GF won't go on vacation with me

[Cejay]

I've been dating a woman for ~3 months. She's almost 40, we're exclusive, has never been married, has her own place but her adult-aged daughter lives at home while going to school.

She's a bit old fashioned in some ways and I generally like that. I have not met daughter or parents yet, or even been to her place (due to daughter) and we're taking our time with that. I respect that too.


In talking she's told me she won't go on vacation with me, not even after any significant time together, like 12 months, because she wants to set a good example for her daughter about pre-marital sex. I think there is also some concern with her old fashioned parents.
She also won't spend the night or weekends. (I don't mind that part)

We have tons of pre-marital sex and she really enjoys it. (Or fakes it well)


We've discussed going away/vacations a few times and I hadn't said much but after some thought, when she brought it up last night (after discussing a possibly vacation) she said something about needing to be married first.

I let her know I'd be breaking up with her if that were to continue. No way would I marry someone I'd never spent several consecutive days with. (I may very well never marry either)

No way am I taking vacations alone for years.

I tried the "you're an adult, entitled to a sex life," also tried telling her that she doesn't have to tell everyone where she's going, and who with all the time but that didn't help anything.

She was upset and being a bit nuts so I suggested she take a breather and we re-cap another time.

There's been friction in other places in the relationship, so am pretty tempted to Next her but at the same time have invested some good energy here and I do like her.


Any ideas on how to get her to see the importance of this and change her mind? As I said, probably not going to be a good fit.

CJ.

 

[logicallefty]

Unfortunately I suspect her interest level isn't where it needs to be. Her excuse is a big pile of horse dung.

Similarly, I had a woman once pull this kind of cr@p. We fvcked like rabbits for 6 months and then I had her move in with me. The s3x stopped and she said "I want to save myself for marriage", after she had already b@nged me and 7 others before me. I told her "go save yourself and save your map on how to get back to where you came from cuz I am not having this get out of my house!"

I do like how you told her you wanted to take a breather. I'd go no contact for 4 days minimum. As long as you can stand. See if the hamster spin from missing you puts her back on the right set of tracks.

 

[mangotot]

On a positive note, going on vacation without her gives you the opportunity for holiday romance.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Sounds like she just wants to get married...

And there's no reason you can't go on vacation together. She doesn't have to tell her daughter or folks that she's with you.

It may be that she thinks "I deserve to be married" or something like that.

-Augustus-

 

[VladPatton]

Something's rotten in Denmark. Smells like fresh, soft, warm bullshıt. So she's basically a hypocrite, telling her daughter she shouldn't bang before marriage, and here she is dating you, unmarried to you, and banging you 9 ways to Sunday. Come on. Insert cuckoo sounds here. And what's the big deal about a vaycay with you? Her parents own her puṣṣy at 40? But she likes to have a job, earn money, and be equal to a man. Yet she's Suzie Homemaker, the religious housewife, on the other hand?? That's just too much duality.

The end is near with this one, Grasshopper. Either way, good luck to you with this situation.

 

[sodbuster]

NEVER married with a kid? who the hell is she kidding???? Her parents and daughter HAVE to KNOW she's had sex outside of marriage.... SO, not sure what the game she's playing, but she's f%cked before, is doing you now, but doesn't want to take a trip? She can't SAY different rooms?

I don't have to smell it to know sh!t stinks....

 

[MatureDJ]

My opinion: Take your vacation, have fun, and send her a postcard. And if it's to a place where legal, visit a pro.

 

[Desdinova]

I've been dating a woman for ~3 months.
In talking she's told me she won't go on vacation with me,

Why are you discussing going on vacation with a woman you barely know? This is something that should be left until you've been with her for a year or more.

I let her know I'd be breaking up with her if that were to continue.

You're diving into this "LTR" too quickly, and her IL in you is obviously dropping because of it. Slow down, back off on all this commitment 5hit, and enjoy dating her for a while.

No way am I taking vacations alone for years.

Why not? Learn to enjoy spending time with yourself before you bring another woman into your world.

Any ideas on how to get her to see the importance of this and change her mind?

You can't do this after three months. You're just some dude who recently walked into her life. What in hell have you done to earn her respect? Spend more time dating her and less time planning your retirement with her.

 

[Kailex]

Then you take someone else who would love to go on vacation with you. It's not that difficult. I'm sure there are plenty of single, non-mothers out there who would love to take a trip.

 

[RangerMIke]

Her interest level is lower than you think. Always do the best you can to gauge a womans interest level, then under estimate that. Where her interest level is right now, 3 months isn't long enough.

If she was gone over you, she wouldn't care about all the excuses she gave you. Go on vacation, have a good time, and put some distance between the two of you. If she starts chasing you then it's game on, if not, walk away.

I think you screwed up having a discussion about your 'expectations' of a 'relationship'. Be a man... do what you want... invite her along... she says no, you should not care WHAT her reasons are. Judge her by her ACTIONS, not what she says... what she says is NOT relevant.

