Girl and Abortion

[Dark Nimbus]

Here's the situation, I met a girl who's 19 years old and very beautiful. I've been chatting with her a bit and found out that she had an abortion almost a year ago. She's not a slut, she's had two boyfriends and slept with only one of them, the guy that knocked her up and told her he doesn't give a fvck what she does with the baby since he won't be around to care regardless.

So she had the abortion, and he broke up with her a couple months later (I know, she stuck around with him even after the abortion, and I'd say it's a red flag but since she was with him 2 years and lost her virginity to him, I can understand why she couldn't let go). After he broke up, he ended up wanting to get back together, but she told him it's over and they haven't been together since.

Anyways, my question to you guys is, would your opinion of a girl greatly change if you found out she had an abortion in the past?

I'll admit, it caught me off guard and she lost some appeal in my eyes, but I don't really see it as that big of a deal. I'm curious as to what you guys have to say on the topic.

 

[Ice Cold]

Dude - unless you're really into christianity and pro-life, this should be a good sign.

It means she's got the brains to understand that she can't afford a kid right now. It means you are relatively safe if you knock her up.

It could've happened to anybody.

 

[California Love]

I completely agree with ice cold. U summed it all up bro!

 

[Life-Trainee]

I too think it's a good sign. No moral inflexibilities regarding abortion. Means she's thinking with her brain.

 

[MetalFortress]

Not a snowball's chance in hell.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by Ice Cold
...It means she's got the brains to understand that she can't afford a kid right now. It means you are relatively safe if you knock her up...

if she had brains, she wouldn't use abortion for a birth control method. If he knocks her up, they might be made for each other.

 

[diablo]

From how he put it, she wasn't using it as a birth control method... People that have multiple abortions are the ones that term belongs to. It's rather unintelligent to assume otherwise. Actually, the way you phrased that made it sound as though the girl was a tramp. I'm sure that she had to search within herself for a very long time before making the decision that was (in her mind) the best one. It's not an easy choice - kill a baby, your child, and become successful so that another baby of yours can later be well cared for - or let the baby live and possibly wreck your own life (financially and academically). I think that she did the right thing, but then again I'm not one of those guys that goes around and says "all abortions are wrong". I realize that there are circumstances that must be taken into account and allowed for. That being said, I see no problem with your continuing to date this woman. If you're still having doubts, just ask yourself if you would even *consider* dating her if she had a kid right now.

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by Crank_It_Up
if she had brains, she wouldn't use abortion for a birth control method. If he knocks her up, they might be made for each other.

What makes you think she was using abortion as a birth control method?

 

[LuvMyArmyMan]

Well, people make mistakes and those mistakes are in the past.

There was a Sex and the City episode about this....Would you really want to know if the woman you're dating has had one, and secondly, would you want to know if an ex-girlfriend of yours aborted your unborn fetus?

The overall "moral of the story" was to be honest. Its good that she was being honest with you, that shows she trusts you and shows that she cares about you. Thats a very deep part of her past that she doenst normally share with every-day people.

Even though i am against abortion, I dont think my opinion would change of someone if they had gotten one.

 

[Don of Truth]

Some of you make me sick

I don't throw around harsh word often but this is just pathetic.
Some of you come off with brazen indifference to abortion, as if it is something like getting your teeth cleaned ..with no moral overtures.
Abortion is the murder of an innocent child ...a human.
I am 100% against abortion and if a girl said she had had one...it would change everything.
A DJ is a man who respects life.
Moral inflexibility ? Let me tell you something.....morality, values, and beliefs are the foundation of family, community, and country.
Without morals and values all nations will crumble.
Including the US. No exceptions.
This culture is focused on the self-indulgence of the individual. There is a lack of sacrifice for family and community.

Did you know that the Pope just cannonized a women who in the 1950's who decided to trade her life for her unborn child ??
The doctors told her that she most likely would die if she delivered but could live if she aborted...she delivered and died.

Where are women like that nowdays ?
I'll tell you where...nowhere for we have a nation full of dumb ****head males hell bent on self with no notion of sacrifice, family, and community.
Women are a mirror of what we have become as men. And some of you rejoice. Wake up and smell the coffee.
Look what our women are doing ?
The man who impregnated that girl and pushed her to have an abortion because he didn't give is a **** is a pathetic man.
Why? All he gave a **** about is his own pleasure.
Ugh...some of you disgust me.

 

[SDBmania]

Don of Truth, good point, but

You have a good point, however, your views of abortion are of a relgious nature. This is an issue that I feel torn between. As a Christian myself, I do have the tendancy to agree with you. Any man who does not take responsibillity for his actions, as in a pregnacy, is not a honorable man. However, abortion must be an option for women. For men do not have a right to tell a woman what she can do to her own body. Futhermore, we can not allow one religion to dictate the law to everyone. I know that we are not aruging legality here, but what you believe should not be forced upon one who does not believe. Your faith is admirable and respectable, but what about in cases of rape? Do you realise the trama that causes? I believe in religion, but I also believe in a strick seperation of church and state.

