girl gives small windows to hang but not more

[PlatoPacks23]

think I know answer to this already but anyway


see girl constantly at class I take (2-3 a week), we always talk and are partners etc for things. we went out once for smoothies, but pretty sure she didn't see it as a "date" necessarily" (thanked me after for buying her smootihie, said she'd return favor)

since then I prob tried to hang out w her 2-3 times since outside of class. 1 time she hadn't been to class in a while and said that was why hadn't seen her, other time she said she wasn't free that day, and the most recent time she said she could get a smoothie with me but she had a work thing after and it'd be super quick, just walk to get the smoothie, and walk back/no sit down (so like 15-20 minutes give or take). I declined that last one and said balls in her court


so I feel like it's low interest bc she never has offered another day to hang out other than, "ok let's do it next week" and after 3 times of asking I don't think it's worth pursing anymore. I left the door open/balls in her court, but otherwise going to focus on other people and still be nice to her.

am I missing something? dont think im getting butt-hurt esp. bc even though she said "yes' to a second hang out, it was literally only like a 15 minute thing and not an actual sit down thing.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Is this the girl that was in that social circle? Are you asking all these girls in your class out?

BTW sorry bro.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

yes same one, in retrospect it was kinda a far distance to walk (like 10-12 min both ways) and she said "yes" to it and was doable but still would prefer a place to sit down.

also yeah, just feels like iv'e been making more of the effort constantly. idk like she's never been like, "what about this day instead"? and it's only on days when we're in class together after

I didn't close door on it, but trying change things up or try other people I think. feels like a time waste sorta

 

[PlatoPacks23]

in retrospect maybe should've just said yes to it idk. well too late now

 

[New_Journey]

think I know answer to this already but anyway


see girl constantly at class I take (2-3 a week), we always talk and are partners etc for things. we went out once for smoothies, but pretty sure she didn't see it as a "date" necessarily" (thanked me after for buying her smootihie, said she'd return favor)

since then I prob tried to hang out w her 2-3 times since outside of class. 1 time she hadn't been to class in a while and said that was why hadn't seen her, other time she said she wasn't free that day, and the most recent time she said she could get a smoothie with me but she had a work thing after and it'd be super quick, just walk to get the smoothie, and walk back/no sit down (so like 15-20 minutes give or take). I declined that last one and said balls in her court


so I feel like it's low interest bc she never has offered another day to hang out other than, "ok let's do it next week" and after 3 times of asking I don't think it's worth pursing anymore. I left the door open/balls in her court, but otherwise going to focus on other people and still be nice to her.

am I missing something? dont think im getting butt-hurt esp. bc even though she said "yes' to a second hang out, it was literally only like a 15 minute thing and not an actual sit down thing.

How about asking her "hey which night are you free to grab a drink?" There you'll see her true interest.

 

[Clockwerk50]

You asked her out too many times.

Work on your emotional control and self-respect. Don’t settle for scraps.

PS: If she is constantly late or does not attend the class often, it means the class is low on her priority list, including the people in it.

 

[Learning Curve]

think I know answer to this already but anyway


see girl constantly at class I take (2-3 a week), we always talk and are partners etc for things. we went out once for smoothies, but pretty sure she didn't see it as a "date" necessarily" (thanked me after for buying her smootihie, said she'd return favor)

since then I prob tried to hang out w her 2-3 times since outside of class. 1 time she hadn't been to class in a while and said that was why hadn't seen her, other time she said she wasn't free that day, and the most recent time she said she could get a smoothie with me but she had a work thing after and it'd be super quick, just walk to get the smoothie, and walk back/no sit down (so like 15-20 minutes give or take). I declined that last one and said balls in her court


so I feel like it's low interest bc she never has offered another day to hang out other than, "ok let's do it next week" and after 3 times of asking I don't think it's worth pursing anymore. I left the door open/balls in her court, but otherwise going to focus on other people and still be nice to her.

am I missing something? dont think im getting butt-hurt esp. bc even though she said "yes' to a second hang out, it was literally only like a 15 minute thing and not an actual sit down thing.

