GF's REAL Pissed But Won't Tell Me Why

[sonearsofar]

So last night was the first time we'd spoken since Saturday. It was short and not good...

She spent the night at mine Friday, then left for her house Saturday afternoon to get ready to go to some theatre with a girlfriend.

Later on I realised I couldn't find my wallet. Checked everywhere first. Then realised I'd probably dropped it in her car.

Called her. No reply. SMS'd. No answer. So I started driving to hers. I needed to know if it was with her or not so I could call the bank if it wasn't. But also, all my cards and cash were in it so I had no money at all and I didn't want to be without cards for a week while waiting on new ones if my wallet was in there somewhere she hadn't looked. Can't run my life/business without them.

She SMS'd me while I was sat in traffic at an accident saying she couldn't find them saying she'd look later again, but didn't actually say they were leaving.

I messaged her back saying don't worry about it and have a good time.

Thought I'd turn back for home once the traffic was clear and call the bank.

Then it started moving and I just thought, what the hell, I'm nearly there anyway, I might as well head up and if she's still there, awesome, I can look for myself. Also couldn't call first as I was moving, and there wasn't much point as she'd missed my first call saying in her SMS that her phone had been on silent.

Got there - She'd left. I drove off, and we passed each other in opposite directions! She'd forgotten her tickets.

Not sure if this is relevant, but she had a totally different girlfriend in the car to the one that she'd said a half hour before was driving in from 2 hours away and was nearly there. If the one travelling in was with her it would have meant she'd have stayed over and they'd be spending Sunday together which was we couldn't make plans for Sunday.

She said quite quickly to me "if you're wondering why so and so is in the car, the other so and so SMS'd and cancelled 20 minutes ago".

Couldn't find my wallet in her car anyway, so we both left at the same time and I went to call the bank.

SMS'd her to let her know I'd done it and not to worry, but also said the bank had told me there were some unusual online payments that had left my account that morning, which I said must be a coincidence.

Then nothing - No SMS when she got home Saturday night like she said. No contact or reply to the usual good morning text I sent Sunday or Monday. In Tuesday's SMS I said I might swing by her place in the evening after her kid was in bed unless she had other plans. Because she has a kid (although the Father had the kid that weekend) I made a rule with her that I wouldn't ever just show up at her place without calling/SMS'ing first.

No reply to that either. SMS'd just as I was about to leave last night to say I was on my way and let me know if any problems or she wanted anything picked up from the store on the way.

Then she called. Said she was at her (Mom's 20 minutes away) eating and she'd call me later. I said she didn't sound happy. She said she didn't want to talk about it now, then got angry saying she was "still pissed" about what happened Saturday, if I "turned up at the house tonight I'd probably..." and I cut across her then and said basically "WTF??? I have no idea what I've done" but not in such strong words.

She said she didn't want to talk about it now and would call me later.
I SMS'd her saying it sounds like the kind of conversation we should have face to face and just to tell me whenever she knew what time was good to sit down with her.

Nothing since. Silence.

What I find weird is if she'd wanted to dump me for something she felt I'd done was serious then she'd had 3 days in which to do it - Just going silent for that time seems really strange. I have a lot of expensive stuff at her place, so it's not like she can just dump me without telling me and hope I disappear after a few days NC from her.

So what's she doing?

The only things I can think might have pissed her off are either:

1. She's pissed that I came to the house without calling, period, regardless of the whole importance of the missing cards and her about to leave (I didn't - I drove past the top of her street and could see her car wasn't there so drove on.)

2. Because of my SMS's saying "don't worry about it have a good time" when she'd said she couldn't find them, plus my comment about the coincidence of the weird online payments, she thought I was thinking she'd used and had taken my cards.

3. She's using attack as the best form of defense because there's something in this sudden disappearance at the last minute of girlfriend number 1 who earlier she said was nearly there after a two hour drive, and sudden appearance of girlfriend number 2 who lives local. And she feels caught out in something she'd up to. Perhaps even thinking I thought something was up and made up the whole wallet story to come to the house and try to catch her out. Or at least just see what was going on......But if I was her and I thought something like that had happened, I'd just dump them straightaway. It's just too weirder behaviour to carry on with someone like that. I wouldn't string it out with NC for 3 days.

What do you guys think?

I think it's option 2 and she thinks I didn't believe her that she hadn't got my cards and don't trust her.

But I'm not sure.....about much right now!

