Girl asked "what should I do?" when a guy is trying to game her

[Cerwin Vega]

TL;DR: girl I'm dating told me a guy is aggressively hitting her up, trying to get her to do things for him, starts fights and acts insulted and gaslights her about it when she refuses, then "jokingly" asked her to come over for dinner, which she ignored. I know the guy, and I don't want to talk to him, I want it to come from her.

My response was to tell her she should totally go with him, because he's a really cool guy. She was very confused. Told her maybe I should stop rejecting girls who are hitting me up, and basically I told her we are either FwB and then I don't care what she does with whom, or if she wants to keep this as a relationship she should stop putting herself in these situations.

She sounded confused and started asking me what did she do wrong, and why am I angry.

I told her I don't care about the guy, I trust her completely, I know he has no game and zero chances with her, and put her in my shoes - how would she like it if a girl invited me over and I would just "ignore her" instead of telling her f**k off? This is just disrespectful towards us.

Her: "I don't wanna hurt you"

I told her she shouldn't put herself in these situations, and it's not me she's hurting but us.

Her: "I didn't know his intentions"

I kinda went Andrew Tate on her, gave her the lambo example (I trust my lambo's security, but I wouldn't let people mess with it), and told her that if I had to beat up every single guy who wanted her then there would be no guys left in the city. Of course they want you. Why do you think he went out of his way to talk to you etc.

Told her that her man, I am responsible for her safety whenever we go out. I'll kick the ass of anybody trying to touch or offend her, it's my responsibility. Her responsibility is to NOT enter these situations.

Her: "So what should I do next time he messages me?"
Me: "Tell him you're busy with your boyfriend"
Her: "That's so rude!"
Me: "And?"
Her: "What if he thinks...blablabla"
Me: "And? Do you care what a homeless person thinks about you?"
Her: "Okay what if I'll just say I'm busy?"
Me: "No"
Her: "Ok...I just don't wanna be rude. I guess I'll say that though"
Me: "That's not rude. If a chick is hitting me up and I'm telling her I am busy with my gf, that's her problem if she thinks I'm rude.
I can handle my sh*t so I trust you to handle yours as well, it's just very surprising to me that I have to teach you how.
....And if he'll still not backing off then lemme know, I'll make sure he won't bother you ever again"
Her: "Hahahha nooooo please don't" (she knows it's true)

Anyway, this is the best way I could handle it. I know, many of you won't agree with me on this one, but I am f**king sick of this covert jealousy-nexting-waiting game. I'd rather a b1tch tell me I'm a controlling jack@ss than hide my reactions because oh god forbid I'm also human who can get jealous.

Help me see this from a proper angle...is she this naive or am I being played?

 

[Dr.Suave]

She was trying to make you jealous and get a reaction out of you, which she did. But overall I think you handled it fine.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

She was trying to make you jealous and get a reaction out of you, which she did. But overall I think you handled it fine.

She just texted me with a message she was about to send the guy asking for my confirmation. It stated that she's in a relationship so it's not nice to meet alone, but if it's a group gathering then she's down for it.

Gave her some positive feedback. Good girl

 

[2Rocky]

I'd say you aren't controlling in this case. At least you don't appear to be so.

It's important that as Quality Men, we understand that the women we are attracted to will attract other men as well. That comes with the territory. Rather than be possessive, we set a standard of how we treat each other, and stick to it.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Why didn't you say something along the lines of, well baby you're hot, guys will hit on you, take it as a compliment, instead of verbal intercourse with her? Maybe that puts you in a place where you're used to have hotties who guys hit in constantly and you're not bothered by it.

Maybe that was a test to see how you react, she might think you're trying to control the situation by telling her what to do. Idk just thinking out loud.

Because that's beta as ****. Ignoring your feelings of jealousy and just accepting her behavior is what weak men do just to keep her around, regardless of what you deem acceptable.

I agree, a better way to handle it would probably be tell her that of course I trust her to be a good girl and weed the guy out, instead of being aggressive.

