Girl has BF, but...

[bp47]

I'm quite confused about something and I was wondering if you could help me out a little here.

Two months ago I met this (Chinese) girl who moved here from the Netherlands to start her business with her sister (24 & 25 years of age), they became pretty good clients at my dad's company, and after seeing her 2 times or so in our office/her business I decided to add the both of them on facebook, seeing they had moved in not that long before and they might want to make some new friends or whatnot.

So they both accepted my friend request and then I discovered she has a boyfriend who lives about 140 miles away and I didn't talk to either of the girls for the first week or 2, then she commented on one of my pictures and I ended up making a joke to her about her comment in private chat, but cut off the conversation not much later...

A week or 2 after that she suddenly started talking to me asking me what I was doing at the time, and after asking me if I wanted to go for a drink, I said yes.

So the 2 of us went out for a drink and it was just a casual drink and I dropped her at her house 1 or 2 hours later.

We went out like 8 times in 12 days even though she works 12 hour days 5 days a week, which kind of surprised me.

I was suspect that she wanted something more because of the way she talked to me, double bottom type of things and asking me what I'm doing quite a lot, and inviting me over and all that stuff.

I figured she was just being very very friendly towards me and decided not to think anything about it, she has a boyfriend after all...

One night I did go out with her and 2 of my (male) friends, she was complaining about her boyfriend, saying it was hard to have a long distance relationship, and that relationships didn't matter much, it was all about work at this point.

By the time she had said this I had already developed a crush on her and I was pretty hurt by her saying that, and it was noticable that evening (so my friend said).

So we left the place after that drink and I decided I was just going to drop her off at her home, it wasn't going to be anything anyways and I was just going to get hurt, I figured.

So I tell her that I have to work tomorrow, it was rather late and I was better to get some sleep.

The following quote (translated) is from what followed:

Her: "No c'mon let's go do something... cmon" -while poking my arm once

Me: "So what do u want to do then?"

Her: -whips her hair- "I'm down for anything"

--

So at that point I didn't realise the situation and was confused and a little bit angry about what she said before, thinking did I just hear this correctly because she does have a boyfriend...

I dropped her off not long after that, only thing we did was stop at a parking and smoke a cigarette, and she smoked one too even though she's not a smoker.

Also, one of the days after that she posted on my public facebook wall "if i were still asleep"
I found that rather weird and was wondering what her boyfriend must think of that if he saw it.

A couple days after that I invited her to have a drink when she was done with work... she said yes, so I was just waiting for her to finish what she had to do so I could pick her up.

She suddenly messages me asking if it weren't better to just do some boardgame or play cards instead of going for a drink.

So she came over and we played some card/drink game with a bottle of bacardi, she was better than me at it (lol) and I was pretty drunk pretty quick, so after a while she decided to go home since it was already late, and I walked her home (she lives close).

On the way to her house I (drunk...) thought it would be a good idea to tell her I like her, and so I did...

The reaction was something along the lines of "Wow, you are fast... I can't do that to my boyfriend I'm sorry..."

So that was that, I was walking home alone, drunk and very, very sad about my 'rejection'.

So I was like **** IT and I decided not to talk to her much anymore, because I was quite dissapointed and wanted to prevent further harm being done to me emotionally, she kept talking to me and I once responded with something like "meh I don't care, its ok..." and she goes out of her way to say it was all great fun, she hated the situation that is now and she really wanted to be "really really good friends", stating she would be "a better friend to me than X ". (X being my best friend)

So from then on it all pretty much went downhill, we still talked and every couple of days we had a decent conversation but it wasn't as vivid or enthousiastic as before.

She still asks me "What are you doing now?" like twice a week but I haven't seen her privately in a month or so now, only at her work when I pick up an order.

She still likes pretty much all of my photo's and statuses on facebook (dont post much though...)

It seems like sometimes she's overly in love with her boyfriend and the other moment he doesn't exist or is unworthy of her. She rarely even replies to his public messages to her and I suppose it's quite obvious that her priority is not her boyfriend but rather her business.

Any idea on how I should handle this keeping in mind they're decent size clients that I would rather not rub the wrong way if possible.

She sends me messages out of nowhere every now and then so I do suppose that means she was thinking of me at the time.

She would very probably have cheated on her boyfriend with me, I feel alot of attraction to her physically and I would be down for being 'friends with benefits' with her.

I was looking for something serious at the time and was taking it too slow.

I'm a little confused as to what to do now as she still messages me and couldn't resist the temptation of posting here.

Kudos if you actually read this post and reply lol

 

[pyros]

I didnt finish reading your post cause its damn long but I can tell you one thing:

SHE WANTED TO FU-CK YOU, you idiot. You missed dozens of opportunities and then you decided to tell her that you like her...LMAO...

The poor girl just wanted to have sex with you, cheat on her bf and stuff, and you did not satisfy her needs. Dumbass...

