Girl flaked, not sure what do to next.

[visq]

Hey so first post here!

This girl I met online, we've had 2 dates now the first and second were great I thought (though on the first we ended up getting pretty drunk and as intimate as you can get in a club), second I got a kiss close and we held hands near the end. We talked about future dates and we had a photo she wanted me to put on Facebook of the two of us. She messaged me back the same night saying had fun etc. Now I messaged her a few days later and she asked me pretty quickly about a third and I suggested a date she suggested, she said it was all good etc. I message to confirm yesterday and she said "I will have a think if you don't mind and let you know" to this I replied asking if she had other plans and she said no, wasn't messing me around and said she definitely wanted to meet. Today she messages me cancelling the date (which I kind of expected) with valid reasons so it's possible and said we should maybe meet next week. I replied with "It's alright, next week is okay let me know" so now i'm wondering if this is it and I should forget her. Any advice would be helpful

 

[pyros]

so now she seems busy huh?

You did fine, now just wait to see if she texts to and wants to meet. DO NOT TEXT HER.

 

[visq]

Yeah that's what I thought, not much I can do in this situation. I'll wait for her to text/if she does. Thanks.

 

[wishyo]

lol, it's not it dude, wtf ur talking about. wait few days and ask her out, no need to play stupid mind games "who is going to text first." just make sure to wait some time so wont appear too needy/interested.
my girl flaked me twice for stupid reasons, yet we are still dating, she was all over me on our last date
check bradd80's guide and consistent persistence

 

[visq]

lol, it's not it dude, wtf ur talking about. wait few days and ask her out, no need to play stupid mind games "who is going to text first." just make sure to wait some time so wont appear too needy/interested.
my girl flaked me twice for stupid reasons, yet we are still dating, she was all over me on our last date
check bradd80's guide and consistent persistence

I'm not sure though, I have always been the one to initiate the contact (most of the time) and asking her yet again feels kinda needy to me. She says she is busy this weekend with work and things so if I did it would be monday - tuesday. And thanks, i'll check out the guide.

 

[The_411]

Hey so first post here!

This girl I met online, we've had 2 dates now the first and second were great I thought (though on the first we ended up getting pretty drunk and as intimate as you can get in a club), second I got a kiss close and we held hands near the end. We talked about future dates and we had a photo she wanted me to put on Facebook of the two of us. She messaged me back the same night saying had fun etc. Now I messaged her a few days later and she asked me pretty quickly about a third and I suggested a date she suggested, she said it was all good etc. I message to confirm yesterday and she said "I will have a think if you don't mind and let you know" to this I replied asking if she had other plans and she said no, wasn't messing me around and said she definitely wanted to meet. Today she messages me cancelling the date (which I kind of expected) with valid reasons so it's possible and said we should maybe meet next week. I replied with "It's alright, next week is okay let me know" so now i'm wondering if this is it and I should forget her. Any advice would be helpful

Rule #1 never talk about the future and future dates while on a date unless done in a joking manner such as joking about marriage or adopting some weird animal etc. Doing so gives off a vibe of neediness. She already knows that could be interested but that's all she should know otherwise you kill the mystery.

Rule #2 Don't give in too easily when a woman acts extremely interested give her something to think about. While it seems logical to get into her same vibe of being excited, it's really a trap. Doesn't mean you can't be interested but tease her and given her reason to believe you might not be able to make it.

Rule #3 When a woman gives you some cryptic answer it means back the f off and/or and time to look for other women.

Rule #4 Don't ask her if she has other plans directly. By doing this you are basically saying I'm really counting on you to make my social calendar. The other reason is that it forces to think if she has plans and if she doesn't that she needs to make plans, and guess what it will not be with you.

Rule #5 When a woman cancels do not then advise her of your availability. It makes you look like a doormat. She just rejected you it doesn't matter the reasons why. Don't get angry, don't be overly polite, be indifferent or overly happy. It's the last two behaviors that will confuse the hell out of her.

As far as you are concerned this woman no longer exists within your life. She no different than the waitress you took your order or woman in HR etc.

 

[visq]

Rule #1 never talk about the future and future dates while on a date unless done in a joking manner such as joking about marriage or adopting some weird animal etc. Doing so gives off a vibe of neediness. She already knows that could be interested but that's all she should know otherwise you kill the mystery.

Rule #2 Don't give in too easily when a woman acts extremely interested give her something to think about. While it seems logical to get into her same vibe of being excited, it's really a trap. Doesn't mean you can't be interested but tease her and given her reason to believe you might not be able to make it.

Rule #3 When a woman gives you some cryptic answer it means back the f off and/or and time to look for other women.

Rule #4 Don't ask her if she has other plans directly. By doing this you are basically saying I'm really counting on you to make my social calendar. The other reason is that it forces to think if she has plans and if she doesn't that she needs to make plans, and guess what it will not be with you.

Rule #5 When a woman cancels do not then advise her of your availability. It makes you look like a doormat. She just rejected you it doesn't matter the reasons why. Don't get angry, don't be overly polite, be indifferent or overly happy. It's the last two behaviors that will confuse the hell out of her.

As far as you are concerned this woman no longer exists within your life. She no different than the waitress you took your order or woman in HR etc.

Thanks for the advice. It wasn't me talking about the future, it was her. But yeah I see everything else. So I should just wait for her contact and write it off?