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Playa, Playa

You did nothing wrong. You lost your wallet and needed it back. She is mad because you accidentally caught her in a lie. You need to be more assertive with her. You don't let her play these games. This is supposed to be your girl but you sitting there letting her disrespect you like that? Either she needs to get over this "issue" or you guys need to split. There's no reason you should take this disrespect from anyone let alone your girl.

and why are you taking a single mother seriously. You know they got baggage.

 

[bigneil]

When a girl is suddenly angry about everything, it's your last warning to go NC. It usually means she is annoyed because you are putting pressure on her by talking to her because she is sleeping with someone else and feels guilty, so she pushes you away by yelling.

Anger does imply she still has feelings for you, so if you back off there is a chance you'll be ok later, but if you keep pushing her when she is angry she will eventually nuke what remains of the relationship.

 

[Atom Smasher]

PrettyBoy is right. You need to turn the tables NOW (read that: IMMEDIATELY) and cut her off. She is attempting to turn the tables because she was caught in a lie.

She has no right to release Armaggedon on you because you needed to find your wallet and keys. I would recommend you arrange to go to her place, get your things, calmly tell her that you are calling it quits (DO NOT get dragged into a discussion no matter how tempting it may be) and get out of there. Then go ghost for a while. Either she'll disappear off the radar (if this liar has other stuff going on in her life) or she will realize that her game backfired on her in which case she will blow up your phone with begging.

You've got to stem this tide right now.

 

[backbreaker]

most girls first reaction when caught up in some **** is to go on the offensive like your girl is doing. i.e if he thinks i am mad at him he will forgot that he caught me in the lie.

she might not be cheating but she was doing something she knows she had no business doing.

i really don't see a positive end game here but if you must try the only chance in hell you have is to become invisible and unpredictable. do not talk to her for a week or so and when you do be as unpreditable as you can possibly be.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She went on a double date, or at least made her friend go with her to see another guy. If she had told you that it was the local friend, you might have asked to come along or meet them somewhere. You said her story was "some theatre," which I guess means a play? I'm also guessing you hate plays, which is why she told you that was what she was doing, so you wouldn't want to come. If the friend from out of town had cancelled, she would have done so much earlier than the "twenty minutes" that you were told, which would probably have not been enough time to get a new friend lined up on that little of notice.

The important thing is to get your sh!t out of her house before she knows that you know. Keep pretending to be clueless. Do not confront her and do not try to catch her in the act. Just get your stuff back and then stop talking to her.

 

[sonearsofar]

I was trying to be vague about what it was she went to. Ok it was actually a concert with a world famous male singer/songwriter.

The story she told me as she drove to mine Friday night was that the tickets had come up last minute and she wanted to take one of her girlfriends.

To be fair it's that kind of singer!

We had a bit of a conversation about it when she arrived as I said I was a bit pissed that as we hadn't seen each other for 2 weeks it seemed a little unfair to have taken the tickets, and therefore bounce our plans for Saturday without even at least telling me if not consulting me first and then not even ask me.

She never apologised mind and just kept saying I didn't understand that she needed time with her friends too on weekends without her kid. This isn't true by the way - I don't invade her space like that.

We never argue or raise voices as such so I quickly accepted I wasn't going to get anywhere.

My point is that (and I guess I could be dilussional) because I'd made quite long and vocal objection to how she'd handled things, had friend one from out of town cancelled perhaps during Friday evening by SMS or even at some point Saturday, doesn't it seem likely that she might then have thought it's not worth the possible aggravation of telling me that she's lined up another girlfriend?

I'm not proud of it, but I did a driveby later that night and she was at home, car outside on its own. Not surprising as I'd kept her awake until 1AM the night before and woke her up again at 4AM Saturday morning!

It's more what she was up to Sunday that's bugging me...The friend from out of town hadn't shown up anyway to stay over, so Sunday should have been clear when I SMS'd her Sunday morning asking her out for lunch, but of course by then she started her being pissed at me for What I did Saturday thing so totally ignored me.

I just figure if she'd wanted to dump me she'd have had the opportunity already.

Is NC the right way forward in this situation - I ask because I promised to tell her everyday what she means to me, and do that via an SMS every morning. Sometimes she replies sometimes she can't because of work/kid etc.. I just don't want her getting even more pissed at me for not bothering and then dumping me for that!

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Is NC the right way forward in this situation - I ask because I promised to tell her everyday what she means to me, and do that via an SMS every morning. Sometimes she replies sometimes she can't because of work/kid etc.. I just don't want her getting even more pissed at me for not bothering and then dumping me for that!

