GF wants to go away for a week - I said no

[zorg198]

Fvcking skank... wants to do whatever she wants and you be there to wait for her. good for you for standing on your ground. i used to be like this and let her do whatever she wants. never ever let a woman to sh1t test you in situation like this. one you allow it you are doomed.

Joe.

 

[Donnie Darko]

At your age you should just walk away and date other people to get more experience because I am telling you that your relationship just isn't going to work out in the end and you have a real opportunity with staying in a committed relationship with the wrong person. This only seems like a temporary victory but eventually you are going to lose.

Next time you are in this situation don't get into a committed exclusive relationship with someone like her who is controlling of you and wants to have her freedom to go off and do whatever she pleases.

I would have let my girlfriend go on the trip without saying anything and I would have just withdrawn and started spinning more plates.

I have found it has been the best when I constantly multi-date and do not change anything about myself and do not compromise what I am looking for in a woman. When you meet the right woman you qualify her by judging her actions and behavior to determine whether you want to be in an exclusive relationship with her. If she isn't meeting your expectations, then you reject her request for an exclusive relationship.

 

[Soolaimon]

I want to show her that I deplore her lack of respect but don't want to break up with her over this.

The best way to show her you deplore her lack of respect is to leave her.

Never be afraid to leave when you are disrespected.

If you stay around she will control you and you will have lost control.

She knows it's disrespectful but she wants to do what she wants anyway.

Women have free will to do what they want.

That is why boundaries are useless and a waste of time.

There are plenty of women that will respect you and the relationship.

Don't settle for a woman's disrespect just to say you have a woman around.

That is the worst thing you could ever do.

you can do it with a boundary

Still talking about boundaries? ha ha

You set a boundary but do not have the ball-sack or self-esteem to follow through.

The boundary implementers don't and usually never follow through. We have seen that before.

Boundaries are useless and are a waste of time.

Call it what you want sunshine, it's called respecting the expectations of the relationship.

And of course you lead the charge of insulting someone else first to get a sense of entitlement and beta styled empowerment.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Nice. You handled the situation your own way and was truly a great way to handle it. She regrets it all now, but hey, it's her fault. You feel easier now. Good for you. Keep learning, stay strong, and stay happy man. You deserve it after this whole thing.

 

[RangerMIke]

The bold is your key problem here.

You set a boundary but do not have the ball-sack or self-esteem to follow through. This distills down to you having a scarcity mindset.

Very good point. Once you draw that line in the sand you are committed, you can not change your position or you become weak. You are now stuck with being a controlling A-hole. If she goes you MUST dump her... it's done. If she doesn't she resents you and you are going to have to do some work to control the damage.

You have to remember... betas are weak because they ALWAYS give in. Controlling men are weak because the NEVER give in. Both are manifestations of lack of self confidence.

 

[El Payaso]

Very good point. Once you draw that line in the sand you are committed, you can not change your position or you become weak. You are now stuck with being a controlling A-hole. If she goes you MUST dump her... it's done. If she doesn't she resents you and you are going to have to do some work to control the damage.

You have to remember... betas are weak because they ALWAYS give in. Controlling men are weak because the NEVER give in. Both are manifestations of lack of self confidence.

No, you mustn't dump her. It's not a must. It is such a basic sh*t test and he has reached out of weak emotion. Now she knows the best way to get a reaction out of him is to not tell him about her movements. The move that work best on women are done with subtlety. The ones she never sees coming.

You merely nod, smile and agree telling her to enjoy her trip and that you might be going out with some friends on a trip too. You're not sure where and with whom yet though. Simply leave it at that.

When a woman decides to leave on a "trip" for a week without telling her man where and with whom then she automatically gets relegated from gf to cheap plate status.

While she's on that fancy trip of hers, he goes out and finds other women so he doesn't even give her disrespect a second of thought.

This is why it is important for a man to full up his life with important and worthwhile activities so he's not spending his time worrying where his gf is. Instead he's enjoying himself and his gf is the one worrying why he hasn't checked up on her.

Feel free to breakup but it's a big overreaction to a simple sh*t test because if she's going for a legit business trip and didn't cheat she can use it as an example of how neurotic and controlling the man is.

The more you give a woman the illusion of self freedom the more she wants to be with you because you don't care where or what she's doing. You're too busy doing what you love and that thing isn't her. It drives them nuts.

 

[Peña]

No, you mustn't dump her. It's not a must.

Yes he must dump her. A test would mean she is teasing him about going to get reaction. She is going on a fun trip.

 

[Leif_Johnson]

I work full time so I couldn't go to the trip with her and she knows that.

Yet she is still going doing as she pleases. Break free of her drama it will be the best thing for you.

No, you mustn't dump her. It's not a must. It is such a basic sh*t test and he has reached out of weak emotion. Now she knows the best way to get a reaction out of him is to not tell him about her movements. The move that work best on women are done with subtlety. The ones she never sees coming.

Name one good reason why he shouldn't? She already got a reaction out of him. The best move is to dump her.

You merely nod, smile and agree telling her to enjoy her trip and that you might be going out with some friends on a trip too. You're not sure where and with whom yet though. Simply leave it at that.

Playing mind games is for betas who don't have grip on reality. She is the one going away while he has to react to what she is doing, she is controlling him.

When a woman decides to leave on a "trip" for a week without telling her man where and with whom then she automatically gets relegated from gf to cheap plate status.

A woman like that doesn't deserve to get relegated to a plate. Self respect should come first over a cheap plate status.

While she's on that fancy trip of hers, he goes out and finds other women so he doesn't even give her disrespect a second of thought.

Do you actually believe that? He is thinking about her now, he wrote this thread about her. He will think about her when she is gone.