 

[wishyo]

no lol, dont write her off. dont text her this weekend, dont text until at least wednesday. on wednesday night text her something simple like "lets go out this weekend/are u busy this weekend?"
girls have billions of reasons why they flake... so just take it as it is and just wait. the worst case scenario=she will flake two more dates, then it will be clear she is not into you.

 

[pdx1138]

^^respectfully disagree.

The ball is in HER court to respond, not his.

If she is interested she will respond, best to leave it at that
and to help build interest.

 

[visq]

I'll at least leave it for 4-5 days before messaging. Thing is, I did say let me know in my reply to her flake. So if I did go and ask her again that's a bit contradictory imo.

 

[pyros]

she is not very interested in you, we all agree on that, this is why she flaked and gave you a lame reply: "I'll think about it blah blah..." or something like that.

WTF? if you wait let's say a week, and she does not contact you, you have your answer: not into you anymore. However, if you wait a week and then you wanna text her again to see if she wants to go out fine, but if she flaked on you, and one week passes and she does not contact you it is because she's not interested, why would you text her again just to confirm it when it is crystal clear?

No harm in waiting a week and texting her, but if she hasn't contacted you by then, you have your answer.

I guess we all have been in the same situation, so I can forsee that if she doesn't contact you in a week, she wont agree on going on another date. Pretty logical, isn't it?


P.S.

Confident Persistence is a useful method, but you have to know when to use it and when to next a girl.
Some guys next too quickly: she doesnt return your call --> next. She seems busy one day --> next, and so on.

But in this case, as I commented above, she flaked and did not seem interested in seing you again.
If she does not contact you within a week she is clearly not interested. There may be a 5% chance that she'll agree, but not likely.

 

[The_411]

Thanks for the advice. It wasn't me talking about the future, it was her. But yeah I see everything else. So I should just wait for her contact and write it off?

The future stuff is a trap as well to see how overeager/needy is .. I understand you weren't bringing it up, but if the future comes up either move to a new topic or make absurd jokes like you two growing old watching your red ant farm business flourish.


At this point there's nothing to do here and part of learning is integrate that lukewarm responses, cryptic responses aren't to be tolerated because you don't want a woman who might be into you if she's had 5 alcoholic beverages and options 1-4 aren't available.

Instead you want a woman all over you tell you things that she wouldn't want her mother to hear like how she's shaved down below or the curtain matches the drapes etc. Obvious? Absolutely, but it doesn't need to be that obvious. It just needs to be a lot more than let me think about things or I have to see my pet llama or my friend just broke up with her boyfriend etc. You should decide how much "love" you need from a woman before moving forward. This is where a lot of guys get excited about girl acting interested but the reality is that she's putting on her best acting job and the only way to get a good gauge is to test her (compliance tests).

Yes we all have things to do, but if you really want something you'll make it obvious. A woman only plays hard to get if she thinks your too good for her or she's not interested. 98% of time it's not that you're too good, it's that she's not interested, but she wants the attention.

 

[TARKUS]

we had a photo she wanted me to put on Facebook of the two of us.

Why would you put up a picture of you and a girl on Facebook when you haven't even fvcked her yet? Do you just do anything a girl tells you to do? Nice job of trolling here.

Look at the rest of you guys giving awful analytical dating advice being taken by a troll. :crackup:

We talked about future dates

Talking is not the same thing as doing. Talk is cheap.

"I will have a think if you don't mind and let you know"
said we should maybe meet next week.

If she has to think it over telling you maybe, she isn't into you anymore.

That's how it goes.

You did fine, now just wait to see if she texts to and wants to meet. DO NOT TEXT HER.

How did he do fine?

 

[wishyo]

his case is pretty similar to my current dating one, only BIG difference is that she openly said she has to think. it is a game changer indeed, i havent paid attention to that. I mean she OPENLY SAYS SHE HAS TO FVCKING THINK?? SERIOUSLY? dont even fvcking talk to her if she texts stuff like this...

my case was different is that she had some b/s excuse, but she told she wants to meet some other day, so I asked her in a few days and we indeed met.

Mauser96, as for your bolds comments... it makes sense what you say. I am not sure how you make a hot girl who has 10 guys chasing her lust over you after few dates. it is not real, with ugly or 5's maybe, but with hot ones, you gotta work..
Look, right now I am dating the hottest girl I ever had around me.. we had several dates, i made a move and sh1t, then she went for 2 weeks vacations, then came back for one weekend, flaked my date with her that weekend, but agreed to go out whenever she would come back, then went for another 2 week vacation (meanwhile we had no communication at all).. once she arrived, i asked her out, she agreed, but then <I flaked> our date, but told her to meet the next day and we met. and she was all over me literally (she couldnt even fvcking breath and talk normally), and we are meeting again this weekend.
THIS is a REAL LIFE case, not some dating theory. if i wouldnt be persistent or would delete or block her number, nothing would happened.. (i actually deleted her number at some point, but it was stored on my other iphone lol)

 

[visq]

Why would you put up a picture of you and a girl on Facebook when you haven't even fvcked her yet? Do you just do anything a girl tells you to do? Nice job of trolling here.

First off, no i'm not trolling. Genuine situation here, I do appreciate all the advice given. Secondly, no I didn't say I put that photo on Facebook as you've already decided. I only asked for advice, don't be an ass.