Girl Acting Strange After I got her to pay half the rent

[Delly2000]

My girl and I got in a discussion about paying rent. Basically she is always over the house and has her stuff there. Also she wants me to increase cable channels (she has paid me for this)...but she has gotten in the habit of buying groceries but got upset that I wasn't forking up as much for the groceries. But she wasn't paying any rent or the utilities.

So I suggested that she pay half or she can move back to her moms. I asked if paying half would hurt her (she has a good paying job). But she has her money going into different investment accounts etc. Money Markets and a money club. Where she puts it in and gets a lump sum.

So my question is should I have asked her to pay half of the rent...it is substantial. But I have been paying it all this time. So maybe it isn't fair.

I suggested she go back to her mom's but she didn't like that and got a bit teary eyed. I mean i still want to date her and everything. I just don't think the shacking up thing is the right thing to do...especially since we aren't married.

Any thoughts

 

[The Duke]

I'd split everything down the middle. If she doesn't like it, she can go back to mommy's house! If she's into you enough, she'll pay. These girls are always trying to get out of paying their fair share. Don't let them. Its 2012 now and if they expect equal treatment and equal rights then they need to take the good with the bad.

 

[Boilermaker]

I think you made the right move.

She has the right to ask for channels and moan about grocery costs, yeah?

Then she needs to realize, in real world there are other substantial costs like

rent as well.

You don't get to play Ms. FairShare and get to act like the rent doesn't exist

because you wish so.

 

[sarcastic sam]

I think you should start charging a flat fee for every time you have to go down on her too fvck just because she's your girlfriend doesn't mean she gets a free ride

 

[Desdinova]

Moved to Mature Man...

 

[Aristippus]

"I asked if paying half would hurt her (she has a good paying job). But she has her money going into different investment accounts etc. Money Markets and a money club. Where she puts it in and gets a lump sum."

The part that's underlined made me feel sorry for her and I got all teary-eyed. Right now I am appalled at how cruel you are! :: plays the world's smallest fiddle for your girlfriend:: How dare you expect her to pay her fair share when she has a good paying job?! How dare you expect her to not be able to put ALL of her money in a money market account while you get to withdraw from your savings to pay for everything! Don't you think it's unfair that you would expect her to pay her fair share so maybe you can live comfortably too and save up for your future?

You're cheap! She deserves better! Blah blah blah. Bullsh*t Bullsh*t...... Yeah. She gets no sympathy here. Her money is in a money market account, boo hoo. So it would inconvenience her if she actually had to withdraw some of it to help you with the bills when she practically lives there. Anyway, what you're asking is perfectly fair and if the person in question were male instead of female, no one would give it a second thought. Unfortunately, many women have screwed-up ideas of fairness and expect the man to make sacrifices for her so she can live very well off of the fruits of his labor and the fruits of her labor while he's expected to settle for scraps.

What she would like is to enjoy 100% of the fruits of her own labor and also as high of a percentage of the fruits of your labor as possible. Don't ever be a woman's slave. Either she chips in her equal share or she can get out, especially since she's working and making decent money.

 

[glass half full]

I hate to bring bad news, but... you probably don't wanna marry this gal. You made the right move. Maybe she will change, but don't get too optimistic. She saves faithfully for her retirement, but doesn't help with things? and she's only a GF!

 

[betheman]

she should be contributing to the costs of running the home, end of. she can afford to save, great news, so could I if I was living rent free, you are being rinsed

 

[Zarky]

agree with prior posters

 

[Brosy]

Regardless of how you feel about her now, I think you've inadvertently given yourself a wake up call.

If one of my close friends came to me with this question I would tell him to get f*!king rid, even if it compromised our friendship. I would take no joy in saying "I told you so" years from now either when somehow she's taken half of his pension and the house during the divorce.

Normally this just takes a straight forward adult conversation about outgoings and salary %'s, but the minute she tried the tears... Nah.

 

[PeakIV]

It's called an inflated sense of entitlement!

It's not her job to pay the bills, that's your job... oh and to look after her as well, in fact she might as well give you the rest of her bills come to think of it. it would make things so much easier for her.

welcome to modern women...

 

[The Duke]

If a girl is self-centered when it comes to paying the bills, she will be self-centered on most every other aspect of the relationship.

 

[Delly2000]

well...i hope it is just a feeling of her seeing that much less in her account every month. I just thought i would go ahead and ask her straight out yesterday.

I asked if she was cool with paying half. I also said that most marriages break up if the parties were shacking up prior.

She said she is completely happy with paying half and that she wishes she could pay more (half the expenses) and thinks its totally fair.