Stop asking for smoothies, be a man, lead and ask for a real date.

Ask only once, if declined, on-to-the-next.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

She doesn't sound emotionally invested in you for all the time she spent with you. I think her interest in you is lukewarm at best. Too much free attention and validation will make it less valuable.

The only way you might be able to raise that is giving your attention and validation to another woman in her presence. If other women visibly enjoy your company, she might get more interested in you again.

Personally, I wouldn't bother, but I'm not thirsty.

 

[Solomon]

She's not interested if you have to ask a woman out more than twice you're doing too much

 

[BPH]

see girl constantly at class I take (2-3 a week), we always talk and are partners etc for things. we went out once for smoothies, but pretty sure she didn't see it as a "date" necessarily" (thanked me after for buying her smootihie, said she'd return favor)

I remember replying to you asking about this chick.

I believe my advice was that if she's already so comfortable talking about exes with you that she doesn't see you romantically...looks like I was right.

At least now you know this for the future and can quickly filter out girls that aren't worth your time and money.

 

[sangheilios]

She's not interested if you have to ask a woman out more than twice you're doing too much

@PlatoPacks23

What is mentioned here is exactly what is going on. Women, even unattractive ones, literally have entire rotations of men that they are talking to at any given period of time. The problem is that a woman will entertain all of these men, who all think they are progressing with her, while she is putting very little effort in other than simply replying to text messages lol.

Don't waste your time on women and instead invest your energy into other pursuits that will bring some sort of benefit. I see that you are in college, which means you are young and in a place where you can set a frame work for a very successful future. Get yourself into the gym and eating a good diet, this will pay huge dividends as you get older in regards to your health and is one of the best lifestyles you can embrace. Get a part time gig that brings in the cash and use this money to invest, at your age there is just so much potential with growth over the coming years. Develop some good friendships with other men, there are a huge range of benefits with this. Or even just pursue hobbies/interests that bring joy into your life.

Me personally, I heavily focus on my health and fitness + huge into finance, investing and building wealth. This lifestyle is "boring" to most people, but there's a reason why I'm miles ahead of the overwhelming majority of people around my age. I am of the belief that women don't really bring anything to the table other than the potential for sexual gratification.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

It takes some getting use to, but once you understand "The Medium IS The Message" you'll learn to let these go.

This is an excellent read on the topic: https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/06/the-medium-is-the-message/

 

[PlatoPacks23]

I saw her today and I mentioned the smoothie thing and she said “well you said no to it” lol

idk

 

[upcoming_DJ]

I saw her today and I mentioned the smoothie thing and she said “well you said no to it” lol

idk

Here's an excerpt of the article that will make things make sense:

When a woman goes from hot to cold and back again, THIS IS the message — she’s got buyers remorse, you’re not her first priority, she’s deliberating between you and what she perceives is a better Hypergamous prospect, you were better looking when she was drunk, etc. — the message isn’t the ‘what ifs’, the message IS her own hesitation and how her behavior manifests it. 10 dates before sex? This IS the message. Canceling dates? Flaking? strong interest to weak interest? This IS the message.

Women with high interest level (IL) wont confuse you. When a woman wants to **** you she’ll find a way to **** you. If she’s fluctuating between being into you and then not, put her away for a while and spin other plates. If she sorts it out for herself and pursues you, then you are still playing in your frame and you maintain the value of your attention to her. It’s when you patiently while away your time wondering what the magic formula is that’ll bring her around, that’s when you lean over into her frame. You need her more than she needs you and she will dictate the terms of her attentions.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hungry mouths don't get fed.

 

[New_Journey]

She's not interested if you have to ask a woman out more than twice you're doing too much

Instead of him trying to "try to hang out with her" he should have been clear asking her out, and face rejection if she didn't want to, but he was scared of rejection.

 

[SW15]

low interest

once you understand "The Medium IS The Message" you'll learn to let these go.

excellent read on the topic: https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/06/the-medium-is-the-message/

Unclear behavior is best not tolerated.

