GFs best friend suggested she would cheat..

[ajk1211]

Hi guys,

Always find this forum really helpful so kudos for all the help and advice and it has helped me so much that now I find I'm in (albeit early stages) an LTR with a girl I really like

Anyway, it has been her birthday weekend and we were out for drinks with a few of her close friends. Discussing the prospect of a hike with her friends and whether I would go and I said it could be fun but tried to play it relatively cool as that is not until September and we are early stages

Her closest friend piped up along the lines of "well if you are not there to share rooms then another guy will be". For the sake of the evening I laughed it off but I was not entirely impressed by the comment

Realise I have probably been AFC by asking my girl about this comment when we got home rather than laugh it off, but it got to me. I mean they have been friends for 25 years and I'd never expect my guy friends to be that disrespectful to a girl

Now I've got it in my head there is some kind of coded message from her friend based on something. My girl was pretty good in reassuring me but then guess she would be..wish I hadn't brought it up but it's out there now and just hope this isn't demonstrating LV as I've done really well until now

Any ideas on how to repair this? Have i overreacted?

Thanks all

 

[LiveYourDream]

The best way to "repair it" is to forget about it and move on. Let go of your belief that the comment meant anything or was significant in any way. It is only as significant as you make it. Don't give it a second thought. Forget about it and move on as if it never happened.

 

[Tictac]

Realise I have probably been AFC by asking my girl about this comment when we got home rather than laugh it off, but it got to me. I mean they have been friends for 25 years and I'd never expect my guy friends to be that disrespectful to a girl

So much for 'early days'.

 

[ajk1211]

So much for 'early days'.

How do you mean Tictac?

 

[Tictac]

How do you mean Tictac?

You should not have discussed this with her if it's 'early days'. It's really none of your business.

 

[ajk1211]

You should not have discussed this with her if it's 'early days'. It's really none of your business.

Fair point had we still been dating but we are in a relationship now since we became exclusive (I waited til she brought it up following what I have learned from here!)

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Fair point had we still been dating but we are in a relationship now since we became exclusive (I waited til she brought it up following what I have learned from here!)

What they said man, let it go for the sake of your mental health IF you trust your girl (and I mean somewhat, never trust her 100%, but you know that). LTR are a mental hell for a red-pilled man nowadays...good luck bro and keep your mind strong.

 

[ajk1211]

What they said man, let it go for the sake of your mental health IF you trust your girl (and I mean somewhat, never trust her 100%, but you know that). LTR are a mental hell for a red-pilled man nowadays...good luck bro and keep your mind strong.

Thanks dude, strong advice. Think I already knew what you were saying but good to have it reaffirmed, appreciated

 

[marmel75]

This is going to one short relationship if you act like this every time something comes up...your hamster is spinning in overdrive right now...

 

[Trump]

Anyway, it has been her birthday weekend and we were out for drinks with a few of her close friends. Discussing the prospect of a hike with her friends and whether I would go and I said it could be fun but tried to play it relatively cool as that is not until September and we are early stages

Her closest friend piped up along the lines of "well if you are not there to share rooms then another guy will be". For the sake of the evening I laughed it off but I was not entirely impressed by the comment

Realise I have probably been AFC by asking my girl about this comment when we got home rather than laugh it off, but it got to me. I mean they have been friends for 25 years and I'd never expect my guy friends to be that disrespectful to a girl

Now I've got it in my head there is some kind of coded message from her friend based on something. My girl was pretty good in reassuring me but then guess she would be..wish I hadn't brought it up but it's out there now

Bro if one comment from your girlfriends friend who was likely drunk rattles you this much, what are you going when she puts some effort into making you nervous?

Any ideas on how to repair this? Have i overreacted?

Thanks all

Repair what? The comment that was said out of someone else's mouth? No repairing to be done, ever.

"well if you are not there to share rooms then another guy will be."

"Good Ill get a break for that weekend."

Agree and amplify.

 

[ajk1211]

Bro if one comment from your girlfriends friend who was likely drunk rattles you this much, what are you going when she puts some effort into making you nervous?



Repair what? The comment that was said out of someone else's mouth? No repairing to be done, ever.

"well if you are not there to share rooms then another guy will be."

"Good Ill get a break for that weekend."

Agree and amplify.

