Girl called me a douchebag to my face. I think she's partially right.

[asianbboy]

I invite this girl to my house to watch a movie. We sit on the couch, and I start talking to her. I get the feeling she's not interested and I'm nervous.
When we're eating, she drops some food on the floor. She asks me to get her a paper towel to clean it up. I tell her to get it herself and bust her balls a bit here.
I go a little too far and make a sexist joke about how she's in her natural habitat cleaning up the mess. She laughs, but then calls me a douchebag. Then she says she's serious.
Then she questions me about why I invited her (we didn't talk much, just a few minutes at a party). I don't really answer her, I just say she looked cute and was interesting over text.
Then she says she thinks I want to be in a relationship with her and she's not interested because I'm a douche. This whole time she's dead serious.
She says the way I text (I'm a sparse texter), the way I called the food delivery over the phone, the fact that I told her about a big business deal I made today that netted me good money, and the sexist joke I made gave her the impression that I was a huge douche.

I'm starting to think she's right.

I've never been able to hold a relationship. I wonder if behavior like the above is actually douchey... I never mean to hurt anyone, but her point was that I kinda seemed like someone who lacked respect for women in general...

I think on my journey to not be a *****, I've become a ****head.

I've never desired to hookup with as many girls as possible. The girl who called me out today was beautiful and really honest about what she thought. She's the kind of girl I want to date, and it seems my personality right now won't help me connect with these girls.

 

[No.Danny]

There's a difference from a jerk to a douche and you're a douche. That joke crossed the line bruh. And you do seem to act like one. Any respectable girl will not accept that.

 

[Alvafe]

wouldn't worry too much, but giving her the paper towel would be more in line since it was your home and you know where are the things, the joke can be both ways, as long you say it in a not so serious voice just to tease her a little wouldn't be a problem,
I say hold the bussiness like talks, it don't matter if you can make good money or not, and when she asked why you invited her over you should have counter asked, "why she came?"

so I guess you sohuld jsut turn down a little and question more yourself if you really goes over the board or had a bad day

 

[Ruleit]

This is what douchebags get:

Wear that badge with pride.

 

[Eph]

Don't let it ruin your day. She laughed at your sexist joke, so forget what she had to say after it. Actions > words. You think she's not interested, but if she wasn't, why would she come to your place? Actions > words. Forget that she asked why you did. You just couldn't seal the deal. You said it yourself, you were nervous. Emotions cloud judgment and your ability to think. Just try to stay calm next time, and don't take what she says too serious. Even if she says that she's being serious. And seal the deal. You got her home, she was waiting for you to make a move.

 

[LearningSlowly]

This is an important post!! It's important to think about this a little bit. I'm basing my opinion on this from high school and college.

Women don't really care if they're hooking up with a douchebag. They don't. Douchebags can be funny and attractive too. The thing is, they have to be themselves by being douche-y. For one thing genuine douchebags have no idea that's what they are. They lift a lot of weights, they drink, play sports and videogames and get bad grades. They hang out with friends of both sexes and have large social circles. They aren't bad people, they just have no idea that life could be lived another way.

The difference is, you do know! You don't have all the muscles or the friends, the wild stories or the drugs. What she sees in you is a smart guy trying to be a douchebag and that's about as unattractive as it gets. Your behavior does not match the way you set your life up.

If you are a smart guy, act like one. Think on multiple levels, engage her interests, speak intelligently about the world and your personal goals.

You can't fake being a real douchebag, but why would you want to? Smart guys can get laid too.

Pay more attention to the screening phase. Test her values and demonstrate your own values. That will make sure you get along with the women you pursue.

 

[Skyline]

I invite this girl to my house to watch a movie. We sit on the couch, and I start talking to her. I get the feeling she's not interested and I'm nervous.
When we're eating, she drops some food on the floor. She asks me to get her a paper towel to clean it up. I tell her to get it herself and bust her balls a bit here.

Probably should have gotten something to clean it up, it was fine busting her balls on it though. Just as long as you didn't clean up her mess.

I go a little too far and make a sexist joke about how she's in her natural habitat cleaning up the mess. She laughs, but then calls me a douchebag. Then she says she's serious.
Then she questions me about why I invited her (we didn't talk much, just a few minutes at a party). I don't really answer her, I just say she looked cute and was interesting over text.

Women don't generally like "sexist" jokes in this society. The real question is: Why did she accept the invite if you're such a "douchebag?"

Then she says she thinks I want to be in a relationship with her and she's not interested because I'm a douche. This whole time she's dead serious.
She says the way I text (I'm a sparse texter), the way I called the food delivery over the phone, the fact that I told her about a big business deal I made today that netted me good money, and the sexist joke I made gave her the impression that I was a huge douche.

That's a load of crap. Listen to her actions not her words. She came over to your place; we all know what happens when you invite a girl over for a "movie." She's the one who brought up a relationship. She's the one who's attracted to you.

I'm starting to think she's right.

I've never been able to hold a relationship. I wonder if behavior like the above is actually douchey... I never mean to hurt anyone, but her point was that I kinda seemed like someone who lacked respect for women in general...

I think on my journey to not be a *****, I've become a ****head.

I've never desired to hookup with as many girls as possible. The girl who called me out today was beautiful and really honest about what she thought. She's the kind of girl I want to date, and it seems my personality right now won't help me connect with these girls.

There's nothing wrong with being polite. Like I said, just don't bend over backwards for people when you're being polite and you're fine. So in this scenario you should have gotten her some paper towels and let her clean up the mess and maybe playfully teased her. And no more "sexist" jokes.

What happened here was that you didn't bend over backwards for her and you've shown dominate traits that she's attracted to- by nature. This is triumphing her logical side but since she doesn't really understand why she likes "such a mean person" she defines you as a "douche." Next time just be a little nicer.

 

[clk2014]

Just take this a lesson and learn for future. Watch what you are saying next time. Good luck.

 

[wishyo]

ye, being a douche in dating is not really that bad. better than being a total nerd/very nice guy. and ye, you did absolute right by telling her to wipe her sh1t.. sexists jokes are fun too, i make them from time to time, but with girls who are smart enough to understand them and who can have some self irony. very very very fvcking few girls have those qualities...

 

[logicallefty]

I had this exact thing happen with a chick spilling some food in my house. I told her "I'll clean it for ya but you WILL get my bill". She asked "what are u gonna charge me" and I said "oooh you will see". Soon as I was done started sucking face with her and a few minutes in said "OK your paid in full but I will take more for a tip". Yee ya!! :rockon:

 

[mangotot]

Well done bro...you are going in the right direction.

 

[Redzky]

Wow, this thread is old and still people are replying to it lol.