Gimme advice

[realsmoothie]

Oops, spoke too soon.

So, this girl (hrm, let's call her HBFlirt) calls AGAIN, even though in her last message she said she wouldn't. Apparently she also called one of my female friends to find out what was up.

I actually pick up the phone... whew, this way I don't have to call HER back. Anyhow... she completely surprises me: "when can we hang out"... and I jump into AFC mode, albeit a little defensively. I agree to see her Sunday night (this call was Wednesday), as it's the only time I'm free.

Any suggestions as to how to handle this "getting together"? My guess is that she wants to clear things up and make sure we're hunky-dory so that there's no more awkwardness, but from what I heard from my friend she didn't even really know I was interested at all. So maybe she's exploring her options.

Aargh.

The good news is that I have another TWO girls sitting on the sidelines (well, one's already been under center, ). But HBFlirt is really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really (insert increasingly whiny voice) hot, and VERY sexually uninhibited. Is this a "spinning plates" kind of thing? Where do i read about that?

 

[RedPill]

It sounds like you're learning. It seems you've got your AFCness more under control than when you started this thread. You're working other chicks, and the balance of power *may have* shifted since you took a stand against this chick.

Now, that being said, the WORST thing you could do right now would be to revert into your bad AFC habits again. This chick might be really hot, and you are really interested, but you have to exhibit some self-control! You have to treat her like any other chick. Don't make exceptions for her.

If I were you, I would consider your meet up with her on Sunday to be her LAST CHANCE. Seriously. You need to make a move, get on a sexual level, and physically escalate with this chick. No heart-to-heart friend chats, period. Don't even get into any sort of discussion with her about her reality. If she won't let you escalate, tell her you've got a "friend" who's getting out of work about now and you're going to go meet her, and then ditch this chick forever. You've gotta be firm with yourself, as well as her. Either she's a sex partner of yours, or she's out of your life.

Realsmoothie, you've probably confused the hell out of this chick with your lack of action thus far, so if you don't go balls out here, you're clearly sending the message I'm not interested enough or I'm too weak a male to go for it. You've got to lead and control the interaction. If she thinks, even for a moment, that she's got you by the balls, knock her ass right off that pedestal. Good luck, and hopefully we'll hear soon that you've banged this girl retarded.

 

[realsmoothie]

Agreed on the complete avoidance of any heart-to-heart relationship discussions, and on using this meeting as her "last chance". I must put up or shut up here.

But: you say that I should treat her as if she is either my sex partner or out of my life. Is this to make sure that I don't AFC and let her back in half-way? Or to show her that I have balls, thus making me more attractive?

Because I'll be honest... I am not worried about oneitis with this girl at this point, and I would definitely like to keep her as a friend. She is great bar-bud material (I have had lots of success the last couple of weeks going with female friends and watching the others gawk "ooh, look who HE is with"). Also, I've known her for three years (very off and on) and we have mutual friends, lots of them.

In other words... is risking a major meltdown really necessary? Is there no room for a little leeway here?

 

[RedPill]

Because I'll be honest... I am not worried about oneitis with this girl at this point, and I would definitely like to keep her as a friend. She is great bar-bud material (I have had lots of success the last couple of weeks going with female friends and watching the others gawk "ooh, look who HE is with"). Also, I've known her for three years (very off and on) and we have mutual friends, lots of them.

In other words... is risking a major meltdown really necessary? Is there no room for a little leeway here?

The problem here is you want this chick. You want to fukk this chick. There's no denying this. You've been frustrated by her not showing strong interest, made jealous by her talking to you about her FB, and gotten all bent out of shape because she's treating you like a friend. It's good that you have other plates to prevent oneitis, but that's not your problem. Your problem is that you want to bang this girl and any relationship that you have with her, under any other pretense, is FALSE.

Yeah, she's easy social proof, but she will be a drain on your game. You'll always have that nagging desire in the back of your mind that you want to fukk her, and it will eat away at you. She'll keep toying with you, always keeping you at arms reach because she knows all she'd have to do is say the word and you'd be all over her. As long as the relationship between you two is framed this way, she'll have the power, you'll never get what you really want, and you will be viewed as another one of her beta-male tag-alongs whenever you two are together. The lesson here for you, among other things, is that female friends do not work if there is even the SLIGHTEST desire on your part to get with them.

So to answer your question directly, no, there's no room for any leeway. If you would have been honest with yourself from the beginning, and gamed her instead of making friends with her, you wouldn't be in this position.

 

[realsmoothie]

Hey, I didn't say I hadn't screwed up before. Geez.

Seems like you disagree with some of the other posters on this board regarding female friends... some of them seem to think that you can hang around a girl you find attractive without it messing with your game.

I dunno, it's a tricky one. Part of me would really like to just drop her completely if she's not willing to go further... but somehow I think if that happens she'll just see it as sour grapes.

