Girl at work...

[gov87]

Hey guys, I need to clear my mind of some clutter and could use a little input...

First off, from the time I joined this community, it's really only been uphill. I consider myself to be happier than ever. I'm fully content being single.

There is this girl I work with in my office and we have been friends for around 6 years... I'm 27 and she's 33. We are very close as friends and have always talked about everything. In fact, I consider her a very positive point in my life and talking to her has only helped me embrace the red pill more fully. I know about her relationship struggles and she knows about all of past more than any other girl... she's aware of my AFC past (although I'm not sure how she views/calls it) and my transition out of it. One thing I do know is as I have made these changes to myself, i believe that is when she really started taking an attraction towards me. Also, she was getting strung along by an AFC guy up until recently and I think the contrast has only made me stand out further.

Anyways, I've never been one to want to mix up work and personal life. However, this past weekend, there was a Christmas dance/dinner where an open bar was pretty thoroughly enjoyed. We had both had a lot to drink and we ended up in bed together.

All seems cool even now a couple days later, but my brain has been kicked into overdrive a bit. I can see that she likes me and is very attracted yet a part of me is worrying about our friendship suffering and making things awkward at work. I feel like I should have a talk with her when I figure out the appropriate course of action.

On a side note, this is a very good example of an alpha vs. AFC... Since I started working on myself embracing my true nature and nurturing my inner game, her attraction only escalated. I know about all of her relationship with the AFC and the guy was always so unsure and sexually insecure that in my presence she couldn't help but be attracted. Totally different from white knighting, this is just the higher value and an inner confidence I have been developing at work. I'm still learning how to be completely honest with myself, but the benefits of working on that are already so obvious. I feel bad for the other guy bc I can see what he is going through. He is wanting her back, but it's too late. It makes me hope that he will find a place to unplug like I have found here.

Just wanted to thank the community here for all the help and sharing your experiences bc it has certainly made a difference for the better in my life.

Now, back to my question... what the hell do I do to maintain a good friendship with my work friend without causing any damage?

 

[VladPatton]

A horror movie would be no fun if every scary scene has a pre-warning! Shut your mouth and say nothing about what's happening, especially during work, and continue to bang her until further developments. Bring this up and the excitement will be destroyed and her taco will run dry as the Sahara. Remove the idea of friendship with this chick, she has now transitioned into a girl you're sexing up.
Don't go back into the Friend Zone, you already pulled off getting out of there by some stroke of natural luck! Continue like this and keep her interest and excitement level off.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I never advocate in favor of developing some kind of relationship, even if its just FWB, with someone at work. Too much drama can come from it and then everyone at work is involved in your soap opera too. Plus you then run the risk of some sexual harassment if she's crazy.

Only way this can work out is if you've turned in your resignation and moved on to greener pastures.

 

[gov87]

I never advocate in favor of developing some kind of relationship, even if its just FWB, with someone at work. Too much drama can come from it and then everyone at work is involved in your soap opera too. Plus you then run the risk of some sexual harassment if she's crazy.

Only way this can work out is if you've turned in your resignation and moved on to greener pastures.

Completely with you on this one man.

Here's the thing, I never cared about being friendzoned by her or not bc we're just friends. She's pretty much like one of my guy friends. I don't even care about losing her as a person to mess around with, i have plenty of other options.

The only way I'd let it continue is if she was understanding of the fact I want nothing out of it and we just hang out and things stay the same with us. I can tell her if things start to get complicated, we end it. She's not crazy, at least not that I've seen the last 6 years, but ya never know.

I'm very tempted to just cut it off now and tell her it's not smart for us to continue.

 

[equinox654]

Sounds like it was a one time thing so far. I agree with Vlad keep your mouth shut about if you want to keep having sexy time with her. Just get her to meet up after work.

Keep you mouth shut to the guys at work or she'll have a circle or AFC/white knights showering her with compliments all day trying to steal your action.

 

[Epimanes]

Maybe she doesn't remember? Lol... Don't say jack. Who knows what will happen.

