spax said:
I've casually been seeing this 21 year old girl for about 4 months now. We weren't official or anything like that, and during this time we have probably been on about 20 dates all up. There had been no discussion about exclusivity at this time.
About a 1.5 months ago she went very distant and started taking forever to reply to text messages, and became very difficult to set up dates with (busy on multiple nights, not suggesting alternative times etc).
I recently found out from a mutual friend of hers that she met another guy about 1.5 months ago and has been torn between me and him ever since. Apparently she even made a list with Pro's and Con's for both of us and has still been unable to decide.
I heard from the mutual friend that the guy lives in another state. She doesn't know that I know about him. Anyway, a couple days ago I meet up with her for lunch and she tells me she is going to this state (where he lives) to meet some friends. I try to inquire a bit more about it, but she is very tight lipped and tells me she doesn't even know when she'll be back!
Anyway, we go for a walk and it's all nice and pleasant. We kiss and make out passionately, but I could sense she was a little reserved and she kept saying how he had to leave to be somewhere (it sounded like a BS excuse).
So, as we are leaving I say to her "Look, we've been seeing each other for 4 months. I like you and I'd like to start seeing each other properly. Not with official labels or anything, but start dating regularly".
She tells me she is surprised to hear this from me, and that at this time she doesn't know if the "timing is right for her". I know it's BS because I know she is going off to see the other guy and probably compare who she has a better time with.
She says she has to think about it and she will let me know.
Well, I tell her that I am not interested in waiting around and that I am walking away from this point (her excuse sounded like BS to me since I know the real reason). I say that offer might be there if she get's back to me in a reasonable time but to consider me gone from this point.
We part ways and she is a bit sad and we have not had contact ever since.
Now, what do you think will happen in this case? Who is she more likely to pick…Me or the other guy?
I heard from the mutual friend that she thinks I am much more physically attractive than the other guy and that she likes our chemistry, yet apparently he shares some of the same "values" as her. His downside is that he lives in another state.
I know that I must walk away, and I have and I will not chase her in any way. But I just want some insight from anyone who has been in a similar experience and can predict what will happen next.
Also, does anyone know what type of girl this is? An attention *****? Why is she torn between two 2 guys? Does she somewhat enjoy it? Is me walking away and having No Contact the best move here?
Any insight appreciated.
CLIFFS-
- Seeing girl for 4 months. We hadn't had the 'talk' yet or talked about exclusivity.
- She goes distant 1.5 months ago but still occasionally see's me and sometimes talk.
- I hear from mutual friend that she met another guy at this time and has been torn between the two of us. He lives in another state.
- She tells me a few days ago she is going to that state to meet friends and doesn't know when she will be back.
- I propose to her that we start dating properly. She gives a BS excuse about not knowing if it is the right time for her. I know the real reason why (Still deciding between me and the other guy).
- I say I am walking away at this point and get back to me if you are interested in my offer.
- No contact since. Anyone know what will happen next?
Righto lemme break it down
20 dates and she's not bought up being official = your frame is weak and you are not raising her IL enough.
About 1.5 months ago you started over pursuing. = you are over invested, you don't be trying to "pin down" a girl to make dates. You know to mirror her IL, right.....
BTW, your over investment and weak behaviours as a result thereof is why she's hard to pin down and why she's losing interest.
You are talking to "mutual friends" about your "relationship". This IS getting back to her and making you look even weaker.
You met her for lunch and went Sherlock Holmes on her ass, makes you look EVEN weaker
You went for a walk and then she "kept saying" she had to leave. your response should have been "cool, text me later, bye" Instead she had to "keep saying" she had to leave, which makes you look......... even weaker
Then you bought up advancing the relationship..... which is the girls job...... which makes you look...... I'll let you guess..
"I dont know if the timing is right" = "I don't know if the timing is right with you because you are acting like a complete and utter beta, i'm still kinda attracted to you but it's fading fast"
You then tell her that you are walking away, because you are getting insecure and need external validation in the form of "nailing down a commitment" to feel good about yourself, which is weak weak weak. You also secretly were thinking "if i threaten to walk away this might force her into making a commitment"
Anyway as for the rest of it, well it's up to you. I've just told you the truth so if you want to change it you have to completely change your attitude. Truth is you have probably chased her away for good, I imagine Jamal is going balls deep at this very moment.
On the odd chance you hear from her, which is
somewhatpossible, you could stop acting like a ***** and concentrate on just having fun with her, enjoying her company and showing her what a good time you have together, and not acting like a weak little *****?
Or, you could tag her as an "attention *****" and that way you get to ignore the million and one mistakes YOU made which drove her away.
So hat's it to be? Man, or *****?