Women give clear behavior when they have high interest levels. This is a lower interest level woman.

Stop asking for smoothies, be a man, lead and ask for a real date.

I'm not sure how old @PlatoPacks23 is. As a result, I'm going to speak in general terms.

When a male is around ages 16-20 in the USA (legal drinking age is 21), some of his date options are limited. Smoothies, ice cream, and frozen yogurt dates can be options around that age. Even if a man is over 21, he still has this issue if his dates are under 21.

Prior to age 21, I did too many meal dates (usually dinner) in restaurants for 1st and 2nd dates. If I had to do it over again and could go back in time, I would have planned more activity dates for early stage dates.

Women, even unattractive ones, literally have entire rotations of men that they are talking to at any given period of time.

Yes, this is more common now than in the 1980s-2000s. When women have more abundance (rotations of men), it is more difficult for any one man to stand out and get that high interest level.

The best way to stand out is through looks. You have a major advantage being that you are 6'4" and fit/muscular.

@BPH also leads with looks at 6'0", 200 lbs, fit, and good looking enough to get a male modeling contract.

I think all men would be wise to try to get high interest levels based on their looks. This works best if the male is 6'0"+ (in the USA, less than 20% of men are 6'0"+). Some 5'10"-5'11" men can enhance their looks to a point, but being below 6'0" is going to be an issue for them.

Some men might also try to use money to get the high interest levels necessary to get the best behaviors. Leading with money can be problematic.

The problem is that a woman will entertain all of these men, who all think they are progressing with her, while she is putting very little effort in other than simply replying to text messages lol.

This is a big problem with the current era of smartphones and text messaging being the dominant form of communication.

I first entered the sexual marketplace at the tail end of the landline telephone era. Then, there was a brief era where pre-smartphone cellular phones started to over. Texting was more difficult on pre-smartphone cellular phones of the early to mid-2000s (these were commonly known as flip phones or candy bar phones based on their shapes). I liked the short era of the pre-smartphone cellular phones as mobile calling made it easier to reach women as compared to the landline era that required two people to be at home tethered to a home phone line.

In both the landline era and in the pre-smartphone cell phone era, communication generally took more effort. If a woman is willing to make more effort, she has a higher level of interest.

With text messaging having replaced phone calls for a lot of the early stages of dating, it become more difficult to determine higher levels of interest solely based on the text messages alone.

I am of the belief that women don't really bring anything to the table other than the potential for sexual gratification.

Most men value the sexual component of male-female interactions. There are some other benefits that can happen in these interactions, but tend to happen later in romantic relationships. These things happen long after the first instance of sex. All of these things are good elements of relationships. It is more difficult for these things to stand alone without sex.

I'm considering things like emotional support/the emotional connection, home cooked meals, someone to bring to social functions, someone to care for you when you are sick, etc.

 

[sangheilios]

Unclear behavior is best not tolerated.

Women give clear behavior when they have high interest levels. This is a lower interest level woman.



I'm not sure how old @PlatoPacks23 is. As a result, I'm going to speak in general terms.

When a male is around ages 16-20 in the USA (legal drinking age is 21), some of his date options are limited. Smoothies, ice cream, and frozen yogurt dates can be options around that age. Even if a man is over 21, he still has this issue if his dates are under 21.

Prior to age 21, I did too many meal dates (usually dinner) in restaurants for 1st and 2nd dates. If I had to do it over again and could go back in time, I would have planned more activity dates for early stage dates.



Yes, this is more common now than in the 1980s-2000s. When women have more abundance (rotations of men), it is more difficult for any one man to stand out and get that high interest level.

The best way to stand out is through looks. You have a major advantage being that you are 6'4" and fit/muscular.

@BPH also leads with looks at 6'0", 200 lbs, fit, and good looking enough to get a male modeling contract.

I think all men would be wise to try to get high interest levels based on their looks. This works best if the male is 6'0"+ (in the USA, less than 20% of men are 6'0"+). Some 5'10"-5'11" men can enhance their looks to a point, but being below 6'0" is going to be an issue for them.