 

[gov87]

haha it's not a question of will she want it again or not because she certainly does.

I got a text last night from her, "I can't stop thinking of doing you in the shower right now"

It's pretty much there when I want it, I know this. However, I do not exactly know if I should.

 

[equinox654]

haha it's not a question of will she want it again or not because she certainly does.

I got a text last night from her, "I can't stop thinking of doing you in the shower right now"
I's pretty much there when I want it, I know this. However, I do not exactly know if I should.

Is she not good looking? Should a went over and got in the shower with her.

 

[gov87]

Is she not good looking? Should a went over and got in the shower with her.

She's attractive but I know I can get more physically attractive girls. It's just I don't want her starting to like me a lot and cause drama at work or with our friendship.

 

[equinox654]

Just realized... If she's texting you **** like that. How do you think she will react to ljbf.
Women don't like rejection brah.

 

[sodbuster]

IF she's hot enough to pass the boner test AND you like her?{how many HOT women are ****?} I think I'd date and see where it goes.... the WORK thing IS a problem though. Do you know HOW many women I'd LIKE to spend time with as a friend? with no sex? MAYBE 2.... the rest AREN'T interesting enough without sex being a possibility.....

I WOULD start looking for another job.... this one MAY be leaving when she does.....

 

[Greasy Pig]

Sounds like she's fallen for you big time, which makes extricating yourself with no mess extremely hard.
You probably shouldn't keep boning her if you want to preserve the friendship.
But in saying that, I maintained a FWB arrangement with a work colleague who was - and still is - a really good friend.
We fvcked for about a month and then things just naturally went back to how they used to be.
She may actually be the coolest chick on the planet which certainly helped. So you have to gauge how cool your friend is. If she's sane enough to Fvck you occasionally and is fully aware you're not interested in a relationship, keep fvcking her but only sparingly.
If she's really into you and wants to lock you down, it's all gonna end in tears and you'll be covered in shyt.

On a side note, I can really relate to your results post taking the red pill and living by DJ principles.
After my transformation, I pounded nearly every girl in my social circle and at work. They were like moths to a flame and I did no active chasing or even dated them. Thanks SS!

 

[RangerMIke]

Sounds like you don't know what you want. You either want a girlfriend or a friend. Sorry, you can not have both.

If you want her to be a girl friend, then you are on the right path, keep treating her like a woman you want a romatic relationship with, just keep it professional at the office.

You are at a critical point right now, this thing could go either way. Its really up to you what happens now. You start acting like a friend, afraid you will mess up the 'friendship' and worry about what might happen at work, then she will friend-zone you forever. Women freaking HATE it when they put themselves out there and get even a little push back.

 

[gov87]

Sounds like she's fallen for you big time, which makes extricating yourself with no mess extremely hard.
You probably shouldn't keep boning her if you want to preserve the friendship.
But in saying that, I maintained a FWB arrangement with a work colleague who was - and still is - a really good friend.
We fvcked for about a month and then things just naturally went back to how they used to be.
She may actually be the coolest chick on the planet which certainly helped. So you have to gauge how cool your friend is. If she's sane enough to Fvck you occasionally and is fully aware you're not interested in a relationship, keep fvcking her but only sparingly.
If she's really into you and wants to lock you down, it's all gonna end in tears and you'll be covered in shyt.

On a side note, I can really relate to your results post taking the red pill and living by DJ principles.
After my transformation, I pounded nearly every girl in my social circle and at work. They were like moths to a flame and I did no active chasing or even dated them. Thanks SS!

Thanks for your post and you're seeing the situation for about exactly what it is, I believe.

Here's the thing about her, she seems really cool like the girl you had history with. I've known her for 6 years and I'm pretty sure she can remain cool and the potential for an end result similar to yours is very possible.

However, as you said next, I worry that she might become attached developing stronger feelings for me. It seems she already likes me quite a bit and her last beta BF only enhances this.