 

[Gamisch]

Because that's beta as ****. Ignoring your feelings of jealousy and just accepting her behavior is what weak men do just to keep her around, regardless of what you deem acceptable.

I agree, a better way to handle it would probably be tell her that of course I trust her to be a good girl and weed the guy out, instead of being aggressive.

Nah , its beta to threat other dudes and use violence as a way to gain/ maintain respect. Never forget that jealousy is just anger. (Toxic) women LOVE a jelous dude, as it provides the needed fuel to make a affair burn with forbidden desires. NOTHING bothers a woman more then a man being aloof . Perhaps that's where other dude wins territory..he isnt as much invested as you are..mow about the threats and violence; It does look very Alpha, but what is alpha about being in jail because she couldn't say to other dude:

" I am sorry but you gotta back off and stop contacting me" .

Look, NO WOMAN does not have the ability to be a super b1tch to a man. Hell, we all have stories of women ghosted us after we seemingly did everything right and there was no reason to ghost ,and they didn't at least have the decency to communicate to us why we were being ghosted and provide closure.

So who TF is random dude? Why cant she just ghost him? Exactly. Because she apparently has a clear role for dude,and it is obviously more then " just a orbiter ".

I do agree with rocky that a beautiful woman is never yours truly. But c'mon, op is walking on eggshells and gave away all his power already . You are not her father, you cant raise a grown woman.

Btw what means " what if he thinks blablabla". Why do people always dismiss crucial information like its nothing? What tf does it matter what he thinks from your pov?? Man this sentence alone got me fuming . But what did your gf tell you that he might think that actually matters ti her??? TF?

OP to answer your question. Yes you are being played. Sound like this is a serious-ish LTR ,( you are willing to go to jail for her ) and this woman is toxic and dangerous.

Whenever a woman acts like this and involves other men, I won't tell you you should leave immediately, but you AT LEAST gotta update the conditions of the relationship for YOURSELF and demote her to fwb/plate status and bring in some new pssy on the side...." ah she keeps talking bout other dudes. No LTR material just banging. " . And you think all of this with a BIG smirk on your face. She is just one of the 85 % sloots that you come across in your life and definitely NOT one of the unique and rare 15 %of good women out there.no need to get emotional. She clearly fought for and defended other dude . I wouldn't mind at this point if she just left me for other dude. Good riddance.

I am sorry op but this one is " for dem streetz". Treat her accordingly.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Nah , its beta to threat other dudes and use violence as a way to gain/ maintain respect. Never forget that jealousy is just anger. (Toxic) women LOVE a jelous dude, as it provides the needed fuel to make a affair burn with forbidden desires. NOTHING bothers a woman more then a man being aloof . Perhaps that's where other dude wins territory..he isnt as much invested as you are..mow about the threats and violence; It does look very Alpha, but what is alpha about being in jail because she couldn't say to other dude:

" I am sorry but you gotta back off and stop contacting me" .

Look, NO WOMAN does not have the ability to be a super b1tch to a man. Hell, we all have stories of women ghosted us after we seemingly did everything right and there was no reason to ghost ,and they didn't at least have the decency to communicate to us why we were being ghosted and provide closure.

So who TF is random dude? Why cant she just ghost him? Exactly. Because she apparently has a clear role for dude,and it is obviously more then " just a orbiter ".

I do agree with rocky that a beautiful woman is never yours truly. But c'mon, op is walking on eggshells and gave away all his power already . You are not her father, you cant raise a grown woman.

Btw what means " what if he thinks blablabla". Why do people always dismiss crucial information like its nothing? What tf does it matter what he thinks from your pov?? Man this sentence alone got me fuming . But what did your gf tell you that he might think that actually matters ti her??? TF?

OP to answer your question. Yes you are being played. Sound like this is a serious-ish LTR ,( you are willing to go to jail for her ) and this woman is toxic and dangerous.