 

[bp47]

yeah had trouble before when i did something with a girl that had a boyfriend, she kept accusing me of exploiting aweak moment of hers afterwards and there was quite some drama that got out of hand, didnt want it to happen again

and yeah i am a dumbass lol, must of been frustrating just to read it... wow

 

[sylvester the cat]

Let a girl know you like her through your actions not your words. If you must use your tongue to communicate you like her then do it by going down on her. Talk is cheap. Actions always speak louder.

 

[Naughty Fins]

Now why would you confess to a woman?

 

[Thorninmyside]

This chick wanted it so bad and man, you blew it so badly, but we've been there. Get reading. You have a lot of stuff to learn and put to work so that next time this happens, you'll be filing a lay report.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I didnt finish reading your post cause its damn long but I can tell you one thing:

SHE WANTED TO FU-CK YOU, you idiot. You missed dozens of opportunities and then you decided to tell her that you like her...LMAO...

The poor girl just wanted to have sex with you, cheat on her bf and stuff, and you did not satisfy her needs. Dumbass...

No need to be hostile Pyros, one could easily look up your posting history and say the same thing to you on many of your previous posts.

Everyone has to start somewhere.





PIMP

 

[nemz]

I'd be tempted to read the DJ guides, then go try find a single girl or risk getting your head kicked in...

In some countries pulling **** like that with another man's girl would get you f'kin shot... grow a pair dude, if they've got a partner, tell em you're not interested.

Hey, some of them will lie to your face and you'll **** anyway, but at least then you're getting pu$$y instead of being one.

 

[blind_one]

I didnt finish reading your post cause its damn long but I can tell you one thing:

SHE WANTED TO FU-CK YOU, you idiot. You missed dozens of opportunities and then you decided to tell her that you like her...LMAO...

The poor girl just wanted to have sex with you, cheat on her bf and stuff, and you did not satisfy her needs. Dumbass...

I second this wholeheartedly !!!

Seriously I wish I had opportunities like that, so many obvious buying signals. Don't let it get you down tho, I was even more oblivious to some situations, and probably still am to some extent.
Live and learn. I would try and cut contact maybe reinnitiate MUCH LATER but that would be a waste of mind.
Side note, I would not mess with ''business partners'' or whatever you call it since she is a customer.
But given the story you posted I'd probably fvck her

But enough of that. You've come to the right place. Stick around read post learn and ''great'' things await you.

 

[bp47]

can this be straightened out?

and pyros is right lol, i couldn't blame him

 

[JJMcLure]

Chicks will often retain their boyfriend until they find the next one. From what you wrote he sounds like he could be on the way out and the distance aspect reinforces that possibility. She might still be attached to him emotionally but be looking to have physical needs satisfied that he can't because of the distance. Ultimately, she wanted sex.

You waited far too long to make a move and it built up in your mind. Going out with someone 8 times in 12 days is a lot! Keep in mind you can have sex with a girl the first time. You missed a whole bunch of pretty obvious signals from her. Remember: chicks will give signals but they will expect the man to take action. You have to risk rejection. So what if you aren't sure of the signals? That's why you actually don't bother assessing signals and simply pursue what you want regardless.

You developed an emotional attachment (you said you were hurt and it showed). To get her to develop an emotional attachment you should have had sex with her as soon as possible. Actions not words is a long held principle on this forum and you should never have told her how you feel, you should have shown her by kissing her and escalating to sex. She wanted to fool around (which could develop into something later) and you had clear opportunities. Instead you got a bit serious on her.

So you want to know what to do now? You could decide to forget about anything with her and should then pursue some other chicks without delay to help you move on. However, if you want to give it a final shot to put it to rest in your mind, you could go out with her one more time but you would have to try to kiss her. If she rejects it, then move on.

 

[backbeat]

come on bro y u write a long azz thread over a girl with a bf? f@ck that sh!!t bro get a girl with no bf n no drama cuz hat is wut she'll give u. find a singel girl without the drama bro.

 

[bp47]

aight i'll give it one more shot then

thx guys

 

[RangerMIke]

Chicks will often retain their boyfriend until they find the next one. From what you wrote he sounds like he could be on the way out and the distance aspect reinforces that possibility. She might still be attached to him emotionally but be looking to have physical needs satisfied that he can't because of the distance. Ultimately, she wanted sex..

True... If she is a normal well adjusted woman. If she is a crazy chick none of what we talk about here is applicable. DJs do not mess with crazy chicks unless it's an accident. All you need to do is listen to what she says about, or doesn't say, about the BF. If a woman is gone over a man, she won't shut up about him. If she NEVER mentions him to you unless you drag it out of her, then she's open to to other options.

There is a difference between a woman with a 'boyfriend' and a woman who just happens to be dating only one guy. She might just be using a guy for fun, sex and affection (yes women do that too... actually more than men). Be warned if she is doing this, then she has some deep seated hang-ups about morality that drives her to monogamy... or she has low self-esteem, both are problems. They will call the poor guy that he is her boyfriend, and she his girlfriend because it gives social circle status of a sort and makes her feel better about herself. But the first chance she gets to hook up with a man that she finds phyically attractive, exhibits the strenght charateristics of a man, with some social status. She will start testing the peudo-boyfriend big time I'll start another thread about why this happens because I think it is worthy of discussion to understand the PURPOSE of the testing and why she is doing it.

