Girl afraid to show her emotions...

[SolidGK]

hey yall

this is about the same girl as last time...the one who always puts me in double binds by telling me i should go when she doesnt really want me to- just to establish her control...well anyway

shes also very afraid to open herself up emotionally (partly due to my reputation heheh). an example...i was about to leave for a long time and would probably never see her again. i asked her how she felt, and she asked me how i felt, i said i asked first, but she said i was the guy so i should lead the way. its like shed rather keep her pride/independence and lose the guy rather than put herself on the line somewhat and have the chance of being with the guy who she really likes. is this just the way it has to be? do i have to initiate everything? i feel like i have no control this way- i prefer to have her falling over me. but i have to then i have no problems making myself vulnerable. also, she cant maintain eye contact for more than a few short seconds, its weird...any input?

 

[WaterTiger]

Originally posted by SolidGK

shes also very afraid to open herself up emotionally (partly due to my reputation heheh)....any input?

You answered your own question. She thinks you're a player and if she opens up to you then you'll use her affection to manipulate her, before dumping her for your next "flava of da week".

 

[SolidGK]

ok...so should i open up to her first to show her that my reputation isnt true in this case? or should i just build her trust up slowly by my actions (as i am doing) and then shell open up naturally? i just dont want to give away my power in the relationship

 

[So pimp its scary]

WOW!! This girl is insecure.

I've dated a girl like that, but it didn't last because her insecurity was overwhelming.

Actions speak louder then words... If you can show her that you are serious about her, then if she still doesn't open up you could tell her that you've been trying to show her, and if she's not willing to share her feelings with you that a relationship could never work because it would be too onesided and then her fear of getting hurt would just come true again. You might also add that you don't want that to happen...

Really though, if you are planning to 'play' this girl... do HER the favor and DON'T do it, sounds like she could do without the extra heartbreak.

 

[NatureGuy]

an example...i was about to leave for a long time and would probably never see her again. i asked her how she felt, and she asked me how i felt, i said i asked first, but she said i was the guy so i should lead the way. its like shed rather keep her pride/independence and lose the guy rather than put herself on the line somewhat and have the chance of being with the guy who she really

You're about to leave for a long time, and you ask her how she feels about it? I take it you want her to get all upset about it, giving you a sense of control/power?
It sounds to me like you are indeed playing games with her! Hence her reaction.

 

[iqqi]

why would she want to take a risk on you when you have already let her know you aren't sticking around, because you are leaving? you have just made the future insecure, when YOUR past is already insecure. you got yourself that reputation, reap the reward.

?!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Never share your emotions first with a girl and never ask a girl to share her emotions - too contrived!! She'll tell you if she desires you.

No eye contact means she is a liar or she likes you and she doesn't want you to see her melting eyes!

 

[Ebach]

WOW!! This girl is insecure.

Nope, she's smart.

 

[BGMan]

Re: Re: Girl afraid to show her emotions...

Originally posted by WaterTiger
You answered your own question. She thinks you're a player and if she opens up to you then you'll use her affection to manipulate her, before dumping her for your next "flava of da week".

She probably has maybe 42% Interest Level in you, on a good day.

I think you SHOULD dump her for your next Flava of the Week.

BGMan

 

[SolidGK]

Nope...she definately has a high interest level. if not, i wouldnt be involved with her. that is why the situation is so strange...i know she likes me alot but she has trouble expressing herself. this is probably due to my reputation, but my reputation is not true and im genuinely interested in a relationship with this girl.

 

[Nin64]

i'm in a similar situation mate, theres this one girl and every thing shes ever loved has left her she told me she likes me but she doesnt want a relationship, basscially dude shes scared of being heart broken she dont want to get into a relationship with me untill she believes i aint gonna mess her around... i believe its the same for your girl, she scared your gonna hurt her just prove your not gonna and she'll be all yours

well thats my 2 cents

nin64

 

[So pimp its scary]

How can you possibly prove to a girl that you're not going to hurt her?

You might be able to say that you won't intentionally hurt her, but being hurt is a part of life, if it hasn't happened to you yet, it probably will...

I say that the worse you feel when you do get hurt is a good thing, because it shows just how GOOD the things must have been before to feel so (relatively) bad in the moment, and now that things are BAD, there is no way that things can go but in the direction of BETTER.

And telling a girl that you'll never hurt her is a fallacy, a dreamed up ideal, where nothing bad can happen, a fantasy world.

 

[BGMan]

Originally posted by SolidGK
Nope...she definately has a high interest level. if not, i wouldnt be involved with her. that is why the situation is so strange...i know she likes me alot but she has trouble expressing herself. this is probably due to my reputation, but my reputation is not true and im genuinely interested in a relationship with this girl.

I still insist that she has LOW interest level. Believe it or not, I was in a situation very similar to yours last year. The girl wound up falling for another dude and left me out in the cold. She was ALL OVER him, yet when I was dating her, she was very aloof and like your girl, "had difficulty expressing herself".

Take your first sentence. You're saying she "definitely has a high interest level" because you're "involved with her"? That's another case of PROJECTION. You think that her interest in you is the same as your interest in her. That is a very common mistake that men make; and when the woman runs off with another guy, he's left there scratching his head. "But she was with me!! Why did she do that?! (sobs)"

It's not your reputation. It's that she's not interested in you but is AFRAID to dump you because FOR THE MOMENT she has no other alternative. When she finds a guy she REALLY likes, you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.

You must withdraw from her and find other girls because you're on a fast trip to nowhere with your current "girlfriend".

BGMan

 

[SolidGK]

im sorry, i still have a hard time believing that. shes been pursuing me all year...flirting, calling me, trying to come over to my house, and eventually we got together. she shows plenty of interest- but not on the level i would like. maybe im hoping for too much, too soon- after all we were only together about 4 days before i left for 2 months so ive probably just been overanalyzing. but shes certainly got no shortage of choices. she is, though, more of a goody goody girl, completely into long term relationships and she even told me that she didnt want to like me bc of my reputation but evidently couldnt help herself...so i dont think low IL is the problem...anyone else got any tips with how to deal with such a girl? i think ill approach the situation with alot of C and F and not take it too seriously- let her feel as though im not showing enough interest and make her make the moves- not the other way around. on one hand i want to be very aggressive and lead the way for her, and on the other i want to step back and let her chase me and initiate...im kinda torn. any suggestions?