Thanks dude, both valid points that I take on board and I know it was potentially a test as much as anything. More annoyed as I know I've been getting better in this area and reverted back to AFC, just got caught off guard as wasn't expecting a comment like that from her friend. Still, part of the learning curve hopefully

 

[devilkingx2]

don't trust anything her best friend says unless you have good reason to

think about it like this, who does her best friend hold allegiance to you or her? ergo which one of the two is she most likely looking to benefit in general? ergo, why in the hell would she screw over her own best friend for your sake? she wouldn't, that means that the comment has no meaning(imagine how fast you would punch your friend in the face for convincing your girl that you'd totally cheat on her the first chance you got)

however if you appear bitter/salty/insecure/jealous/untrusting/controlling/etc. none of those things would benefit you, all of them would make you look bad.

also it's possible she was just looking to screw with one or both of you(trolling) OR she was trying to cause a rift between you too (evil and manipulative, but that still doesn't change the rest of the post here)

 

[mrgoodstuff]

don't trust anything her best friend says unless you have good reason to

think about it like this, who does her best friend hold allegiance to you or her? ergo which one of the two is she most likely looking to benefit in general? ergo, why in the hell would she screw over her own best friend for your sake? she wouldn't, that means that the comment has no meaning(imagine how fast you would punch your friend in the face for convincing your girl that you'd totally cheat on her the first chance you got)

however if you appear bitter/salty/insecure/jealous/untrusting/controlling/etc. none of those things would benefit you, all of them would make you look bad.

also it's possible she was just looking to screw with one or both of you(trolling) OR she was trying to cause a rift between you too (evil and manipulative, but that still doesn't change the rest of the post here)

Best friend could've been trying to run him off. They get pissed if someone is "closer" to their friend than they are, so they will do things and say things to cause space.

Hell they can even realize you have plans with her and dangle a greater carrot in front of her face to get her to jump. They do it all the time.

 

[devilkingx2]

Best friend could've been trying to run him off. They get pissed if someone is "closer" to their friend than they are, so they will do things and say things to cause space.

Hell they can even realize you have plans with her and dangle a greater carrot in front of her face to get her to jump. They do it all the time.

i feel like if that's what this was she wouldn't be so blatant and obvious about it, it would be rather obvious that she did that on purpose if she says stuff like this until OP dumps his girl for it.

 

[LiveYourDream]

My take on what she said is entirely different. A hiking trip in the future was being discussed. There was a desire to create group momentum and enthusiasm for the idea. To me it sounded like your response continued to be like a bump on a log, to them. They were looking for your enthusiasm and your buy in and you offered none. Someone acting like a bump on a log, when everyone else is high energy or enthusiastic, drags the fun for everyone else down, to some degree. You may not have perceived yourself and your indifference that way, but your GF's friend and likely all the others did as well.

I get the girls comment. It wasn't her saying your GF is a cheater or is intending to cheat or will cheat. It was her, in her frustration, not understanding why you were withholding your enthusiasm, trying to say, "wake up". "We want to go have fun. We want you there. If you want to be a bump on a log and just sit here and not come along, that's your choice. We are going to go have fun. If you don't see the great opportunity to join your GF and us in this and you just want continue being a bump in a log, we'll respect your choice. Know, plenty of guys would love the opportunity to join in and be the man that accompanies the woman, who is your GF, so wake up! We are offering you great fun, with great girls, we want you there, please stop acting like a bump on a log and offer up some enthusiasm already and join is the fun of talking about it."

I suspect the girls were trying to amplify the fun and energy as it was your GF birthday weekend and it sounds like you were all out to celebrate. Girls especially want their friends to have good, fun birthday celebrations times. If you were being a bump on a log, during her birthday celebration time, on top of it, her friend was, in my mind, trying to do you a favor and let you know that your indifference was coming across in a way that was diminishing your GF's birthday fun as well, and to change it up quick, unless you want to dampen her birthday celebration any more.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

My take on what she said is entirely different. A hiking trip in the future was being discussed. There was a desire to create group momentum and enthusiasm for the idea. To me it sounded like your response continued to be like a bump on a log, to them. They were looking for your enthusiasm and your buy in and you offered none. Someone acting like a bump on a log, when everyone else is high energy or enthusiastic, drags the fun for everyone else down, to some degree. You may not have perceived yourself and your indifference that way, but your GF's friend and likely all the others did as well.

I get the girls comment. It wasn't her saying your GF is a cheater or is intending to cheat or will cheat. It was her, in her frustration, not understanding why you were withholding your enthusiasm, trying to say, "wake up". "We want to go have fun. We want you there. If you want to be a bump on a log and just sit here and not come along, that's your choice. We are going to go have fun. If you don't see the great opportunity to join your GF and us in this and you just want continue being a bump in a log, we'll respect your choice. Know, plenty of guys would love the opportunity to join in and be the man that accompanies the woman, who is your GF, so wake up! We are offering you great fun, with great girls, we want you there, please stop acting like a bump on a log and offer up some enthusiasm already and join is the fun of talking about it."

I suspect the girls were trying to amplify the fun and energy as it was your GF birthday weekend and it sounds like you were all out to celebrate. Girls especially want their friends to have good, fun birthday celebrations times. If you were being a bump on a log, during her birthday celebration time, on top of it, her friend was, in my mind, trying to do you a favor and let you know that your indifference was coming across in a way that was diminishing your GF's birthday fun as well, and to change it up quick, unless you want to dampen her birthday celebration any more.