You waited far too long to make a move and it built up in your mind. Going out with someone 8 times in 12 days is a lot! Keep in mind you can have sex with a girl the first time. You missed a whole bunch of pretty obvious signals from her. Remember: chicks will give signals but they will expect the man to take action. You have to risk rejection. So what if you aren't sure of the signals? That's why you actually don't bother assessing signals and simply pursue what you want regardless.

Spot on. Stay true to yourself. It's really that simple, go for what you want. I never wait for 'signals' always assume a women wants me unless she gives you obvious signals that she does not. The only 'signal' you should look for is the push back. When you get buying signals it just means your job is going to be easier and hook up will be quicker.

You developed an emotional attachment (you said you were hurt and it showed). To get her to develop an emotional attachment you should have had sex with her as soon as possible. Actions not words is a long held principle on this forum and you should never have told her how you feel, you should have shown her by kissing her and escalating to sex. She wanted to fool around (which could develop into something later) and you had clear opportunities. Instead you got a bit serious on her.

NEVER fall for a woman unless she falls for you first. Sharing your feelings with a woman is not only pointless (because she already KNOWS) but you start acting like a woman... unless she is a lesbian, she doesn't want a woman, she wants a man. The problem is woman will act like they love you sharing your feelings, but when they think about it it turns them off.

So you want to know what to do now? You could decide to forget about anything with her and should then pursue some other chicks without delay to help you move on. However, if you want to give it a final shot to put it to rest in your mind, you could go out with her one more time but you would have to try to kiss her. If she rejects it, then move on.

Well... I think you blew it with her. No point in trying again, but that is me. However, if you want to give it another shot, then do it, if it is what you want. Be true to yourself. But the way to do it is to move on and she if she chases you. My guess is that she will not.... but who knows.

 

[bp47]

her remarks concerning her BF weren't filled with too much respect

you're probably right, but last 2 weeks she messaged me twice inquiring to what i was doing or stating she might be free that particular night

 

[Greasy Pig]

In calling attention wh0re. Plain and simple. She's just using you for attention while her boyfriend is away but it's his pole she's riding.
I'd pull way back for a while. Then play cards and get drunk with her one night and make a move.
If she still resists, cut her loose.

 

[bp47]

if she does message me out of the blue asking me what i'm doing, what do u guys think i should respond with? dont wanna be to extreme in either direction

 

[RangerMIke]

In calling attention wh0re. Plain and simple. She's just using you for attention while her boyfriend is away but it's his pole she's riding.
I'd pull way back for a while. Then play cards and get drunk with her one night and make a move.
If she still resists, cut her loose.

True and false. Yes she is looking for attention, because of BF is not providing this. Well adjusted normal women will not seak attention and validation from other men unless her man is not gving this to her. If she is flirting with you then she is looking to move on.

Trust me flirting is ALWAYS a buying signal... just be advised that it's too much freaking grief going after a woman that is in LTR. The best policy is just recognize that there are plenty of woman who are REALLY emotionally available. Going after someone involved just adds freaking drama to your like. You should always strive to live a drama free life as much as possible. Drama and stress will find you just fine without you foolishly going out looking for it.

 

[AttackFormation]

Trust me flirting is ALWAYS a buying signal...

Flirting always a buying signal huh? Then why did my single coworker text me an hour ago how fun it is to tease/f*ck with poor beta boy orbiter who she wouldn't even f*ck in the one and a half year drought that she's still in (she actually used the word poor as to pity him) by sending semi-nudes to him? And him "not getting it" (ie. that she's just toying with him for her own amusement) just "makes it more fun!!!".

 

[RangerMIke]

Flirting always a buying signal huh? Then why did my single coworker text me an hour ago how fun it is to tease/f*ck with poor beta boy orbiter who she wouldn't even f*ck in the one and a half year drought that she's still in (she actually used the word poor as to pity him) by sending semi-nudes to him? And him "not getting it" (ie. that she's just toying with him for her own amusement) just "makes it more fun!!!".

Flirting is ALWAYS a buying signal from a NORMAL well adjusted woman. Your 'friend' here is not well adjusted, she has a sadistic streak that is rather unpleasent and will eventually get her in trouble if her Beta orbiter flips a switch. Trust me I have seen it happen, one day this kind sweet Beta is going to have enough, then your friend is going to wonder what happened. She will have a creepy @ss stalker sleeping on her side walk... following her around or worst.

If she really is your friend... tell her to knock it off, for her own good. Don't bother telling the Beta... he won't believe you and will likely take it as you trying to 'horn in" on his great deal. He's going to have to come to the realization himself and swallow the red pill. If you know him, give him this link to this website and tell him if he REALLY wants this girl, he needs to learn how to act like a man and just leave it like that.