Ghosting on online dating apps

[viking22]

I'm on Hinge. I get plenty of matches especially when I use Boosts and other add-ons to put me in the spotlight as it were.

But vast majority of these matches go absolutely nowhere. Either they simply do not reply to my opening message or send a few half-hearted replies that give me little to work with or ask me some banal questions like "How are you?" or "What are you up to this weekend?" and then stop replying altogether.

I seem to have more success when I happen to message them when they are online so get a quick response and then after a flurry of conversations it is easy to ask for their number and a date. And there are a rare few who even if responses are delayed they eventually do reply with something thoughtful that give me plenty to work with and it is possible to establish a connection and progress to getting a number.

I had slightly better success on Bumble where the girl has to send the first message and there is a ticking clock so that puts a bit of pressure on them to reply or else they lose the match. But somehow I managed to get banned from that app.

It is quite frustrating. I do not know if it is just the nature of the apps where women get hundreds of likes so unless you are head and shoulders above the crowd or through fortuitous timing your reply happens to be close to the top of her inbox when she opens the app it is difficult to make any headway. Or if there are specific text game tactics that can make a difference.

I gather most guys are pretty unoriginal and just say "Hi" or "How are you?" or give a compliment. So I will usually make a comment or ask a question based on something in their profile. Although most girls rarely bother writing anything interesting in their profiles and usually have generic holiday photos, photos with dogs, cleavage photos or bikini photos, or videos of themselves dancing. So I do wonder if its mostly an attention seeking exercise for them.

I used to do far better on the old fashioned dating websites like Match.com where women had to pay so even though the quality wasn't as high and response rates were still quite low when a woman did respond it was possible to fire a few messages back and forth and number close.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

In my experience a good roi is if you can make witty comments directly on their pics

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Have you thought about trying Match again?

Match sucks., the site is full of wanna-be princesses. You can get messages and numbers but the women are hardcases holding out for romcom fantasies that aren't going to happen.

The only time it's decent is in the summer when their dormant libidos come out of hibernation.

 

[EyeBRollin]

It’s a numbers game. You get frustrated too easily. I used the same opening script for over 5 Years. You need to ask them out within the first 3-5 messages

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It’s a numbers game. You get frustrated too easily. I used the same opening script for over 5 Years. You need to ask them out within the first 3-5 messages

Agree...it's all numbers. OP, it's hard to really give any advice without some sort of direct exchange to see that's a good example of what you are talking about. Could be the messages you are sending but sometimes that's just the way it goes for a while.

Even then, at the end of the day, low interest responses are women that simply aren't that interested and just killing time or just like messaging.

 

[viking22]

Yeah I figured out pretty quickly that after 3-5 messages they will usually give out their number and it is then possible to work some text game and set up a date. The issue I am having is more than most of the matches I get rarely get past a message or two before they simply stop replying. Probably is a reflection of lukewarm interest and perhaps having more appealing matches.

Will try the witty comments on photos approach.

I had a look on Match but these days it is mostly single mothers living far outside the city centre.

 

[sosuave213]

In my experience a good roi is if you can make witty comments directly on their pics

I have had ZERO ROI with that.

That is not an exaggeration.

I did that for 100 profiles and got no response on any.

Go with this OP, and make your life easier. You haven't even met these women in person or spoken to them over the phone yet. https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-most-epic-pick-up-line.280266

 

[sosuave213]

Yeah I figured out pretty quickly that after 3-5 messages they will usually give out their number and it is then possible to work some text game and set up a date. The issue I am having is more than most of the matches I get rarely get past a message or two before they simply stop replying. Probably is a reflection of lukewarm interest and perhaps having more appealing matches.

Will try the witty comments on photos approach.

I had a look on Match but these days it is mostly single mothers living far outside the city centre.

Regarding the witty comments, see post above.

Everything else you said is on point.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Its very very common and roots back to the wider issue within society whereby men are giving women too much attention across too many platforms which causes them to devalue it and in some cases treat it with contempt

Women don't really respect men that much anymore and this is what it boils down too

In saying that there are ways too get her too engage in the conversation most guys are going to be either boring or wierd so the competition isn't exactly through the roof

ultimately you want to be triggering some sort of emotion out of her or finding something you have in common this will usually cause her to bond somewhat to you which will increase your response rate

A good example is asking for a Netflix reccomendation

she will suggest some crap , and a few days later you just send something like

" I just finished watching XYZ that you suggested " ..... this should be enough to create a surface level connection and from there you can go deeper

You should get the number asap and call her some girls can be a bit wierd about Phone calls but its the fastest way to connect with her before going on a date

Just making small talk isn't going to cut it anymore

 

[Dr.Suave]

Either they simply do not reply to my opening message or send a few half-hearted replies that give me little to work with or ask me some banal questions like "How are you?" or "What are you up to this weekend?"