This is why it is important for a man to full up his life with important and worthwhile activities so he's not spending his time worrying where his gf is. Instead he's enjoying himself and his gf is the one worrying why he hasn't checked up on her.

Feel free to breakup but it's a big overreaction to a simple sh*t test because if she's going for a legit business trip and didn't cheat she can use it as an example of how neurotic and controlling the man is.

The more you give a woman the illusion of self freedom the more she wants to be with you because you don't care where or what she's doing. You're too busy doing what you love and that thing isn't her. It drives them nuts.

Living a life of illusion is for fools who have nothing going on. Real men live a life of adventure that makes the woman want to be part of it. If you really want freedom you must not be afraid to break free of the woman who is causing you the problems. You don't break up over business trips, this is not a business trip she is going on. When she is having sex with someone else she won't think about him, he will be thinking of her waiting for her return.

 

[Firedweller]

I didn't contact her today and she didn't contact me either. She can be very stubborn and even try to be alpha in these situations lol.

I'm in an awkward situation now because I don't want to behave single but at the same time, she's pushing me to do so. She's acting like I am the one who didn't listen to her request to not go away for the week.

Anyway, this weekend I'm going to spend time with buddies and release myself from the BS I have gotten from her lately. I had a great day at work and plan on finishing the week well.

If she can't wake up to her immaturity then no communication with her will do the job. In the first 6 months this girl was another person, or even 9 months. She'd freak if she was a bit rude to me or if I didn't call her for a while. Now, she believes like what many of you all said, because I don't want to walk away, she can do whatever she wants thinking I am the mature one and I will sort it out with her when the heat cools.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I didn't contact her today and she didn't contact me either. She can be very stubborn and even try to be alpha in these situations lol.

I'm in an awkward situation now because I don't want to behave single but at the same time, she's pushing me to do so. She's acting like I am the one who didn't listen to her request to not go away for the week.

Anyway, this weekend I'm going to spend time with buddies and release myself from the BS I have gotten from her lately. I had a great day at work and plan on finishing the week well.

If she can't wake up to her immaturity then no communication with her will do the job. In the first 6 months this girl was another person, or even 9 months. She'd freak if she was a bit rude to me or if I didn't call her for a while. Now, she believes like what many of you all said, because I don't want to walk away, she can do whatever she wants thinking I am the mature one and I will sort it out with her when the heat cools.

Keep reading around these parts (the dj bible particularly) and reflect back on your relationship. Cut it open. Examine all the parts. Zoom in on that change you're describing - maybe you lost your frame somewhere around that time, maybe she simply grew bored (you both are still very young, so GIGS is bound to set in quite quickly - could be that). Keep sharpening your eye for the sake of knowledge. Careful not to overdo it though, or you'll find yourself knee deep in paranoia and embitterment. Above all, have fun.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Precisely. She will always subconsciously redefine the "unspoken" rules when boundaries aren't set. When the boundaries are verbally set, the line has become stationary and she knows what she has to do to cross it. Like Social Leper said, she's now in violation of an agreement.

 

[Firestar786]

Personally I would have dumped Her ass as well

Whoever told you that's a bad idea is stupid imo

Some women take the piss and it's better they learn it the hard way because theres always another girl out there that will respect you

 

[mangotot]

Well done for having the courage to say 'No'.

 

[Jaylan]

EDIT:

Good on you for standing up for yourself OP.

If she goes and disregards how you feel, dump her or ask for an open relationship.

Simple.

 

[Julian]

If you actually care about her and she actually cared about you she wouldnt be going on this trip knowing its gonna fukk with your heart and mind. but again shes a college sloot and you are a young bro so your relationship is basically meaningless anyway.


take that as you will.

 

[Firedweller]

Thought I'd let you all know what happened so we can use these examples to better ourselves hopefully.

She rang me today, the day before she was supposed to go away and told me she's no longer going. I just replied, okay. She said I'm not going because I thought about it and it's not right for me to go when you gave me valid reasons. She said the reason I was so defiant of you was because I just wanted to go away for a bit to take my mind off studying and family responsibilities and you were being my father telling me no.


Essentially, if you read through this thread, I said no way to her wanting to go away for a week with people she didn't know and a bunch of afc guys I know of, to a place she didn't know. She said she's going anyway and then I said a couple of days later, all good enjoy yourself but now you are redefining this relationship from what I thought was respectful and exclusive to basically free and open. She had a big issue with that and kept texting me saying why do I feel that way.

I was genuinely not bitter, well especially compared to before, and I lost respect for her. I think that all played on her mind hence why she called me today saying she's not going.

 

[VikingKing]

That is MANIPULATION...how disgustin. So your definition of a relationship is mainly a cage!!!
How ridiculous and insecure!!!

I dont think he means this. Basically if a woman is free to do what she wants when she wants with who ever she wants, she can put her self into positions to cheat.

From experience and observation its really not a good idea to just trust women all the time.

Its harder for men then women to get a new relationship or get sex really easily. So that but also how much divorce punishes men, its a lot more risky for a man to be in a committed relationship then a woman.

Think about how easy it is for women to get dates, sex, relationships. The easier you can get somthing, the less value it has to you. Women have been put in a position to where they have most of the advantage (not natural, but laws and society) so why would they value the man they are with when he can be easily replaced? (only women get security and special privilages with out working for it, and thats why women will stay weak.)

They might be respectful at first in a relationship, but what happens if a year or three later she is bored of you?

at what point are men allowed to have some security in society, dating, and marriage?

Women are very manipulative, emotionally driven, and as long as there are not extreme or lasting consequences, the will lie, cheat, steal ect.