Some men might also try to use money to get the high interest levels necessary to get the best behaviors. Leading with money can be problematic.



This is a big problem with the current era of smartphones and text messaging being the dominant form of communication.

I first entered the sexual marketplace at the tail end of the landline telephone era. Then, there was a brief era where pre-smartphone cellular phones started to over. Texting was more difficult on pre-smartphone cellular phones of the early to mid-2000s (these were commonly known as flip phones or candy bar phones based on their shapes). I liked the short era of the pre-smartphone cellular phones as mobile calling made it easier to reach women as compared to the landline era that required two people to be at home tethered to a home phone line.

In both the landline era and in the pre-smartphone cell phone era, communication generally took more effort. If a woman is willing to make more effort, she has a higher level of interest.

With text messaging having replaced phone calls for a lot of the early stages of dating, it become more difficult to determine higher levels of interest solely based on the text messages alone.



Most men value the sexual component of male-female interactions. There are some other benefits that can happen in these interactions, but tend to happen later in romantic relationships. These things happen long after the first instance of sex. All of these things are good elements of relationships. It is more difficult for these things to stand alone without sex.

I'm considering things like emotional support/the emotional connection, home cooked meals, something to bring to social functions, someone to care for you when you are sick, etc.

I cook all of my own food and don't really need anyone for emotional support, I live by myself and have no family for thousands of miles AND no real close friends either. I'm comfortable with being by myself and enjoy my own company, which is something a lot of people could not say for themselves. This mindset was a huge reason why I thrived during the pandemic, while so many other people struggled immensely and fell apart.

 

[Divorced w 3]

If it’s been said once it’s been said 10,000x…. interested women make time.

The formula is simple… chit chat, name the date in the following way “meet me at location, Thursday at 7pm” and she either says yes or no. It’s that simple. If she says she can’t, give it a week and come back one more time. If she can’t and doesn’t counter, you’re done.

 

[SW15]

I cook all of my own food and don't really need anyone for emotional support

Good for you for cooking your own food. I think a lot of men are forced to get better at cooking if they are single and not living with a girlfriend/wife for long enough.

I know one male who was able to get the benefit of home cleaning as a result of living with his girlfriend and later getting married. Prior to moving in with his girlfriend, he lived alone and his apartments were not clean.

According to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, you need emotional support. It's in the middle of the pyramid of needs. Sexual intercourse is at the base of the pyramid. Sexual intercourse is a much more pressing need. Based on Maslow's Hierarchy, your initial statement of needing sex from male-female interactions is extremely accurate.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a pyramid of the needs that motivate people. Individuals most basic needs, at the base of the pyramid, are physiological. Once they have fulfilled these needs, people move on to their safety needs, social well-being, self-esteem then ultimately their need for...

www.simplypsychology.org

I live by myself and have no family for thousands of miles AND no real close friends either.

What would happen if you needed support? Let's say you got injured from your gym routine and needed surgery. You would not have a free caregiver available. That could be problematic depending on the severity of the surgery.

I'm comfortable with being by myself and enjoy my own company, which is something a lot of people could not say for themselves. This mindset was a huge reason why I thrived during the pandemic, while so many other people struggled immensely and fell apart.

That makes sense. A pandemic that causes greater degrees of social isolation would be less likely to affect someone like you.

The worst of the pandemic lasted about 2 years. Somewhere in 2022 is when I started to think things started to resemble the pre-pandemic world. 2 years of social isolation and indoor masking were tough for a lot of people.

Indoor masking made approaching at malls and grocery stores very difficult, if not impossible. I was promoting outdoor park and path approaching as the best option to avoid indoor masking.

The pandemic also affected nightlife venues for those roughly 2 years. Even 2+ years later, many nightlife venues are having difficulty recovering from that period. Nightlife venue approaching was also falling out of favor in the 2010s prior to the pandemic. I think the pandemic accelerated a trend away from nightlife venue approaching.