Originally posted by Deadly_Assassin
so does she actually have a bf?...
That's beside the point here.
Young women will:
.....1) always have a bf;
.....2) appear to have a bf; or
.....3) are being chased so much they don't need to appear to have one.
I forget if it's discussed in the bible much or not, but essentially there is a pretty heavy, unstated social expectation that young women have BFs - that is, they are attractive and normal and not a loser and proof of that is they can attract and have a BF.
To accomplish this they have a number of options, and will use one or more of them:
a) Learn to attract and keep a BF; she may or may not care much for him, but she'll be picking up and assiduously practicing skills on "relationship management".
b) Learn to keep a BF and keep him dangling until they find something better. This is when
relationship management is used to become a sustainable exercise. Witness the girl who will always have a BF since the age of 15. Or witness the girl who will have a BF but keep a few hopeful AFCs on the back burner. Or witness the girl who will set up the next guy before ditching the current BF (the monkey swingers, right?)
c) If she can't get one at the moment, she will learn to fudge the picture and make it indeterminate to others if she has or doesn't have one, or make it appear that she does have one. This is
very common and explains why young women learn early how to use the AFC to her advantage for this. We've all been that guy many times (and not known it - blinded by pvssy, being "honorable" or a good friend, etc...)
Side note: when I've - seriously - thought of a certain woman or another as just a friend, she took it as an insult and rejection of a sorts. It
was a sexual rejection. Nothing was
ever stated: I knew it and they knew it after a little while. Rejection, hurt, insult, deal with it - that was the progression they went through, all unstated. Funny how I never really examined that much before.
d) If you're so hot you have many guys chasing you, you have an embarrassment of riches and can be very selective (read: you are high quality) and don't need to actually have a BF. You'll find that these women will either subtly or not subtly let others in their vacinity and social circle know about this. Some women may not be this hot but will adopt an ongoing PR strategy of advertising that they are (I've seen this alot).
Before capping on women for this, remember guys do the same thing and often with less finesse -- bragging about what they've hit, slamming and denigrating the chicks the approach them to other guys (i.e.,
he's high quality and who does that 8.5 bytch think she is approaching him anyway?)
So, does she have a BF?
She may, and she may not.
She'll play this to her advantage for her needs at the moment.
And your clarification is
not one of her needs. On occasions, though, she may decide to use clarification for strategic advantage - like deepening a relationship with you. Maybe that view is too machiavellian and jaundiced - ? Some. Sure, I've seen it. But then if she wants a deeper relationship with you, being honest and sharing is a natural step in that. Something in your gut may let you know which it is.
If she wants to trade up for you and has a BF, she'll keep it hidden. If she wants to get the point across to you she isn't a loser and is in demand, she'll reveal she has a BF or make it appear she does (like if she wants you to see her value, or if she needs to recover her pride and not let you think, like, she really wanted or needed you...)
You won't really be able to tell, even if you conduct an investigation and check with her friends (
not recommended - you'll get hung up on this unnecessarily and it'll get back to her.)
So she may, and it may not matter: she's keeping BF in a holding pattern while waiting to trade up for what she wants (you, for example). She may decide
at any moment you're not worth trading up for. So she'll trot him back out as needed to control the speed of it, or to end it with you at her convenience.
You just have to read the signals, decide if you want her or not and make a move. Keep reading the signals and be ready to let it go if she gives off that she's no longer interested and wants to stop.
She'll handle the BF if there is one. This is part of
relationship management, remember? She'll be looking for assurance that she's got a good thing with you before arranging the breakup with the BF. How they do this is enough for another thread, another time...