Whenever a woman acts like this and involves other men, I won't tell you you should leave immediately, but you AT LEAST gotta update the conditions of the relationship for YOURSELF and demote her to fwb/plate status and bring in some new pssy on the side...." ah she keeps talking bout other dudes. No LTR material just banging. " . And you think all of this with a BIG smirk on your face. She is just one of the 85 % sloots that you come across in your life and definitely NOT one of the unique and rare 15 %of good women out there.no need to get emotional. She clearly fought for and defended other dude . I wouldn't mind at this point if she just left me for other dude. Good riddance.

I am sorry op but this one is " for dem streetz". Treat her accordingly.

I see where you are coming from, but there should be a balance between acting aloof when I am clearly not, and pretending like everything is fine and I don't care (=ultimate beta cuck) and going to jail over someone talking to her (=convict).

The most important thing here is to make her feel that if this behavior continues, she'll be demoted and possibly dropped.

I can't fake my behavior, it just gives me anxiety and makes me resent her and behave out of character. I can't just "disconnect" at will (and I believe that unless you have 0 emotions to someone, neither can you).

Regarding her not knowing how to let other guys go - again, I might be getting played here, but it sounds like this girl never had to set strict boundaries for other guys, even the creeps. She keeps them hooked, probably for the attention.

She told me about several stalkers she's had throughout the years and the weak ways she handled them; it doesn't help that her previous exes were very aloof/just accepted her talking to other guys and she had no consequences for sex signaling to other guys. From her social media usage, she's desperate for validation. Man, I wish that sh1t never existed.

I know, this sh1t will happen again. Her SMV is at its absolute peak whereas my SMV is barely at the start of its peak, so right now I am no-one and she's getting hit on by the absolute best of the best. All I can do right now is enforce my boundaries like in the video above, and and improve myself physically, financially, and mentally.

 

[Scars]

I wouldn't trust any woman other than a sister or family member to actually want to come to me for REAL dating advice or how to handle a stalker/weirdo. This was nothing more than a test to get a reaction out of you.

Also, anytime I've had a female bring this convo up to me, guess who the first guy is she's fvcking after you guys break up? Yep, you guessed it. This guy is waiting patiently for his turn, and probably already thinking up ways to sabotage your relationship. She needs to remove him completely. As long as he continues to have his foot in the door, it's just going to create problems.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

I wouldn't trust any woman other than a sister or family member to actually want to come to me for REAL dating advice or how to handle a stalker/weirdo. This was nothing more than a test to get a reaction out of you.

Also, anytime I've had a female bring this convo up to me, guess who the first guy is she's fvcking after you guys break up? Yep, you guessed it. This guy is waiting patiently for his turn, and probably already thinking up ways to sabotage your relationship. She needs to remove him completely. As long as he continues to have his foot in the door, it's just going to create problems.

The guy is a c0ckroach and he sabotaged himself plenty, but I know exactly what you're talking about. He built up some attraction, she really likes the attention, and he'll try his luck again later. Good thing her friends think he's a creep.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter who she f**ks after I'm gone. She can go and get super-AIDS from a monkey, or stay celibate for years to come...we're not together anymore, and it's her life to ruin, as much as I hate to say it.

One of my exes went and f**ked the guy she told me not to worry about, which absolutely devastated me. The only way of truly never experiencing this again is to never date b1tches ever again.

 

[MtmVaott]

"I don't wanna hurt you"

She tries to make you view her as someone who cares about you, yet she degrades you.

"I didn't know his intentions"

She lied to your face.

Me: "And? Do you care what a homeless person thinks about you?"
Her: "Okay what if I'll just say I'm busy?"
Me: "No"
Her: "Ok...I just don't wanna be rude. I guess I'll say that though"
Me: "That's not rude. If a chick is hitting me up and I'm telling her I am busy with my gf, that's her problem if she thinks I'm rude.
I can handle my sh*t so I trust you to handle yours as well, it's just very surprising to me that I have to teach you how.
....And if he'll still not backing off then lemme know, I'll make sure he won't bother you ever again"

You gave her a free pass to treat you like a piece of sh1t if she likes to do so.

