Girl asks me, "What are you looking for?"

[omkara]

Ok so, this is kind of a hard question to answer. I was talking to this girl online... which is pretty lame to begin with, since it gives the women all the power to choose. If you say one wrong thing all they have to do is ignore you and go on to the next one. It makes it too easy for them. Anyway, that is what I have chosen to do.

So I was emailing this girl, and I just said she was pretty and said we should go out for Indian food some time. Then she writes me back a fairly long email, and she asks me at the end, "What are you looking for?"

This is a very difficult question to answer because if I say that I am looking for an LTR/gf then it makes me look weak. And if I say I just want to f*** around then she can easily rule me out as a player. So I gave her some weak answer that included everything from friends to dating to LTR's, which is the truth. I am open to all of them. But this answer wasn't good either because it makes me look like I don't know what I want.

Basically what happened is she never wrote me back. In retrospect I think what I should have done is give her an evasive, ****y answer--although if she really is looking for an LTR that might have made me look bad too. But I still think it presents an interesting dilemma, whether it is asked over email or in person. I'm not sure if there is any good way to answer this question, when it is asked by someone you've never even been on a date with.

Any advice?

 

[ZenGodMod]

The reason you didn't respond well to her questions is that you assume your response was honest. Seriously, you could have been really honest and said "I want to sleep with you, regardless".

 

[WaterTiger]

I'll make it easy for you...THIS is the answer we girls want to hear...


"I'm looking for an exciting woman to date. I'm not in a big hurry for anything serious, but with the right girl...who knows?"


This tells her she better be fun (what woman doesn't like being described as "exciting"???) and there is a remote possibility for a LTR (But you didn't actually SAY it, which leaves you room to break up with her later if you want to.)

 

[COD]

READ HER PROFILE.........then repeat what she is seeking just remember to re-word it.

Another way to proceed is to state the truth but totally make fun of it.......Oh me, I am seeking 10,000 one nite stands with the same girl for the rest of my life.

-I am seeking the one who will make me laugh, cry, and scream her name when we are alone. She will wait on me hand and foot, just when I am about to exhale and think my life is set, she will do a complete turn around and take all my money, make me fall for her, then divrce my butt and leave me broke and bitter.

 

[Interceptor]

If not presented right, this becomes a no win scenario.
IOW, it kind of doesnt matter what you say.
And the main reason why is that you're giving her a logic based explanation to an emotional feeling scenario.
I like WT's response though.
And another thing is to get used to women nexting you, that just means that this particular woman just doesnt 'get' WHO you are.
That means it's highly unlikely anything deep and meaningful would manifest with her.

So if she can next a guy, you have the 'power' to next her too. You dont ever lose power, you may lose masculinity and your ability to respond will be affected to varying degrees. THAT is within your control always though. And its your repsonibility to MAINTAIN them.



Get out of the scarcity mentality. It makes every interaction too emotionally heavy and desperate. Kill the desperation. Kill the neediness. Let people take responisibilty for their own decisions.


Another thing to consider is to present her the QUALITIES that you want to experience from a woman, rather than the CATEGORIES (FB/LTR/whatever) she is trying to dictate.



Dont place categories necessarily, dont let her dominate and set her frame on top of your head either.
So present her the QUALITIES that you want, that way YOU can DECIDE what you want to experience from your relationship, whether long term or short term. And whether SHE has these qualities in the first place.
This will be very important in your dating/romantic life. She's setting up a no win dynamic in a way. An easy disqualifier mechanism which isnt fair really. How the Hell can you tell her if you want to be her BF or whatever without even knowing her?
Can you see how immature and naive this is?
You have to spend time with her first, deep intimate time and bonding and see who she is really. So dont accept these women's frame setting on your head anymore. It will take a while to recognize when theyre doing it and how, but you will get better over time.

Dont let just accept these categories, put forth the QUALITIES You WANT instead.

 

[guru1000]

She asks you this because she wants an LTR. Her need to ask you this question via email without knowing who you are reeks desperation. KNOW who you are dealing with.

Communication of this nature should not take place through email. You cannot respond to this question directly without giving her control of the frame. By answering, she is qualifying you.

Reverse qualify here.

Email back "Call me and I will tell you."

On the phone,

You: I am looking for quality. What is it about you that makes you different from the rest of the women?

Remember she must surrender to your frame. If you allow her to qualify you without taking the reigns, this rapport is over.

 

[omkara]

Hi everyone... thanks for all the thoughtful responses. I am really learning so much here.

Guru1000 - Yeah I think that's right she is looking for an LTR, otherwise she wouldn't ask.

WaterTiger - thanks that is awesome and simple.

Interceptor - Ok that makes sense. I like the idea of sidestepping the categories and it's a good way to qualify her.

As far as not giving away power, I was just reading about that in Player Supreme's book. There are a lot of seemingly arrogant girls out there on the internet, and I find this annoying and distasteful. But I don't have to get involved with any of that. I'm not going to put myself in a place to be mistreated by them or talked down to. I'm only going to talk to them if I think they would be respectful and nice. No need to go desperately chasing after every pretty face.

One more thought on this: I have been reading Player Supreme's e-book, and finding it very insightful. He says that there are 3 different types of girls, and they all have to be approached differently: good girls, freaks, and ho's/golddiggers. (Actually I think that post appeared on this forum.) This girl was the good girl type, which is usually what I'm attracted to and the type of girls who like me. For that type of girl you are supposed to talk a lot about romance and love to get her interested.

I think this one is gone now but at least I'll have a good answer the next time.

 

[PSYCHO]

Girl asks me, "What are you looking for?"


My response would be...

Jokingly say,

"I'm looking for..."

A woman who doesn't gain 10 freak'in pounds from eating a pound of chocolate covered raisins!

And then seriously say, "I'm looking for a woman - nothing more!!" "And you should know more than me, what that means!"

...and do NOT elaborate further!!

All men are looking for femininity - whether men are aware of it is a different matter!

The only advice you need is, Pimp the Hos, and only be faithful to your wife - because you publicly vowed to! A dignified man keeps his word!!

 

[kingman]

Bump

 

[fmnoos]

There is a good method to interest a girl on the internet - it is her favorite music. Ask her how she feels listening to selected tracks, how she finds music, how her tastes changed recently. Ask her to guess what music you like, find out why she associates you with that genre. If you can raise her interest from the very beginning, then it will be clear how to act.

 

[marmel75]

Ok so, this is kind of a hard question to answer. I was talking to this girl online... which is pretty lame to begin with, since it gives the women all the power to choose. If you say one wrong thing all they have to do is ignore you and go on to the next one. It makes it too easy for them. Anyway, that is what I have chosen to do.

So I was emailing this girl, and I just said she was pretty and said we should go out for Indian food some time. Then she writes me back a fairly long email, and she asks me at the end, "What are you looking for?"

This is a very difficult question to answer because if I say that I am looking for an LTR/gf then it makes me look weak. And if I say I just want to f*** around then she can easily rule me out as a player. So I gave her some weak answer that included everything from friends to dating to LTR's, which is the truth. I am open to all of them. But this answer wasn't good either because it makes me look like I don't know what I want.

Basically what happened is she never wrote me back. In retrospect I think what I should have done is give her an evasive, ****y answer--although if she really is looking for an LTR that might have made me look bad too. But I still think it presents an interesting dilemma, whether it is asked over email or in person. I'm not sure if there is any good way to answer this question, when it is asked by someone you've never even been on a date with.

Any advice?

"A tight hole to stick my c0ck in"