Girl from AFC past texts me

[Slaanesh]

tl;dr: Girl I made out with in my AFC days wants to meet and gives IOIs. Possible boyfriend in picture. Ignore or see where this goes?

Hey guys!

I really need your help on this one. Might be a no brainer but I hope you can erase the last bit of doubt in my head.

About the girl:
She is the same age as me. HB 7 Goth girl. Extrovert and AW tendencies. Made out with her 2 years ago on 3 different occasions and also had 2 dates at my place. I was way too AFCish back then to seal the deal so she eventually lost interest and hit it off with another guy. I went NoContact on her and heard nothing of her for 2 years. And since she moved to another city soon after the case was closed on my part.


Last Thursday she texts me a “How are you doing?” message which I promptly deleted. No free ego fix for you.
The next day she sent: “Either you changed your phone # or you really don’t know who I am.” which I deleted as well.

I then saw her on Friday in one of the clubs we both used to frequent. She was constantly dragging some guy behind her but I didn’t see any kissing between them. I didn’t spend much more attention to her and continued partying with my friends in another part of the club.


Since then she has been spamming me on all online community sites. Note: Her partner status is “married” on one of those sites if anyone of you wants to read something into this.

“Hey, handsome. Are you still as hot as back then? ”
“Wanna grab some beers?”
“Haven’t gotten any reply from you ”
“I’m in [my city] for 2 weeks. In case you might decide to finally talk to me.”
“lol. I’d even bring some good scotch and we could watch [one of my favorite movies].”

I’ve been ignoring all her messages and friend requests so far.



My options are now as follows:

1. Continue ignoring her, block her messages and save me time and possible heartache. She might just want to make friends or make me give her my blessing to her relationship. I really don’t want her as a friend.

2. Send back a message like: “I may have time on Thursday after 8:00 p.m. Wear something nice and don’t forget the scotch.” And once anything sounds fishy about her response like bringing someone else along switch back to option 1.
There might be some easy sex in this after all.

3. ???



So am I doing the right thing so far by ignoring her advances or should I at least spend a few messages and one evening on her with the possible prospect of sex?

 

[Exhumed]

It's obvious she wants sex and she's not just looking for attention, why wouldn't you go for it? You don't need to go with the cryptic, business-like messages either, as long as you don't sound eager/desperate.

 

[jophil28]

You are being "hoovered" back into her world because she has no other qualified 'contenders' in her fan club . That is why women contact old b/fs
This is all about her ego needs, and it looks like she isn't going to take no for an answer.
You might reply to her IF you realize that getting back together with her is most likely a trap for you. IF you can keep your feelings out of it and control her , then go for ...

 

[Jeffst1980]

Are you asking if you should go for it, or are you asking HOW to go about going for it?

I agree with Jophil that her actions are consistent with a woman that needs an ego boost. It's not typical for a woman to contact someone she "nexted" years before, unless she's feeling undesired. She likely chose you because she remembered your AFC ways and figures you to have unconditional interest in you.

You can text back the thing about possibly having time on Thursday. Keep your communications brief and high value. Then, be sure not to slip into your former AFC ways; turn the tables on her and make yourself the unavailable one.

 

[Huffman]

2 years is a long time. Why not go for it? A lot of things change over 2 years. You can have a completely fresh start, plus you've been intimate already. You can pretty much do whatever you want!

I can actually speak of some experience here; I got together with a girl that had dumped me a year before (AFC past, like you). I had completely forgotten about her but when I met her again I noticed she was really going for it. Later she said like "you've changed so much" etc. It was actually her asking me out! Almost too easy! Funny thing is that this time round it was me who lost interest after some time

P.S. obviously don't do the same thing as 2 years ago haha! But I figure no problem, because you said its your afc past.

 

[Tovansky]

I don't bother reading the rest of your post, just the title and first two sentences. since you are a new person now (I assume that since you said your past afc gf) then just go. You might get something out of it. Or if you don't care anymore about her, just shrug her off. no biggie. don't think about it too much, just do what you wanna do.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

There aren't a lot of guys who can detach their feelings from a girl when he just tries to have sex with her. Either you feel something for her and you can do it, or you still have an idea of what she is to you and you can't just have sex with her.

Bottom line is - sex is easy when you don't give a sh!t about her or aren't really attracted to her. Sex also might be easy for her because she doesn't really care about you past your d!ck. This might be the case. ;;

If it were me and I had nothing at the moment I'd do it. If I had a few others at the moment I'd definitely do it - meaning I have better options and won't be too bummed if I have to drop her.

Risky man, risky. You're doing a great job of getting her panties soaked by ignoring her too. lol Girls are stupid.

 

[f283000]

Go for it IF and ONLY IF she agrees to meet in a private setting (like watching a movie at your place or her place). She already suggested this so it's a good sign.

If you do this you are setting the expectation of possible sex in her mind which is the only thing you should want and expect out of this. Don't be doing something stupid like going out with her for drinks, dinner, fun etc. That right there would be feeding her ego. You are not out to date her you are out to bang her.

 

[Warrior74]

There aren't a lot of guys who can detach their feelings from a girl when he just tries to have sex with her. Either you feel something for her and you can do it, or you still have an idea of what she is to you and you can't just have sex with her.

Bottom line is - sex is easy when you don't give a sh!t about her or aren't really attracted to her. Sex also might be easy for her because she doesn't really care about you past your d!ck. This might be the case. ;;

If it were me and I had nothing at the moment I'd do it. If I had a few others at the moment I'd definitely do it - meaning I have better options and won't be too bummed if I have to drop her.

Risky man, risky. You're doing a great job of getting her panties soaked by ignoring her too. lol Girls are stupid.

pvssy whipped by a crazy chic says what?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

pvssy whipped by a crazy chic says what?

