Girl Dishes Out New Info

[DharmaBear]

Don Juans! How would you proceed with this situation?

Quick background: I've had oneitis for this girl I work with for over a year now. It's been pretty tough to deal with, because I have to stare at her every day at work, but thanks in part to this site I've been getting out more, dating more girls (which has really helped a lot!), and I've generally dealt with this girl much better. Why do I have such bad oneitis? She's awesome in a hundred different ways (just imagine your perfect girl - and there she is), but despite constant flirting from her she rejected my numerous date offers a year ago (granted I was total AFC at the time) though we've been out to lunch and a few other things as "friends."

Anyhow. For the most part I don't really talk to her much anymore. We have a good working relationship, and that's it. If we're not going anywhere on an intimate level, then I'm not interested. Today (V-day, incidentally), she e-mails me at work and says she wants to take me to lunch to pay me back. I gave her some money in Europe a few weeks ago on a business trip when she ran out. Anyhow, we go out and have an amazing lunch together. I did a great job of holding my oneities in check. Turns out I learned a few things about her, and I'm wondering if I should make another move on her (something I haven't done in a year) based on on this new info:

-She reads a lot of trashy romance novels - and, I gather that she has it in her head that a guy needs to sweep her off her feet like in those stupid books. Lots of other signs that indicate she wants to be treated like a princess.

-She hasn't had a boyfriend of any sort in four years (she's 24).

-She NEVER "just dates" anyone.

-She almost never goes out on the weekends and does anything, even with her friends. She acts well socially, but much prefers to be alone - a true introvert.

-She claims she hates dating, and just wants to go from point A (meeting a guy, and realizing he's for her) right to point B (intense, serious relationship). She even asked my opinion of how long that time frame should be. She claims this is part of the reason why she doesn't date.

-She's one of the most independent-minded people I've ever met. Though she wants a b-friend, she gets along just fine without one, and never acts needy.

She obviously likes me and being around me (laughs at my dumb jokes, mild kino, likes to invite me to lunch, etc.). But, how much she likes me is another thing. I suspect my new DJ attitude the last 6 months or so might be having some effect.

Questions: Should I try to make another move on her? And, if so, how might I use this new information to help? Any suggestions are welcome! Thanks!


-Dharma

 

[alphawolfx]

awesome

1) she's lonely
2) she's looking for ADVENTURE (which is why she stays home and reads novels instead of living in the real world)

go read "Writing Romance Novels" for dummies, and read the part about the male hero's qualities - adapt some of those traits IMMEDIATELY (not gradually) and tell her a short story based on that...

like for instance, one that i tell girls, which came from what i learned in that book:

this is from my online profile:

"I have always felt that I have to take charge of the situation, that I have to do things alone, that I have to be the strong one in the situation, and that I have to make the important decisions for people. I thought these were good things, but it has gotten me into more trouble than I need in my life, so I'm trying to ease up on this. I thought these were good things at first, but it has cost me at least one friendship. "

girls eat this s.hit up... and it sounds like you're complaining, not bragging

so go do that, and you'll see what she wants

 

[Cremasta]

Start using some of these things that she is saying to come across as a bit of a smartarse...

Originally posted by DharmaBear

-She hasn't had a boyfriend of any sort in four years (she's 24).

Just say to her "well, if you keep comparing every guy to me, no one is going to measure up are they?"

Originally posted by DharmaBear

-She claims she hates dating, and just wants to go from point A (meeting a guy, and realizing he's for her) right to point B (intense, serious relationship). She even asked my opinion of how long that time frame should be. She claims this is part of the reason why she doesn't date.

Tell her that this is like trying to go straight from having coffee to multiple orgasms... which you can take care of for her if she wants

Look, you haven't really gotten anywhere with her have you? So start being a bit of an arrogant bugger and take her a bit outside of her comfort zone, if she thinks that you are only (half) joking then you can probably get away with quite a bit and before they know it, they have been sitting at home wondering what it would be like to shag you. Worked for me...