That's weeny sh!t. No wonder she is disrespecting you.

Perception is everything. Who cares if it is a world famous singer? That honestly makes it worse. You should act like your the number 1 person on the fkn planet.

Screw here. and screw her BS games. Demand better for yourself. Get your stuff and bounce until she gives you 110% co-operation.

 

[Desdinova]

Is NC the right way forward in this situation - I ask because I promised to tell her everyday what she means to me, and do that via an SMS every morning.

When you put sincere emotions into a routine, they no longer become sincere emotions. NEVER make stupid promises like this because things like this get stale.

When a girl is suddenly angry about everything, it's your last warning to go NC.

I agree with bigneil. When a woman is behaving badly, you do NOT shower her with more attention. You pull right back and let her sort out her silly emotions and problems on her own. Then wait for her to contact you and apologize for her behavior.

If you continue to shower her with attention when she's angry, you're only going to make it worse. She will find you annoying and associate negative emotions with you. That is the LAST thing you want her to do. That is why no contact is the best option in this scenario.

 

[In2theGame]

Just reading your story makes me have that gut pit feeling something is very wrong and well... just like everyone else has said, its not a good thing in the least. Im going to assume another guy is in the picture because this is what happens when the girl is trying to detach herself from the guy she is seeing. Everyone else is saying to forget her and eject now.... Well...... As painful as it may seem because its definitely not an easy thing to do if you have feelings for the girl... Is yeah,... Pull the lever because the plane is going down.

 

[In2theGame]

I just figure if she'd wanted to dump me she'd have had the opportunity already.

You'd be surprised how long a girl will string the guy they are seeing before they jump ship and for some females, they will leave in C4 Explosion fashion, meaning making everything seem great at the very last moment before the KaBoom.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Often they string for a while to be sure they want the other guy that they've been playing -- they don't want to end up being dumped just like you the moment they dump you.

 

[Barracuda]

She sounds like a real hoot to be with!

Is this the kind of relationship you want? I highly doubt it.

If she's capable of acting this way, it probably wont change and you'll get this kind of disrespectful sh!t all the time.

Get someone with better values.

I was once with a girl like this for a few months.. I tried, I put up with it, I resented it.. it got to the point where there were more bad times than good, so obviously... obviously, it was time to get outta there and not look back.

I just left a note (I was being kind - she deserved NC) and then I was gone.

The sex was good, but the mix was bad.. we had different natures. Simple as that.

Got a call from her all upset. She suddenly started caring now the plug had been pulled, but I knew it was just cause she was feeling rejected, and I'd made the right decision.

We never spoke again, and had enough respect to leave each other be.

SO.. my advice: Get outta there. There are better relationships to be had.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Listen, you know nothing about dealing with women; it's.... obvious.

You're expecting fairness? You can't expect fair; you have to force your version of fair.

We had a bit of a conversation about it when she arrived as I said I was a bit pissed that as we hadn't seen each other for 2 weeks it seemed a little unfair to have taken the tickets, and therefore bounce our plans for Saturday without even at least telling me if not consulting me first and then not even ask me.

If she had any ounce of attraction left for you - conversations like this will pretty much kill it.

You made the mistake of allowing her to talk - - - now she's going to fvck your mind and turn situations on you... You can't logically argue with illogical. You can't be fair with someone who's trying to manipulate your reality.

Comprehend?

She never apologised mind and just kept saying I didn't understand that she needed time with her friends too on weekends without her kid. This isn't true by the way - I don't invade her space like that.

Dump this b!tch!!!!! Her brain fvcking ability is on Max; her attraction to you is on mute! Your brain fvcking ability is on mute; and your attraction is wayyyy too high!

She owns this relationship; and values it as much as that magazine sitting in a stack of other magazines.

My point is that (and I guess I could be dilussional) because I'd made quite long and vocal objection to how she'd handled things, had friend one from out of town cancelled perhaps during Friday evening by SMS or even at some point Saturday, doesn't it seem likely that she might then have thought it's not worth the possible aggravation of telling me that she's lined up another girlfriend?

Who the fvck cares? Grow up! You... Are in.... Over your head and stand NO chance! Read up around here, but before you do that...

Dump this girl!

I'm not proud of it, but I did a driveby later that night and she was at home, car outside on its own. Not surprising as I'd kept her awake until 1AM the night before and woke her up again at 4AM Saturday morning!