I do agree that allowing things midway will always mean that she has the upper hand. If there is ANY sign of sex-interest there I'm not going to let it go midway. Promise.

As for hanging out with her as a friend, it's a tough one. The last time, before my little spaaz, I thought her presence actually helped because other girls around us were giving us the eye. But of course I was spending some of my time on her.... bit of a trade off, no?

I dunno... gonna have to think about this. Who knows what will happen tomorrow, I'm not sure if she's only trying to salvage her ego and the freindship, or if she does want more. Let's all hope for the latter.

Thanks for the help.

 

[RedPill]

Didn't mean to come off as too harsh, if it sounded that way.

You're right, I do disagree with a lot of the other posters here regarding female friends. I'm not saying you can't have attractive female friends, but if you desire to get with them at all, even a little bit, they aren't your friend. Hanging out with them under the (false) friend pretense, is a classic AFC behavior. Look at the main board - look at all the new posters that come here because they have a female friend that they can't get sexual with. It's one of the primary situations that cause guys to seek out this site in the first place.

Almost all women, especially hot ones, have bunches of male friends that don't have the balls to be open with their sexuality. These guys instead opt to act as her friend, hoping that enough exposure to her will somehow create the "spark" or raise her interest level as she sees that "you're different from other guys." In past times, I'm completely guilty of this myself. But, now that I know better, there have been a couple women who I've been in bed with who (after sex) actually thanked me for not being like some of the other guys they've known who "confessed their feelings" after being friends for a long time. When I heard that from the second chick, I busted out laughing. She asked "what's so funny?" I told her "some guys are retards", but really I was laughing at myself because I had made that same mistake so many times.

Consider this scenario: You're going to meet up with a chick at a sports bar to have some beer and chicken wings and watch the game. It's just you and her, you drive separately, you pay separately. If you can't honestly say you'd do this with her without sex ever crossing either of your minds, then you aren't friends with her. I'm willing to wager that 95 out of 100 male/female relationships would fail this test.

So back to your situation realsmoothie, I don't see how you can be friends with this chick in good faith. Your spazz, as you put it, was a good move. You confronted her with reality, knocked her down, and said adios. Now, it shouldn't have had to come to you doing that, but that's the learning curve. Now you know how to avoid this situation in the future.

 

[realsmoothie]

Interesting.

As a general rule, I think you're right that there will alwaysbe difficulty in freindships between men and women if there is any attraction.

I am having a major issue trying to figure out what to do tonight. She obviously told one of our mutual female friends (a co-worker), who asked me this morning "so what are you guys going to do on your date".

Your date? This is so wierd. I have no idea what HBFlirt's intentions are tonight. Part of me wants to be all suave and hardcore and not care about her feelings... but I know if she pulls an LJBF on me and I react coldly she'll feel REALLY bad.

Maybe she should?

Either way, I'm pretty excited. This is easily the hottest girl I've ever been "out" with, and you know what? I'm feeling damned confident about it no matter what happens. She doesn't want me, fine, her problem. Like I told her before, "you don't know what you're missing". And I have backups.

 

[RedPill]

Part of me wants to be all suave and hardcore and not care about her feelings... but I know if she pulls an LJBF on me and I react coldly she'll feel REALLY bad.

The red text is the burgeoning alpha-male DJ in you.

The blue text is that nice comfy familiar frustrated chump.

Kill the chump.


Good luck, and let us know how it went!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Interesting.

As a general rule, I think you're right that there will alwaysbe difficulty in freindships between men and women if there is any attraction.

I am having a major issue trying to figure out what to do tonight. She obviously told one of our mutual female friends (a co-worker), who asked me this morning "so what are you guys going to do on your date".

Your date? This is so wierd. I have no idea what HBFlirt's intentions are tonight. Part of me wants to be all suave and hardcore and not care about her feelings... but I know if she pulls an LJBF on me and I react coldly she'll feel REALLY bad.

Maybe she should?

Either way, I'm pretty excited. This is easily the hottest girl I've ever been "out" with, and you know what? I'm feeling damned confident about it no matter what happens. She doesn't want me, fine, her problem. Like I told her before, "you don't know what you're missing". And I have backups.

Like I said before this girl lives off attention. You took the attention away from her and she came RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNING at you full steam, typical AW behavior. Tonight has nothing to do with her wanting you, its all about securing you back in your place in her stable of Admiration-ville!

If you want to swing things around you need to switch the balance of power. There hasn't been enough time apart for that to happen yet and when she starts flirting with you tonight, your going to revert right back to AFC mode!!

This will not end up being good for you.



PIMP

 

[realsmoothie]

Ack, now I'm in a tough spot. She called and said she spent all day out in the sun and has to take a rest, and might be too tired to hang out. She'll call back later (I'm working until later anyhow).

But then she said I was perfectly welcome to come over.

WTF? Is this a snub or an invitation? I feel if I do come over I'm just being a puppy dog... but then maybe it's just what I need to escalate the whole thing.