You: "Hey I'm going on a vacation to Cancun, what to come?"
Her: "No, I'm not sure that's a good idea."
You: "Okay... hey these scallops are great aren't they....."

 

[Cejay]

I was worried about the secret thing, that she could be married, but I confirmed I'm not being kept a secret.

The alleged vacation discussion was for a vacation next summer, I'm going to another country for a month and the conversation lead into her possibly joining me for a week along the way but you're right - I do need to chill a bit.

Good advice. Thanks.

CJ.

 

[Vulpine]

She's almost 40, we're exclusive, has never been married, has her own place but her adult-aged daughter lives at home while going to school.

WTF are you banging a 39 year-old single mommy for, anyway? Those are for the 60 year old DJs. Your targets are 25-35 years old. Stop banging desperate for marriage single mommies that are older than you: you'll never be in the family.

Come on... cuckolding? You should be doing cartwheels that she doesn't want to go on vacation with you.

Something's rotten in Denmark. Smells like fresh, soft, warm bullshıt.

 

[Colossus]

Cejay I don't think you fvcked up. You handled everything just fine.

I do agree with the others though that this is bullsh!t. She may not be playing you for a fool, but she is disconnected from reality like I expect a 40 year old never-married woman would be. Like how long does she think she can continue this charade? Her adult daughter is not an idiot, please. I'm not sure I'd next her on this one issue alone, but since you said there is friction in other areas, I'd start mentally packing your bags and be ready to tell her adios. Her behavior is lame and she doesn't deserve the high level commitment she is intimating.

 

[Eco-J]

I appreciate how stupid bs comments can get under your skin - and her arguments are stupid, illogical excuses - but if you take a step back you're actually in a pretty good spot. Right now she's looking for a fvck buddy - she doesn't spend the night, she doesn't involve you with her family. Basically no demands sex with the bonus that she's apparently not fvcking other guys. Enjoy it until you get bored with it. And if it doesn't naturally evolve into a ltr you will get bored of it eventually and next her then.

 

[Embers84]

I've been dating a woman for ~3 months. She's almost 40, we're exclusive, has never been married, has her own place but her adult-aged daughter lives at home while going to school.

She's a bit old fashioned in some ways and I generally like that. I have not met daughter or parents yet, or even been to her place (due to daughter) and we're taking our time with that. I respect that too.

If the daughter and parents knew about you for 3 months, don't you think they would be interested in meeting you to know who you are? Old fashioned parents WANT to meet you ASAP. Every girl I dated that was old fashioned had me meet their parents right away. This doesn't make any sense.

In talking she's told me she won't go on vacation with me, not even after any significant time together, like 12 months, because she wants to set a good example for her daughter about pre-marital sex. I think there is also some concern with her old fashioned parents.
She also won't spend the night or weekends. (I don't mind that part)

Set a good example? She had a child out of wedlock and she is concerned about setting a good example? She is either married or has another boyfriend and is keeping you hidden from the family. The daughter is 99% having pre martial sex herself.

We have tons of pre-marital sex and she really enjoys it. (Or fakes it well)

We've discussed going away/vacations a few times and I hadn't said much but after some thought, when she brought it up last night (after discussing a possibly vacation) she said something about needing to be married first.

I let her know I'd be breaking up with her if that were to continue. No way would I marry someone I'd never spent several consecutive days with. (I may very well never marry either)

No way am I taking vacations alone for years.

I tried the "you're an adult, entitled to a sex life," also tried telling her that she doesn't have to tell everyone where she's going, and who with all the time but that didn't help anything.

She was upset and being a bit nuts so I suggested she take a breather and we re-cap another time.

She sounds nuts to me. It's only been 3 months, not sure why you're pushing so hard for a vacation so soon. You know her position on it, so why argue about it?

There's been friction in other places in the relationship, so am pretty tempted to Next her but at the same time have invested some good energy here and I do like her.

3 months and friction already? I don't think this is going to last very long. It's only been 3 months. That really isn't much investment.

Any ideas on how to get her to see the importance of this and change her mind? As I said, probably not going to be a good fit.

Don't try to change her mind, she won't do that. I would just treat her as a plate from now on and start looking for a girlfriend who will do the things you want like go on trips, meet the family, be included with them. It's clear she is shutting you out for a reason, the reason she is giving you is b.s.

I've dated girls before who hid the fact they were having sex from their parents and didn't want to spend weekends away, unless they lied where they were going. But they still went, after they lied to them, and I met the family. I can see she might be uneasy about going away with you IF she is that way, but not to have nobody have met you yet after 3 months. But she is 40 and is too old for that. I was in my early 20's when chicks were uneasy about their parents. She can always say she is going away with friends to her daughter. She's 40, her parents don't need to know all her business. Something is going on with that, doesn't seem right about what she's telling you.

You can look up her number on the web with reverse phone check to see if she is legit. All of her information comes up for a small fee. I don't think that is beta at all, since you are exclusive with her, you have a right to know anything she mght be hiding from you.