Are you a troll just trying to think of ways to look more and more pathetic?

If you're not a troll.... IT sounds very much like you are not only dealing with a manipulative woman; but also are spending way too much time keeping a woman up who you don't see very often.

I just figure if she'd wanted to dump me she'd have had the opportunity already.

This is pathetic. You're worried about her dumping you? Are you going to cry when she does? And beg for her back? Does she have a d!ck and you have a pvssy?

Why are you letting her fvck you like this?

Is NC the right way forward in this situation

Stop it! You know you can't go NC with this girl! You don't know how to or have the necessary balls.

I ask because I promised to tell her everyday what she means to me, and do that via an SMS every morning. Sometimes she replies sometimes she can't because of work/kid etc..

I haven't cried in 15 years... You're about to change that!

You're no challenge; no fun; clingy; and fvcking wayyyyy more invested in this than she is.

I just don't want her getting even more pissed at me for not bothering and then dumping me for that!

YOU are worried about HER dumping you? It would be a blessing if she did that!

Sad state of a man....

 

[DonJuanabe]

She is swinging branches my friend. This thread opened my eyes to the last girl I dated: we would go on dates but she wouldn't have sex with me. Our last date was supposed to take most of the day: go for a bike ride, get dinner, movie, back to my place. Instead she pushed the ride until later then said time was better spent if we did our own ride so she could shower and get over to my place in time. But she was so late that we didn't have dinner -- we saw a 7:30 movie and grabbed a bite afterwards. Strangely, she was dressed very well for just a movie and she only nibbled at her food after the movie. Gee, I wonder if she, by chance, had had dinner with someone before heading over to see the movie with me??? I'll never know for sure, but rather than staying at my place that night she said she was tired and went home -- then was online for hours (she was a member of meetup.com and an online dating site). The next morning I sent her an email saying I wanted to give her an opportunity to think all day about what she wants because I don't like how our "dating" is going: she can choose to make lots of friends via the dating site and meetup.com but she will do that without me, or she can choose to give 100% and date me for real which means no more making lots of friends. We'll talk about it tonight. When she came over that night she was ANGRY, in retrospect I had caught her and she was behaving just like your GF. She gave me an opportunity to save things but I decided she needed to be the one to do that or I'd never be sure she was 100% into "us". Guess who she is dating? A "friend" she met through meetup.com. There is always a branch that is very close by -- you need to maintain your dignity, get your stuff, and go ghost.

 

[seethehoop]

OK I have read all the posts on here and heres my thoughts.

If she didnt see you for two weeks then your blew her out how would she feel? She would blow her stack. So I would see this as a sign that there may well be someone else on the scene.

I also agree that a women will get angry to cover a lie. They dont like to accept responsibility and so will force the issue to be yours. In her head she may even backwards rationalise the arguement and if she is cheating she will tie it all in. "I needed some space and he wouldnt give me it so I got angry and slept with someone else, its his fault he made me do it"

Ive see women do this. They seem to forget the actual order of events they just see it all as one big event with the outcome being all your fault. They will put the events in to what ever order suits their outcome.

I also agree that you should go NC, you didnt do anything wrong. If I lost my wallet with cards in it and my house keys Id be sh***ing bricks too. It looks like she is using your desperation to find your wallet and refocusing that as being clingy cos it suits her purpose.

If she isnt prepared to tell you whats wrong when you only acted as anyone would who had lost their wallet then she has something to hide.

Finally for me, I would never tell a women I would message her every day to tell her what she means to me. That really bad. If she has done something to warrent my affection then yeah say something nice. My last LTR kept on askin me to say nice things...my resonse "nice things" Only do and say anything because you want to not because you think she wants to hear it. She will take it for granted. So knock that on the head if nothing esle.

 

[sonearsofar]

Update

So, thanks for all of your posts guys. Just a little update for you.

I sent the "bomb" via Whatsapp on Friday. I hadn't heard a thing from her essentially for a week and she wasn't picking up my calls.

I'm not a coward, but going on previous events it didn't seem sensible to just turn up at the house to deliver the news really!

I basically said what ever I felt for her, I was getting the impression that she didn't feel the same so I thought it might be an idea if we made an arrangement for me to pick up my stuff and disappear for ever if that was the case.
I also suggested that if it were simply time and space she needed and that was the reason for the week long silence that she simply reply and tell me so that I can give her what she wants and wait for her to contact me.