He says don't troll him, d!ckass.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

My response would be: "Well hello stranger : ) Where you staying?"

Her: "with so-and-so/some-friends/at-boyfriends (yada yada it doesn't matter)"

Me/you: "It's been awhile, we need to catch up. Thursday, 8:00pm. Bring you, the scotch and nothing else."

If she doesn't respond to the opener within 10 to 20 minutes, disinterest. Go back to ignoring. If she responds timely but hems and haws at the invitation, disinterest. "Maybe some other time then." Go back to ignoring. If she brings a friend with her, disinterest. Be nice and cordial for five minutes, then send her on her way. "There's been a change of plans and I forgot to tell you." <whatever she says> "Something came up and I got to take care of it." <what? what is it?> "I can't go into it now. We'll catch up some other time. OK?"

Adjust to suit your needs.

 

[Slaanesh]

Here's the conversation so far. It's a rough translation from German to English so don't read too much into every single word.


me: "I might have time Thursday 8 pm. Movie and Scotch sounds good."

chick: "Hey! You're talking to me after all I can't make it to <my city> this Thursday. How is Wednesday for you?"

me: "Already got plans for Wednesday." (true)

chick: "Too bad But I'll be back in <my city> in two weeks. <insert attempt at smalltalk here>"

me: "<short answer to smalltalk attempt>"

chick: "<attempt to prolong smalltalk>"

me: <ignore>

chick (Wednesday): "I also have time on Monday and Tuesday After that I come backe on the 25th for a long weekend."



That's it so far, gentlemen. I intend to agree on Tuesday since I don't have to get up early the next day. Just in case...

I' m going to text her in one hour. So if I'm screwing up bigtime here, let me know.

 

[Rubirosa]

Last year I met up w/ a girl from my chumpy past...but she was from 20 years ago. Said that she was heavier. When I saw her couldn't believe how fat her face was...it looked like someone had stuck an airhose up her a$$ and forgot to shut it off....She had such fine features back then. The funny part was that her personality was basically the same, and her bit$$y little sister, who had invited herself to the "reunion" , was still a little bi$$$ !

 

[PectoralisMajor]

You say you USED to be an AFC, but here you are not able to handle a random from 2 years ago. your taking it all SERIOUS, which is why you will FAIL.

imagine if you had to one day catch a real curveball, and i mean real curveball.

whatever happened to just having fun. your already showing no game by ignoring her but actually wanting deep down to reply.

oh,and shes texting you because she doesnt really know anyone else since coming back to the city. yoiur being used, so if you want to see her, make sure you use her back and its convenient for you rather than desperate.

 

[maqnetik]

standing up to someone whos seen you at your worst is the ultimate test.

:box:

 

[runner83]

DO you want to bang her?

If so, get together with her in a private place only. If she doesn't agree to this when you're setting it up, you are wasting your time.

Don't let her use you for ego boosting, but make sure you use her for some hard f*cking.

 

[Slaanesh]

Thank you all for the advice. Unfortunately I have to give you an after-action rather than a lay report.

So we met up yesterday for some drinks and movies at my place.
Turns out she’s still in an LTR with the guy she nexted me for 2 years ago and even moved in with him. She kept complaining about how he is such a couch potato and turned her from party girl into a housewife….yadayadayada
After we both got a good buzz going she confessed that I could have had her 2 years ago if I had escalated things. But I knew that already and we had a short “what if” discussion about our time together in which she basically confirmed all the things I later concluded to have done wrong.

After some time and a lot more vine she decided to crash at my place. So we laid down in my relatively small bed where I did some kino on her. After some cuddling we both ended up lying next to each other naked. Still apart from some occasional fingering (nice wet pvssy) she wouldn’t let me escalate further or even kiss her on the mouth.

I have to admit that it would have been entirely possible to f-close at this point if my kino techniques had been more advanced or by relentless escalation. For a few minutes I thought about wrapping my tool up and just putting it in despite her resistance. But somehow I felt a mental block consisting in part of moral objections and doing something which could be considered borderline rape. Just didn’t feel like the right thing to do especially since I didn’t recognize any subliminal “go-ahead” signals from her. Feel free to kick my ass if I was wrong about this.

I think she was just in it for the ego boost and for someone to tell her that she looks hot (I did so but also negged her about her insecurity)

So the results of the night were some deep blue balls(ouch!), a left hand covered all over in pvssy juice and free bottle of half decent scotch.

From what I can read from her comments she wants to keep me around as an orbiter and friend. I haven’t decided yet whether I give her the “I don’t entertain platonic friendships with women” or “I’m busy” treatment.

Edit:
Clarification: I sure as hell won't spend any more time on this girl unless she is naked in my bed and screams "**** ME HARD"

 

[CHICAGO27]

No. Have some self respect. Don't let yourself be played.

 

[blueline]

oh boy, you got ****ing tooled hard, my friend. don't worry. i've been there with a girl less advanced than that.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

Could you have f closed? Definitely. She was talking negatively about her boyfriend. Thats a womans way of setting-up justification, in her mind, for anything the two of you did. But you didn't have the experience to plow through. Don't sweat it. You're doing and that is what matters. Go back to ignoring her. She'll contact you again. They always do. So... ignore her for a little while. Then contact her later on. Next time she's in your bed naked and she won't let you kiss her on the mouth, kiss her some where else. Her neck, her shoulders and collar bone. Grab her hair, touch her body. She doesn't really want you to stop. She just doesn't want to openly act slutty. It's her anti-slut defense.

But anyway, spin plates. Don't make her a priority just because she got naked with you. Come back around to her later.