Here's how I feel- I like her and think she's super cool and someone I'm really comfortable around. I consider her my awesome girl-guy friend, if ya know what i mean? I don't want to lose that and I also don't want a relationship right now bc I'm still building the foundation of my DJ lifestyle. I care for her and don't want to lead her on or hurt her.

As a DJ, I want to be as honest as possible with her and myself so I think it's best if I just lay out to her what I'm feeling similar to what I did here. She's very aware that I've been going through a phase of really working on myself and has told me how she really respects it.

 

[gov87]

Sounds like you don't know what you want. You either want a girlfriend or a friend. Sorry, you can not have both.

If you want her to be a girl friend, then you are on the right path, keep treating her like a woman you want a romatic relationship with, just keep it professional at the office.

You are at a critical point right now, this thing could go either way. Its really up to you what happens now. You start acting like a friend, afraid you will mess up the 'friendship' and worry about what might happen at work, then she will friend-zone you forever. Women freaking HATE it when they put themselves out there and get even a little push back.

I agree especially with the last part. She has clearly put herself out there and I don't know what the heck to do bc I don't know what I want.

Normally, I would beat myself about not knowing what I want which I consider to be AFC behavior. However, to continue to change my patterns in a positive direction, I think I need to accept it's perfectly ok to not know what I want right now and communicate this to her. From there, she can decide. I will have said what is best for me at this time, and she can make up her mind from there.

If I get friendzoned permanantly, so be it. There's 2 million more girls around.

What do you all think? I appreciate your help man. It really helps having you all to run it by, as always.

 

[Moroder]

(...)I think I need to accept it's perfectly ok to not know what I want right now

It sure is. Yet it's merely the starting point for considering your options.

and communicate this to her. From there, she can decide.

Uh, no. Don't tell her, don't ask her, or you'll be shouting "do whatever you want with me". Find out what YOU want. No one says it's easy. But it's the only way to save yourself from the biggest sucker: Regret about her decision, about not having made that decision yourself.

 

[gov87]

It sure is. Yet it's merely the starting point for considering your options.

Uh, no. Don't tell her, don't ask her, or you'll be shouting "do whatever you want with me". Find out what YOU want. No one says it's easy. But it's the only way to save yourself from the biggest sucker: Regret about her decision, about not having made that decision yourself.

Thanks for the post buddy.

I meant "let her decide" as me telling her we can continue hanging out but not to expect anything or we would just go back to normal.

Also, getting used to what you said and I bolded above in your post.. man, it is hard. lol. Getting used to the mindset that it's ok to have several plates is tough. I used to feel guilty about talking to more than one at a time, like I had to choose.

I'm definitely changing this, but do you all have any helpful options to stop feeling a little of this guilt?

 

[Moroder]

but do you all have any helpful options to stop feeling a little of this guilt?

Based on my current learning curve, I'd put it like this: You have no way of telling if a woman's right for you unless you've found out what you want, what you're looking for and what you're not gonna put up with, ever. Since you're dealing with people, this business is strictly empirical, trial-and-error, it's evidence-based and cannot be done by nobody else unless you try it out yourself. It's all about comparison. Good friends, good jobs and good women can be identified and appreciated only if you know ****ty friends, ****ty jobs and ****ty women. So do your own benchmarking and try to have fun while you're at it. ;-)

 

[gov87]

Based on my current learning curve, I'd put it like this: You have no way of telling if a woman's right for you unless you've found out what you want, what you're looking for and what you're not gonna put up with, ever. Since you're dealing with people, this business is strictly empirical, trial-and-error, it's evidence-based and cannot be done by nobody else unless you try it out yourself. It's all about comparison. Good friends, good jobs and good women can be identified and appreciated only if you know ****ty friends, ****ty jobs and ****ty women. So do your own benchmarking and try to have fun while you're at it. ;-)

That helps. Thanks for taking the time to post that, my friend.

There's always something new I'm learning about myself and thought process that is and has been wrong for so long. When I get over one barrier, I find another but being able to realize this, challenge it, and then change it has been so rewarding already.

I'll definitely implement the things you just mentined above and it'll help carry me further in the right direction.