Anyway, I certainly don't want this to rise into some polictical debate, so I will end my comments at that.

For me, it would not matter if I had a girlfriend had an abortion. Nor would I press her to know. If she wanted to tell me then that would be fine, but I would not need to know.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

I didn't intend for the question to be if abortion is right or wrong, I simply want to know if you would date a girl that had one. Judging by the poll results so far, the clear majority of guys wouldn't have a problem with it.

Just to clarify something, I'm not dating her yet. I'm in the process of making plans with her this weekend. She told me about the abortion because I guess I asked the right questions and sort of got her to open up about it. I had to do a double take myself when I heard she had an abortion, it wasn't something I expected to hear coming from her mouth. I've never ran into this situation before so I needed a bit of time to think over what my own thoughts were on the topic.

She told me she's going down south friday with some friends to go clubbing, and then they're renting a hotel room for the night. She said she's thinking about backing out since she's going to be the only single one there. I jokingly told her that maybe I should go with her, and she actually asked me if I would like too. I don't think I would have said no if the abortion thing wasn't still fresh on my mind, but I ended up turning down the chance to basically spend the night with her.

One other thing I should mention, she said she'll never make the same mistake again and will always be on the pill from now on. The reason she got knocked up was that she got in a fight with her now ex, and in that time stopped taking the pill. A week or two later the guy came back and apologized, and they ended up having sex. Obviously it was stupid of her to have sex knowing she stopped taking the pill for a few days, but I know how persuasive/manipulative some guys can be, and how easily lead a young girl can be especially to the guy she lost her virginity to.

 

[SuperFlex]

Doesn't bother me. I'm pro abortion.

 

[Frankie Poullain]

Y'know, I don't really think its as simple as yes or no, as there will always be extenuating circumstances.
Say a girls attacked - and becomes pregnant against her will = abortion Okay.

But if shes too busy to be a parent or use protection - Madonna (30+ abortions) = No. Although you would probably argue its in the best interest of the baby.

 

[dietzcoi]

You AFCs need to spend 18 years paying for a "mistake" like I did, then comment on abortion.

I was AFC and paid. Now I am RAFC. Now I know better.

Dark Nimbus: If this girl had not had the abortion her life would be RUINED. Are these religious nuts going to adopt the kid from her? Especially the younger guys? Thought not

Easy for them to condemn. Some Christians. Hope they find themselves in the situation, then we will see what they are really made of...

Want to pay $500+ per month for 18 years? THOUGHT NOT!

Crank: Yes I am bitter so save your heehaw comments please.

Dietzcoi

 

[Ice Cold]

Damn right my German comrade!

 

[Life-Trainee]

I respect life and I'm pro-family. However, I don't think it would be responsible to bring a child into this world if you can't provide for it or give it a good life. You'd think giving up for adoption is a better choice but think of the hell that the kid might have to go through. That's just not responsible. Old fashioned way of forcing into marriage upon accidental pregnancy was just plain wrong. You're not just possibly runing the life of the parents, but the kid as well, having to grow up in unintended family. If you can't provide for your kid financially and you don't have both parents, you shouldn't be having kids just yet. I don't like the notion of circumstantial family.

 

[Ice Cold]

I don't understand the argument: "abortion is murder"

To murder somebody, he has to be a completely functioning person. Before 3 months it's just a bunch of cells with no brain. It doesn't even feel anything yet.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Once again, I'm not debating whether it's right or wrong to have an abortion, I'm debating if you would ever be with a girl that had one in the past and told you about it. How would you feel if you landed a smart and beautiful girl that enjoyed talking with you and was attracted to you, and then told you some guy knocked her up once and she had an abortion? Whether you think it's right or wrong is irrelevant since it happened and can't be taken back, but your image of this girl has to change somehow after finding something like this out. That's what I'm interested in hearing about.

I don't have any problem being with a girl that's had a few partners in the past, but being with a girl who's had an abortion worries me a bit. Why? Because if I end up being with her for the long haul, I'd want to share the experience of getting her pregnant with her. Knowing that she's already been there and done that to some degree turns me off. Plus, when I asked her if she has any regrets about her choice, she said no, but is that really the case? How do I know years down the road if I were still with her, she wouldn't somehow fall apart on me realizing what she had done? I don't have any experience with girls who have had abortions, so I really don't know how they handle it in the long run.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Originally posted by Ice Cold
I don't understand the argument: "abortion is murder"

To murder somebody, he has to be a completely functioning person. Before 3 months it's just a bunch of cells with no brain. It doesn't even feel anything yet.

Well in her case, she was 5 months in and wanted to keep it, but because of him and what he said to her, she backed out.