Girl flaked, I closed door but am looking for better way

[ketostix]

so you might have burned a bridge with her, but you also told her what you felt, and apparently what she isn't used to hearing.
good for you.
what did her room mate being sick have to do with the date?
is she really nursing her sick room mate all night?
not unless it is something very serious, which she would have told you the first time. instead, she was re arranging her plans for whatever else came up.
why are we questioning your attitude? i think your self respect is still in tact at this point, more so than hers, and my advise to you is to move on, and find the next girl.

Penkitten's reply is basically along the lines with mine. I see Str8up and Jophil's point, but I guess my view is you can't burn a bridge that isn't really there. I guess if a woman flakes by giving a "legitimate" BS excuse as oppossed to in a different way, like she's just getting cold feet and does nothing or starts sh!t testing, then I think she should "hear what she's not use to hearing".

 

[penkitten]

Penkitten's reply is basically along the lines with mine. I see Str8up and Jophil's point, but I guess my view is you can't burn a bridge that isn't really there. I guess if a woman flakes by giving a "legitimate" BS excuse as oppossed to in a different way, like she's just getting cold feet and does nothing or starts sh!t testing, then I think she should "hear what she's not use to hearing".

i agree that there really wasn't a bridge to burn here.
if i were a single gal, and really into a guy, i would leave my room mate to nurse her own cold and be out on that date. if my room mate were seriously sick, i would have told you early enough for you to know, and i would have already have asked when it could be rescheduled. that is what interested women do.

however i do see jophil and str8ups points, because they are telling you to act calm, cool and collective at all times, to be indifferent about it. thats all good for the most part, but sometimes i think people need to hear the truth, that the world does not revolve around them. otherwise, how will they ever come to a realization that they themselves may need to make a personal change.

perhaps the girl was asked to do something else and didnt want to offend you, and is into you... but she wasn't honest about it, and you really do not have time for the games of a little school girl do you?
no, you want to date someone who has some values and you also want to date someone who is interested in you.

 

[tsmith2334]

This is TRUE TRUE TRUE, beat yourself in the head TRUE, fellas.

By "calling her out" all you did was come across as an uptight pansy, and reinforce in her mind that she did the right thing when she assumed you were a loser and not worth her time.

AND, she doesn't GIVE A FVCK about your feelings.

You have to maintain your aura of being a cool person. That means cool headed. Not easily upset.

Never let them see that they got to you, why would you want some random chick to think she got to you? And that it was THAT easy.

I agree 100%.

Sometimes you need to be in the right frame of mind to go out and have a good time as opposed to taking it easy and relaxing at home. Ever have a day where you don't feel like going out, and for whatever reason you cancel on your closest friend? Flaking happens to men who are engaged, it's part of life.

While you think you stood your ground, you basically came off as undesirable and killed any chances you had.

 

[MacAvoy]

The more and more I think about it, I think no contact / no reply is the best method. It completely gives you control. It leaves the women wondering, how come he hasn't responded, like all the other chumps always do.

Does he not like me? Did I do something wrong? There will be a bunch of questions going through her mind. In addition, like Str8Up and Jophil said, it doesn't burn any bridges. Well others argue there was no bridge to burn, but by burning this non-existant bridge, it could catch other bridges on fire that haven't been built yet.

What happens down the road when you meet some random girl, who just out of fluke, happens to know the burnt bridge girl, then she says what an azz you are. Thereby burning another non existant bridge.

All for what? What do you accomplish by calling her out? How does it get you ahead in life? Other than making you feel better by, in the same way that a bully feels better by picking on people weaker than him, it doesn't do anything to advance your cause in the long run.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Pretty much everything was said here but, if you would have acted indifferent, or immediately asked her for a time that works for her (its a good sh1t test, one of the only ones that work for men), her IL might have gone up with an indifferent attitude.

 

[yogy]

Flaking within an LTR is a whole other kettle and needs a different operating procedure.

Like what ?

 

[penkitten]

The more and more I think about it, I think no contact / no reply is the best method. It completely gives you control. It leaves the women wondering, how come he hasn't responded, like all the other chumps always do.

you know, you are probably right.

 

[Obsidian]

You did fine, scrapper. A real man doesn't hide his passions or shy away from the truth unless he's under dire coercion.

But ultimate, I think MacAvoy's total cuting-off method is probably the best way to go. Silence is even better than what you texted because it gets the same msg across while ALSO making her long for you and feel guilty.

 

[tsmith2334]

What you could do, (I've done this in the past) is turn the tables.

After the flake, get in touch with her and tell her you're sorry it didn't work out. Don't set anything in stone, but tell her you'll call her the next day, that weekend, etc. When exactly isn't important, but give her a specific timeframe. Then... don't call. Even the playing field. She's not 100% reliable, so why should you be? You've got important things to do too, and she's no longer your top priority.

Iniate contact again, no apology neccesary. Only acknowledge your flaking if she brings it up, and just say "I didn't think we definitely had plans, my bad". Ask her if she wants to hang out again and follow-through this time.

Works like a charm.

 

[Mazeman11]

What you could do, (I've done this in the past) is turn the tables.

After the flake, get in touch with her and tell her you're sorry it didn't work out. Don't set anything in stone, but tell her you'll call her the next day, that weekend, etc. When exactly isn't important, but give her a specific timeframe. Then... don't call. Even the playing field. She's not 100% reliable, so why should you be? You've got important things to do too, and she's no longer your top priority.

Iniate contact again, no apology neccesary. Only acknowledge your flaking if she brings it up, and just say "I didn't think we definitely had plans, my bad". Ask her if she wants to hang out again and follow-through this time.

Works like a charm.

You will never completely eliminate flaking. I honestly don't think you can do much to even lower the occurrences. It happens to the best of us.

I've been flaked on so many times. I stopped counting a long time ago because I couldn't count any higher

Being the calm person in such situations is very difficult and it takes a big man to play the mature role and play cool and indifferent. You are not doing anybody any favors but "putting them in their place". Your reality is different from their and obviously your values are different from theirs as well.

What tsmith2334 said is what works best for me. A girl flakes. I tell her no problem and politely end the call. I call back in a few days and just chat for a few minutes. Then I tell her I'll call her later and never do. That way you display that her flaking had no effect on you whatsoever since you called her once after the flaking. But when you don't call back after that...well...that makes them wonder, speculate, guess, and go crazy!