Are you sure this "relationship" is helpful for you right now?

Edit:

Told her that her man, I am responsible for her safety whenever we go out. I'll kick the ass of anybody trying to touch or offend her, it's my responsibility. Her responsibility is to NOT enter these situations.

Is she your child? You are responsible for yourself. She is responsible to put off suitors. If she wants you to put that on you, I would say it becomes abusive.

 

[member160292]

This is just from personal experience from over ten years ago, but take the following with a grain of salt

She may have had history with this guy, whether it might be short term or fling. There’s a reason why her friends thinks he is a creep who is still trying to get with her again. If things don’t work out between you, he’ll be the first one she sees. There’s also a reason why she can’t seem to cut off contact with him. Women that can’t do that have not genuinely moved on

 

[Cerwin Vega]

This is just from personal experience from over ten years ago, but take the following with a grain of salt

She may have had history with this guy, whether it might be short term or fling. There’s a reason why her friends thinks he is a creep who is still trying to get with her again. If things don’t work out between you, he’ll be the first one she sees. There’s also a reason why she can’t seem to cut off contact with him. Women that can’t do that have not genuinely moved on

I highly doubt that this is the case.

The guy works at her uni as a professor assistant, and tried to "get her" and her friend by being pushy and offering them a spot at his department.

They ended up not caring for it, and he kept insisting and even told her she owes him for it (lol). 2 days ago they were out with a group of friends and he was there too, he threw a whole tantrum when she called him out on his behavior, and became aggressive & called her a b1tch

She tried to calm him down but he kept being pissed and aggressive.

According to her, she had no idea he's up to something till this point.

Eventually, the group calmed them down and he ended up asking her to come over for dinner lmao

The problem with this is that she didn't feel the need to reject him.

Yeah the guy is physically attractive and knows how to dress, but I honestly don't know why she's tolerating all this nonsense. I know for a fact that had I acted like this I'd be ghosted. But it's pointless to try and analyze her behavior.

 

[Bethatsocialguy]

TL;DR: girl I'm dating told me a guy is aggressively hitting her up, trying to get her to do things for him, starts fights and acts insulted and gaslights her about it when she refuses, then "jokingly" asked her to come over for dinner, which she ignored. I know the guy, and I don't want to talk to him, I want it to come from her.

My response was to tell her she should totally go with him, because he's a really cool guy. She was very confused. Told her maybe I should stop rejecting girls who are hitting me up, and basically I told her we are either FwB and then I don't care what she does with whom, or if she wants to keep this as a relationship she should stop putting herself in these situations.

She sounded confused and started asking me what did she do wrong, and why am I angry.

I told her I don't care about the guy, I trust her completely, I know he has no game and zero chances with her, and put her in my shoes - how would she like it if a girl invited me over and I would just "ignore her" instead of telling her f**k off? This is just disrespectful towards us.

Her: "I don't wanna hurt you"

I told her she shouldn't put herself in these situations, and it's not me she's hurting but us.

Her: "I didn't know his intentions"

I kinda went Andrew Tate on her, gave her the lambo example (I trust my lambo's security, but I wouldn't let people mess with it), and told her that if I had to beat up every single guy who wanted her then there would be no guys left in the city. Of course they want you. Why do you think he went out of his way to talk to you etc.

Told her that her man, I am responsible for her safety whenever we go out. I'll kick the ass of anybody trying to touch or offend her, it's my responsibility. Her responsibility is to NOT enter these situations.

