Well, this is sort of a long story, so bear with me.
It sort of started back in May or June of last year, when I noticed this girl taking an interest in me. We'd see movies, go out to eat, and we'd hang out quite a bit, though I wouldn't have called it dating. I eventually noticed she liked me as something more than a friend, but I simply saw her as nothing more than one. I don't mean to be shallow or superficial, but she wasn't that pretty, and I thought I had to be attracted to a girl before I considered her.
Many times, she'd call me "emotionless," which was untrue; I display my emotions readily, but I had none that were special for her. Confusion on her part. Keep in mind through all this, she never told me she liked me, despite the fact that she's more of a blunt person.
However, we got closer anyway, and as I got to know her better, she became more attractive... but not attractive enough. I considered the possibility of something more, and sort of dismissed it.
Why? There was the looks department. When she whined, it was horribly annoying. We also came from different cultures (she's Asian, I'm white). Imagine meet the parents. They barely speak a word of English! I thought it wouldn't work out in the long run. Otherwise, we had many, many interests in common. We liked the same music, movies, entertainment, etc.
She was the closest friend I had at my university; much closer than regular "friends." The friendship became ambiguous. What were we? My feelings reached a critical point, and all the things that made me dismiss her earlier didn't matter anymore. This happened right around December, and then she pulled a mad 180 and suddenly started acting differently. I got the impression that she was angry at me. I didn't pay much attention, because I didn't have time to -- I ended up going out of town for 10 days. I got back in time for the New Year, and things had changed between us even more.
She was very distant. When we hung around mutual friends, there was never a conversation between the two of us. And when I asked her out to a movie or dinner, she'd say she was too busy, and offered BS reasons as to why.
By the end of January I felt I needed to get rid of the ambiguity between us and let her know how I felt about her, because now I was attracted to her, and cared about her deeply. I told her all this, and more. I was expected a "yes" or "no" response. What did I get?
First, a "Wow, no one has ever said anything like that to me," and then a "I pretty much thought of us as just friends" (BS! Everyone around us knew she liked me). "I'm really busy and stuff. I need to think about it."
Think about it? What the hell? I knew what the answer would be, and two days later I got it. She said that sometime in mid-December she was close to telling me how she felt, and thought about "us". Then she concluded that we weren't compatible. This was also pretty much BS; we are pretty damn compatible. Besides, it takes 6 months to realize you're not compatible? Her reasons? We were headed in different directions. I was more of an academic, and she did more extracirricular stuff. And that I frustrated her (maybe by not liking her right away). On top of that she started dating a guy I KNOW, who's shorter (than she is!) and fat, and in no way more compatible with her than I am. They'd even dated a year before, but stopped for some unknown reason. They're not even really "together." As she explained it, "we don't really know what we have between us." And "we enjoy each other's company some of the time, but not all of the time. There's a lot about him I need to figure out."
I felt extremely led on. Worse than that, I felt replaced, and replaced by something inferior, which made me feel inferior. She does things with him that we used to do together. She expressed a genuine desire to be friends, but the whole "friendship" was based on her liking me and the pretense of something beyond friendship. I really valued her as a friend, and I agreed to maintaining this friendship, but I also let her know things couldn't be the same between us. When I see her with the other guy, it really bothers me, especially when they get touchy.
It's been 3 weeks since I got her response, and I still think about her daily. I accept the fact that it wasn't meant to be, but her dating that guy really bothers me, especially when I'm around them. Also, I feel like I have to force the conversations between us. I feel like all this was way harder on me than on her, so why can't she let our friendship be as meaningful as it was before? Should I act nonchalant around her, or put some distance between us, or what? I don't want to drop the friendship or burn the bridge.
It sort of started back in May or June of last year, when I noticed this girl taking an interest in me. We'd see movies, go out to eat, and we'd hang out quite a bit, though I wouldn't have called it dating. I eventually noticed she liked me as something more than a friend, but I simply saw her as nothing more than one. I don't mean to be shallow or superficial, but she wasn't that pretty, and I thought I had to be attracted to a girl before I considered her.
Many times, she'd call me "emotionless," which was untrue; I display my emotions readily, but I had none that were special for her. Confusion on her part. Keep in mind through all this, she never told me she liked me, despite the fact that she's more of a blunt person.
However, we got closer anyway, and as I got to know her better, she became more attractive... but not attractive enough. I considered the possibility of something more, and sort of dismissed it.
Why? There was the looks department. When she whined, it was horribly annoying. We also came from different cultures (she's Asian, I'm white). Imagine meet the parents. They barely speak a word of English! I thought it wouldn't work out in the long run. Otherwise, we had many, many interests in common. We liked the same music, movies, entertainment, etc.
She was the closest friend I had at my university; much closer than regular "friends." The friendship became ambiguous. What were we? My feelings reached a critical point, and all the things that made me dismiss her earlier didn't matter anymore. This happened right around December, and then she pulled a mad 180 and suddenly started acting differently. I got the impression that she was angry at me. I didn't pay much attention, because I didn't have time to -- I ended up going out of town for 10 days. I got back in time for the New Year, and things had changed between us even more.
She was very distant. When we hung around mutual friends, there was never a conversation between the two of us. And when I asked her out to a movie or dinner, she'd say she was too busy, and offered BS reasons as to why.
By the end of January I felt I needed to get rid of the ambiguity between us and let her know how I felt about her, because now I was attracted to her, and cared about her deeply. I told her all this, and more. I was expected a "yes" or "no" response. What did I get?
First, a "Wow, no one has ever said anything like that to me," and then a "I pretty much thought of us as just friends" (BS! Everyone around us knew she liked me). "I'm really busy and stuff. I need to think about it."
Think about it? What the hell? I knew what the answer would be, and two days later I got it. She said that sometime in mid-December she was close to telling me how she felt, and thought about "us". Then she concluded that we weren't compatible. This was also pretty much BS; we are pretty damn compatible. Besides, it takes 6 months to realize you're not compatible? Her reasons? We were headed in different directions. I was more of an academic, and she did more extracirricular stuff. And that I frustrated her (maybe by not liking her right away). On top of that she started dating a guy I KNOW, who's shorter (than she is!) and fat, and in no way more compatible with her than I am. They'd even dated a year before, but stopped for some unknown reason. They're not even really "together." As she explained it, "we don't really know what we have between us." And "we enjoy each other's company some of the time, but not all of the time. There's a lot about him I need to figure out."
I felt extremely led on. Worse than that, I felt replaced, and replaced by something inferior, which made me feel inferior. She does things with him that we used to do together. She expressed a genuine desire to be friends, but the whole "friendship" was based on her liking me and the pretense of something beyond friendship. I really valued her as a friend, and I agreed to maintaining this friendship, but I also let her know things couldn't be the same between us. When I see her with the other guy, it really bothers me, especially when they get touchy.
It's been 3 weeks since I got her response, and I still think about her daily. I accept the fact that it wasn't meant to be, but her dating that guy really bothers me, especially when I'm around them. Also, I feel like I have to force the conversations between us. I feel like all this was way harder on me than on her, so why can't she let our friendship be as meaningful as it was before? Should I act nonchalant around her, or put some distance between us, or what? I don't want to drop the friendship or burn the bridge.