 

[DharmaBear]

Hey guys, thanks for the tips. Incidentally, I spent the rest of the week either one day telling her how great she is (it was borderline AFC...but not quite), and alternated that with some serious "I wanna fukk the living daylights out of you" talk. Which the latter, by the way, I felt was a bit risky because we work in the same office. But, as I expected (I know her fairly well), she didn't tattle on me. She just sort of went with it, but it didn't get me personally any closer to her.

I'm at the point now where I basically don't give a F-about her, but I do have fun flirting when I'm in the mood.

Her roommate set up a dinner date with her, her roommates fiancee, and her fiancee's friend (who evidently this girl likes) on Friday. She kept saying how she likes him, but doesn't know if he likes her and she hates the whole thing and NEVER wants to date anyone. She had a serious B-friend four years ago, and that was it.

She keeps saying over and over that she just wants to jump right into a successful relationship and be "won over" like in a romance novel (actually, I'm just deducing this last part).

So, this girl has become my practice girl. One day she acts like she wants me, and the next she won't even look at me. She's a complete and utter flake, and what guy (besides a really desperate one) would want to jump into a relationship with anyone like she wants? Crazy.

Anyhow. For practice sake, does anyone else have any tips? I'm all ears. Thanks!


-Dharma

 

[Cremasta]

Originally posted by DharmaBear
I'm at the point now where I basically don't give a F-about her, but I do have fun flirting when I'm in the mood.

Now THIS is the mindset of a Don Juan!!!

To hell with all the techniques, Ganji games, not calling for at least 3 days... and all that other crap that people talk about on this site. You have the right attitude! If and when you get into a long term relationship, then you can start giving a F-about her. Until then, it is supposed to be fun.

Well done!!!

 

[DrSoSuave]

A DJ acts before he talks.

An AFC talks before he acts.

One-itis requires an supplicating AFC.

 

[DharmaBear]

While I appreciate your words, Cremasta, the Doc has it right: I'm still a bit AFC if I'm asking for this kind of advice here. I'm not claiming to be a DJ, but I'm working hard on it. Don Juans just do.


-Dharma

 

[Cremasta]

I didn't say you were perfect Dharma We all have lapses into AFC-dom, so don't sweat it. You're on the right track though.

I think what I was trying to get across to everyone else who might read this is that this whole site should be about changing your attitude and outlook on women... not about learning 'techniques'.

Cheers

 

[Albion4]

Originally posted by DharmaBear
While I appreciate your words, Cremasta, the Doc has it right: I'm still a bit AFC if I'm asking for this kind of advice here. I'm not claiming to be a DJ, but I'm working hard on it. Don Juans just do.
-Dharma

You're afraid of her. Stop being afraid of what might happen if you just walk up to her and say, 'Would you like to pet my c<beep>k?' See the problem with most AFCs is that they look at the current prospect as the only prospect. "If I don't get this one I'm going to be alone for another 3 years, so I better do everything right." To hell with that, concentrate on doing everything wrong. Don't be afraid that something you might do might not work. To be quite honest most of the time what we do doesn't work. But it's the attitude that goes along with that failure that women dig. 'So you don't want to pet my c<beep>k? How about eatin' it instead? My place tomorrow 7pm, you bring the wine, I'll cook.'

What you also have to do is decide whether or not you really want to be with a girl who wants to "jump right in" persay. Personally I think that has disaster written all over it. But then again, you can always break up with her when she starts getting weird on you. Notice I said 'when' not 'if'.

-Al

 

[DharmaBear]

You're absolutely right, and I work hard everyday to NOT care about what her (or, frankly, anyone else) thinks of what I say or do. Major AFCX faux paus, and something I used to be bad at. It's not natural yet, but I'm getting there.

Just today I TOLD her (didn't ask) that we were going to lunch at this new Mediterrean cafe in town on Thursday. I didn't care what her response was to me being so direct and forceful. Guess what? She totally went with it. This DJ stuff aint' bad...

-Dharma