Her: "So what should I do next time he messages me?"
Me: "Tell him you're busy with your boyfriend"
Her: "That's so rude!"
Me: "And?"
Her: "What if he thinks...blablabla"
Me: "And? Do you care what a homeless person thinks about you?"
Her: "Okay what if I'll just say I'm busy?"
Me: "No"
Her: "Ok...I just don't wanna be rude. I guess I'll say that though"
Me: "That's not rude. If a chick is hitting me up and I'm telling her I am busy with my gf, that's her problem if she thinks I'm rude.
I can handle my sh*t so I trust you to handle yours as well, it's just very surprising to me that I have to teach you how.
....And if he'll still not backing off then lemme know, I'll make sure he won't bother you ever again"
Her: "Hahahha nooooo please don't" (she knows it's true)

Anyway, this is the best way I could handle it. I know, many of you won't agree with me on this one, but I am f**king sick of this covert jealousy-nexting-waiting game. I'd rather a b1tch tell me I'm a controlling jack@ss than hide my reactions because oh god forbid I'm also human who can get jealous.

Help me see this from a proper angle...is she this naive or am I being played?

Don't argue with women. They want it. Just say do what you think is best for us. And watch her actions. Watch what she does. She's liking the attention, even if it is negative. You could even say that you surround yourself with good people only so you thought she would do the same.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Cerwin Vega said:
"Her SMV is at its absolute peak whereas my SMV is barely at the start of its peak"


This doesn't sound like you see yourself as a prize, therefore she's on a pedestal.

I think you might be on to something here @Pedrito0906

 

[pipeman84]

Her SMV is at its absolute peak whereas my SMV is barely at the start of its peak, so right now I am no-one and she's getting hit on by the absolute best of the best.

With this attitude you're toasted. You might act and talk tough and mighty ala Andrew Tate, but that's like putting perfume on a pile of manure.....and that's what she'll get, the stench of your insecurity.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Surprise surprise...she literally just texted me to tell me that a classmate is hitting on her.

Texted her back "I would be surprised if he wasn't". Next time my response would be "I'm used to people admiring my Ferrari" lmao

I think I'm handling it better but this is getting old. Why are hot girls like this?

 

[Macadellic]

I would say something like,
“You come off as insecure when you bring up other men around me. The more insecure you are the more you are going to push me away”

OP,
Your attention isn’t enough for this girl and she is immature AF

If this disgusting behavior of hers would continue I would just laugh in her face because idgaf and have multiple plates and letting this plate crash would be A-okay with me.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, I think you did pretty well considering you’re on a learning path. Credit where it’s due. You showed some strength.
You need now to be absolutely ruthless in dishing out consequences for the next time, in a completely dispassionate and uncaring manner.
You will need to dismiss her when she does it again. No discussion, just a statement that she knew your boundaries and she has not behaved appropriately. That’s it, no more words should be said. Zero. She’s dismissed.
We need to hold women accountable for their words and actions, but they do in fact need it spelled out for them because they live in an ethereal dream-world where it is unclear to them what is and isn’t appropriate. This is why they need MEN to teach them by harshly wrenching them back into reality.

Be ruthless, men. Let them know what they did wrong (briefly and factually) and dismiss them with detachment. This is terrifying to them. They will either straighten out and beg to be accepted back, or will turn it around to self-righteous indignation and leave forever in a huff. These are the ones who are completely lost.

 

[Gamisch]

He showed ZERO..
He showed butthurt. Take off your wife goggles dude

He did ..okay-ish ,considering he is all upon that azz so it's hard to see the bigger picture. Tunnel vision/ hyper focus on one particular woman makes you blind for the truth we all know that.

-maybe she really got hit on and simply shares this. Or did you(op) instructed her to tell you that everytime when it happens?

- she likes to provoke a reaction. That's why I say where you are so much invested its difficult to not get triggered. I read some " possible responses " for when she brings this up ect. But my advice would be to simply nod your head and say nothing. (Ike you dgaf ,you know?)

-She is NOT yours is your turn. Man , ifOP wins the lottery she'll still leave him SOME day. Why try to fight something that's probably inevitable anyway? This is your turn. She is pretty so orbiters are lined up. These are all forces of nature. You cant stop waves from crashing into the beach , just like you can't stop a pretty womam from getting attention. Ride the wave or drown. Your jealousy will only shorten the time you got with her!

not yours your turn.