Girl has been TORN between ME and ANOTHER GUY!

[spax]

I've casually been seeing this 21 year old girl for about 4 months now. We weren't official or anything like that, and during this time we have probably been on about 20 dates all up. There had been no discussion about exclusivity at this time.

About a 1.5 months ago she went very distant and started taking forever to reply to text messages, and became very difficult to set up dates with (busy on multiple nights, not suggesting alternative times etc).

I recently found out from a mutual friend of hers that she met another guy about 1.5 months ago and has been torn between me and him ever since. Apparently she even made a list with Pro's and Con's for both of us and has still been unable to decide.

I heard from the mutual friend that the guy lives in another state. She doesn't know that I know about him. Anyway, a couple days ago I meet up with her for lunch and she tells me she is going to this state (where he lives) to meet some friends. I try to inquire a bit more about it, but she is very tight lipped and tells me she doesn't even know when she'll be back!

Anyway, we go for a walk and it's all nice and pleasant. We kiss and make out passionately, but I could sense she was a little reserved and she kept saying how he had to leave to be somewhere (it sounded like a BS excuse).

So, as we are leaving I say to her "Look, we've been seeing each other for 4 months. I like you and I'd like to start seeing each other properly. Not with official labels or anything, but start dating regularly".

She tells me she is surprised to hear this from me, and that at this time she doesn't know if the "timing is right for her". I know it's BS because I know she is going off to see the other guy and probably compare who she has a better time with.

She says she has to think about it and she will let me know.

Well, I tell her that I am not interested in waiting around and that I am walking away from this point (her excuse sounded like BS to me since I know the real reason). I say that offer might be there if she get's back to me in a reasonable time but to consider me gone from this point.

We part ways and she is a bit sad and we have not had contact ever since.
Now, what do you think will happen in this case? Who is she more likely to pick…Me or the other guy?

I heard from the mutual friend that she thinks I am much more physically attractive than the other guy and that she likes our chemistry, yet apparently he shares some of the same "values" as her. His downside is that he lives in another state.

I know that I must walk away, and I have and I will not chase her in any way. But I just want some insight from anyone who has been in a similar experience and can predict what will happen next.

Also, does anyone know what type of girl this is? An attention *****? Why is she torn between two 2 guys? Does she somewhat enjoy it? Is me walking away and having No Contact the best move here?

Any insight appreciated.

CLIFFS-

- Seeing girl for 4 months. We hadn't had the 'talk' yet or talked about exclusivity.

- She goes distant 1.5 months ago but still occasionally see's me and sometimes talk.

- I hear from mutual friend that she met another guy at this time and has been torn between the two of us. He lives in another state.

- She tells me a few days ago she is going to that state to meet friends and doesn't know when she will be back.

- I propose to her that we start dating properly. She gives a BS excuse about not knowing if it is the right time for her. I know the real reason why (Still deciding between me and the other guy).

- I say I am walking away at this point and get back to me if you are interested in my offer.

- No contact since. Anyone know what will happen next?

 

[PipeDope]

If she wanted to be with you she would not have left to go to the other state. I would not continue to put yourself in the position of her not being able to choose. It's just going to tear you up. If your serious about wanting to date this girl I wouldn't even suggest using her as an occasional bang, sounds like your emotionally invested too much in her to be able to deal with all that.

 

[Peña]

Torn between two lovers...one plays the fool.

We weren't official or anything like that, and during this time we have probably been on about 20 dates all up. There had been no discussion about exclusivity at this time.

- Seeing girl for 4 months. We hadn't had the 'talk' yet or talked about exclusivity.

So you were not official or exclusive with her. Why are you making a big deal out of it? Sorry to say, but if she really wanted to be with you the exclusive talk would come from her own mouth months ago. She would not leave you in the dust hanging on to false hopes.

- She goes distant 1.5 months ago but still occasionally see's me and sometimes talk.

- No contact since. Anyone know what will happen next?

Nothing is going to happen with her. Near 2 months of distance and she does not want to be with you. How can she occasionally see you and sometimes talk when you say she had no contact since? She is not caring to have a relationship with you. No need wasting months on a girl you will never get. Look for another one who wants to be with you and will not string you along.

I recently found out from a mutual friend of hers that she met another guy about 1.5 months ago and has been torn between me and him ever since. Apparently she even made a list with Pro's and Con's for both of us and has still been unable to decide.

Lame. Do not waste your time on an undecided girl. She should know what she wants that she wants you. If she can not decide on that then do not waste your time. Stupid to be a fool.

No contact since a few days ago when we met.

Still if she wanted you she would be with you already exclusive.

 

[spax]

Yeah nothing. Near 2 months of distance and she does not want to be with you. How can she occasionally see you and sometimes talk when you say she had no contact since? She is not caring to have a relationship with you. No need wasting months on a girl you will never get. Look for another one.

No contact since a few days ago when we met.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

I recently found out from a mutual friend of hers that she met another guy about 1.5 months ago and has been torn between me and him ever since. Apparently she even made a list with Pro's and Con's for both of us and has still been unable to decide.

lolololololol cornyyyyyyyyyyyyy

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

Well, if she cant decide,how about triangle ?

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Well, if she cant decide,how about triangle ?

Interesting idea. OP, is she down for MMF? Are you?

 

[Tictac]

She's not an attention ***** because she is 'seeing' two guys. She likes both of you. And she's not playing you off against one another. She's just seeing two guys. You know - you are both plates.

Other than worrying about 'getting cooties' by sharing her, what do you care?

 

[Tenacity]

CLIFFS

- Seeing girl for 4 months. We hadn't had the 'talk' yet or talked about exclusivity.