She opened it early Friday evening....and nothing. Not a single word.

Saturday morning around eleven I'd really had enough and started to think perhaps, just maybe she was trying to hang on to my stuff and hope that I'd just disappear if she ignored me long enough.

So I called. Got a message back saying she'd call in the next few minutes as she was getting her kid ready for a b'day party.

3 hours later, nothing.

I then texted her and said I was going to a local friend's for dinner (which I was) and needed something from the house, so I'd swing by and pick it up and that we could talk later. Any problems - Let me know. Nothing.

Got there 2 hours later and she drove up just as I got there. Got out of the car saying I got your text just now (really??? Sent 2 hours before. The girl's never off her phone usually) and went into a rage about turning up at her house unannounced and how I don't respect anything she wants etc, etc.....Not true. She's had everything she's asked for in terms of time and space.

She said I'd better come and get what I wanted but I just flipped and said I'd get everything and I'd had enough.

She then said she thought the "story" about losing my cards the previous Saturday didn't add up (although couldn't explain what she meant) and that I'd obviously come to the house to check up on her as there was no possibility that she could be there as she should have left for the concert by then.

The fact was that she was there as she'd forgotten her tickets and had gone home for them just as I arrived.

My obvious answer to that was "really - Then if I wasn't going to find my cards what was it that I was going there for? What was I supposed to not see that you were so concerned about".

Her reply was "I don't know - What do you think you might have found?". I replied "why don't you tell me". She replied "no you tell me". It went on like that but with no answer from her obviously.

Ermmm....Not really the answer "nothing" dontchathink???

Anyway, it all went a bit downhill from there.

I said it was all a bit weird, and I did ask her "purely from a sexual health point of view" have you had sex with anyone else since we met of any kind, to which she replied "No, I'm sure. Positive". My last words were "Well I just hope I'm not then" and walked back to the car and left

Does anyone think there's any chance I might be able to get her back??? :crackup:

What do you guys think of that then? It sounds a bit suspect to me and even more to my friends.

 

[betheman]

stop getting into the childish dialogue, you will and are losing it, women are masters at it. dump the b!tch, get your stuff and do not contact her again, too much drama man, if she was worth anything she wouldnt behave like that

 

[EastWind]

So far you have listened to practically none of the above advice. I'm going to chip in because from reading your posts, you don't understand how fubar'd the situation is. So here it is again:

Your situation is 100% lost. There is NOTHING at all you can ever do to salvage this. No speech, no action, nothing. You are in pure damage control mode and the only question is how much of your psyche and things (that are still at her place) you are going to get out of this intact.

Get there, get your things, DO NOT TALK TO HER except for "I'm here for my things." and GET OUT.

If you keep this up, you are going to be miserable for however long it takes for HER to dump YOU. If you go No Contact TODAY and stick to it, I can garantee you will feel better in 2-3 weeks.

 

[d!ckmojo]

I can't believe you sent her soppy text messages every single morning. For the love of Christ, that's just a n00b tell. ESPECIALLY when half the time she didn't even reply to them.

I can understand the drive-by thing, we men are curious, territorial and possessive. BUT, when you catch yourself doing it, its a really bad sign. It means you care more about the relationship with her than she cares about you, and she can pick up on that attitude instantly, its a real turnoff.

ESPECIALLY when you sent her soppy fvcking text messages every fvcking morning!

I can't believe that dude. Slap yourself.

I know how hard it is, you always want to compliment and be positive. STOP IT~ IT DOESN'T WORK!

Its fvcked up dude, but women only respond to snide sarcasm and dry wit. ALWAYS make her think you're too fvcking cool for her. NEVER say sh1t like "oh you mean so much to me", with the one, lone, single exception of when you've just finished having sex with her. i.e. you reward her good behaviour (having sex with you) with the emotional validation she craves.

But NEVER give her emotional validation under any other circumstances... ESPECIALLY not EVERY SINGLE MORNING for fcuk's sake. She must be deprived of it so she craves it... and she must also be made subconsciously link the experience of having sex with you to the satisfying feeling of receiving emotional validation.

Oh god, I seriously can't believe you sent her a soppy text message every morning. Don't do it to your next girl. I know you'll want to, I know u just want her to feel good about herself. But here's the thing, a woman can only feel good about herself if the man she's in a relationship with is a high status male, and doing soppy sh1t like that is the stone-cold trademark of a low status male.