Bro this is plenty to work with. If they ask how are you, you say something cool like "Im excited becasue Im getting ready for (something cool you actually want to do anyways) next weekend; You should join me"

Similar thing if they ask "What are you up to this weekend?". Ideally you actually have some cool plans and invite her to join.

Better yet, you ask them first "What are you up to this weekend?"

If they say something like "Im thinking of cutting my hair" or "Im thinking of relaxing at home" you say "Boriiiiiing! Let´s do x,y,z instead"

Anything other than a "yes" or a counter-offer is a "no".

 

[SW15]

vast majority of these matches go absolutely nowhere.

Welcome to the world of tech-based dating methods! Most of your conversations will go nowhere.

If you manage to secure a first date, it is also not likely to go anywhere either. The most common outcome of a tech-arranged first date is "one date, no sex, no second date". Generally, you've wasted your time with "one date, no sex, no second date". It can feel like a relief when you opt to stop seeing her because she made a terrible impression. Generally, most men are offering women second dates and the woman is rejecting the second date offer.

The video below has some value but it's not the entire picture.

I had slightly better success on Bumble where the girl has to send the first message and there is a ticking clock so that puts a bit of pressure on them to reply or else they lose the match. But somehow I managed to get banned from that app.

Bumble and Hinge are both difficult options. Men are about 65% of the user base on both of those. I haven't been on either in years but Hinge was total poop in my area at the time I stopped using it. Tinder is even worse as it is 76% men.

It is quite frustrating. I do not know if it is just the nature of the apps where women get hundreds of likes so unless you are head and shoulders above the crowd or through fortuitous timing your reply happens to be close to the top of her inbox when she opens the app it is difficult to make any headway.

The problem is female abundance. There are stories of more and more men going MGTOW and dropping out of the market, but the market is so oversaturated with men that a small number of MGTOWs doesn't make that much of a difference.

The typical female on Tinder/Bumble/Hinge has a queue of hundreds of potential matches and she also has a decent number of messages in her in-app inbox.

Your analysis here is spot on.

Female abundance gives women even loftier expectations. If you can get them on a first date, they need to have "all the feelz" on the first date, otherwise there will be no second dates. Your threshold of performance on a date now is so much higher than it once was. A date from 2003-2006 that would have been good enough to warrant a second date in that era results in the present era (2013-present) in a ghosting/flaking and no second date.

if there are specific text game tactics that can make a difference.

Some people think there are some things that can be done. In my opinion, the difference is marginal at best.

I used to do far better on the old fashioned dating websites like Match.com where women had to pay so even though the quality wasn't as high and response rates were still quite low when a woman did respond it was possible to fire a few messages back and forth and number close.

When did this happen? Prior to 2012-2013 when Tinder launched and got big?

The swipe apps changed all of the old fashioned dating websites like Match, OkCupid, and Plenty of Fish. All 3 of those platforms still exist today but have lost relevance. OkCupid is a niche service now for some non-mainstream things like poly and other interesting niches.

Match today is mostly a niche platform for divorcees seeking other divorcees for LTRs.

Match sucks., the site is full of wanna-be princesses. You can get messages and numbers but the women are hardcases holding out for romcom fantasies that aren't going to happen.

The only time it's decent is in the summer when their dormant libidos come out of hibernation.

Mostly accurate. The women are generally 30+ divorcees and often with children on there. It's not a good platform anymore.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Bro this is plenty to work with. If they ask how are you, you say something cool like "Im excited becasue Im getting ready for (something cool you actually want to do anyways) next weekend; You should join me"

Similar thing if they ask "What are you up to this weekend?". Ideally you actually have some cool plans and invite her to join.

Better yet, you ask them first "What are you up to this weekend?"

If they say something like "Im thinking of cutting my hair" or "Im thinking of relaxing at home" you say "Boriiiiiing! Let´s do x,y,z instead"

Anything other than a "yes" or a counter-offer is a "no".

A lot of guys don't realize how much information a woman gives you to work with during a course of a conversation that you can use to follow up with or take the Convo in many directions...

It's usually a TON.

That's where you have to be actively listening tho and not thinking of what you are going to say back.