- She goes distant 1.5 months ago but still occasionally see's me and sometimes talk.

- I hear from mutual friend that she met another guy at this time and has been torn between the two of us. He lives in another state.

- She tells me a few days ago she is going to that state to meet friends and doesn't know when she will be back.

- I propose to her that we start dating properly. She gives a BS excuse about not knowing if it is the right time for her. I know the real reason why (Still deciding between me and the other guy).

- I say I am walking away at this point and get back to me if you are interested in my offer.

- No contact since. Anyone know what will happen next?

She's not your girlfriend sir, she's a girl you had been dating around with for a couple of months, there was no exclusivity. Did you even fvck her yet?

Not every girl that dates you (or even fvcks you for that matter), wants to be in a relationship with you. Which when you came to her and put the requirement on the table that she HAD to become your girlfriend all of a sudden, it's why the chick got bewildered.

Why don't you just keep dating/fvcking the chick and spin plates? Why MUST you be in a relationship with her for? Also stop being jealous, that's a trait you want to totally eliminate. It's hard I know, but you eliminate that trait from having OPTIONS. Read up on the Sexual Market Value concept, when you have options as well as spin plates, desperation and jealousy traits are usually naturally eliminated.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

She's not your girlfriend sir, she's a girl you had been dating around with for a couple of months, there was no exclusivity. Did you even fvck her yet?

Not every girl that dates you (or even fvcks you for that matter), wants to be in a relationship with you. Which when you came to her and put the requirement on the table that she HAD to become your girlfriend all of a sudden, it's why the chick got bewildered.

Why don't you just keep dating/fvcking the chick and spin plates? Why MUST you be in a relationship with her for? Also stop being jealous, that's a trait you want to totally eliminate. It's hard I know, but you eliminate that trait from having OPTIONS. Read up on the Sexual Market Value concept, when you have options as well as spin plates, desperation and jealousy traits are usually naturally eliminated.

Plates will make him look more solid and attractive to her. Some of us do want to be with someone and not stuck with plates and half involved relations.

 

[Tenacity]

Plates will make him look more solid and attractive to her. Some of us do want to be with someone and not stuck with plates and half involved relations.

Boy don't we all DLS, unfortunately for too many guys, while they think they are in fully committed relationships, their chicks are screwing other guys (or girls) on the side.

Lol, I mean for all this talk in the Manosphere about dudes being Players and screwing multiple women and what not, the biggest plate spinners I think out there are chicks. It's almost if nobody is getting more pvssy today than Chicks are lol. The clubs I used to frequent, the chicks would be dancing up on, making out with and grabbing a.ss with other chicks while the dudes stood around with the deer in the headlights look.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

Boy don't we all DLS, unfortunately for too many guys, while they think they are in fully committed relationships, their chicks are screwing other guys (or girls) on the side.

Lol, I mean for all this talk in the Manosphere about dudes being Players and screwing multiple women and what not, the biggest plate spinners I think out there are chicks. It's almost if nobody is getting more pvssy today than Chicks are lol. The clubs I used to frequent, the chicks would be dancing up on, making out with and grabbing a.ss with other chicks while the dudes stood around with the deer in the headlights look.

He has been "marginalized" to a "prop" and an ATM. I'm sure he provides 110% level of committment, and this non-repentant cheater knows it too, but uses it to power thru her shinnanigans without fear of failure.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

You may not want to hear this, but the way you confronted her about it undoubtedly made the other guy more attractive in her eyes.

After you confront her, she starts giving you phrases like "timing isn't right" and telling you she has to "think about it"? Not good.

Just pull back a lot, you're doing the right thing by not contacting her. Make it seem like you're seeing other girls, and if she contacts you, just keep it light and don't act all upset and emotional.

Honestly just play your cards right and keep it cool. Long distance stuff rarely if ever works out, so after she gets over the puppy love stage with her and the other guy, it's going to fade pretty quickly between them.

Good luck.

 

[Stugots26]

Repeat after me:

"If you're having trouble choosing between me and another guy...don't choose me."

 

[spax]

Repeat after me:

"If you're having trouble choosing between me and another guy...don't choose me."

Serious or not? That's kind of smart. What affect will it have?

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

Serious or not? That's kind of smart. What affect will it have?

He told her to take her a$$ on then, cause he made her decision for her.

 

[El Payaso]

Asking a girl that you want to start seeing each other more regularly when she is playing you for a fool shows you have low self esteem.

When a woman is "torn between you and another man", you make the choice easy for her by bowing out. You don't try to "win her".

It's strange that you've been here since '07 and you still don't know when to bow out.

 

[skinnyguy]

If you get a really hot side piece, she will be begging for you to be exclusive with her.

A lot of people think women are complicated. I think they are simple.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

spax
Senior Don Juan
Join Date: Dec 2007

8yrs on SS and this surprises you? Sorry OP but that was cringle worthy reading. Someone forget to take their daily dose of rp, 1.5mo when she went distant you lost frame. You should have started spinning plates right then and there.

What will happen next is for you to go NC, talk to new girls only. Come realize this is dead and do it man, move on.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I don't know where I read this quote, but it was a few days ago...

Can't say it verbatim, but it basically said "If a girl says she's having a hard time deciding if she likes guy 1 or 2 better, it means she likes guy 2 better - otherwise, she wouldn't feel the need to be so secretive to guy 1 about guy 2." Point is, if she was with you first, then came across this other guy... for one, she shouldn't have even been in the market to scope out said other dude, but the fact that she was means her feelings for you weren't that strong to begin with. And now, the fact that she can't be truthful about going out of state to see this guy means not only does she not want to be with you, but she doesn't respect you either. So, at this point she's a lost cause.