So I told her that if it bothers her I would rather her tell me now than built up resentment. She told me she is perfectly fine.

She has just been down in the dumps for the past few days. It could be unrelated to me...but you never know. When I sense something I like to be on my toes.

As a side note...There was a slight pregnacny scare a few days ago but i figure she should be releived that it came up negative. She was stressing that she was pregnant. Women are weird. We are getting a bit old and should tie the knot soon if we want a family etc. 32yrs old.

My best guess is the money thing. I cant figure out women.

 

[Burroughs]

well...i hope it is just a feeling of her seeing that much less in her account every month. I just thought i would go ahead and ask her straight out yesterday.

My best guess is the money thing. I cant figure out women.

Unless you start making more money this relationship is most likely over

let me explain why

All older women...over age 25 seek security and resources above all things

provisioning

this usually translates into a 3X salary ratio to a man...ie a woman making 50K only feels secure with a guy making 150K.....anything less is viewed with contempt...because women believe they are entitled to multipliers of what they themselves can provide for themselves from a man...they have golden puzzies afterall.

Your girl is 32..her biological clock is ticking like a jackhammer...she is looking for that guy with a 5 series beamer, a paid house, and the willingness to give these things to her hassle free because she 'deserves' it.....she is NOT looking to pay for groceries or half the rent...she believes she is better than that.

 

[The Duke]

well...i hope it is just a feeling of her seeing that much less in her account every month. I just thought i would go ahead and ask her straight out yesterday.

I asked if she was cool with paying half. I also said that most marriages break up if the parties were shacking up prior.

She said she is completely happy with paying half and that she wishes she could pay more (half the expenses) and thinks its totally fair.

So I told her that if it bothers her I would rather her tell me now than built up resentment. She told me she is perfectly fine.

She has just been down in the dumps for the past few days. It could be unrelated to me...but you never know. When I sense something I like to be on my toes.

My best guess is the money thing. I cant figure out women.

Just because she said all this, don't take it that things are fine now and she truly meant what she said. Stay on your toes!

When I told my ex-ltr to pay half the rent she went and told her girlfriends how mean I was for doing so. The truth lies in the fact that She wouldn't have brought it up to her girlfriends if she thought it was totally fair to begin with!

 

[Jitterbug]

I'd act strange too if you fvck with my early retirement plan.

 

[Aristippus]

Delly,

Remember, when it comes to women you have to pay more attention to her actions than her words. If she says she's ok with paying her fair share but she acts like she doesn't like it, her actions ALWAYS take precedence over her words. The only time you pay attention to her words are if her words do not contradict her actions.

If her words reiterate and support her actions, then they are reliable. But once again, you always pay attention to actions first, words second.

 

[Fatal Jay]

to put it simple, your a sucker if she has a good paying job, and not paying any rent at your place

either she pay or your going to regrect later, women will use your money bone dry,and that's when you see the real person come out

 

[backbreaker]

i can kinda.. kinda see her point

what i mean is, she's eating your food so she goeso ut and replaces it. she watches **** so she upgrades the cable.

jut if your rent is to much, then you just have too much place, you can't put that off on her.

i've never had a girl pay anything that has lived with me, which has only been twice, my wife and my first LTR.. but i would imagine if i were to have them pay bills and **** like that, we would not get into the combining of incomes and bills and stuff utnil we were damn near married.


and ****, this benefits YOU. think about it. the more intertwined you get, the harder it is to break lose if need be.. instead of saying BYE you say 'well **** rent is due and i an't say bye just yet i need the money'


it sounds like you just have too much place and you need to downsize. i would not go about personally, and this is just me.. charing for rent and **** for a girl who was not seriously embedded into my life.

there are other more efficient ways to test for financial loyalty.


do this.. you can actually use this **** to your advantage if you play your cards right. assuming that you do like her enough to live with her.. don't say look ***** pay me some money lol, say hey, i really want to take the next step forward with you but at the same time, you have to show me how committed you are to me, i'll cover the rent, don't worry about that but you are more than welcome to live here 10000% as long as you pay all the utilities, that way i can start putting more money back so we can one day get a house and i can start thinking about our financial future together crackup::crackup. What is she gonna say no i'm 32 and i dont' want a future lol? give her the carrot and ease her into it she will come around. i can't imagine they are more than 300-400 a month if that if she is balking at that at 32 she can GFTO

 

[Slickster]

I'm with BB here. I want my place to be MY place. If I want my space and don't want her around then I will pay for that. Unless you are considering marriage in the very near future I would keep your financial situations separate.