 

[viking22]

Yeah I spoke to a few average looking female friends. They get hundreds of matches and still complain online dating sites suck. And when you look at their profile photos like just about every modern girl they are pros at using make up/filters/the right angles/outfits to look at least a few points hotter than they really are.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

They expect the men to initiate the conversation, carry the conversation, be witty, read their minds and then ask them out at the perfect moment, and if at any point you don't do this perfectly they will ghost you. Even if you do everything right they still might ghost out of boredom or laziness (which I am also massively guilty of). This is of course assuming assuming they're actually on the app to meet in the first place, not to roast men with their friends, relieve boredom while on the toilet, get validation, or harvest followers to their SM/OF/etc.

I scrolled through my matches and at least 30-40% of them are a dead end with a ghost (from either side of the convo).

I don't waste any brain cells thinking about this. With dating apps, it's just like job apps, it's a numbers game. It doesn't matter why they didn't respond, just move on to the next girl and you won't even give a shvt. I still get 5+ phone #s per week and can easily get 10+ if I put in minimal effort and time.

 

[CornbreadFed]

You are trying too hard

 

[Glassguy]

You are trying too hard

This is generally correct.
Come across as witty, busy and aloof. Either they can carry some of the conversation or its probably a good thing they didnt respond back.

Higher interest will get you fast replies. Everything else, dont put too much effort into it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah I spoke to a few average looking female friends. They get hundreds of matches and still complain online dating sites suck. And when you look at their profile photos like just about every modern girl they are pros at using make up/filters/the right angles/outfits to look at least a few points hotter than they really are.

That's when you have to know how to screen properly via knowledge of these things.

For instance, any woman that takes an overhead diagonally down photo is fat. No ifs, ands or buts. Anytime I see one of those it's an auto "hell no" swipe.

 

[bat soup]

I'm on Hinge. I get plenty of matches especially when I use Boosts and other add-ons to put me in the spotlight as it were.

But vast majority of these matches go absolutely nowhere. Either they simply do not reply to my opening message or send a few half-hearted replies that give me little to work with or ask me some banal questions like "How are you?" or "What are you up to this weekend?" and then stop replying altogether.

I seem to have more success when I happen to message them when they are online so get a quick response and then after a flurry of conversations it is easy to ask for their number and a date. And there are a rare few who even if responses are delayed they eventually do reply with something thoughtful that give me plenty to work with and it is possible to establish a connection and progress to getting a number.

I had slightly better success on Bumble where the girl has to send the first message and there is a ticking clock so that puts a bit of pressure on them to reply or else they lose the match. But somehow I managed to get banned from that app.

It is quite frustrating. I do not know if it is just the nature of the apps where women get hundreds of likes so unless you are head and shoulders above the crowd or through fortuitous timing your reply happens to be close to the top of her inbox when she opens the app it is difficult to make any headway. Or if there are specific text game tactics that can make a difference.

I gather most guys are pretty unoriginal and just say "Hi" or "How are you?" or give a compliment. So I will usually make a comment or ask a question based on something in their profile. Although most girls rarely bother writing anything interesting in their profiles and usually have generic holiday photos, photos with dogs, cleavage photos or bikini photos, or videos of themselves dancing. So I do wonder if its mostly an attention seeking exercise for them.

I used to do far better on the old fashioned dating websites like Match.com where women had to pay so even though the quality wasn't as high and response rates were still quite low when a woman did respond it was possible to fire a few messages back and forth and number close.

By success, do you mean you're having lots of boring conversations with dull women?

 

[Hal9000]

It's because most of the profiles are fakes. Nobody is paying to have a fake profile on Match but there are a ton of takes on the free sites.

 

[SW15]

It's because most of the profiles are fakes. Nobody is paying to have a fake profile on Match but there are a ton of takes on the free sites.

Fake profiles are a big thing across all platforms.

The big swipe apps all restrict quantity of swipes. Most men need to do massive quantity on apps to get some results. As a result, a good portion of men end up paying for the unlimited swipes on Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge.

They expect the men to initiate the conversation, carry the conversation, be witty, read their minds and then ask them out at the perfect moment, and if at any point you don't do this perfectly they will ghost you. Even if you do everything right they still might ghost out of boredom or laziness (which I am also massively guilty of). This is of course assuming assuming they're actually on the app to meet in the first place, not to roast men with their friends, relieve boredom while on the toilet, get validation, or harvest followers to their SM/OF/etc.

With dating apps, it's just like job apps, it's a numbers game. It doesn't matter why they didn't respond, just move on to the next girl and you won't even give a shvt.

This is all true.