Gifts in early stages of dating?

[Toddy]

Hi All,
Been working on this girl who I see a couple of times a week in the sauna at my local gym. She’s definitely interested, complimented me on my physique, made it clear she’s single. Asking when I’m going for a sauna next so we can meet and chat, it’s been a good way to get to know her. Probably seen her fives times had really in depth conversations, we’ve planned to go for a coffee and a walk after our next session.

We’ve lots in common, been able to check her out in a swimsuit, great petite body, small to zero boobs though. I’m late 40’s, she’s early 40’s, never married no kids, which is rare for me to find in my area.

Question is, it’s her birthday in a weeks time (a few days before mine). A book topic came up in our conversations, should I buy her a book as a small gift or is that a bit weird/needy?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Tell her you are gonna cook her dinner at your place, that her gift.

 

[Mertz09]

You could cook her dinner or ask her to go to dinner with you for her birthday. I did that recently and it worked out great. OBW lt does not have to be on her birthday but a few days later.

 

[Mertz09]

“she’s early 40’s, never married no kids, which is rare for me to find in my area.” That is rare most anywhere. Unicorn?

 

[pipeman84]

she’s early 40’s, never married no kids

and a book reader? You might have found yourself a keeper there. Or a really nutty one.

should I buy her a book as a small gift or is that a bit weird/needy?

As you two haven't yet met outside the gym, I think a gift, even a small one like a book, is premature.

 

[Toddy]

and a book reader? You might have found yourself a keeper there. Or a really nutty one.

As you two haven't yet met outside the gym, I think a gift, even a small one like a book, is premature.

Thanks was feeling kinda weird, like buying flowers on a first date.

 

[Toddy]

“she’s early 40’s, never married no kids, which is rare for me to find in my area.” That is rare most anywhere. Unicorn?

Indeed, and not fat either!

 

[Toddy]

Yeah she's crazy


Why would you cook dinner for a girl as a gift that you haven't fvcked yet?

To then bang her? You may be right on the crazy thing though, seems ok do far…..

 

[Mertz09]

To then bang her? You may be right on the crazy thing though, seems ok do far…..

Good luck! Keep us posted.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Get her a boob job as a gift OP

Or a padded bra if you feel like being cheap..

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

"I was browsing in a bookstore and I noticed a book I'd like you to read."

 

[BeExcellent]

OP have you been married or have kids?

Often attractive women who get that far in life without being chosen by a man to be a wife & mother are unattached for a reason.

Not discouraging you mind, I just think women like this typically have flaws you need to be on the lookout for.

Proceed with care. Ask her to join you for your birthday supper (y’all can celebrate together). No gifts like books etc until yall have been out on at least a few dates. It’s too insta relationship and that may not reflect well on your value versus hers.

 

[BadBoy89]

she’s early 40’s, never married no

should I buy her a book as a small gift or is that a bit weird/needy?

It’s a bit weird to buy a book for a 40+ year old woman.

A 40 year old woman wants Buckingham Palace for her birthday, she does not want a book. She has lost all her sex appeal, therefore has lost her power, so she is looking for a man with money,

You’ve been out with her 5 times and haven’t slept with her yet? She’s not interested. Move on.

 

[SW15]

Why would you cook dinner for a girl as a gift that you haven't fvcked yet?

Someone would do that as part of a home dinner date prior to sex.

Probably seen her fives times had really in depth conversations, we’ve planned to go for a coffee and a walk after our next session.

How many one on one dates outside of the gym?

 

[Mertz09]

OP have you been married or have kids?

Often attractive women who get that far in life without being chosen by a man to be a wife & mother are unattached for a reason.

Not discouraging you mind, I just think women like this typically have flaws you need to be on the lookout for.

Proceed with care. Ask her to join you for your birthday supper (y’all can celebrate together). No gifts like books etc until yall have been out on at least a few dates. It’s too insta relationship and that may not reflect well on your value versus hers.

I agree with BeExcellent; Proceed with caution. (but then isn't that always??) I would tactfully find out why she is where she is in Life. That's part of getting to know one another anyway.
There could be a # of reasons that she has never been married. I'm assuming that she is at least somewhat attractive. What is her profession career? Maybe she doesn't want kids or can't. There could have been a time when she was going to get married and something happened.
Additionally, what do you want? LTR? Or short term FUN!

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Just like there are crazy 40 and 50 year old women, there are men.

I saw a woman a couple years back that I wrote about here that made me wait until our 3rd date to put out, but she was making out with me all along. It was new for me because I usually lose interest quickly if there is no sexual vibe.