Your right it's not always negative! Perhaps there was a positive intention and he should try to "join" them and amp up the fun level. It will be obvious when he makes himself available and shows excitement, whether they want him around or not when they are doing those things. It will be great if there is a positive outcome.

 

[spiegel549]

I personally do NOT tolerate disrespect from anyone, especially women, and especially one I am not even dating. I don't care if it is the girls mother, if someone directly throws a line like the one she threw at you I would of responded accordingly.

Being that it did not come out of the mouth of the girl you are dating, who cares? I would of not said a single thing to the girl your dating and just confidently continued on dating her.

Bro SEPTEMBER!? I don't even know what I am going to do in the next hour let alone months from now lol.

Stop worrying about things that MAYBE could happen months away. The girl could die tomorrow and thats that. All the time thinking about it turns out to be a complete waste. Hell man your only promised today, live it day by day.

 

[ajk1211]

My take on what she said is entirely different. A hiking trip in the future was being discussed. There was a desire to create group momentum and enthusiasm for the idea. To me it sounded like your response continued to be like a bump on a log, to them. They were looking for your enthusiasm and your buy in and you offered none. Someone acting like a bump on a log, when everyone else is high energy or enthusiastic, drags the fun for everyone else down, to some degree. You may not have perceived yourself and your indifference that way, but your GF's friend and likely all the others did as well.

I get the girls comment. It wasn't her saying your GF is a cheater or is intending to cheat or will cheat. It was her, in her frustration, not understanding why you were withholding your enthusiasm, trying to say, "wake up". "We want to go have fun. We want you there. If you want to be a bump on a log and just sit here and not come along, that's your choice. We are going to go have fun. If you don't see the great opportunity to join your GF and us in this and you just want continue being a bump in a log, we'll respect your choice. Know, plenty of guys would love the opportunity to join in and be the man that accompanies the woman, who is your GF, so wake up! We are offering you great fun, with great girls, we want you there, please stop acting like a bump on a log and offer up some enthusiasm already and join is the fun of talking about it."

I suspect the girls were trying to amplify the fun and energy as it was your GF birthday weekend and it sounds like you were all out to celebrate. Girls especially want their friends to have good, fun birthday celebrations times. If you were being a bump on a log, during her birthday celebration time, on top of it, her friend was, in my mind, trying to do you a favor and let you know that your indifference was coming across in a way that was diminishing your GF's birthday fun as well, and to change it up quick, unless you want to dampen her birthday celebration any more.

This is a really good point, thanks for the differing perspective. More than likely I came across this way largely as a) I'm not a huge fan of hikes b) probably trying to play it cool and not be too available (to my girl, not the friend) especially some 3-4 months ahead

Appreciate how this could have antagonised the friend however and caused her comment

 

[Desdinova]

The best way to "repair it" is to forget about it and move on.

The comment should bother him. No man wants another man trespassing on his territory.

As for forgetting about it, I suggest he tuck that comment into the back of his brain and keep his eyes open. There's a reason for that comment, and he's currently not clear on what it is. It may become more evident as time passes, whether her friend is trying to shove him off, is trying to hook her friend up with another guy, or his GF is a closet wh0re.

 

[phillies]

My take on what she said is entirely different. A hiking trip in the future was being discussed. There was a desire to create group momentum and enthusiasm for the idea. To me it sounded like your response continued to be like a bump on a log, to them. They were looking for your enthusiasm and your buy in and you offered none. Someone acting like a bump on a log, when everyone else is high energy or enthusiastic, drags the fun for everyone else down, to some degree. You may not have perceived yourself and your indifference that way, but your GF's friend and likely all the others did as well.

I get the girls comment. It wasn't her saying your GF is a cheater or is intending to cheat or will cheat. It was her, in her frustration, not understanding why you were withholding your enthusiasm, trying to say, "wake up". "We want to go have fun. We want you there. If you want to be a bump on a log and just sit here and not come along, that's your choice. We are going to go have fun. If you don't see the great opportunity to join your GF and us in this and you just want continue being a bump in a log, we'll respect your choice. Know, plenty of guys would love the opportunity to join in and be the man that accompanies the woman, who is your GF, so wake up! We are offering you great fun, with great girls, we want you there, please stop acting like a bump on a log and offer up some enthusiasm already and join is the fun of talking about it."

I suspect the girls were trying to amplify the fun and energy as it was your GF birthday weekend and it sounds like you were all out to celebrate. Girls especially want their friends to have good, fun birthday celebrations times. If you were being a bump on a log, during her birthday celebration time, on top of it, her friend was, in my mind, trying to do you a favor and let you know that your indifference was coming across in a way that was diminishing your GF's birthday fun as well, and to change it up quick, unless you want to dampen her birthday celebration any more.

Funny how you justify that comment. That's a totally inappropriate thing to say and she's a b1tch for saying it. There's no valid reason for it.

If that is his girlfriend's best friend that's a red flag. You are who you surround yourself with.