date!). becoming exclusive is something that happens gradually as it becomes more serious. you don't have any say over what she does with anyone else right now. She's not trying to fvck with your head, she has every right to sleep with someone else (as do you)

If you want to become exclusive well then that will just have to happen in its own time, but right now if she has sex with someone else, it doesn't make her a ***** and you shouldn't throw a possibility away over stupid pride and insecure jealousy

 

[Cherokee]

you shouldn't throw a possibility away over stupid pride and insecure jealousy

Mahoney is right in all that he says, especially the last bit.

If you want exclusivity with this girl, then play it cool, enjoy your life, be the fun guy that she wants to be around.

And for the love of God or whoever you believe in, don't get insecure and jealous.

 

[RSanders219]

Thanks guys, great opinions and arguments on the subject. I'm gonna kick this jealousy thing, have fun, and I'll just keep doing my thing!

 

[bigneil]

A woman cannot have high interest level in more than one man. A woman with high interest level is faithful. (Doc Love).

 

[RSanders219]

A woman cannot have high interest level in more than one man. A woman with high interest level is faithful. (Doc Love).

I would say this is true once the relationship is concrete and exclusive. But when two people are just casually dating (like my situation) the concept of "faithfulness" hasn't entered the picture yet.

 

[bigneil]

I would go NC while she still has feelings for you. Drop off the face of the Earth and make her come looking for you. The grass is always greener on the other side.

 

[nismo-4]

A woman can get f**ked at absolutely any time. Most men do not have this kind of carte blanche.

There is always another dude with any woman you're talking to. Even the fatties and uglies have other dudes after them.

 

[EFFORT]

I'm spinning plates and all that.

How many other women are you having sex with?

 

[GhostWriter]

I think It's BS you have to deal with your girl getting manhandled by another guy. The only thing you can do is sit back and keep it cool if you want an exclusive relationship.

The hell with that.

I know people on here will say 2 months isn't a long time, but if I'm dating a girl for two months and she pulls that crap on me (assuming she is going to sleep with him) I'd kick her to the curb b/c obviously her interest level isn't as high as I assumed.

 

[BadNews]

I think its a possibility she actually does like you quite a bit (and apparently you like her otherwise you wouldnt be bothered by this whatsoever). HOWEVER, I think it is entirely possible (after 2 months) you may be playing a little too hard to get...especially if this girl IS looking to get exclusive with you. She is obviously testing you in some way, and is waiting to see your response. WHAT she wants as a response is the question. She could come to the conclusion that you're not all that interested in her, and decide she wants to move on. If you're only in it to fvck her, who cares right. If you like the girl and are interested in the idea of a (OMG) relationship with her..you might wanna give up a LITTLE bit of ground.

Picking up/fvcking women is one thing, working towards a healthy relationship is something entirely different...and is a two way street.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[ELMER_GANTRY]

Who cares and why should you? She's not your girlfriend. She is probably f***ing guys that you don't even know about besides this guy. Are you going to get mad about them too? You call her a wh0re and want to date her lol. Most girls you date will be f***ing other guys or will have f***** other guys prior to you. so dont worry about it.

 

[nismo-4]

Who cares and why should you? She's not your girlfriend. She is probably f***ing guys that you don't even know about besides this guy. Are you going to get mad about them too? You call her a wh0re and want to date her lol. Most girls you date will be f***ing other guys or will have f***** other guys prior to you. so dont worry about it.

This is a very true post except for the things that I colored!!!

The red word should be changed to always.

The blue word should be changed to all.

This post will be kept in my courtroom files under dating realities. You are awarded rep!

Case closed.

 

[Jblitz59]

monopoly

But then this is what kinda pissed me off..

She said to me "Oh yeah ___ is coming home tomorrow from college he told me he wants to hangout with me, I'm probably just going to study and go to bed though"

sh!t test




Pass? Go Directly passed go! collect 200 hundred dollars
Fail? Insecure, jealous. Failed! Better luck next time

 

[schttrj]

I would say this is true once the relationship is concrete and exclusive. But when two people are just casually dating (like my situation) the concept of "faithfulness" hasn't entered the picture yet.

There's a difference between dating someone and meeting someone. If someone just meets u up for a good time, then there's no 'exclusivity' in the relationship. But if someone is dating you, then she is invested in you. That calls for exclusivity, in the sense that a hooker may have interest in you but she will have that for others too.

But a decent woman will control her urges and will only have that for you, that's why she is dating you in the first place. Guys, try to understand the theory of meeting vs. dating.

When you are just out having fun, no exclusivity. But when you are out with special someone, that calls for a little exclusivity. That's how it works.

 

[runner83]

Who cares and why should you? She's not your girlfriend. She is probably f***ing guys that you don't even know about besides this guy. Are you going to get mad about them too? You call her a wh0re and want to date her lol. Most girls you date will be f***ing other guys or will have f***** other guys prior to you. so dont worry about it.

^ ^ This.

Whoever cares least controls the relationship.

You shouldn't give a damn about who else she is fvcking (assuming you are taking appropriate precautions), if you care about this sort of stuff, she is in control already.

Don't worry about this sh!t, just focus on being the best man you can be, and let her decide who she wants.