We saw each other for a while but the sex was spotty, she’d cook for me and ask me to spend the night a lot but sex wasn’t always on tap. I helped her in many ways and treated her quite well as I was trying to slow down a bit at that time. She had a health challenge a couple months that I took her to the hospital and attended appointments with her often acting as her ombudsman and advisor because of my background. In the end she broke it off because I didn’t visit her during a couple days’ hospital stay (45 mile drive).

Now she posts all the girl power memes saying that all say, in essence “you were too good for him”, “he wasn’t enough for you”, “you go girl”.

I bent over backwards for her and she did this. She’s certifiably nuts. Screen hard, I didn’t and it wasted countless hours of my life. Since then I’ve learned to ask a few more questions during screening and it has gone well.

She was about 6 years younger than me but had more health issues than a woman would of her age normally.

If I hadn’t been seeing a handful of other chicks during this time, I would’ve dumped immediately, but she was sweet and cooked for me. Ehhh.

 

[Toddy]

Thanks all, with a bit more delving. She’s got issues, found out she’s travelled around a lot lived in Spain for a few years then Australia, moved sround She was in AA 15 years ago - still attends the meetings. Works as a social worker so dealing with lots of other peoples problems.

Not sure whether to just bang for fun or avoid completely.

@BeExcellent yes I’ve been married with kids, just finalising the divorce.
@Pierce.Manhammer I’ll look for your story of the chick from a few years ago

 

[BeExcellent]

Ok. So you know what real commitment, responsibilities and obligations look like.

People who reach their 4th or 5th decade without ever having that yoke do NOT understand those who do; they are inherently and pronouncedly more selfish and self centered. My second husband was a childless bachelor when we married; I was in a decades long relationship and marriage with 3 children prior to my divorce so navigating that has had its challenges.

I think women who reach that age without real commitment, attachment and responsibility have more issues than men. Just my personal view. Men psychologically fare better than women with a longer noncommittal phase. Women have a maternal drive. If that is not met through motherhood, strange things start happening in a woman’s psyche. Again just my personal view.

Tread carefully and enjoy. Also realize that the freedom you are gaining from you marital bonds is going to provide you with rose tinted glasses for the short term. Once you acclimate to single life you’ll be better equipped to navigate the BS, which you will find a propensity of.

Happy divorce to you OP and all the best.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

Hi All,
Been working on this girl who I see a couple of times a week in the sauna at my local gym. She’s definitely interested, complimented me on my physique, made it clear she’s single. Asking when I’m going for a sauna next so we can meet and chat, it’s been a good way to get to know her. Probably seen her fives times had really in depth conversations, we’ve planned to go for a coffee and a walk after our next session.

We’ve lots in common, been able to check her out in a swimsuit, great petite body, small to zero boobs though. I’m late 40’s, she’s early 40’s, never married no kids, which is rare for me to find in my area.

Question is, it’s her birthday in a weeks time (a few days before mine). A book topic came up in our conversations, should I buy her a book as a small gift or is that a bit weird/needy?

Imo gifts are not that remembered. Being next months american expenses go up by 1440.53 meaning it's enevetable but if you want to save find a restaurant with an app and have away at curbsidel . There only thing you have to watch out is flirting with women in the age you are in. at 44 for the man most women are irresistibe. That's my two cent

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Absolutely second the comment about women who are in their 40’s and 50’s who’ve not had children or have been married.

I’ve experienced both on in her mid 40’s who never was married or had kids, was in a few multi-year LTRs, but never cohabited. She was gorgeous, but a hedonist in many ways. Given her looks I’m sure she’d had her share of sexual adventures. She never truly understood my commitments with my kids who were with me a week at a time.

The second had been married and was childless, just never happened because of her acting career. Again a hedonist of a higher order. She has/had what I’d consider to be a perfect body and is quite attractive. Again she could never wrap her head around my commitment to my kids.

In both cases we had stupid discussions mostly because we didn’t have the shared experience of parenting.

I now quickly relegate women like these to recreational use only.

Ok. So you know what real commitment, responsibilities and obligations look like.

People who reach their 4th or 5th decade without ever having that yoke do NOT understand those who do; they are inherently and pronouncedly more selfish and self centered. My second husband was a childless bachelor when we married; I was in a decades long relationship and marriage with 3 children prior to my divorce so navigating that has had its challenges.

I think women who reach that age without real commitment, attachment and responsibility have more issues than men. Just my personal view. Men psychologically fare better than women with a longer noncommittal phase. Women have a maternal drive. If that is not met through motherhood, strange things start happening in a woman’s psyche. Again just my personal view.

Tread carefully and enjoy. Also realize that the freedom you are gaining from you marital bonds is going to provide you with rose tinted glasses for the short term. Once you acclimate to single life you’ll be better equipped to navigate the BS, which you will find a propensity of.

Happy divorce to you OP and all the best.