I have no doubt that she actually is tired and sunstroked. It's our first really hot day here.

So confused. If anyone gets this in the next couple of hours, let me know what ya think. Right now I'm inclined to just tell her I found something else to do, or make up some other excuse. But my **** is thinking something else...

 

[realsmoothie]

I should clarify that we ended the call with her saying she'd call back when she woke up.

Never did call.

And I'm fine with it. I don't care if she slept in. Last week she's like "let's hang out... and don't bail on me" and "I know I ****ed up" with an almost-crying voice... and SHE doesn't call.

Fvck her.

I summon the spirit of the Soup Nazi... "NEXT!"

 

[dankane]

I'm sorry, but this post made me sick. I don't mean any offense to you, but this is my problem. You have the knowledge, and you just aren't using it because you are infatuated with this good for nothing ho. It makes me sad because I can remember the days and I can understand the pain you're going through.

But brother listen. You are being a huge wuss. The problem is, I think you are ignoring her in order for her to come running back. Since she did come running back you automatically went back to biatch. Just don't even give in to her. It isn't worth it, other then the fact that you want to prove you can have her. Can't you see what a ***** this chick is.

Another thing, stop being a little wuss. Call her ass up if you want to **** her and be like come over to my ****ing house right now. Then she will come over and then **** her and then stop talking to her. You sound like a little boy when you talk to her.

"When can we hang out next"

You should have said, "Come over tonight" or "I'm coming over"
dont give her the choice, she asked when, you ****ing say NOW and **** the **** out of her.

If she says she can't later

be like whatever that's cool, cya later and go do something else

don't come here and ask what to do, if she flakes on you, it doesn't matter go **** somebody else. Shes nothing but sex, stop making it more then that. Anything more then that with this girl will be an ABSOLUTE waste of time. I hope you see that :nono:



In all honesty though, the true answer is to give up totally. The problem is, you aren't capable of doing that. Giving up totally to you, will mean waiting for her to come running back.

So next time she comes running back, if she does, grow some balls, get her alone, **** her, never talk to her again. Thats all you need bro.

 

[realsmoothie]

Zzzzzz..... wow, very insightful post. You have shown me the light. I will just magically grow some balls.

Funny, I thought by not calling her and being all "AFC" I WAS growing some balls.

If I could just walk up to any girl and fuk her, I wouldn't be spending my time chatting on this board, would I?

And neither would you.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Zzzzzz..... wow, very insightful post. You have shown me the light. I will just magically grow some balls.

Funny, I thought by not calling her and being all "AFC" I WAS growing some balls.

If I could just walk up to any girl and fuk her, I wouldn't be spending my time chatting on this board, would I?

And neither would you.

Bro, Dakine is right on the money here! Maybe he was a little over the top in his response but it was probably his attempt to try and get through to you. We have been telling you the same exact thing for the past several days, yet you continue to do the opposite. Don't you get it??

It doesn't matter if you don't call her for a few days! It doesn't matter if you flake on a day when you were suppose to hang out! It doesn't matter AT ALL!! Your in the friend zone smoothie!!! And the ONLY thing that could possibly change this girl's mind is for you to cut off contact with her for a really,really,really long time, so she has enough time to forget all your sappy AFC'ness!!

Ok so she was tired from being in the sun all day but said you could come over. Did she mean it? Most likely not, but she's a girl, she doesn't want to feel guilty for being a flake, so she's convinces herself that she's at least being nice by making a counter offer, but the minute she gets off the phone she has no intention of actually remembering to call you. Its not that she's doing it on purpose, its just that she doesn't reallly care. She has more important priorities in her life and until you realize that YOUR NOT ONE OF THEM, you will struggle here.

Why not eliminate all the crap and go out and start fresh. There are plenty of single women, plenty of single HOT women and plenty of women you can meet right now. Choice is yours...

But don't "ZZZZZ" people's responses if they're not what you want to hear, or points you supposedly already know, because your the one stressing here, not us.



PIMP

 

[dankane]

The second you view yourself as someone that can walk up to any girl and **** her, then you're problems will start to wisp away.

People see you how you see yourself.

And now i'm on this board because I like helping people, i hope for the best for you man, this post has the answer about 90 times.

 

[realsmoothie]

I didn't like his attitude. This holier-than-thou RAH RAH (er, DJ-er-than-thou) thing that goes on here is a little ridiculous for my taste. We're not football players, and we aren't 12 years old.

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to suddenly "see myself" as someone who can pick any girl up. I guess he has a magic pill. Personally, it's something that's going to take me time.

But thanks for the concern.

AnyHOO... she called again tonight before she was getting on the bus to go somewhere. Said she'd call later, I said fine. That was it.

Will she call back? I don't know, and honest to God, it really doesn't matter to me. I was out with another girl last night - who's not as hot but at least likes me enough to show me her equipment.